A normal day at the bar

Rocka: *makes a run for some people* HEY, PUT THE CHAIR DOWN!

Customer: Uhh-

Rocka: *comes back for a moment* Right, Virgin Mojito. Uhhh Bob over here will take care of that, I need to clear something up, sorry. *Runs off again*

Tod: I'm Tod, not Bob. *Sighs* You have to excuse him, things have been a bit busy lately.

*****

Highschool AU
Surge's work be like-

Surge: Here's your card back ma'am, would you like a receipt-

Customer: *walks off without a word and letting him finish*

Surge: The f-ck? ... I didn't realize I was speaking an ancient language from f-ck mesopotamia. I'm not an automated voice message system that you can hang up on. Answer the damn question, or I'll SNAP your card in front of you and EAT it-

_____

Customer: *over the phone* I just ordered a salad and... The dressing is on the side. I wanted it on top.

Surge: ... I understand that all you have rattling in your skull is a single f-cking skittle. But hear me out! Put the skittle, to good damn USE. And pour the dressing ON THE F-CKING SALAD.

_____

Customer: Any form of [], and you've lost me as a customer.

Surge: ... Does it look like I give a single, spinning, flying, twirling, F-CK? "Oh no Barbara, I'm going to miss the 5 cents you used to tip me on a 50$ order. However will I buy a gumball now?"

*****

Hero Factory cast in Titanic

Person: Welcome to the Titanic, the unsinkable ship!

Quadle: [Don't jinx it]

_____

Jack: I'm the king of the world!

Zib: Are you the one responsible for this economy?-

_____

Rose: Draw me like one of your french girls-

Breez: *walks in* Oh my god!

Moment of silence while Breez wondered why the f-ck there's a naked woman and a man drawing her in that room.

Rose: Leave!

Breez: Sorry. *walks out*

_____

Stormer: Everyone's so rude on this ship, I'm just going to sit in my car for a bit-

Stormer: *pauses and takes a closer look* Why are all the windows fogged up?

A hand suddenly banged against the window.

Stormer: AH-!

_____

Captain: And this is the wheelhouse where I steer the entire ship! And see that red button over there? Be careful not to press it, I know it's a big red button-

Nex: *already has intrusive thoughts*

_____

Captain: Everybody quick, get to the safety rafts, women and children first! First class only.

The entire team and some of the villains:

XPlode: What did we learn? Anyone's life from a lower class is worthless.

_____

Phantom: *walks by*

Captain: Okay, we still have some space- Hey, you sir! Are you first class?

Phantom: Non.

Captain: Sorry, first class only.

Phantom: ... C'est un peu audacieux de votre part de supposer que j'ai voulu aller sur les radeaux, je ne laisserai pas mon petit ami derrière moi. (Translation: Bold of you to assume I even wanted to go onto the rafts, I ain't leaving my boyfriend behind.) *Flips the captain off and walks away*

Captain: ... What-

*****

After Zib got out and Shadowzone came back

Evo: Zib got out on parol. But he isn't allowed to be even near you, despite you being a douchebag and Rocka is not around, so I'll be taking their places.

Shadowzone: And what are you going to do, shorty?

Evo: *cracks his knuckles* One.

Shadowzone: You don't scare me.

Evo: Two.

Shadowzone: I am not leaving.

Evo: Three.

Shadowzone: *scoffs* Nice try.

Evo: Take a hint, take a HIT.

Evo clenched his fists and sucker punched Shadowzone, quickly followed by a left hook.

*****

Highschool AU

Biology class. The class was given lungs of cadavers that were preserved for them. And in order to be preserved, they were covered in chemicals.

One student: *blows a lung up like a balloon. With the mouth*

Thresher, the teacher: *immediately runs over* MR. WILSON, STOP!-

Dumb ways to die playing in the background.

*****

Breez: Where did all the dragons come from?

