We forgot everything, there was no time, no space, no past, no future all we knew was that we had that moment, moment of our love, moment of our love confession, or I should say my confession. We were kissing each other, lost in each other, don't know for how long.

I was in some other world or should call it a Heaven, I came back to reality when She pushed me and parted away from me. It felt like someone snatched my soul.

"Avdhesh ji, you said you didn't felt anything for me, so what was this, was it because your beloved denied to stay with you tonight so am just replacing her." She questioned my intentions.

She had realized fact what were we doing! What I had said just a moment ago... And her realization made me regret to live those moments, after all, I didn't have right to live it when I had hurt her like that, her tears started again and now I can't act anymore, I can't hurt her anymore...If I did it again maybe she can't bear it this time. I guess Simple and Chulbul were right I have to tell her everything maybe that's the way I can convince her to marry RV as my last wish.

"Arpita you should not cry like this, you have to be strong." I tried to look straight in her eyes without crying and continued,

"This world is not a good place, and I can't be there with you always to protect you from the evils of this world. You need someone to protect you.., Ranvijay is a good guy I know him since our childhood, you know he was so happy to know about your pregnancy, .. he will take good care of our baby Arpita"

"Our baby" She repeated with more affection and surprise as I said it the first time.

"Our baby" I repeated it as it was giving me pleasure to confess in front of her but at the same time my emotions filled my eyes,

"I know you think I don't want this baby, but the fact is I don't want it to be in your life Arpita, because if He or She remains in your life after me then you can't move ahead in your life, and she will get a reason to harm you, our baby will force you to remember me. And I don't want to be the reason for your pain." Now I had to tell her everything.

"Avdhesh ji, what are you saying I am not getting a single word, who can harm me, when you are there, and why do you want me to move on without you if you care for me, then stays with me..." She inquired.

"Care for you" I couldn't help but repeated her words out of shock.

How could  She thought It's just concern, it's my love for her which was causing us that much pain, I couldn't  bear it, I had to tell her how much I loved her and to which extent I can go for her, as it's my first and maybe last chance to open my heart in front of her,

"I Love You Arpita."

My heart skipped a beat

"You are everything to me, you are my life, I started to live the moment you stepped in my life, you gave me love, reason to live, and now, right to be a Father and if you don't trust me read this. Sometime after me, you will get to know what you are for me. ( And I put it, my diary in front of her); God must be jealous of me, that I found you"

I drag her close and hugged her as firm as I could as I needed to do it.

"He didn't allow me this happiness Arpita, I am dying every moment, I can't live for longer. I am suffering from Blood Cancer" I said it in her ear while hugging her tightly I knew it, that She will need me as much as I need her to face the fact. She held me back and for a second I felt alive as she was holding my soul and body together, and making me alive, She is my life source but the next second

She said -"No, You are lying Avdhesh ji, you want to get rid off me, you think if you tell me this nonsense I will leave you, but no I can't, I said I will sign those papers, then why are you coning these stories, Ok I will do what  You want..."

She took those papers and signed them and banged them in front of me and continued while signing papers.

"here you are, now it's fine, but please don't you ever say anything like that."

There was love and a kind of stubbornness' in her eyes with tears.

"You know what! I can't think of myself without you and living in the world where you don't exist, it's just impossible for me, I can't breathe properly if you are not around, if I know you are angry with me, not talking to me. How can I think to live without you...no I can't and if you want to get rid of me then I will kill my self before getting separated from you even if I have to kill my baby I will do it, I will do what I was about to do this noon."

She pushed me back in anger while She was shaking... when She threatened my soul! What does she mean by "I will do what I was about to do this noon!"

what was She doing? I held her by shoulders and inquired-

"What are you talking about Arpita what were You doing ?"

Her reply shakedown  me badly she said,

"I was about to jump from the terrace"

My love, my life, my Arpita was thinking of suicide when She knew well that She is pregnant. How can she think of doing it, the very thought of losing her was so painful and now She was saying that She was ending her life, it's more painful then bearing this death in pieces.

