I don't really know when, or how, it begun.

Probably when we were little. The thing is, I was used to your sparkling eyes. Your stunning smile. Your happy laughter. Ah, the feeling of first love.

It's the truth— I loved you.

You didn't love me, though.

"Welcome to your tape, Lynx Truth"

~

"What?"

Kinkajou quickly shushed her, munching on her carrot sticks. She was a strict vegetarian: she refused to eat meat whatsoever and always packed lunch from home, which contained a variety of things. Today her lunch was stuffed with peanut butter sandwiches, small carrot sticks, chips, grapes, and, of course, candy.

Her eyes were filled with alarm. "Shhhh! Moon, this is serious stuff. You can't act like this!" She hissed. It startled Moon. She was usually the one to shush Kinkajou, not the other way around. "In the name of holy mangoes are you so loud?!"

"Uh, s-sorry?" Moon stammered. She fidgeted with her lunchbox, not touching her food at all. Her gaze swept over the lunch table: Turtle Beach, a boy with dyed green hair, was deep in a conversation with an older girl named Peril. He usually read or wrote rough drafts of stories, and, at the rarest moments, have Kinkajou a smile, leaving her excited and hyper until the end of the day. Qibli Sand was watching a video with Umber, shrieking and laughing excitedly, and, finally, one empty seat between her and Qibli.

It will stay empty forever, and the handsome, cold boy that used to sit there everyday was never going to sit there again. He would never flash her that small smile, and he would never give her the cute, playful frown whenever she cracked a lame joke.

There are thirteen reasons why I committed suicide.

"You, Moonwatcher Everfrost, are in one of the thirteen tapes." Kinkajou took a deep breath, pressing her lips together like something was bothering her. It wasn't like her at all. "You listen to all thirteen then pass it to the next person."

You are one of them.

Moon gulped. "I-I don't know why I'm in there. What could I possible have done? I loved him!" She covered her face with her hands, barely holding back a sob. "This can't be possible."

Kinkajou placed a hand on Moon's arm, giving her a gentle, understanding smile. Her eyes were full of sadness and regret. "Press play, Moon, and you'll know why. Sometimes there are thirteen sides to every story— but sometimes it's a misunderstanding. And a misunderstanding might have ended his life."

"I miss him," she said, choking. She inhaled deeply, shaking her head. She didn't get what Kinkajou was saying. Or did she not want to get it? "I...I wish I could have done something."

"We all do." Kinkajou stared down at her lunch sadly. She pushed it away, even when it contained her favorite food ever: lollipops. She crossed her arms, looking angry. "Trust me, I do, too." Then she got a dull, glassy look in her eyes, and she sighed as she stood up. "Well, see you, Moon. It was nice talking with you. See you in some classroom in some school..."

Moon stopped everything in midair, shocked."W-what? You can't leave me here, Kink! I have so many things to ask you!"

Kinkajou shook her head. "I don't think talking about the tapes in public is a good idea. It's dangerous work, all this."

Moon didn't understand. She didn't understand at all. She stood up, turning a blind ear to the screech from the chair. She needed an explanation. Deserved an explanation. "You have to tell me, though! What tape am I on? Please, Kink!" She begged. Tears were filling up her eyes, ready to tip at any moment. It made her feel weak. Like her life was incomplete.

And it was. Without him, her life was nothing. It was shattered into a million pieces, floating in the wind, worthless.

"Help me," she whimpered. You're all I have now, Kinkajou.

"You can go through this." Kinkajou squeezed her hand, her eyes sparkling with the old mischief Moon had missed for the last couple of weeks. "And I can't tell you which tape you're on: you'll have to see for yourself, Moonwatcher Everfrost."

~

Dangerous. You were dangerous, Lynx Truth.

But also extremely, stunningly beautiful. We used to know each other since we were young: we played in the grass, you picking flowers and me staring at the sky like something would pop out any moment.

How did we meet?

"It's nice to share," you said, giving me a huge grin as you sat beside me. It was in kindergarten.

"Well, I'm not nice, so I'm not going to share," I huffed, pressing the small Spider-Man toy to my chest. "Go away."

Yet you played along. "You are too. I saw you take an injured cat to the vet once, and it wasn't even yours. You act like a little rich boy that doesn't like anything, but you do. I know your secret, Winter Absher. You like animals! Aha!" You finished triumphantly.

I shrugged, eyeing you suspiciously. "How do you know all this? What's your name? Lynx?"

You nodded, giving me a mischievous smile. "I have my ways."

I used to spend every single second of my day with you. Hailstorm and Icicle teased me about it, but I didn't care.

You mattered. You were all that mattered.