Rocka: *looks at the other nine baby dragons around Lysander and Bolt, a small white one with translucent blue horns sitting in one shading corner, nervously watching everything, while he himself is holding a light blue and green baby* Well... There has been a concerning amount of lost baby dragons found around Makuhero City, ten within this week. See the white one in the corner? That girl belongs into the ice region, yet she was found in the forest, way too close to the river. And somehow all the finders first idea was to bring them to me.

Rocka: I feel sorry for the construction workers because they have to build at least two new cages for all these dragons, if I'm really going to raise them.

*****

A villain has pushed Evo off a small cliff into the river below and watched him fall, before he pulled a smug face and walked off.
He heard the sound of water and turned around, to see Evo get launched back up with a jet of water and landed back on the ground.

Evo: *shakes off the water* You pushed me off the cliff into the water hoping I would die upon the impact or drown. But guess what b-tch. I'm a practical fish. With legs.

*****

The team went to one of those axe throwing places.
It was Bulk's turn and he threw an axe. It didn't get stuck in the wood with the blade, but instead with the stick.

Bulk:

Stringer: You threw it with so much force that the most blunt part of the axe got stuck in the wood.

_____

It was Evo's turn and he threw the axe, but he miscalculated a little and the axe bounced off from the ground, hit the wood and bounced off and flew backwards. Evo saw the stick next to him and thought it hit someone.
Rocka caught the axe by the head with his hand because of reflex.
He stared at the axe while visibly shaking, before he dropped it and fainted and Surge had to catch him.

*****

Stormer: *doing a split while in a handstand*

Bulk and Stringer, at both of his legs: You sure about this?

Stormer: I'll tell you when I can't handle it anymore.

The two looked each other with a shrug, and started to push Stormer's feet down to the ground. Stormer maintained the handstand and it wasn't until both feet touched the floor, that Stringer and Bulk let go and Stormer got back up.

Stringer: You never told us you were mad flexible!

Stormer: It's just the legs and spine, really.

*****

Highschool AU

It was bring your parents to school day. Bulk walked in while holding hands with a small woman.

Student: Where's your mum?

Mrs. Bulk: I'm right here.

Student: I am so sorry, I didn't realize!

Mrs. Bulk: I am pretty short because of dwarfism, so can't blame ya.

*****

Nex: When did you get nunchucks?

Evo: Quadle gave me these, because a trident isn't really easy to carry around with me.

Furno: You ready?

Evo gave a thumbs up and pulled down the blindfold. Furno himself had his sword and started to attack Evo from various angles with different combinations. Evo used the metal nunchucks to block every attack and also landed some pretty good hits while remaining blindfolded.

Nex: *watching in awe* When did he learn that?

Rocka: Spatial awareness is something he's been practicing since, his existence, as far as I'm aware. Pretty useful in case he gets eye injuries.

*****

Alpha One was sent on a mission and probably immediately got wrapped up in a fight. Bulk against Rotor, Stormer against Corroder, and Stringer against XPlode.
Stringer had his cleavers with him and was in a sword fight with XPlode. At one point, when there was still a major distance between them, Stringer went for a slash at XPlode.
The villain knew the distance was to bug and didn't do anything, until he saw the blade right at his neck and held up his sword to block it, which ended up with the sword getting stuck in the cutout hole the cleaver was designed with.
Stringer held the other cleaver by the tip with just his pointy finger and thumb, his cleavers being connected with a chain had a far enough range to cross the gap.
He smiled and pulled the cleavers back to him, tugging XPlode's sword out of his hands as well, since it was stuck in the hole.
He held XPlode's sword with on hand, and the two cleavers in the other.

Stringer: It always pays off to play the keyboard, control and finger strength is the key.

*****

Surge: Why are you on fire?

Furno: This is just how my day is going.

*****

Zib: I only have two emotions: exhaustion and stress. And I’m somehow always feeling both simultaneously.

*****

Rocka, after finding out about the Rocka and Dog thing: *walks off* I'M GONNA SHOT MYSELF!

Surge: *runs after him* BROTHER, NO, STOP!

*****

Squad reactions to being called straight

Surge: The fuck, no I'm not.

Stormer: Excuse the hell out of you?

Zib: Ding dong, you are wrong!

