A favor

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Jimin POV

"Tsk."

I looked up immediately, at the source of that unusual, almost irritated, rude and arrogant, noise. However, all that I found in front of my eyes was only a Hoseok kindly smiling at me, exactly like he was before. His expression hasn't changed at all, making me get even more weirded out.

Something didn't feel right... I knew I had heard him, I had heard it. I knew it, I knew that sound wasn't just a coincidence or a mistake, neither only a reflex nor a tic...! And yes, I could have made all the questions I wanted to get the answers...! The answers I wanted...! The answer I was dying to have...! The questions were the key to have them...! The questions were the solution...!

...But yes, I still didn't get the courage to make them...

"Hoseok...?" I only managed to let that question escape from my mouth in a weak whisper and the other quickly pulled his hand off my cheek, I guess, in an attempt to pretend to be embarrassed, as, for him, I supposedly only said his name because of the unexpected touch.

"Oh, sorry!" He apologized right away and "involuntary" gave some steps back, as he laughed nervously, to not bring any suspicions - what was, in my opinion, already too late, as suspicions were everything I had of him now.

I looked away, as that weird feeling kept troubling me and telling me that something wasn't right, but I decided to just ignore it. My mind was no longer stable enough to be able to think and analyze my surroundings correctly, so I assumed it was only my impression.

"Oh, don't worry. It's okay." I smiled back – maybe with the most forced, plastic smile I had ever given in my life! – and lied to him.

No, it wasn't okay... Nothing was okay...

I lied.

"Anyway, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to make you remember your painful past or to even make you talk about it... I'm just an insensible idiot...! I never do anything right...!" He continued with the apologies and I gave him the same answer from before, adding only another lie:

"It's okay. I only remembered and started talking about it because I wanted to do so and because I wanted you to know. I trust you, so I didn't see any reason for me to not tell you." I told him in response.

Yeah, another lie. I didn't want to do that, I didn't want him to know any of this. - Much less trusted him: trust was truly the rarest thing I had for someone, to be honest... - But I hadn't any control on it back then...! Because when I let out the first words about my past... All the others started slipping through my throat.

Words desperately pushing each other to find freedom, an empty and pointless freedom – the exact same characteristics of my mind and my whole self: of my existence -, I couldn't and didn't know how to stop them. That's why I told him everything - well, almost everything, actually... - and showed him my true feelings. In summary...

...All because I didn't have a choice.

But I'm okay with that, with that fact, that reality. It's not like I ever had the power, the wisdom or the right to make decisions anyway. That's why maybe this was for the best, maybe not having choices was the right thing for me. I could live relieved, neither worried nor afraid. I could live – the closest thing to - happy.

Because with no choices, I could never make the wrong decisions.

"No, it's not okay! I don't deserve your forgiveness, at least not yet! I need to do something for you, for us to be even!" He said with his cheeks puffy, almost sounding like a grumpy, childish, little kid. "But -" I tried to tell him that he didn't have to do anything for me, that I had already forgiven him, but I got interrupted by him right away.

"No buts! (N/A: Except the Jibooty e.e XD) I'm only going to accept your forgiveness when I actually deserve it! How do you think I feel knowing that I'm going to be forgiven, just like that, right after what I did to you?! After making you cry and remember your painful past?! Yeah, pretty bad!" He started shouting at me quite loudly.

However, I just sighed in surrender in the end, as I knew there was no use in keeping insisting and trying to argument with him, who, somehow, was more stubborn than me – what I actually never thought was possible. It was pretty obvious that he was determined to "deserve" my forgiveness.

"Ok, you're right... I was being too closed-mind and selfish all over again... It didn't even cross my mind thinking about how you feel...! I'm really sorry, I won't interrupt you anymore... I will accept any kind of favor you may want to do for me, without question it or refusing it..." I told him and he started growing a wide smile.

"No, you don't have to apologize. I'm not angry or anything like that. Still, you promise me?" He asked me and I nodded firmly and with no hesitation. "Yeah, I promise. But just don't forget you don't need to do anything extreme, ok?" I told him and he playfully stuck his tongue out in response, giving me after only an amusing "Yeah, yeah I know that."

We started walking once again – as I, without even noticing, had actually stopped thanks to all the fighting and chaos inside me, which had made my mind completely shut down from the world and reality surrounding me.

I glanced over him for brief moments, kind of hesitantly, by the corner of my eye, and I saw - what I think it was - faint signs of a little smirk appearing, which, for this situation, seemed more suspicious than ever.

I gulped nervously, as a slight sensation of regret started taking a significant place of my mind – along with the question "Did I just agree with something I shouldn't have...?" -, but I tried to just ignore it and pretend to believe that everything was okay.

"So... Do you have already something in your mind?" I asked him, still hesitantly and uncertain about all this, and he brought his hand closer to his face, placing it under his jaw, as an unconscious movement.

"Hum..." He gave me a focused expression.

"Let me think..."

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New chapter! \(*-*)/ Tomorrow school ends for me! \(*-*)/ Yupi! \(>-<)/ I'm so happy! \(>-<)/ XD If only I wasn't going to have national exams in two weeks from now and be forced to go to "supplementary classes"... TTuTT XD

I hope you enjoyed. ^-^

Bye ~(*-*~)

- Danielar

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