I don't know when or how, but I fell in love with you. As we started to grow up, we went different ways. You went to Ice High, and I went to Jade. But we sometimes would meet up, and eat frozen yogurt at a small yogurt place.

You were beautiful, I give you that, Lynx. Your baby blue eyes. Your beautiful golden hair. Your blood-red lips, your pale cheeks.

One day, I finally had the courage to ask you out.

"My mother said you're the only one she likes, so I should date you," I said one day, staring at my coffee-flavored frozen yogurt. I bet I was blushing like crazy. It embarrassed me. I've only loved you, to be honest, at least at that time. Girls oohed and ahhed over me, but I have none of them any attention.

You took all my attention, and there was room for no one else.

You stared at me, stopping your spoon in midair. It was like time stopped just for us. Your eyes were sparkling with amusement. "You're horrible at asking people out, Winter." You said, bursting out laughing.

"I'm trying my best," I mumbled, trying to sound like I didn't care. But I cared a lot. "I mean, it is true."

"No, it's not," you said, leaning forward. You gave me a smirk. "I bet she doesn't even know who I am, and you're just making all this up because you're in love with me."

I shrank back, my cheeks flushed. "Maybe."

You giggled, fluttering your thick eyelashes. "You're cute when you're embarrassed."

"And I'm ugly when I'm not?" I frowned playfully. "I guess I should be embarrassed everyday, then."

You gave me a smile, a smile that always excited me, like an adventure awaiting to be uncovered. "I would love to have a date with you, Winter. I have to go right now, but we'll match up something soon." You stuck out a tongue at me. "See ya, gorgeous."

I probably grinned all the way home. Looking stupid and love-struck.

But happiness comes with pain.

I called you a few days later. Do you remember, Lynx? You probably don't. You probably didn't care. Didn't care then, don't care now.

I thought you were my soulmate. Someone, finally, someone who understood me. Someone to liked me as who I was. Someone who saw through my shell into the tortured soul inside.

But, no.

I was just one of the thousand boys you played with. Just another stupid prey that got caught into your little traps. Just another someone that you amused yourself with.

That's who I was, wasn't it?

"Do you want to go to the movies tonight?" I said excitedly into the phone. My pulse was drumming, faster and faster. "I heard a new movie came out. My friends say they're fun."

You paused. "Uh...Sorry, but I don't think I can make it today. Maybe some other time?"

I struggled to keep calm, but disappointment was overlapping with horror, so many thoughts going through my head at once. I winced.

"So...what are you going to do this afternoon?" You I asked me, a hint of anxiety in your voice.

I frowned. Why did it matter? I didn't even consider the fact you were going to the movie theatre that day.

No, not with me— with someone else.

I told you something, probably that I was going to stay home and read or something like that. You seemed relieved.

We said goodbyes and hung up, and I was just about to set down the phone when it rang again.

"Ugh," I said, then quickly answered it. It was Moon Everfrost, a friend from school. She was a girl that happened to sit in my lunch table. New girl from Kentucky. I found her pretty, but I never have her much thought. I have nobody much thought.

Except...you.

We weren't getting along much, but when she asked me if I was free today, I said yes. I happened to think about the two movie tickets I had purchased a few hours ago, and asked her if she wanted to come with me, because I was bored.

She agreed to go as friends. Everything last that was a whirlwind. We went to the movie theater. We grabbed the best seats we could find, got some popcorn, and was about to get into the movie and relax when I heard something behind me.

Kissing. Intense kissing.

I was about to snap at them to stop or do it more quietly when I saw you.

You, Lynx Truth.

That moment, you broke my heart into a million pieces. My eyes widened, time stopped, and it was just me and you and some other guy, and my mind broke. I stood up, spilling popcorn around everyone. Moon was talking to me but I didn't hear it. I didn't hear anything.

You didn't know. You never knew the reason why I stopped eating frozen yogurt with you. You never knew why I broke up with you without even looking at you in the eyes. You never knew why I started to avoid girls. Avoid love.

Until now.

Lynx, you were my first love. And first loves are hard to forget. Even when it's been two years.

I would never be able to explain what I felt that day: I loved you. I hated you. I needed you. I wanted you. I loathed you.

No, you didn't really do anything.

Nothing except break my heart. Nothing except harden my shell, and I never gave my trust to anyone. Nothing except use me and nothing except turn into the cold, tortured, pained person I am today.

This is the truth:

Thanks for breaking my heart there. Because now, I don't have one.

Thanks to Eclipse_Moonshadow for Lynx, I hope you liked this chapter :)

And special thanks to VortexLord999, who really liked Winterwatcher and urged me to update XD here it is!