Bulk: Who told you that? And why did they lie?

Nex: Rude.

Rocka: *punches the person*

*****

Biosector1001 Furno be like

Stormer I am in charge of this disaster!

Furno: I have a name, you know.

*****

Human AU, because otherwise it wouldn't make sense

Quadle: Ow!

Zib: What’s wrong?

Quadle: I have this weird pain right above my eyebrow.

Zib: It’s called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.

*****

Rocka: Problem, I can't tell if this food is over-sauced or undercooked.

Bulk: Solution, just pop it back in the oven for another 10 minutes. There's at least a 50% chance that'll fix it, right?

Rocka: Result? Food has somehow become unpleasantly soggy and unpleasantly crunchy at the exact same time.

Furno: No better time than this to pull out my favorite word! Slunchy!

Surge ...put it away.

*****

Breez: I’ve become a bread crumb dealer to four crows at the lake. They pay me with a bit of everything. Like shiny things, fabric, or pens. But recently they paid me with a 20 dollar bill they found somewhere. So I decided to buy them some more expensive bread. They loved it. So they understand what to do. Give me money. I’ve probably racked up about 200 dollars at this point. Is it morally wrong though, I mean. They’re the ones who steal the money from others. Or perhaps they just have a big pile laying somewhere. Should I keep on doing this?

Nex: You sound like the start of a Batman villain.

*****

XPlode: Go fuck yourself.

Rotor, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch.

XPlode: *punches him in the chest while blushing* Shut up!

*****

Purge, testing Thunder: Which is correct, seven and five IS thirteen, or seven and five ARE thirteen?

Thunder: Neither.

Thunder: Because it's twelve.

Purge: I am so proud of you.

*****

Bulk, Surge and Furno: *screaming*

Stormer: *runs into the room* What's wrong, Bulk?!

Furno: Wait, why are you asking Bulk that when Surge and I are also here?

Stormee: Because Bulk wouldn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.

*****

After Zib got out on parol, he was allowed to return to his job. On the first day back at the HF, he noticed how some people watched him, seemingly waiting for some sort of reaction or behaviour change.
Zib decided to take a break and went over to where all the coffee machines etc were. Even then people avoided him. The mission chief made sure to get his coffee and immediately return to his mission control area. As soon as he turned his back, someone hugged him from behind, making him jump.

Zib: S-Sam?

Bot: Welcome back, baby.

Zib: You... You don't hate me?

Bot: *taken aback* Why in the world would I hate you for something you had a good reason to do?

Zib: Sam, murder can never be justified, especially when it's attempted by someone who works in an organisation that specifically PREVENTS murders and deaths.

Bot: Come on, everyone has a snapping point. Especially when it's with people like Shadowzone.

Zib: *turns away* I may have no regret over what I did, but it can still not be justified...

Bot sighed and pulled Zib closer to him in a hug.

*****

Evo: Okay, what injuries did I get so far? Almost had my leg and arm burned off while fighting against Toxic Reapa, lost an arm, had to get eye replacements. Twice. Broke my spine, almost died in general, nearly got burned alive, lung replacement, acid burns.

Evo: Uhhh that's all. Only thing missing is a Core Transplant.

Lynn: *remembers the theory of Evo having a Core Transplant due to personality change from Ordeal of Fire and Breakout* DON'T JINX IT EVO!

*****

Splitface: *pokes Samara's cheek* She's cute.

Purge: I know, right?

Samara: Amama.

Purge: Yes, dear, Mama's here.

Samara: *looks at Splitface* Papa!

Both: Eh-

*****

Child AU

Thesher: *explaining to Stormer why it's okay if he tries to find his real dad*

Stormer: *waiting for him to finish to tell him he already found his real dad the day he was adopted and met him*

******

Stormer: Wasser.

Furno: Water.

Zib: Aqua.

Rocka: Agua.

Surge: Mizu.

PB: EAU. (Pronounced "O")

*****

Welcome to modern society

Surge: As an adult, I get mad when they rearrange the grocery stores.

Lynn: Bish, I'm not an adult and it triggers me just the same.

