I choose to love you in silence…
For in silence I find no rejection,
I choose to love you in loneliness…
For in loneliness no one owns you but me,
I choose to adore you from a distance…
For distance will shield me from pain,
I choose to kiss you in the wind…
For the wind is gentler than my lips,
I choose to hold you in my dreams…
For in my dreams, you have no end.

~ Rumi

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The door of my fate abided in front Which didn't seemed thrilling as I once dreamt of  it .one step and I will reside in but if not than a new chance to choose another door to my awaited destination.
.my thoughts lingered to every concept as I waited for baba to end the call in order for him to witness my confession.

First thing after breakfast I did was to inform mummy about the sudden change first shocked than worried followed by confused and finally happy she kissed me as she embraced me in her loving affection.after many questions and assurance she talked to baba and now I am here nervously waiting for baba's questions .

My mom's sparkling eyes was mimicked by my own tired and  sleepless ones .But it gave strength to my heart

No matter how friendly you are these types of talks with baba are too difficult .internally my heart never seized to tremble.

Finally the call ended,

"Areesha beta what I listened is true?"he sat straight focusing on my downcasted eyes.

"Yes baba" I affirmed with a slight nod

"Why the sudden  change of decision Areesha?" Baba asked gently
.

"It isn't sudden baba I have been thinking about it from quite a while  uh and I  discovered that my refusal was based on my illogical reasonings .

baba I denied because I never wanted to live so far away from you.I.Never have and I didn't wanted to either besides   their life style I thought would be difficult for me to adjust in but I don't have a a any problem in regards to Umar" my tone wavered at the end as I tried to give a logical reasoning not seeing his expressions for once.

"Come here" baba gestured towards the seat beside him.

"Areesha I trust you enough to make a wise decision .And i know wherever my daughter will go she will sparkle the house with her charm.
If your future seems beautiful to me there I wouldn't hold you back here no matter how much I don't want to let go my daughter  "

"Be brave Areesha don't let anyone decide against you .I want my daughter to follow her heart and conquer any hardship that comes in it with full faith .although my heart always prays that you get none" baba smiled.

"If you are disturbed by any of the talks you heard or if any one called you remember your baba is here for you and He will stand with you in every choice you make I want your happiness Areesha because I know your heart is very tender it melts easily."He said with pure affection making my heart whisper a bundle of thanks each Passing second

The atmosphere around turned rather heart warming and emotional as father and  daughter leaped to find each others happiness.holding there own wishes and desires

"Baba no one called me and  there is no pressure I I am doing it with my own will and besides baba your actions have always thought me not to judge but I guess i was judging him before knowing.
And for phuphee is your sister she is bound to be amazing."I assured with a smile

"What about Amir I like him?" baba arched at the arduous Point

"He is a good person baba but I want to choose a way that contains majority of smiles. Surrounding with strong family connections"

Especially your smiles

"And I want my daughter's smiles".baba pointed.

"Umar is undoubtedly good he may have different ways of showing it but he is a good person."baba approved

"You know why I aided the proposal with Umar although I wasn't sure before "

"Why baba?" I asked curious

"After his parents presented the proposal he personally came to see me and assured me He will  Take care of you with some promises which earned him a positive impact
IN  murree on every trip of yours  he used to consult me before deciding.from place to timings.
Regarding whether it would be comfortable for you or not and that made  a huge difference to me  that he cared about your comfort "

"I was hesitant because of their lavish lifestyle . I have turned down proposals based on money which offered many things for you but there wasn't care or love which I desired to see in my future son in law
But umar's  care for you  forced me to ponder. "

"As for Amir his living May not be that lavish but his heart surely is .And besides he passed every test my senses marked.his every gesture shows him as an excellent person through which he captured my heart."

"Umar honestly lacked in one or two of my observations but Amir didn't "baba orated

"He will keep you happy" baba smiled making my thoughts conflicted.

"My Areesha has choosed Umar salman why are you confusing her .A mother's heart knows where her daughter's happiness lies."mama spoked for the first time since our ordeal

"We can make mistakes "baba pointed

"Take some more time Areesha do istikhara and walk on the path your heart lights" baba said .
"I have listed my thoughts regarding both of them it's for you to chose now and even if you don't want any of them it's fine I am in no rush to let you go" baba patted my head

"Salman sahab you are conflicting her"mama stated

"No Fatima let my daughter decide" baba said sternly as I looked at  mom's indicating eyes to choose umar

My mind said
Choose Amir !

