Your heart is the size of an ocean.
Go find yourself in its hidden depths.

~ Rumi
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"Areesha there are certain conditions I want you to comply with" He spoke keeping firm stance

"What conditions ?" I asked confused

"You will have to agree to each one "He emphasized

What is he upto.

Taking my silence as an agreement he started
"From now on
You will have no contact with Amir not even a formal one" his eyes bored into mine as he firmly stated .

"Umar but:

"I don't care if he is a family friend you will listen to me" he grouched

"There is no relation without trust" I added displeased of his sudden furry

"I trust you it's the people I don't trust"he pointed

"Amir isn't that kind;-

"Don't defend him Just tell me do you agree with it or not" he scowled making me restrain due to his temper.

"What are the other conditions?" I whispered scared due to his sudden change of attitude

" You will not be given the right to ask for divorcee " his eyes never wevaring from mine.

"But everyone has the right "

"You will complete your studies after marriage"he continued without paying any heed to my words

"Umar that's impossible ."

"Nothing is impossible ". He stated rudely

"Your internship will be awarded in our company.And after that I won't prefer you to work .I am not stopping your carrier but I won't prefer you working when you don't need to."

"So??"he demanded

What should I do?,

"I accept" I murmured

What could I possibly do it was me who agreed for his proposal

"I will be handling business after marriage and it wouldn't be easy to travel whenever we wish .
Although I will try my best to take you to your parents for a month in two years.

"Two years" I frowned

"I am informing you before because I wouldn't appreciate you asking for permission to stay there without me whenever it may be we will go and come back together even if it's for day
"You can't stay there for a month or so on your own because it's never going to happen got it" he declared.

"Umar everyone has rights you can't impose Conditions that are not suitable to me" I spoke softly

Never did I thought of saying those words right on the engagement day still clad in grueling dress with heaps of make up and burdened jewelry.

"I hate to be pressurized Areesha never do that" he warned striding away

What have I gotten myself into?

In the whirl of confusion ,headache and heaviness I stood there alone gazing at the decorated flowered stairs perplexed by the person towards whom I just took a step only to be .......

My hunched shoulders acted as if they were buried under the rock it's heaviness increasing by each passing second as one of the important day in my life was ruined by the tone of his adressed words.

"Areesha beta everyone wants to meet you why are you here" phuphee asked tugging me towards the hall.

I wonder if she heard anything

"Wait let me lift your gown it must be hard to walk in" she helped

"Phuphee I can do it please"

"You are my daughter .and my son's love" she mentioned constricting my heart

"You will live like a queen with us beta don't be scared".

Your son shows otherwise

"Welcome to the family Areesha" one of the unknown aunty spoke as I faked a smiled

It's just an engagement why everyone is treating me like a bride

It's said right when you are sad everything seems to get gloomy by each passing second.my ankles started to hurt Courtney of the high heels.My head instilled a mild headache.my body ached due to the heavy dress but the real victim was my heart Who ached with each beat .

Why it happens,whenever I try to give him a chance.his actions drowns my confidence with hope altogether in just few seconds merely because of his chosen words.
****
Tardily withdrawing The heavy trinkets I massaged my wrists once embellished with blazing jewels.

With a shaky sigh I gulped endeavoring to eradicate the sudden dryness of the throat.

A crescent glowed in the sky lightning the frosted snow hiding beneath the large blanket of the star filled night.

Intrigued I opened the frigid window laced with iced glass.

A sudden shiver shook my body as I trembled due to the chill breeze

I took another step in my life And .I was quite confident but something cracked it.

It wasn't his sayings that arrowed it it was his words and attitude towards those demands.

IN short it wasn't what he said it but it was how he said it .

Every girl when leaves the warm premises of her parents tries to eradicate everything that seems to bother her new destination for their happiness ,
the least he could was use the words of consideration and I would have fulfilled his demands willingly.a small drop leaped from the corner of my eyes as I thought of the future so far away from parents with a man who fails to chose the right words rupturing the feelings with their coldness.

Soft whispers of the midnight winds consoled me by their small waves of love as they glided down my hairs gradually surfing the each strand,playing with my unblinked eyes and caressing my cold cheecks on which few drops of tears shone .
Recalling his earlier demeanour
cold eyes, strong ego,demanding personality and my soft heart..there is no choice left except to sacrifice my heart .

And I really thought he changed.

It's not a fairytale where one changes completely in a swift it's a real world where everything takes place gradually with its own pace sometimes fast and many times slow .

Little did I know the hurricane of feelings has just started what lay ahead for me to witness was beyond that I could have imagined but was in front whole the time blinding me with its shade.

"Areesha" a soft voice startled me as I hastily cleansed my tears turning around.