*****

Raven: If a woman sleeps with 10 men, she's a sl-t. But if a man does it... He's...?

Furno: Gay. He's gay.

*****

Police: Sir, you're driving on the wrong side of the road.

Evo: Sorry sir, I'm English.

Police: It's the wrong soid of the roade ye was droivin' down, innit?

******

Thunder: We were told "if doesn't succeed at first try, do it over and over again". But Einstein said "insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result". At what point does hardwork become insanity?

Meltdown: Thunder, I swear to god you and your DAMN SHOWER THOUGHTS-

*****

Zita: *sitting and slowly falling asleep, with her head nearing the ground*

Snowflake: *lays underneath her head as a makeshift pillow*

Rose: *wedges herself underneath Zita's head as well so Snowflake doesn't have to carry all the weight*

Breez: *takes a picture and sends it to Stormer*

*****

Stormer: I can associate Nex with a goat.

Stormer pointed at Nex who stood on the smallest ledge in existence on the side of a cliff.

Stormer: And yet his elemental burst represents an elephant because it can crush people like gravity.

*****

Father and son

The team went to the large river outside Makuhero City. Evo was waterskiing while being pulled by a Jetski, and Furno was on the road next to him. They waved at each other, which caused Furno to start swerving while Evo lost his balance. Evo let go and, because of the velocity, glided across the water and Furno slid in the sand. Furno's foot hit a small sand pile which helped him stand back up and walk it off, while Evo managed to activate his powers and walked on the water like solid ground.
All happened at the same time. The two looked at each other, before Furno turned around to the rest.

Furno: You got that on video?

Surge: *was running alongside* Yup!

*****

Busy bar

Rocka carried two trays, each with at least four drinks. He was making his way to the tables, when he slipped on a just cleaned spot and fell backwards.
And yet he still managed to not let the drinks fall over. Spilled a little? Yes, but most stayed in the glasses.

Rocka: *sighs* Can someone help me with the trays? I can't get up without one free hand.

*****

Masquerade AU

One of tonight's performance was a sword fight (without real swords, obviously).
Furno and Stormer fought against each other on stage, when Stormer made a stabbing motion at Furno, who dodged, with too much force that he ended up tumbling forwards himself and almost fell off the stage, if he didn't do a handstand in the last second and flipped off the stage, like it was a part of the choreo.
Stormer took up his stance again and the fight continued in the crowd, not planned again, before the two disappeared behind the stage.

*****

Samara: *standing by the railing*

XPlode: *not paying much attention and talks with Corroder*

Samara: *get down and tips over towards, between the bars*

XPlode: SAMARA-

XPlode ran over and dropped to the floor, managing to grab Samara by her foot before she fell down completely. They froze there for a moment, before XPlode pulled her back up and hugged her, while Samara was confused because she only wanted to fly down to her dad.

Rotor: *runs upstairs* Is she okay?!

XPlode: *shaking* Yeah. Yeah, she's okay now.

*****

News Reporters and Cameraman never die

During a major fight in Makuhero City, Daniela was sent once again out to report the case.
Daniela stood at one place to take a rest from all the running, while still talking into her mic.

Cam: *sees a car being flung at them* DUCK!

Daniela immediately dropped and avoided it. Cam wasn't so lucky, despite being the one who called out. He got knocked back and to the ground from the car.

Daniela: *is seen running into view with a bleeding forehead due to falling, though she appeared multiple times* Cam, can you hear me?!

Cam: *manages to get back up, still recording* Yeah, I can. I'm still alive. But my lens is broken.

*****

I got four moods. And that's it

Evo: *meditator, calm, actually thinks things through and can usually solve arguments*

_____

Evo: *feral lion cub, angry at everything and everyone, will commit arson, death is scared of him*

_____

Evo: *irrational, will literally unalive himself without knowing one day, yup, that's Furno's son, jumps off a bridge into water at some point*

_____

Evo: *ball of anxiety*

*****

Future AU

Purge: What do you want to be, when you grow up?

Samara: *thinks for a bit, before she held up a flower to one of the villains in the cell* Kind.