Taking  a deep breath I responded
"Baba my decision is affirm" 

"Dont you want to talk to Amir once" baba asked

"No" I shook my head slightly.

"Are you happy with the decision you made ? "

"Yes baba"

,"If you made the choice I would tell you that when Umar came to talk he he showed me the papers of his self earned property and inheritance which he willed that after marriage if anything happens to him in future without any claim it will automatically   be transferred to you .You won't have to ask for the right nor his parents or any siblings can claim it but that was not what caught my attention it was his intention of care behind all of this."

I just sat startled with baba's words my mind seized to think while my lips sealed to answer as my heart flew in motion

"What ?and salman sahab you didn't thought it would be necessary to inform me ?" Mom frowned

"You were already on his side I didn't wanted to add more" baba replied "AND besides I wanted approval of my daughter.I agree his care is to be appreciated but still money can't but Areesha's feelings" he said in an authoritative manner.

"Baba I don't want his property even If I marry him" I answered after a minute.

"That's my daughter never run after money what's in your destiny you will get it and I want  my daughter to be an independent girl with no lust for money I am proud of you" he said

"Life and death are in Allah's hands beta but I loved his affection maybe if he had presented those papers just to transfer  it to you I would have adamantly refused the proposal on the spot  but his intentions is what I loved "the care"  and than I noticed his many actions of care towards you"

If only you knew baba

"Remember beta where there is care abides love."

"My answer was still in negative after that because I wanted you to choose and your comfort is above everything to me "

"I never desired money for you  I always wanted a person whose heart is of gold because if he is good hearted you will live happy with him even in a small hut.
But if he isn't than even  a mansion cannot provide you with peace and happiness."He said warming my hear with his beautiful thinking

"Are you sure that you are happy with the choice? do you feel satisfied? Amir  still has my vote"  he stated growing serious

"I am happy baba and Granny has done istikhara  I trust her decision and my heart is at peace" I assured

"Come here my princess" baba gestured  his eyes shone with unshed tears while mine made it's way out .I hugged him .My head residing on his heart as I felt safest in his embrace with no worries .

"I love you baba" I whispered with a quivering voice

"You are baba's princess" he patted my head

"Daughter's grow so early" mom gave a teary smile.

"Let me inform my son he has been so worried he loves  ;-"  baba shot her a look before mom could say any further.

They don't know that I have shamelessly heard everything already.

"You seem to love him more mummy" I argued still in baba's embrace

"Yes I think so to beta but don't worry your baba is enough for you.He will protect you from your unjust mother" he joked making me giggle as mom sat beside me hugging me tight she kissed my forehead with many prayers.

"Can I come in now? my legs are paining because of  eavesdropping since long" Ameeras voice came from outside  making baba chuckle

"You see salman sahab this is all your fault you have given them to much freedom" mom scolded.

"Let my hero in" baba said.as Ameera ran coming into baba's arms

"How could I miss the most important topic.,besides you guys took so much time to select a person" she feigned

"Congratulations apiii Umar bhai is more than amazing" she kissed my cheeks

Umar fan

"I am worried we will have to make the groom on order for Ameera" mom glared at her

"Don't start with her now my heart is already in pain from thinking I have to give the most precious thing of mine" baba added softly as I gulped the lump in my throat

"Areesha!" mummy voiced inside the confines of the room as I looked at her
"Beta Umar doesn't know that we know about his um.state please this word should never get out" she ordered.

"You know man and their ego.He wouldn't like that you are aware of it"

"It wouldn't be out mummy I promise" I said as mummy smiled   caressing my cheeks showering me with her Duas.

****

He had  prayed to Allah and asked for his most desired wish. his heart had dwelled in every way possible in front of His creator to have His beautiful creation. The entire week the whole nights were spent praying for her just her . .He had never bow down to anyone and will never do that except His king

After the last talk her words had instilled in him a passion and desire to have her and show her that his love wasn't a mere infatuation she thinks of.

Hope and confidence in Allah was his strength and with each passing day he went deep in tranquility knowing and bowing down to the Most powerful.

She had unknowingly shown him that how powerless he is even with all that he has.But also showed him the way to become powerful as he likes.she had made him bow down but to Allah

the last day was the worst for him when he got a hint about  Amir's proposal for her it's than he recalled her calm posture  with Amir  ,humaira aunty's love and compliments for her . He was totally aware of Amir's affection towards Areesha but he ignored the warnings of his heart that there proposal will come soon but after knowing he wasn't aware what came over him but he lost his patience it wasn't in him to have any control he never wanted to do anything but he did without a thought

His weakness was he could not see her name with any other..