"Sana ? Is everything alright" I inquired confounded at her state.

"Can I stay with you" she whispered exhauste.

I admit the function was tiresome for everyone

"Sure come in" I offered still skeptical

"You looked like a fairy today " she smiled wearily

"You were crying?"she frowned

"N no why would I "

"Congratulations" she hugged

"Thank you" I whispered clearly conflicted as I embraced her with a little less force compared to her

What happened.

And the next moment she broke down in my embrace.

"Sana dear what happened ?"I massaged her back

"I am sorry Areesha I am so sorry" she chocked perplexing me with her said words.

The cold around us stilled turning into a warm aura listening to the beats of two hammering hearts and witnessing the layers of precious tears as they tapped the floor while others soaked the shawl one after the other trying to guess the heart wrenching story of a broken girl.

"Enough sana tell me why are you so upset "I added my own voice wavering seeing her angelic face drenched in treacherous tears.

" sit here and drink water" I offered her the glass

"Now will you like to tell me?" I sat facing her taking her hands in mine trying to assure her.

"Areesha"she whispered hoarsed

"Hm"I gave my full attention

"I I I like Umar" she murmured with her head hung low. I jolted as I gazed at her shocked from her sudden revelation

"Y Y you like h him means?"I stuttered afraid to utter a word

"I love him Areesha I love him despite of his attitude ego bad temper I just love him.."she sobbed as I stayed glued to my place to startled to react

my face paled grasping her sudden confession

"They used to visit us every two year and when my feelings grew stronger for him I have no idea".she spoke her eyes searching my wide ones.

"Sana you didn't even have a hint before" I pressed her hands as I tried to compose myself still bewildered

"How could I Areesha ? I love him and His happiness is the most important to me .if he is happy with you I would never want to take him away from his happiness never.."she hitched

"But Sana"

"See the irony Areesha here you were crying because you don't want to be with Him and I am crying because I can't be with Him".her heart wrenching sob striked my heart

Why wasn't I able to guess it

"I never did wanted my feelings to grow for him but nothing in my power helped me oppose it.."

"I like him with all his faults but he never did pay attention to me ..rather he gets rude when I talk to him a little more..
But his rudeness to wasn't capable of stopping my love for him..
I don't know what to do and I don't know why i told you but I couldn't keep it in more it was killing me..And you were the only one whom I felt I could share with..
I know this wasn't supposed to be the time I confess to you but Areesha it really broke me apart" she hitched

"I always tried to stay close to you as possible just to do everything you do so that he might consider me "

"Sana please stop" I hugged her my own tears cascading with full force for a strong girl in my arms

Our feelings are the same but just the situation is different..

"I have listened to it countless times that love is beautiful only after marriage its true Areesha its very true.".

"Allah loves us very much.He is( All knowing) He knew these types of situations and heart breaks would occur so He warned us before to not to indulge in excessive talking with opposite gender..
And lower you gaze .
Keep your heart save for your spouse.
And you will get the spouse as you are..
"she murmured in my embrace

"It looks like I am in endless ocean of void with no island or shore to stop by"she chocked

Umar should have noticed her
Her beauty was one of a kind .pale skin with green eyes tall and pettie
She was a kind of girl that every mother in law would look for his son and it was proved by her proposals when ever she visited a wedding.

"Enough sana please" I brushed her hairs not knowing what should I do in this situation.Where my heart was breaking while her was shattered

"Sana I am sorry I I didn't even get a hint of it why didn't you tell me before sana why?" I inquired seeing her broken state

"When today I mentioned him to you Areesha it's because I want to submit him to you completely "she gulped as I cleansed her tears

"Sana" I stared

"No please listen it took me a lot of courage to do that but I finally managed he is all yours Areesha the sparkle in his eyes when he sees you have you noticed it? how can I rob that away from him from my smiles I can't take his that wouldn't be love "

"I am surprised how different and strong you acted in this whole cordial and your behavior with me wasn't even close to jealousy"I whispered

"How could I enter another sin to the list of my sins ,it pained yes it really did and sometimes I did get jealous but I never let it overpower me and besides your personality didn't let me do that."she tried to smile

I was in a major conflict,in a round of uncertainties of new bond and whether I could help sana in any way.

"We can still do something" I gulped after a lengthy silence

"Yes we can."she nodded

"We can start a new day forgetting past ,we can start a new beginning .You with Umar and me with abandoning guilt that I have for ; liking him"she orated confidently as I looked away not believing her courage.

