Why struggle to open a door between us when the whole wall is an illusion?

~ Rumi
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The soft hums of impatient strides were the only thums slashing the silence,as I stood just a little far wishing he leaves so I may run to my room.But some desires are just their to calm your nerves because the very  next moment his gaze clashed with mine narrowing just a little more than necessary with that my heart exerting extra blood to calm the sudden uneasiness my veins went through.

"Talk over?"he raised his eyebrow.

"Uhm hmm" I nodded hesitant not wanting to give any details .

"Let's patiently talk in the room" he opened the door

"Um we should go in the  lounge" I advised

"The back one" he pointed unfazed.

"N no the main one "I gestured

"Let's go" he rolled his eyes with an irritated huff.

"So what have you decided ?"he crossed his arms as I took a seat in the empty lounge .

Please stay the same Umar you have been for the past week

"I um."

"Before you start do know that I am aware of uncle's decision.I was there with him and granny when they discussed"

"Umar I really want to complete at least a year more before it."I confronted with a Ray of confidence

"You don't even like me "he stated .

"That's not what I said".I corrected.

"But you are  showing  it! .I know you don't love me, but I didn't think that you: ..he kicked the table making me  abruptly stand .

"Umar that's not the case please calm down" I stood in front of him gazing at his dark eyes filled with an unknown emotion mixed with rage and questions.

"Than why didn't you agree?" he asked slowly while his eyes roamed every inch of my scared face.

"Nikkah isn't an issue Umar I agree for it and so does baba it's just the ruksati.I I need time "I answered politely

"When you like a person Areesha you accept everything to be with them and here you are saying you need time ! ."

"I need time to focus on my studies Umar this year is really important to me and the next to but I am just asking for a year."

"There are many girls who complete there studies after marriage what is in it that you can't do it "

"Those girls are competent enough to do so but I don't think I can .Please understand Umar what you are thinking isn't true I am willing to do the Nikkah but I just need a little pace of time to fulfill my responsibilities and studies with equal attention."I reasoned

"I am not accepting that !rukhsati will be followed by Nikkah I don't care about anything else!."

"That's not how it works,my wishes should matter to you" I frowned.

"It does but the question is does mine?"

"Everything goes according to your wishes" I whispered.

"Than this should to!".he flared

"Umar ,how are you talking to her" granny entered plastering a small frown.

"She doesn't understands" he answered

"Come to my room you.both" she instructed leading the way

"Now tell me what is going on ?" She inquired sitting on a bed tugging me with her.

"Ask her granny what's with her opposing everything I say" he complained .

"Let me clear it beta don't talk to her like that she is going to be your wife and you have to be polite always" she pointed.

"And Areesha beta salman is seeing your comfort he explained me well about his insecurities but you to have to trust us my daughter I know you can do anything if you try."She consoled

"I am ready for the Nikkah granny I really am it's just that I need a year to just focus on my studies.just a year granny I.can't leave and start all over in uk all my hard work will be of no use than"

"You can study online to" Umar interrupted

"She is right Umar and  beta in a relationship everyone has to sacrifice a little only than it works "

"You are on her side ?"he breathed

"I am on the right side."

"Granny you know why I am doing this!"

"And Areesha Just know that after this vacation you will be traveling with me as my wife" he slammed the door  leaving me in a cage of perplexed thoughts.

"Areesha beta you don't worry I will talk to him go and sleep and don't you think about his foolish words he doesn't mean that way he just really likes you " she kissed my head as I bid her a farewell leaving to my room.

What is in our relation that every beginning starts with an end ..

A painful sigh escaped with a flutter of many dreams which I have been brewing for my husband since long.

A husband who will be present with me in the early hours of tahajjud

Together pleasing the Lord  by repeating the soft hums of peace giving zikrs which would make us shine in the darkest of the nights by His blessings.

Who will blow the peaceful verses of the magnificent quran embracing us with the fulfillment of our duties.

Who will be the one to hold my hand and run towards the inviting gardens of the blissful jannah .

Why here the circumstances and his behavior oppose my dreams making it hard for me to hold on his wishes .

Or why can't he stay like he becomes sometimes soft and calm..

People say not all dreams  becomes reality but my wishes are not just dreams they are my prayers which I try very hard to hold on to.they are my secret gateway to the land of peace and assurance they are the hope in the dark cave

Surrounded by the bubble of her own thoughts Areesha failed to recognize the hidden turmoil and cloaked insecurities which layed deep within umar's heart.

Doesn't she know love is afraid to lose love.

He wanted her beside her with him in every step of  his life.

He wanted to show his love without a barrier of being wrong.

He wanted to shower her with luxurious and words which he contained only for her.

