Each moment contains a hundred messages from God. To every cry of "Oh God!" He answers a hundred times: "I am Here.

~ Rumi

No amount of grief can.bring back the moments you once lived with a person.

It's said a father is the roof of the house
What happens when you feel the wavering of the once strong roof which in a glimpse could be taken away leaving you stranded in a deserted place with no roof just four walls which could barely stand after it.

What to feel when you are afraid that a protective shadow you once had could never return.

How to endure the pain when you remember those moment which your father lived for you making your childhood a memorable one.

Who to blame when you see everyone in a devastated state sitting outside the door which will open to either return our happiness or to pile us in the everlasting sorrow.

Sitting on the hard hospital chair my murmurs were only directed to ALLAH to save my baba.

Who has been my strength, my support,my friend and my king.

The relationship which me and baba shared was the most unique   one mostly the children rely on their mothers for everything like Rayyan and Ameera but in my case since childhood no one understood my silence better than my baba.
I have been relying on him since I opened my eyes from my small bruise to my biggest achievements they all were shared with him first.

I still remember those late nights of Ramadan where he would  curl up in a blanket embracing me along in the warmth of his protection.and would recite the quran before fajr   

Those late night cravings which baba used to fulfill for me 

I can still taste his famous omelette which he used to feed me on the isle of the kitchen island.

I can still see the sweat once of many he bared for me so that I could sleep peacefully .

I tear up every time I remember the lectures he heard because of me yet he still stayed protective of me not listening to anyone that I am being spoilt.

I remember people taunting that my father teaches me way to many big lessons for my age or many big words which I wouldn't understand and I still remember my father's words that "I know my daughter she will involuntary start to grasp on my lessons and words as she grows up."

Those moments play fresh in my mind when he would defend and trust me  to enjoy my trips while mom oppose it .

The time where he would give me just a little extra pocket money for myself knowing that I always spent on Rayyan and Ameera

The times I would run straight to his office rather than home just to see him after school and he would arrange a proper meal for me in his small cozy cabin.

How could I come to the fact that my baba could be gone .

Allah I know you love me and I know you love my baba more for the way he brought us all up  please don't take his shadow away from us .Please let your amazing gift be with us.I prayed with the pooled tears which didn't wanted to seize

I could sense umar's gaze on me and I knew I.breached  granny and his orders coming to the hospital with Rayyan.

But I didn't care I couldn't care as long as I was close to baba.

Second heart attack was what they told when I reached not knowing that my baba suffered a heart attack at a very young age to.

But the question was what was the reason.behind the second one.after so long?.

"Areesha stop crying our baba is strong and Allah knows we need him" Rayyan consoled trying to stop my tears.

He placed his hands on my shoulders embracing me as I broke down  hiding my face in his coat.

I knew my brother was being strong yet he looked broken if seen behind the facade.

Our baba has always been our king who has showered us with His infinite love

"Shh Areesha beta be strong" came phuphee's voice..

"Areesha look at mom how strong she is being" Rayyan pointed as I peaked my head to see mom with closed eyes murmuring prayers without a single tear.

I knew she wanted to cry ,I knew she was controlling
most of all I knew my mom was very strong compare to her I.wasn't even close.

"Go and sit with mummy Rayyan she needs you " I advised sitting straight.

All the uncle's stood outside the I.c.u while we were adviced to sit inside the glass cabin just beside  it

No one was allowed to visit it was just granny phuphee and my mom in ladies including me .
While all the others were at home and Ameera asleep as it was best to keep her away from all the commotion..

"Stop crying Areesha" Umar sat on the once occupied chair by Rayyan.

"Here wipe your tears" he pulled out neatly arranged tissues from his front pocket.

Gingerly I took hold of it wiping the painfull water away .

"Uncle wouldn't have been pleased seeing you like:

He was cut by the sudden jolting of the icu making me numb with fear.

But it was just nurses ,who hurried with medical utensils leaving no room for questions....

****

"Api baba will be fine right" Ameera inquired with conflicted eyes as she lay on my lap in the dimly lit room.

"IN shaa ALLAH" I whispered stroking her hairs with my blured eyes.