I felt my breaths stopping and I wrapped her in my arms, I checked her in a second if She was fine or not. What would I do if She had done anything, my eyes met those papers which were assuring that She is not mine anymore as She had signed it just a moment ago, I left her and took those papers which were more then my death warrant, life without her is worse then suffering hell, I couldn't control my self and fell back, my head was spinning like hell, I tried to control it but It was not in my hands I started crying like anything, my everything was going away from me in front of my eyes and I was helpless.

"I want you to sign these papers, to go away from me, as I can't imagine you as the widow..., A divorcee is a much better status in comparison to a widow, at least people will think I met my end to spoil your life, but even my soul couldn't bear if people call you unfortunate for me."

She was staring at me in wonder... I knew that She was not mine anymore but I need to say it...to ask it,

"I know this is not right and after signing these papers, you may find me selfish but Arpita please stay with me, hold me tonight, I want our last night memorable for me. I want to live this night."

I know that she signed those papers in frustration but the fact was that She had to do it, and now I was assured that She will not be mine ever after, so I asked for what I want ...as to suffer the upcoming inferno, without her.

I knew it was my selfishness but I needed it I can suffer any hell after this, I want to collect courage and memories of her from this last night of ours. Even if it's a sin I want to commit it, as any fire of hell can't burn me more then this living hell, and the only way to calm it down was her presence and I want to feel it for the last time and preserve it to suffer rest of hell.

"Avdhesh ji, I am yours and only yours how could you think that any piece of paper can change our relationship and I am not going to be anyone else's because you are going to live. This report must be a lie, a big joke of fate, We will find it soon."

And next second She was in my arms, assuring me that everything will be fine! That's my Arpita who can dig out a well in deserts too, She never loose hope.

"I wish it could be a lie, even I spend a long time thinking and praying for the same but now I can't ignore it any longer if anything happened to me then what will you do, I had to make it all for you before leaving you."

Now it's my turn to prepare her for coming life...this night was everything for us. For me, to preserve her memories and prepare her for coming hard days as it's time now She had to accept the truth that we can't live together as I can't stay with her to love and protect her whole life. I held her by the shoulder

"but then I came to know about our baby, how can I leave a responsibility for you at such a young age, when I'm leaving you. Arpita, Ranvijay will accept our baby, I talked to him, and somehow I convinced him to take care of you and our baby."

I was trying to convince her of my undesired perfidiousness but it was not easy for me, especially the way she was looking in my eyes we were living that moment, no camouflage, no lies only true feelings. Don't know why but I think our eyes were wet, and with each word, I could feel her increasing love for me.

All she said was, "How can you say that Avdhesh Ji, is it so easy for you to think me with someone else?"

She placed my palm on her face and found it bleeding, as the wound left by pen had turned fresh, don't know when.

"What is this Avdhesh ji? How did it happen?"
She held my palm with care and affection; her love and concern was visible on her face,

"You wanted to know, How did it feel to think you in someone else arms. It's more painful then this, it feels like hell Arpita, but I know what is the real meaning of marriage, it's not just spending nights in each other's arm, or loving each other day and night, it mean much than that, and being a husband I should trust you, love you, look after your every wish, I should protect you, from this world, and I know after me only He can save you, protect you from Her. He can get you what I will leave for you and our baby."

I felt her hold on my hand bit more firm yet I continued, "Dying was not hard for me Arpita, but the very thought of being without you, and more than that leaving you alone, it will not allow my soul to leave this world.

I want to make my death peaceful, don't know how long I have to live in this hell without you, seeing you with someone else but if you are happy and your future is secure." This time I felt like breaking down again so I took a pause, " This pain, this suffering is its price then I m ready to die thousand times, at least I can die in peace."

And next second her gentle fingers were on my lips,

"NO, You are not going anywhere; I will not let you leave me like this"

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"When I saw you I was afraid to meet you. When I met you I was afraid to kiss you. When I kissed you I was afraid to love you. Now that I love you, I am afraid to lose you."
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Thanks, Jo...