He didn't wanted to wait another year to have her beside him,.not seeing her for few hours fills in him a longing with a hollow followed by a despair of his heart

A day spent by gives him an uneasy feeling unless he takes a potion of those gleamed eyes.

A night is passed by with a new hope of having her near by with a doze of smiling lips.He is to attached to her to just let go.
How would he stay a year without her doesn't she understands or is it too easy for her to stay away from him

Doesn't she feel half of what he feels.?

Love comes with insecurities to lose the beloved.
Possessive of being with other
Scared to be away
Resting only when the other half is nearby.

Love is a sweet potion of discreet affects ,sometimes sweeter than honey other times dangerous than a poison at time sour to gulp but mostly a mixture overpowered by sweetness near the sweetheart.

Understanding is what it requires to depict a taste of sugar and communication with expressing words is what it requires to be honey which they both lacked in there new born relationship which seemed to lose oxygen in just a beginning..

With that both  stayed awake far from each other moulded in same thoughts with different reasons non wanting to tell the real desires which their heart desired.

****

"Sana" I glanced in her finely decorated room filled with the morning gleam of the cold rays of hot sun.

"Come in Areesha" she ushered with a slight gesture of her hand

"What is all this?" I inquired eyeing many piles of clothes.

"Leave them and sit her" she tugged landing me on her comfy mattress.

"I I need to tell you something" she stuttered.

"I am listening" 

"Areesha" she breathed

"Hmm"

"I accepted a proposal" she whispered quieter  than a feather

I didn't knew whether I felt happy ,  relieved , sad or constricted

"Who is it ?"I asked slowly a little startled

"It's"

"it's"

"Who sana ?"I encouraged with a smile.

"It's waqas" she heaved a breath with closed eyes.

"Waqas as in nanos.son?"I asked for surety

"The very one" she nodded

"Are you content ?"I questioned while one side of my heart wanted to hug and congratulate her on being the luckiest girl while the other part wanted to assure her happiness before showing mine.

"You tell me is he good?"

"You have the answer than why are you asking me did you rush your decision sana?."

"No I prayed istikhara last night and had a beautiful dream with a positive feeling.but I want your advice to."

"Allah is the best advicer sana ,and He is enough "I assured.

"I don't know Areesha I have a really guilty feeling,waqas doesn't know about it and wouldn't it be wrong "

"What would be wrong?"

"That he wasn't my first,that I failed to keep my heart for him ,that I almost cheated" she burst in hysterics with tears grazing every inch of her face making me tear up with her.

"How would I tell him I failed "she sobbed

"Wouldn't it be cheating?"

"Stop crying my dear" I cleansed her tears

"It's not cheating at all" I assured her

"How ?"she quivered.

"Feelings are never in our hands to control they are involuntarily controlled by our heart and no matter what you try it happens because it's just natural.,it's not wrong to have feelings for other.only the actions are what we are accountable for and I am sure you have nothing to be guilty about it."

"Are you sure Areesha.?"

"Yes sana you are a pure girl with an innocent heart which contains feelings and like every other human  our hearts are helpless when it comes to feelings
our actions  are what should we be carefull of which are mostly outcome of our intentions.And I know your intentions are beautiful"

"Thank you Areesha" she kissed my cheeks.

"Your words are really helping " she sniffed

"Sooo can I have a say regarding your proposal now" I grinned

"Please do."

"You are one of  the luckiest girl in the history of brides" I cheered hugging her tight.

"Congratulations sweetheart"

"You know nano is amazing sana and I am sure waqas would be to .Allah has chosen for you an amazing house and is inviting you to live there which is embraced with a special blessing and many more luxuries which you can't even imagine ."

"You are making it seem like a dream house "she chuckled.

"It is a dream house you will realize only when you will live there "

"I pray that to" she whispered.

"Where is my methai(sweets} Now" I pinched her cheeks.

"Granny will reveal this news soon than eat all the methais Umar let's you eat" she giggled earning a playful punch

Deep down I felt a regret which even I wasn't able to recognize  was this because I wasn't able to do anything for her or because after all what happened she never opposed me

"See your eyes it holds  something different in them for him now " she smiled

"Wear glasses" I responded averting my eyes.

"Why did you avert your eyes !" she mocked

"Can I say something Areesha."

"Hmm "

"Seeing the faraway twinkle,don't lose the worthy gem you can possess"  she spoke with a hint of small smile making me preplex.

"Areesha promise me you will not let anything change our relation ever" she held my hand admist her warm ones.

"What do you mean?"

"You will realize it when you will truly madly and deeply be in love with Umar one day IN shaa ALLAH than I am afraid you will be distant from me because of my foolishness."She fretted with her head hung low.

"I will never I promise" my slow notings mixed with whispers were filled with just prayers for her happiness ahead as we both hugged each other bounding the vow of friendship with heartily wishes caged for one another .