After waking up he had taken  a vow from  his mother that his state would never be out in the life.

He would be dead than take someone's sympathy.

But The words his mother uttered next was nothing but a mere shock to him that Areesha has  given a positive response.He was suspicious at first but everyone had assured him that no one knew about him leaving him still skeptical.
,
His feelings were that of garden in the  full bloomed  flowers

The stars lightning  the dullest of nights.

The chirps breaking every dawn.

The sparkle of sea greeting the sun.

The beauty inside the precious shell

He felt that he was going to possess the most valuable asset of his life.

The priceless love was he waiting for and was sure to get it only from her .

Her cherished smiles and twinkling eyes were the abode of his imagination  a sincere grin broke on his face as he remembered her sweet voice filled with innocent talks.

Umar was still yet to believe that she is going to be his.

Her chirps
Her smiles
Her laughs
Her talks will belong to him.

She spirited positivity around him
She was sure to be his childhood love.

Wonder what her reaction would be.

But for the first time he was alarmed  of the power she had over him which  surprised  him from nearly a nervous breakdown just in few hours he was fine at home after knowing  her approval .
for the first time he truly realised the need of her in his life the need of his heart for hers.

Undoubtedly he wanted her no.matter with or without her will .but now when he finally heard her  response deep down something nagged him and he wanted to confirm that whether she  answered with her own choice  or was she forced which most probably can't be true because his father adores her far to much to force  Her but still  .He can't push her into a relationship .nonetheless if she has even been pushed he won't leave her but assure her and make her understand to make it work.

Umar picked up his phone directly dialing her number.

"Walalikum Asalam where is Areesha? and what are you doing with her phone?" he frowned

Can't she even keep her mobile with her.

"Yeah  start grumbling as soon as I pick up Bhai. calm yourself only than I will give it to my sister" Ameera s firm response reached his ears.

Definitely not sisters.

"I would like to speak to Areesha" he said stubbornly

"I have all day bhai "

"Give it Ameera please" he sighed aggravated desperate to hear Her soothing voice

"Sure bhai and congratulations in advance"she chirped

"Thank you little one" he said.

"Hey!! who said I am little "she grumbled

"Now now miss whose the grumbling one" he chortle making her quiet.

"Apiiiiiiii"

"Ameera not now please "Areesha lazily mumbled laying across the bed.
But her voice just piqued someone's interest as he attentively listened to her each word spoken

"What are you doing ?"Ameera snickered

"Enjoying my solitude and eating popcorns upside down"

"Are you thinking of someone special."

"Yeah chocolates want to think with me "Areesha replied
Areesha didn't knew why she was acting so dumb but she was to tired of being thoughtful and wanted to enjoy the things which gave her a little peace not knowing the timings she chose were utterly wrong

"No like special special you know api"

"Now the only thing special to me is my solitude"

"What if I say Umar bhai is here?" she asked with

"He can't be"

"What would be your reaction if he is?"

"Do you want to give me a heart attack "Areesha answered innocently not knowing what was to come

Ameera burst out laughing as Areesha gave her a suspicious look

"Ameera please bring chocolates from the fridge ."

"Ok one condition"

"What?"

"Say Umar bhai is the best "

"Ameera where did you hit your head?".

"Say n.a."

"Go out "

"Please just for once I promise to do your ironing"

"Ms Ameera' salman!"

"Just once please"

"Okay Umar BHAI is the best "Areesha giggled seeing Ameera's shocked expression

"Api you are in trouble" Ameera warned.

"Why mummy isn't here to listen and besides who will tell"Areesha Mused

"Your phone"Ameera pointed

"Oh my you did something to my phone!! "

"Ameera " Areesha chided as she ran throwing her mobile on the bed.

"My  little sweet "  Areesha murmured dusting the screen when she froze seeing the call.

"Api it's Umar bhai talk to him" Ameera popped her head in the room

Ya Allah

No please no

Ameera you.

"Umar ! "She breathed with a shiver

"Yours one and only" he orated keeping aside his complaints of her given titles

"I didn't knew behind sober,sophisticated,intellectual,innocent and patient Areesha there is a small child" he stated  amuzed.While all Areesha wanted was to bang her head somewhere.