*****

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqjNuSkbO6A

Zib: Mak, where's Aria?

Mak: I was going to ask you the same thing, I have no idea.

Zib: I swear if Clint was here and did something to her...

Mak: Uh, just found her. She's on the stage. I knew we shouldn't have let her drink...

Aria was drunk on the stage and singing the song above.

*****

???: *over a call* Do you have a boyfriend?

Splitface: No.

???: You never told me your name.

Splitface: Why do you want to know my name?

???: I want to know who I'm watching.

Splitface: ... Yeahh don't turn around. My friend is probably behind you right now.

*****

Nex: There's only one rule! Don't. Send me. On missions. Without. My medication.

*****

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nx6Gdz8c5rs

I swear I'm going to make this into a video just for the sheer vibe

Rocka was heavily injured during a mission. He escaped the villain and made a run for the cliff, covering a bleeding wound in his chest. He stopped when he reached the edge and stared down at the drop in front of him. The only thing below him was a forest and more rocks.

Stormer: *over comms* You sure this is going to work?

Rocka: We've trained just for this exact purpose.

Villain: *arrives* No where to run now, hero.

Rocka: *turns around* Who said anything about running?

Rocka spread his arms open and smiled, before he tipped backwards and plummeted into the depths below.

*****

Person: You sound like a guy... And I know you identify as a guy, but you also dress like a girl... Are you a femboy?

Zib: I- No. I just see myself as a crossdresser, but not a femboy.

*****

XPlode: *flips Rotor off and turns away* Kiss my a$$.

Rotor, smugly: *hugs XPlode from behind* With pleasure~

XPlode: *blushing* THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT!

*****

Sturgeon Pinhead: *walks out onto the launch platform with an umbrella* Maxwell, why are you out here during a thunderstorm and rain?

Desiderio was sitting on the ground, before his mission chief came. He got up and turned around with a smile.

Desiderio: My lover loved the rain and distant cracks of thunder, and I've grown to like it as well. It reminds me of him.

*****

Purge: What's wrong?

Fire Lord: I can't walk. I believe you know why.

Purge: Yeahhh, you were loud last night. First time?

Fire Lord: Yes...

*****

Surge: *trying the egg fried rice Furno made without burning the kitchen down*

Furno: *nervous* And?

Surge: You could add a little less soy sauce next time, but otherwise it's good. You made something without burning it, and it tastes good. Great job!

Furno: *internal squealing of happiness*

*****

Samara: *standing on a chair by the table with a plate in front of her*

XPlode: *turns around for 1 second, hears a crash and turns back* Esmeray?

Samara: *on the ground with the food around her, tears up and starts crying*

XPlode: *sighs and picks her up* Oh baby...

*****

Breez: *holding a cup of cocoa*

Rose: *lands on the rim and tries to take a sip, ends up falling into the cup and quickly flies out to the counter*

Breez: *trying not to laugh*

Snowflake: *facepalms with her wing*

*****

Kibou: What is there that I should know about this team?

Quadle: [Well...] *Points at Stormer* [Team leader. He may seem cold, but he's really just a teddy bear if you get to know him. He also has a Samoyed dog, Zita. You might see her at some point. And he has a split personality, Virus, you'll meet him someday as well]

Quadle: *points to Stringer and Bulk* [The not married husbands of the team and members of Alpha One. Stringer is the black robot, Bulk is the grey one. He fell through the roof once, so watch your head]

Quadle: *points at Furno* [Team leader of Alpha Two. He tends to set the kitchen and himself and basically all of his surrounding on fire, so be careful with that as well. And basically Evo's dad]

Quadle: *points to Breez* [Member of the Alpha Two. She has two pigeons, so if you see a white and a rose bird, that's them. Oh, and she can communicate with animals and tops Stormer]

Quadle: *points at Surge* [Also part of the Alpha Two. Pretty much the one in charge when it comes to elemental practices. He can get a bit overprotective over his brothers, Bulk and Rocka, and talking about him-]

(Bulk: A BIT.)