"It's a secret between you and me and will never be out ..."

"Ladies " dani burst in the room thrusting the door with a loud bang.

"When are you going to learn dani" sana huffed keeping her hand on her heart.

"The guests are finally  going to be here" he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Who is it "I asked excited

"Come on we have to plan somethings before they arrive "he tugged sana towards the door

"To give a hint it's related to Umar .He whispered
"Speaking of which he is here" he pointed as Umar emerged from his room busy closing the cuffs.

Glancing at us he oh so beautifully ignored striding towards the stairs.

"Ahmmm Umar in case you haven't noticed your most prized possession is with us" dani cheered earning a glare.

Halting for a minute with one last glance he murmured  " take care of her "

I didn't knew what was the feeling stirring inside my heart because his ignorance irritated me ,making me a little restless

Dani's continuous fake  cough brought me back from the sudden trance

"Stop it dani"..I mumbled embarrassed

"I could have eaten half a bowl of popcorns while you both stared at each other "

"I will pray Many nawafils  of thankfulness when you  will finally decide to grow up "sana rolled her eyes snaking him.

"Go and pray now that ALLAH has blessed you with such an amazing brother people long for a brother like me" he explained making us giggle.

"I am not lying "he grumbled

"If I wouldn't have been your sister dani than I am sure you would have been kicked out of the house  by now" sana boasted as we gathered in the backyard.

"Areesha come here".Hina api whispered

Secretly tugging me with her she took me back inside rushing me towards umar's room.

"Why are you taking me there" I panicked halting outside his room.

"Get In before dani notices "she pushed me inside closing the door behind

"Apiiii" I fretted

"Don't worry Umar will.not come here and to answer your unasked question, I.came here to throw this snow bucket at dani I had to take revenge and umar's gallery has the best view of backyard" she grinned.showing me the bucket filled with snow .

"Why do you have to take revenge" I asked with a chuckle

"He filled my hoodie with the snow" she explained switching the light on.

The bright lights invited my eyes to flicker around his vast room filled with his aura and a certain cologne.

A large king size bed just above two stairs on fine marble floor and luxury sofas at the right corners with an golden royal table and In front his office desk contrast with black and maroon.

Hina api smirked seeing my eyes settled at my picture noticing her I abruptly gazed at the gallery shielded with net Curtains

"Let's go" she pushed open the glass door inviting us towards the outside world which looked mesmerizing from this side.

"Wow the view is incredible" I praised

"I know right it's amazing I could sit here and have a cup of tea with a good book if I was single "api sighed making me chuckle.

I placed my hands on the designed railings catching the scenery of wild yet artistic nature as it invited me with a cold breeze of fresh air.

"There he is ,on three I will throw this"

"Api you sure"

"Absolutely now shush" she aimed turning the bucket upside down freeing the white coldness to.hit on Dani's head

"Ufff "he umphed making everyone laugh as he looked up with a scowl making us fall in the fits of giggles

"You look like a snowman with a nacho nose" Ameera complimented making him huff

"Just wait for my turn" he grunted

"Asad will save me" api cheered pointing at bhai.

"Hina come down" Asad bhai instructed with a flat face if looked closely anyone could see the smile Bhai was trying to.control.

"My work here is done let's go" api smiled

"Leave Areesha here while you go" we nearly screamed at umar's sudden approach.

"Ya Allah Umar I am to young to have a heart attack" api scolded making him chuckle

"While sure I will leave her here" api winked striding away as I looked down to see mom's gaze fixed on us.

"Let me go to" I ran out

"Stop Areesha hear me first" he demanded

"Some other time" I said trying to dodge his steps.

"There now it's locked listen to me" he comfortably sat on the sofa.

"Umar mummy saw me" I frowned

"So?aunty is sweet enough" he overlapped his leg with another.

"At least open the lock" I requested after two minutes of utter silence .

"Promise me you will stay"

"I will just for few minutes."

"Uh about last night" he started studying my reaction

Maybe I forgave you even if you are.Not sorry

"I thought about it Areesha and let's both work this out together" he stood in front after unlocking the door.

"How?" I asked slowly

"Nikkah would be done now and after six months you will come with me "

"Umar I :

"No Areesha I am adjusting and you should to! "

"What if I lack in my responsibilities" I whispered

"You won't and I will be there with you and to tell you the truth I don't want to wait this long I want to make you my wife this second  "

His words held power of unknowable fluttering my heart with its essence as the atmosphere grew warm around.

"Umar will you be polite and calm always I don't like your other side" I admitted truthfully.