"How are you my dear Areesha ?"

"Fine"she mumbled still in haze

"I got your answer!"

Hmm

"May I know the reason of your positive answer?" he inquired seriously

"Qadr" she mumbled.

Smart answer he thought.

"Did anyone force you?" he asked concerned

"No why would anyone"

"Any second thoughts?"

"No."

"Regrets?"

"No."

"Any complaints?"

"No."

"Are you happy as I am  Areesha?"he asked softly.

"Hmm."was her only sweet reply

"Sure?"

"Yes" she whispered.

"I love you my sonia" he mumbled startling her

"Why are you so quiet ?"he asked as he felt her breathing quickened.

She still could not believe she was talking to him his possibly future husband whom she had tried her best to push away .

"I uh have to go "she murmured not knowing what to say ahead while rubbing her clammy hands

"I would have loved to see you in front of me while having a first time sober conversation" he joked.

"Which reminds me will me being there could really give you a heart attack?" he mused knowing that he has hit a spot.When he heard a small gasp

"Nice to know my affect on you ! "He knew he was the only one talking but her listening to his talks was enough and besides his bold steps were only her fault who told her to be so innocent and quite

"Areesha speak?"

"Mummy is calling"she replied abruptly

"Say her my regards and When should we decide the ceremony" he said ignoring her attempt to go away.

"I don't know ! and I really have to go"

"Sure but listen"

"The next time I hear bhai from your sweet mouth I swear I will arrange the Nikkah  very next day even if it had to be on phone" he warmed.

"Allah hafiz" Areesha whispered quickly closing the call while she breathed a sigh of relief.it was totally unexpected.

****

It was Sunday evening and our house was filled with aromas of different delicacies to welcome humaira aunties family which was bound be here any second
This meeting trip  to our house was planned to be different but current circumstances had turned it  totally opposite.
I was a little hesitant to see her reaction.I had no idea what should I expect after refusing.

The golden lights were suddenly lit  and lamps were switched on indicating their arrival knowing those lights were only used for guests..

"Areesha my doll how are you?"  humaira aunty greeted as I descended down the stairs after a long time

"Alhumdulilah fine aunty how are you ?"

"I will come in a minute you both talk" mom ushered responding to baba's calls.

"Congratulations sweetheart I am really happy for my daughter" aunty wished but after seeing expressions she took my hand in hers

I definitely didn't expect this reaction.

"Don't worry yourself Areesha a mother understands and you are just like Reema to me although I would have loved nothing more than to have you as Amir's bride but I can comprehend the circumstances". she smiled genuinely gifting my heart immense peace

"Thank you aunty ,believe me  whoever will become  Amir's bride  Wil be lucky to have you as a mother in law" I said truthfully

"And I know you will get one of the best daughter in law in the world "I orated

"Only a seeker of gold can know it's true value beta we would have been lucky to have you" she patted my cheeks with nothing but heaps of affection floating in her eyes

"You are really like a mother to me and I would have been the lucky one to have you "I murmured

"Come here" she hugged

"May you be blessed with love and peace throughout your life "aunty kissed my forehead  a tear slipped from her eye.

I didn't knew if I was losing someone or not but I was sure I am losing one of the best mother in law .

"You will shine the house with your brightness and I will be the proud one knowing she is my daughter." Her eyes glistened mirroring mine.

"And don't worry I will be there on each of your special days wishing you with my prayers.seeing your beautiful children" she winked making my face heat

I was short at words seeing her kindness .there was no pressure just love despite of my refusal.now I comprehend why they are baba's best friends

"And this is a little present from a mother" she enclosed a beautiful gold bracelet.

"No aunty please your prayers are enough" I denied politely

"A daughter doesn't deny a mother!" she glared decorating the mesmerizing gift on my wrist dismissing my every protest.

"It's beautiful thank you "I mumbled with a shy grin as she patted my head.

" Areesha beta Amir is outside go .talk to him once and I know he will perceive ."

"I want you to clear any misunderstandings so in the future you both could meet with smile and respect towards each other"  she instructed

I really didn't wanted to meet him but I couldn't deny humaira aunty.

"Okay" I nodded hesitantly going towards the door.

"Why?" He asked as soon as he saw me emerge.

"Come in Amir" I offered politely

I didn't had a conversation with him of this sort  it felt awfully awkward

"Why did you decided so early Areesha?"he jumped to the point making me sigh.