"Look at me Areesha please I am so sorry to ruin everything on the first day but when I saw your glistening eyes and my shattered heart I just couldn't stop .
Please forgive me "she pleaded

"Sana you hav done nothing wrong feelings are never in anyone's control"

"There could be many ways sana how could I live a life knowing a beautiful girl broke because of me "I added

"No Areesha I.want to Start a new life without guilt,and heart break .I tried a lot Areesha and still he didn't noticed my actions my words my feelings because we weren't meant for each other. And it's not your fault at all Areesha you two are meant to be
You know his behavior,his state ,his happiness they all change when you are here you have not seen him without you Areesha there is a difference as of sky and earth."

"Your presence affects him that much Areesha,that much" she patted my cheeks

"Besides it's a whole new matter now never think to back out all of the family knows and Umar is a well known throughout,it will bring nothing but disgrace if you took a step"

"I hate my self for being here right now I didn't meant to ruin everything but it was just to much to handle Areesha believe me otherwise I wouldn't have opened up I am so sorry "

"You are very strong sana" I murmured feeling helpless for a selfless girl

"You know He has been picturing you since childhood don't ever leave him Areesha no matter what he does because I know he will break apart"

"Does he know ?"I questioned

"No ,it needs much more to confront your love to a guy a girl isn't that strong to do it "she shook her head.

"And besides our respect is attached to our parents I can't even risk to manipulate it."

"Areesha he is yours Umar is yours it has always been Umar and Areesha and will always be."

The time is to tell who is with who because a storm never sees the feelings it just passes with a thundering bolt.

"Your words and actions gave me power and courage" she smiled.

"Mine?"I asked confused

"Yes Areesha your pure ways with every male and your formal talks with a encouraging distance thought me every guy after all appreciates those traits no matter how open he is.!"

"And than this !!"she showed me a paper

"What's this ?"

"When I came to pin up your veil in the evening remember? This fell out of that beautiful book you carry ."

"Thank you Areesha it helped me more than you think."

The number of breakdowns you had each night was witnessed by the Rab who made you,May it be in the darkness of the ascending night or the corner of your secluded room,no body may know it but He knows,do you think it was worthless or without a meaning no my dear it was just to polish your being just a little more to make you shine out in this sinister world,every drop escaped from your eyes was collected in an enchanting silver pouch each having a meaning to teach May it be realizations,a new beginning,independence,love,trust ,lessons remember for each drop there has to be something but it depends from.whom you expect that thing.if it's from ALLAH than I assure you ,the reward would be more than your imagination.but if from people than I am scared will you be even able to.handle it.

The most truest of love is only that of ALLAH and our beloved prophet Muhammad peace be upon him.

while we all love seeing a certain advantage.

If you love a person and the love isn't returned,be courageous open your wings a take a flight to abode you are sure to find your happiness somewhere high.
The land wasn't for you .
Your true love is in search for you .The higher you go the closer you get.
But if you chose to stay and Chase that same person means you are only distancing yourself from the true love in search for you high above.

Trust Allah and take a flight with heart being your guide ,
If a heart gains peace with opened wings than fly
But if a heart is at peace with the same person than be patient you will surely have him one way or other.

"And you know Areesha my heart is at peace after letting go yes still in pain but content" she whispered

"These were those magic words Areesha you are amazing" she kissed

"Did you love someone before?"she inquired as I shook my head still shaken.

"Than your words?".she asked confused

"I like to write about feelings" I mumbled

I never share my writing with others it's to personal but maybe this was planned to get to her everything happens for the best.I assured.

As we embraced each other once again confiding many secrets which will ever remain one

Merely a few feet away Umar with a blazing cigarette gazed at the same crescent moon visualizing her calm demeanour yet conflicted eyes at his demands which he knew just pushed her from the small step she took.he heaved a conflicted sigh blaming himself for the lack of control on his words

Her captivating eyes with a hint of hidden twinkle which refused to shine afraid of him.

How will he gain her if he is losing her on the very first stage.

With that a very memorable day turned into the most extraordinary one in the pile of unspeakable memories

And the night went by with a flow of darkness brighted by the lighted stars witnessing the nursing ,content,shattered,blissful and joyous hearts hidden inside of many persons existing under the same sky at different places fighting with different demons .But the victory already marked for the one with his/her trust only on the maker of hearts the most high ALLAH.
Having faith on His tests and realizing it was just for them to fly more high than could imagine.
As Allah loves us more than 70 mothers

****

The morning gleam was to touch the sky which was already darkened by the sinister clouds indicating the snowy forecast.
If the situation would have been different I would be the first person to run out in that inviting weather not caring about any precautions.
But ,the circumstances right now indicates otherwise

The breakfast went quite eventfull with many other guests joining in it was almost void of the banters that takes place otherwise,but the laughs and talks were still carried by the parents leaving no room for kids to talk.