"Nature cannot be changed but it can be mended if you want I am willing to try just don't oppose me because it irkes me and riles me up "

"I just oppose your certain attitude"

"Accept me Areesha there is no backing out what are you scared of when I myself is willing to be with you in every step "

What I am scared of ?..His demeanor !,

"Fine I will talk to baba " I sighed looking at my intertwined hands.

sometimes listening to the nothings of the hearts are better than admitting to the reasons of mind

"Sure" he asked with a smile

"Yes" I noded

"No change of mind after meeting uncle "

"No "

"Should we lock the answer than" he said playfully

I glanced at his eyes

"And you will.not talk to me like you did yesterday "

"I wasn't wrong ,and let's leave that behind."

"Stop eyeing the door Areesha you aren't leaving any time soon" he mused making me panick

"Please I have some work."

"First have tea with me he gestured towards the sofa

The filled ash tray caught my interest before I could answer.

"You smoke?"

Please my husband cannot be a smoker

"It isn't mine" he spoke after of minute of studying me .

"Shukar" I whispered internally.

"It's isn't a drug as you are seeing it.Its"

"It has the similar affect of it "

"What if I am a smoker ?"

"You can't be" I mumbled uncertain.

"I didn't knew it would affect you this much"

"So you are one!," I paled

He can't be a smoker please..

"You will not be seeing the cigarettes with me "he.smiled dodging the real answer.

But I guess his surety was enough.

"Let me give you a room tour ."

"N no let me leave now please"

"As you wish darling"

"Don't call me that "I snapped

"If you will I wouldn't."he shrugged.

"You see I.don't really want you to leave so earn it from me" he crossed his arms.

"Umar "

"Areesha"

"Umar please"

"Areesha darling please"

"Say Umar you are my only love and you can leave" he said smug

"Astaghferullah Umar" I chided making him laugh.

"Agree for a date than "

"I can't please let me go."

"You are saying as if I am holding you" he rolled his eyes.

"You are standing in front of the door!"I reasoned.

"Fine dear Areesha I am letting you go with the promise to capture you soon" he opened the door

"One more thing" he stepped ahead making me almost bump into him.

"You look stunning" he complimented with a smirk making my cheeks burn

****
"Be aware I swear Areesha that aunty is the type which could eat you alive" dani whispered as we all  gathered in the main hall to welcome the guests.

"Ya Allah have mercy on us" Asad bhai said loud.

"They will be here any moment" phuphee glared as they snickered.

"Only a lady and her mom what's the big deal "He said

"Tasneem welcome" phuphee greeted embracing the lady

"Umarrr" a girl squealed coming towards him

She seemed a little different Without a hijab wearing tight clothes with  auburn long hairs .

"How are you I missed you "she.now stood close to him making him smile as we all eyed her and especially Umar.

"They were our really close friends in uk and Umar practically grew up with her" Hina api explained making me uneasyb as I gazed at them busy talking

They look really close and why does that sound disturbing..

"I am not really thrilled" I looked at Dani

"Feelings mutual" he grinned

"Where is your fiancè Umar" she inquired scrutinizing us with her sharp gaze.

"Areesha meet eshal" Umar smiled calling me towards him

"Nice to meet you" I greeted

"Pleasure is all mine ,by the way congratulations I don't know what you did but I am impressed " she plastered a smile.

"Some people doesn't need to do anything" dani said

"You are beautiful  but you know beauty can't capture anyone for life "she patted my cheeks making me frown.

"You are right heart does" Umar interrupted

Why am I having a bad feeling.

****
Loud sirens  thrashed through the silence of the dark night making it impossible to return to the once peaceful sleep..

Admists the sleepy form I opened my eyes adjusting it to the darkness as the my wall flashed  with continuous bands of red and blue rays

Coming to the realization I jumped of the bed running towards the window partying the curtains I hurriedly opened the glass not caring  being exposed to the harsh cold which frosted my skin but the view ahead dropped my heart chilling my nerves as I frozed standing there with blurred eyes

Losing my voice my heart screamed which was hushed by the overpowering nerves of my inner being

Seeing baba on the stretcher with closed eyes  I lost my existing sense

"Babaaaa" I called  as my door flew open closing my heart

"Calm down my dear" sana enveloped me in her hug not satisfying my heart to believe that it was just a dream..

"I want to go to my baba" I whispered standing up.

"No you can't Areesha there are strict orders of everyone we can't leave besides Umar has gone with him"

Ya Allah please protect my baba..

One night just one night is able to transform everything.

It can take away for what you had for years
AND
It can give you for  what you yearned for years.

Be thankfull and enjoy every moment presented to you for each other
Who knows who is today and who is not.

The face you see today isn't promised to be there for you tomorrow..

Assalam o alikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuhu

Hope you are all doing well,.

So how was the chapter :-).

Did you like Eshal?and what about her baba !

Take care sweeties