Jimin POV

"Jimin!" He yelled at me all of the sudden, of course, catching me off guard and quite startling me at the same time. In his voice was present his anger, annoyance and impatience - feelings pretty obvious and clearly transparent on his face and expressions... - and I gulped nervously.

If the startle and the almost jumpscare I got just now, thanks to his sudden yell, weren't enough to shut me up, his harsh tone of voice and severe, sharp, look had done all the work and erased all the possible future attempts of me trying to open my own same mouth.

I hesitantly turned around in his direction, to completely face him, but only after a huge interior struggle, as I, deep inside, didn't want to make any eye contact with him. However, since I was kinda – *really - scared of what could happen next, now that I had been careless with that unintentional leakage of secret information, I guess I didn't have any other choice than to just act "correctly".

Now, I didn't have the audacity to say anything or even make any sound at all. That silence was like a barrier that prevented me from getting hurt, the only shield I had to protect myself from the unknown: the words I didn't know he was going to say, but the words I knew I certainly didn't want him to say or to even have myself hearing them.

If I – or maybe even him – decided to damage or break such quietness in any way possible, I would only get even more vulnerable than how much I was already at the moment, as I wouldn't have anything to hide myself behind or anywhere to run: a hopeless tentative of trying to escape from reality...

I felt my hands, legs, lower lip, my whole body, weakly trembling and, not long after, violently shaking, without my permission. I had my legs transformed to true jelly, while the rest of the body kept getting heavier and heavier, making it a double and powerful combo, which created a great damage to my support and balance, already instable.

Meanwhile, I still hadn't noticed the tears rolling down through my cheeks, until he broke my fragile and ugly shield with his low-voiced, but calm, cautious and empathic, kind words. "Please... Please, stop crying, Jimin..." He said, almost begging to me or asking me for a favor, and slowly got closer to me.

I widened my eyes in total shock, and also in obvious fear, as I hesitantly started bringing my hands closer to my face and cheeks, but then I quickly stopped midway, because I knew, deep inside, I didn't want to know or to be conscious of the fact that I was, indeed, crying...

However, unexpectedly, instead of me getting in contact with the cruel the truth, in contact with the (possible) tears, he carefully touched my cheeks with his hand and slender fingers for me, wiping off my small and precious, but sore, fragments of water, of pure true emotions.

Yeah, I was crying... I couldn't hide it anymore... At least, not from him... At least, not from me...

He caressed my wet flesh and gave me a quiet, but powerful smile, a modest and comprehensive half-moon created on that clean and bright white canvas by those pink, thin lines. Now, I was no longer sure if I was still crying. I could only feel my cold cheeks heating up with his warm touch and my heartbeat slightly accelerating.

But yeah...

Those weren't the hands I wanted to have touching me and caressing me right now... Those weren't his hands... I was conscious of that... I knew that really well... But I also knew that "their hands" would never be "his hands"...

So that's why I didn't hit his hand away. Because I knew the cold truth and painful reality better than everything else... Because I was scared of getting more and more alone – if that was even possible...! - and of keeping being isolated from everyone else, whenever I went...

All because, in the end, I wanted to forget that throbbing, hopeless and good-for-nothing love and - if actually really necessary - to even fall in love with someone else – what I, deep inside of my heart, doubted that was possible or that I could ever be able to do, even if I tried really hard...

However, I wanted to believe that there were still hopes for me... I wanted to believe I could still have someone I loved loving me back the same way... It could be maybe the guy in front of me... It could be maybe someone else... It didn't matter... I would – pretend to - accept everyone...! Anyone...! Anyone would be enough for me to be happy...

He kept with his hand in contact with my, probably now faintly crimson, cheeks for a good while, both us without saying anything nor even considering in breaking eye contact. He only provided me with a wider smile, making a now comfortable silence surround us, which, this time, did not create a barrier between us, but, instead, pulled us closer.

However, as I realized what I was truly doing, my perspective of my current situation changed and everything was shown to me in a new light: there it was the cold reality...

My cheeks lost their true color and went all pale, with a pure sick tone of white. The tight silence wasn't any longer pulling me closer to Hoseok, but it was, in fact, compressing me in a closed space, like almost crushing my whole body. I was scared...

I was scared of myself...

I couldn't believe I was trying to substitute the person I loved the most , the person I had fallen in love with a few - but really long and precious - years ago and with who I had stayed loyal for so long until now...

I couldn't believe I was trying to forget him – part of him, I guess, in a certain way –, just like that, all just because I was too afraid of getting more and more hurt...

I couldn't believe I was actually determined to fall in love with someone else, with any person that eventually showed in front of me, even for how forced and fake that relationship might have been, just to a get a chance to free myself from the painful love I was stuck inside at the moment...

I couldn't believe I was trying to lie to myself and even to Hoseok for the most selfish reasons... I couldn't believe I was bringing Hoseok into this, when it didn't have anything to do with him... I couldn't believe in any of those things...

"I'm the most insensible and selfish person in the world..." I thought as I looked down with a heavy, emotionless, almost ironic, look at the floor, gaze almost glued to that everyday stepped, dirty and stained, white.

Selfish. Especially selfish. That's what I was.

"Hopeless... It's hopeless...! I may try to run away... But in the end... It won't leave me anywhere... All the ways I may take won't ever leave me where I want to be: in any place far away from here...!"

"I can only continue with these fabricated hopes and live with the fantasies of a love I will never have..."

The pain in my chest kept tightening my lungs and my heart, but then a weird sound caught my attention, almost unconsciously and instantaneously...

"Tsk."

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New chapter! \(*-*)/ I still don't have internet!!! TTuTT I hate this so much!!! TTuTT XD But, at least, hopefully, it's going to be back this Saturday. *-* Well, once again: hopefully... TTuTT XD

By the way, don't expect me to start updating more often too soon. I got a game for my birthday and I guess you can say that I got too into it... e.e' XD

I hope you enjoyed. ^-^

Bye ~(*-*~)

- Danielar

Daniela from the future: Apparently I won't have internet until 7th of June -.-'