All the while plastering a smile I sat there utterly uncomfortable from all the guests accepting praises,prayers and lessons from them.

Umar showed up late with a foul mood not even considering the guests but Alhumdulilah granny took over blaming his mood on tiredness as I avoided every possible eye contact with him throughout the meal

He is acting as if it's my mistake.

But the truth is granny and phuphee made me comfortable in every way possible making me feel special by every word said.

This wasn't how I imagined my engagement to go ,I guess not everything goes like a dream somewhere reality does needs to show up warning us of our illogical expectations

My all time dream was of My night filled with thoughts and brewing plans of future with a ring held close to my heart and skipping in an endless universe of my wishes.And expectations from the person I was going to bound with ,neither that person appeared ,nor my heart leaped,as the cold ring lay on the dressing forgotten on the very night it was given.

"Areesha they all must be waiting for us" sana's. voice filled my ears.

Her eyes still betrayed her features her smile still held sadness as her heart still looked unhealed.

"I am alright Areesha believe me I am not that weak to break just because of a certain person .My Allah has made me strong.And I am truly sorry for what happened I feel so guilty "

"Sana stop it please it wasn't your fault in fact it's a good thing you shared "

"We will still be friends like we used to be right?"she inquired hesitant

"Of course dear" I kissed her soft cheeks

"Thank you Areesha .i am glad to know his choice is the best now let's leave the topic and besides look at the weather don't you want to go out" she chirped

"And Areesha believe me I have left him don't jeopardize your beautiful bond ever"

"I know i am beautiful you don't have to make it obvious by staring go and change" she pushed me towards the closet.

Maybe I wouldn't have been so strong as she is

"I am telling you granny either make them go fast or arrange another house for us" dani huffed.

"Haye ALLAH dani you are just tension" his mother shook her head.

"Those aunties will cast an evil eye on me all the while they had their eyes casted on my plate ,it was so difficult to eat I had only 4 parathas" he grumbled

"4" we asked shocked.

"Areesha don't give me that look your fiancé eats seven" he smirked

"Zip your mouth Dani and try not to sneak glances at my food again" Umar said.

Does he really eats 7?

"He is just.blabbering Areesha" hina api laughed seeing my expressions.

"He eats just 3" bilal bhai chiped in.

"Why is everyone behind my food" Umar questioned annoyed.

"We are just warning Areesha so she can still change her decision if she wants" dani shrugged earning a death glare from not only Umar but also granny and his mom while all giggled

"Umar bhai what can you cook for my sister" Ameera chirped as he raised his eyebrows at her than diverting his intent gaze on me making me avert

"Ameera" I warned.

"Actually that's a great idea ,Umar cook for" her hina api clapped

"I agree he should know the process of victimization by wife" Asad bhai said as Hina api shot him a glare.

"Probably it will be the last day of world's existence of he makes" dani snickered

"My wife wouldn't make me a victim she is sweet enough" he said making my eyes wide

"As for cooking I may do it but I will make sure not to invite you all" he smirked

"Areesha my child before the Nikkah make him take an oath of all your desires from ironing clothes to sweeping floors.I am warning you don't sign the papers untill he agrees " bilal bhai adviced making us laugh

"You all are bad company" Umar accused

"Oh so we became a bad company now ,Mr Umar shah as a big brother should I tell you that:-,

,"enough don't trouble my Prince" granny ordered making him smile in triumph.

"Don't pay heed to their words Areesha darling my Umar is a gem" she looked at him lovingly

What magic potion has he used?

"Which reminds me you matched.a princess yesterday night" dani praised

"My daughter looked like beautiful flower admist all" granny praised making me.blush.

"Your couple resembled a fairytale one" Ameera said.

"Yeah and Umar being the beast in it" dani snickered

"Dani I will seal your mouth learn to say good" granny chided

"Beta run" Asad bhai warned as Umar rose up.

"Allah khayr" he shouted scurrying away

"Sana you came I was waiting for you ,I have planned a dinner for Umar and Areesha, hina and Asad will be going to and I want you and Annie to join them" granny demanded as I looked at sana who stood their conflicted, her face pale as she gazed at Umar who was looking at ....me?

This shouldn't be happening.

"Areesha my dear will you come with me for few minutes" humaira aunty smiled with a mobile attached to her ear

My eyes involuntary darted towards Umar who shook his head in negative placing a stern expression As my heart beat quickened

Assalam o alikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuhu

Dear readers reviews about the chapter?, :-)

Do you think sana and Umar should be together?

And who saw that coming?;-)

Any thoughts regarding umar's behavior or advice for him.

Takecare
Thank you all for Amazing amazing comments and precious votes.

Dedicated to aisha_rania,_StrivingMuslimah14_,fathimanasiha