Three agonizing days have passed with us praying and hoping for a good news but not even a whisper of merriment was heard between the white walls of disinfectant fragrance.

We were currently home due to Umar he didn't let us stay we were just  allowed only for few hours,and even mummy supported his decision not leaving room for any arguments.

"Once uncle gets better I am going to tell him how Ameera was more stronger than you" Dani said seeing my emotional state.

"Do explain how I was supporting api he would never believe me" Ameera responded slowly.

"Of course Ameera I am sure your baba will be very proud" Hina api smiled.

"This for you" he handed me a little penguin carrying chocolates

"And this is for the small baby" he smirked giving a cute polar bear to Ameera.making her scowl

"Dani why ,?"I inquired seeing all the stuff.

"Can't a cousin spread love and  happiness" he accused.

"This wasn't needed all of your support is more than enough".I said truthfully

"You can brag about my gifts infront of uncle you know I won't mind" he shrugged playfully diverting the topic.

"Are you sure the chocolates in them are fine" sana eyed suspicious

"No It just contains sugar,spice and everything nice" he quoted rolling his eyes

"You watched power puff girls" Ameera gasped making him avert his gaze

They each tried there best    to make us feel better but the heart was far away from any juvial feeling

"You know a little birdy told me that Areesha loves to smile "

"I am dying to see your smile can your highness please do it before I pass out" dani pleaded dramatically sketching a smile on my face .

"Thinking of the bird I knew you are retarded talking to birds" Asad bhai snickered.

"Some people are getting old failing to notice it's just an expression" dani defended

"You could have chosed a better one" Asad bhai feigned.

"I left that for you to use against Hina when she is close to murder you" dani chided ruining a way with a loud good night

"Keep smiling for uncle wouldn't have encouraged your current state" sana kissed my cheeks bidding us a goodnight.

It was already 2am which had become a norm for everyone to retire at this time all the while supporting  us I couldn't thank enough for such lovely cousins.

But surprisingly eshal and her mom never came they just visited the hospital once other times just indulged in there own routine of leaving in the morning and returning late at nights without any care for anyone expect phuphee and Umar .

Covering Ameera with a duvet I went for wudhu to offer tahajjud

Placing the Prayer  mat near the window I bowed down to the protector of the protectors.opening my inner emotions in every sujood lighted by His noor .

The pitch black darkness was far less compared to His noor which He showers on every prostration of a sincere caller.

In the sky shaded with clouds I asked ALLAH to retain our shade which He has blessed us with in the form of the greatest father.and to bless everyone's parents a long and healthy life.

Admists the conflicted and messed up emotions I tried my best to share my every worries that how I felt alone ......so alone.....

My tears didn't seized recalling baba's  laugh,each advice and ,every talk

I cried because there was no one else to understand my fears

I cried because I loved my baba and wanted to hide in  his protective embrace

I cried because I felt homeless having a home...

And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.[65:3]

Craving for fresh air I stepped out of the house  sitting myself on the marble stairs in front of the garden in search for  peace

The natural violet lighting of the nature surrounded me as I covered my self with a woolen shawl welcoming the frosted air .

I knew my each prayer,every tear,and  desire was heard by the most Merciful one.

How could I be lost when my guide is the maker Himself.

Sharp lights blinded my eyes as a car entered the porch revealing a tiresome yet  spirited Umar, his incisive eyes instantly locked with mine as he emerged from the car before I could make a move

Seeing the time it was almost fajr and I knew he didn't came home since yesterday morning .

I couldn't deny the fact that Umar has served to be a strong pillar in this hard situation no doubt everyone has done and are still doing everything possible to divert our minds or to console us but Umar has surpassed everyone.

He has been assuring mummy with His kind  words while taking care of her every meal to insure her health ,
From baba's medicines to his every possible medical need even requesting the best cardiologists on the case and sending reports to different hospitals for the best verification

Not only that Rayyan has been looking upto him and Umar had embraced and instilled in him a confidence making him more stronger for us.

Every detail of baba's health is shared and researched on a large panel.just because of him .

He sends  everyone to rest yet he stays with baba the most depriving himself of plentiful sleep .

Concluding his every virtue towards us
how will I ever repay.him

His every act of respect and care towards my parents and siblings craves his being more into my heart.