Quadle: *motions to Rocka* [Alpha Three leader. He has two dragon companions and is basically the mom of all lost dragons, and Evo's mom. But don't piss him off, he can get real feral. And if he's in his lion XL form, RUN]

Quadle: *points at Evo* [Member of Alpha Three. He has the personalities of both Furno and Rocka, meditates 24/7, has a panic attack on every major mission, and he condones violence when mad. And don't mind the way he cursed, he's British]

Quadle: *points at Nex* [The last member of Alpha Three. He tends to float underneath the ceiling when his powers get activated, so don't question that. He will definitely add you on Herobook as soon as you get the app. I don't think I've ever seen him angry]

Quadle: *points at Siren* [And this is Siren, team leader in training. You'll be the first rookie on her team. She IS a witch, possessing also different types of magic plus shapeshifting. She's not the only human living with us, but she's the only one participating on missions. And if you hear her calling Stormer and Furno "dad" and "mom", that's because she sees them as her parents and they also officially adopted her]

Kibou: And I suppose Zib is overworking himself?

Quadle: [Yeahhh. Note that he absolutely HATES a hero called Shadowzone, he is mentally unstable and therapy is not doing much so far, and don't judge him for being short, he can oneshot anyone if he wants to. He did end up in jail not too long ago, so he has quite the load of work to catch up on, which I wasn't able to finish and now we both have a messed up sleep...]

*****

First time be like

Jetbug: We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?

Fire Lord: …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out on bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?

*****

Meltdown: *walks in after disappearing for a while*

Thunder: Where were you brother? I was getting worried.

Meltdown: I just went for a walk.

Thunder: Oh okay.

K: *slides in on a rolly chair* You never do that. Why the change all of a sudden?

Meltdown: No reason, I felt like it.

K: *teasingly* Where you meeting someone~?

Meltdown: NO-

*****

Furno, holding a scooter: Quadle! Can I go outside and play with this?

Quadle: ]Sure, whatever. I'm not your parent, okay? ]

Furno, running outside: Thanks Quad'!

Quadle, chasing out after him and screaming: [NOT ON THE STREET! STAY AWAY!]

*****

Siren: I like wearing oversized sweaters. Not just because they're extremely comfy and cuddly, but because whenever the sleeves are really big, I get to flop them around and smack people.

*****

Zib: The last time I went to an urgent care clinic, I checked off 'excessive crying' on the symptom list, and then the nurse got really confused and said that was meant for babies.

Zib: And that's how I got into therapy! :D

*****

Furno: I think we should have glow stick juice injected in our bones when we're born, so if we break our bones, we get a fun little surprise.

Bulk: What's the surprise?

Nex: Blood poisoning.

*****

Zib: You read my diary?

Thresher: In my defense, at first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book. Also-

Zib: No. I don't walk to talk about it.

Thresher: But your childhood-

Zib: I SAID I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!!!

*****

Lynn: You were wise to seek help from the world's most deadly weapon.

Lynn: It's me.

C!Surge: ... Stop it with your self promo. One of the universes is glitching out again and I don't have enough power to fix it.

*****

Villain: I could kill you if I wanted.

Bot: Yeah? So could any other human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck like a Canadian goose. You aren't special.

*****

Purge: *holding up Esmeray* I made this.

Bot: How did you create a child?

Purge: I just did.

*****

Serena: *walks in, carrying another robot under her arm*

Meltdown:

Meltdown: Really mom?

Serena: Yes.

Speeda Demon: *waves* Hi!

Thunder: Yay, another brother!

Meltdown: ... This is going to be fun..

*****

[HERO]: Ar eard thaa wur a mass brairkout because t' securitih systum wur acked. anih process?

Zib: *sighs* Hold on, let me switch over... *Clears throat* Nah, we av nah idea ooh it wur. in fact, t' villins seum tiv av become smartah ah are idin , because curruntlih ony around ten wur recaptured in t' uther few months. we don't knah ooh it wur, nah ah they managed t' do it.

Quadle: ... [I was about to show a security footage, but what the f-ck did you guys just say?]