" Amir Destiny already has made decisions it's only us who walk on that path willingly or unwillingly"

"Are you happy? "The slowness in his speech depicted concern which emerged through his quiet voice

"Happiness lies in the satisfaction of hearts whether we gain it from any source."I replied not liking the idea of us being alone

"Your deep meanings through hidden hints can be understood by me" he pointed making me a bit startled.

"May I know the quality you preferred in him?" Amir asked serious.
I glanced at his questioning face filled with many queries I was afraid to indulge in

"Amir you are a very good person and I didn't chose him over you it was already decided "I said.

"you were always uncomfortable in his presence Areesha than what changed?"

"Many things" I answered.

"Would it matter if I say I was only a day late to send the proposal" he whispered while his eyes were anywhere but me.

"Everything has already been planned nothing could be late " .

"Is there any space to change your mind?" He stepped closer as I took an equal back.

The warm.atmosphere around us didn't help to divert the conversation rather it felt more gloomy than it was already

"I don't think so"

"Do you ,do you  love him Areesha"he questioned with a slight rage

"Love comes after marriage" I answered slowly

"Would you consider if I say I really do like you and want you to be mine".

The air around me stilled giving a way for my answer to flow which I was conflicted to give .

He was an amazing person.with qualities I am sure every girl wishes for but my wishes clashed with my own destiny.

"Amir your destiny already has a beautiful wife  ready for you and I am sure she wouldn't like your interest in any other "I advised

"Your giving me hope at the same time thorns" he sighed.

We stood there in silence experiencing different emotions for different reasons

"I don't think I will ever forget the time I spent in your presence."He spoke

Shatters of a heart can only be listened by a person enduring it or sometimes by a person who was in that heart while it shattered...

"My sincerity lies with my future commitment Amir it's better not to mould those time into sinfull memories."I said sternly

"They were great times and we all enjoyed. they will be ever a part of sweet memories but not the once you are hinting to .they hold nothing like that .I added

"For me it does much more than you think"he answered annoyed

"Than I would advice you to forget them for your better future.they were merely some moments which held no promises ,no commitments and absolutely no feelings."I cleared

"I apologize you are right ,there was never a hint of anything from you and know that as a man you have all my respect due to your pure ways .and that's what makes it hard to let go" he murmured the last part in a slight whisper

"Shall we join them" I tried to avert the heated discussion because I didn't knew how much more I could take

"Is it to late.Areesha?"His voice echoed around me

"Amir please" I whispered his pleas were conflicting me in my own choices and I was sure being the gentle man he is he will drop the subject understanding me.

"I wish you ever happiness in the world," he forced a smile

"And I wish you ever happiness in both the world's."I  wished sincerely

"You never seize to win in any way do you" he chuckled which seemed different

"Mr Amir I am sure you have already won?"I  tried to cheer the tense atmosphere

"What?" He raised his eyebrow

"Endless respects and many blessings" I cheered.

"In your precious prayers don't forget me" his intent gaze pleaded.

"I pray for all don't worry I don't forget anyone "I bit my lip from quivering.

Glancing at her his heart soared thinking that she wasn't meant to be his .

He thought back to review his actions but ,
He had always tried to make her comfortable as possible ,he had done everything in his power

where he went wrong? to lose such a pearl

Deep thoughts pondered back to his each deed in which he  recognized his mistake.But now The question was would he be able to gain her back after correcting it.

But he wouldn't try that because he would never like her to be tossed like a doll between two mans

Maybe it's a good bye or maybe it's a new beginning Allah knows....

"Areesha this;-

"You both are here come inside we are waiting" Ameera exclaimed running near.

"What's the rush?" Amir scolded

"Areesha api tell bhai to attend your engagement he says he Wil be busy .we won't have fun without him" she pleaded not knowing the condition.

"It's not even decided yet Ameera" I orated

"Granny is at call now and they are deciding the date .she wants it to be this very month," She chirped as Amir strode away.

"What" my face paled.

So soon??

The earliest I thought was 6 months away !

The moments engraved in the book of your destiny never falter due to some people rather just serve them to be your guide until you are handed to your destined position.it confides in you whether  You let go   the guide with smiles or with unheard  wails mixed with  treacherous tears.

This is life....

But every good person is bound get it's written happiness May be more sooner than we even think.

SSo,

Assalam o alikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuhu

A penny for your thoughts :-)

Whose is going to attend the engagement.;-)

I really really feel for Amir :-(...,but..........;-)

Take care