His every soft whisper towards me in the filled hospital makes me a little more courageous.

The assurance through His sharp  eyes sometimes is enough for me to calm a little..

Sometimes just care is needed to make a way in someone's heart instilling  in it a permanent imprint...

Without a word he sat beside me leaving an encouraging space releasing a long breath.

"You know you shouldn't be here at this time" he glanced rather sternly

"How is baba?" I inquired dodging his question .As I looked at the once ignited jeep.

"He will have to recover ,especially for a loving daughter like you" he stated as I glanced towards him .

"IN shaa ALLAH" I mumbled

"My Areesha is brave enough to handle anything" he claimed his hairs blowed with the light breeze as his words played with my emotions.

"And remember that  in every difficulty I will not be beside but  always be infront of you fighting it till the last breath so it may never  reach you"  he smiled.while I just gazed at him pondering over his heartfelt talks.as my veil played with the soft air of the early hours

Have I been portraying him wrong all this time or it was just fantasy of my delusional reasons not seeing his actual being

And I had no words to utter in response.

But her small gesture of acknowledgement was enough for him to suffice on.

"Will you take me to him in the morning ?"

"No," he breathed breaking my hope.

"You can stay with him as soon as he gets better but not now" he added sensing my sad demeanour.

"Please Umar I want to stay beside him" I requested

"It's late Areesha don't come out alone here got it !now get up I will walk you to the room" he stood up ending the discussion.

"It's okay I will go by myself,you go and rest" I whispered not.meeting his eyes.

"After you" he gestured as we slowly walked towards the room in the serene silence.

Standing outside the room I turned towards him.

"Umar I want to  thank:

"Shhh" he interrupted making me perplex while shadowed light surrounded us making the atmosphere yet more intense

"I love you"

He  confessed the deep words ever so slowly that the weight of its emotions halted my senses for a minute making me lower my eyes with that deep blue lights peeked through the Windows covering us in a hue of a scanty light  as he opened the door for me to go inside.

"Be ready at 9 ,I will take you" he whispered as he vanished in the dark night of the slumbering moon.

****

"Areesha do you want to go we are leaving" Rayyan inquired coming in.

"Yes ,Ameera go to sana we will be back soon IN shaa ALLAH "

"Why can't I go" she whimpered

"Ameera stay here hospital will get crowded with so many people "

"But I want to go", she insisted.

"I will talk to Umar ray let her come with us "

"Hurry fast" Rayyan sighed as she ran towards her room

"Any news?" I asked dejected seeing his worrisome state as I walked towards him

"No" he shook his head ever so slowly with the hint of tears at the corner of his eyes.

"Allah is with us" I pressed his shoulder gulping my own tears.

"Mummy" I hugged her as soon as I spotted her on the hospital seat.

"My baby" she whispered embracing me and that was enough for me break down once again.

"Bas Areesha your baba will be fine bas."She patted my head.

"Come here my flower" granny's held my hand hiding me in her motherly embrace.

"If you don't stop crying Areesha you won't be allowed here anymore" umar's stern voice echoed around.

"I will myself send you with him" mom sided which urged me to gain a little control on myself.

"That's my daughter" uncle shah patted my head and the very next moment was distracted by the emerging doctor which perked us all up hoping for a positive response

"Due to the very weak response we urgently have to take the decision of operation but unfortunately we cannot guarantee a successful surgery. ; Please sign these documents ,

Those words were nothing less than a rock the most heavy on the heart snatching and replacing hope with just a dua for survival.

Umar briefly glanced at my broken state  before taking those papers and handing it to uncle for signature.

That's it the final news will be released soon,and now when I think of it I don't think I will be able to take any heartbreaking news.

But Allah never burdens a soul more than it can bear,and gives us heaps of patience in return of any calamity raising our ranks more than we can imagine

After all we all belong to HIm and shall return to HIm.

One thing that should never be forgotten is that He loves us and is the only one who is and will always be there with us.

Every grasp of the worldly life has to go one day
Every relation is bound to dissolve in the world sometimes to connect with an everlasting bond in jannah.

It just depends how we survive without the embrace we were so connected to .

