Title: Sweet on You

Author: KaylaKeifer

description: 

Tori Lynn has one dream - to grow her sweets shop into a New York dessert landmark. She expects there to be competition, mischief, and hard work when opening up a store front. What Tori doesn't expect is to join the ranks of the nation's top bakers in a televised competition. There is much more at stake when faced with a camera, crew, and drama-hungry producers. Will Tori prevail and gain worldwide popularity for her business, or will the spectacle of televised rivalry and love overcome her?

title/cover:

title: love it! it's really cute, actually. it captures the essence of the story really well with just three words. the author has incorporated an aspect of the baking, as well as hinted towards a romance!

score: 5/5

cover: 

the cover is really cute, although I feel that it can use more color. a story like this one has endless creative possibilities!

score: 4/5

total: 9/10

summary/hook:

summary: writing summaries is challenging for everyone! it's difficult to capture the essence of the entire story in just a paragraph or two. the author has managed to do it really well. one suggestion i have is to modify this sentence: 

"There is much more at stake when faced with..."

perhaps reword so that there is a noun in there somewhere:

"There is much more at stake when Tori and her team are faced with..."

this is just a suggestion! it makes the sentence less vague and more focused on the main characters. 

score: 4/5

hook:

"Boxes here. Boxes there. Cardboard boxes everywhere."

how unique! i read this with a sort of rhythm, and i'm sure others did, as well. it creates a fun opening for the reader. it's really nice to have light reads, because they keep you engaged and excited for what's to come.

the paragraphs following are about Tori and her best friend Chantal setting up this new sweets shop in NYC a day before it opens. this scene is very sweet and your descriptions are great, filled with emotion and imagery.

what i found is that the paragraphs at the beginning are lengthy. this can be a turn-off, so i'd suggest shortening them. 

score: 4/5

total: 8/10

grammar/flow:

the author states above each chapter that it is not edited, which I understand, because editing takes a lot of time. but I do suggest reading through and fixing some mistakes.

there are a lot of grammar issues, run-on sentences, and typos in each chapter. an abundance of these mistakes can turn a reader away, no matter how good the book itself is.

one thing that I would like to point out is this comma issue:

instead of writing:

"I'm all out of flyers," Lucas said.

the author writes:

"I'm all out of flyers." Lucas said.

the period should be a comma, and this is a consistent issue throughout the story. it's an easy fix with some editing, but can easily throw a reader off.

I mentioned this before, but some of the paragraphs are too long. though the author's descriptions are beautiful, sometimes they are unneeded in some areas. cutting these and splitting up paragraphs can alleviate this issue.

the pace of the story is very nice! it is not at all rushed, nor is it dragged out to the point where the reader gets put off. the author clearly knows what they are doing.

score: 7/10

plot:

it's safe to say that I've never read a story like this. the entire idea is so unique and playful that it has a lot of potential. it's cute, and had a touch of romance, which is very likable.
the author's writing style surely does justice to the story, as the writer provides beautifully descriptive scenes.

there are a couple of plot holes that I found, and this is one:

on their opening day, the team does so well that they sell out of items within an hour, and their sale is over $2,000. I found this to be very unrealistic because businesses typically are not that successful on their first day, unless it's a chain store that everyone knows about.

a small bakery would surely struggle, especially in a place like New York City. there would be nothing wrong with allowing them to struggle the first few days. this could add to character development and the t.v. show would give their sales a boost because of increased publicity.

score: 8/10

characters:

all of the characters are dynamic, fun, and given very individual personalities. this is a true talent, and it shows that the author has given thought to each character.

what I noticed was that we are given a lot of description about Chantal, even though Tori is the main character. by the second chapter, we know exactly what Chantal looks like and her personality, but not much about Tori. these details can be reduced and focused more on Tori.

Caiden's character is so intriguing. the way that him and Tori meet is also unique, and he gives off a mysterious aura. when describing him, the author spent around three paragraphs on how gorgeous this man is. it's overstated and I suggest taking a bit of it out!

other than that, the characters come together beautifully. the friendship between Tori, Chantal, and Lucas is adorable, and Lucas is such a great brother to Tori.

the adventures that this t.v. show takes them on are insane! and definitely worth reading about.

score: 8/10

all in all, Sweet on You is a fun, heartfelt story that I recommend to everyone! it's easy to read, full of beautiful decriptions, and very unique.