The swarm of active nurses and the signatured  application was just a reminder of the storm that could destroy us in just a blink 

"don't worry until your baba is alive no one can  ever  force you into anything and even If I don't remain my prayers will protect you  forever"
I remembered baba's precious words which he just conveyed that night.

Oh baba I.  once again concealed myself in  mummy's embrace  scared of the consequences as I hicupped with the unstoppable tears.

"Areesha  we are going home" Umar stood in front

"No" I shook my head still in her embrace.

"Yes Fatima it's better that she is at home her state isn't stable" phuphee joined.

"Your baba will be fine my dear go with Umar" mom said

How could they want me to leave when baba just went into the operation .

"I am staying here" I stated stubbornly  cleaning my tears.

"Get up Areesha" Umar glared making me scared.

"Now !!"

"Beta go" mummy said as I stood with growing anger.

How can they force me

"You are not stepping a foot here untill uncle gets better" Umar ordered making me furious as I briskly walked behind him towards the entrance.

"How can you stop me from coming here" I asked agitated.

"You will see" he emphasized making me halt

"I want to stay here until the operation is over" I turned around but was hurled by His strong grip taking me towards the secluded corner

Chills ran over my body escalating my heart as I glared at him stepping away from his touch while my  inside trembled from his bold move.

"Don't ever do that" I warned masking confidence while his eyes bored deep in mines sending daggers that spiked my every heart beat.

"Do you think it's pleasure to see your current state ?
Do you have any idea  what  your tears do
It isn't easy to see you like this Areesha and I can't tolerate anyone seeing your broken " he raged harshly.while his deep meanings didn't go unnoticed

"Can your baba return by your crying huh,? Would he like to see you in this state ,? Sitting outside his room and crying while thousands of people seeing it !"

"He just needs your prayers   not your tears so go home and just pray
your being here wouldn't change his health but your prayers will" he completed  breathing hard

His words impacted my inner turmoil solving it in just few seconds as it absorbed his words lingering a meaningful impression

"You are right" I spoke after a minute gazing at the marble floor .

"I don't want to see your tears!" his eyes still fierce yet he never averted from mine.

"Let's go its going to be maghrib soon" I awkwardly tried to escape his hovering form.

"Uncle is going to be fine" he affirmed emphasizing with a nod

"IN shaa ALLAH" I whispered lowering my gaze as we walked towards the entrance

"I will drop you off at Mrs raufs you like her don't you" he side glanced

"Thank you" I smiled ,which was soon  replaced with a surprise look as I saw Amir entering through the threshold already looking at me .

Greeting Umar Amir turned towards me asking about baba's health which was answered by non other than Umar.

"How are you doing ?"Amir asked slowly

I knew Umar wasn't happy and I knew he will lose his patience if we chatted a little more because I still remembered his demands regarding Amir.

"I am fine Amir I hope you are to!" I smiled politely.

"The ward is just behind the corner second left" Umar interrupted making Amir avert his eyes and probably stop his next question.

"Allah is with the patient uncle will get well soon" Amir consoled with a warm smile leaving us there.

Seeing her walking side by side with Umar it didn't occurred to Amir that it would be this troublesome for his heart.

Even after preventing all his feelings and caging them in the key less well of his heart ,they spirited just with one glimpse,of her.

How could heart be so cruel to unlock the key deprived side in just a moment

Has she accepted Umar wholeheartedly,?

Does she love him now?

Why is she going alone with him without hesitation?

Why was she smiling at him?

Why his heart has decided to team against him making his brain question the unwanted answers.

Apart from everything her eyes still helds emptiness which insures  the story of her agonizing moments which she is living
Because he had an idea  how close she was to her baba

Yet the gateways to her innersoul  seemed closed now whether she has got her answers.
Or she is to conflicted to feel any emotions..

But their written fate knew the answers and sometimes the presence of another again in the life is more meaningful than it ever was..we just have to wait and feel while riding an adventurous ride called life..

Assalam o alikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuhu

Awesome readers! Heyyyyy lol.

Hope you are all well ! After an emotional chapter what are your views about the chapter? About there relationship and Amirs coming back..

In the end I would say respect and do all you can to comfort your parents while they are still with you,
They are your protective house from the wild world

So love them before you lose them

Allah hafiz