"Our baby" I repeated his word.

He said it, I couldn't trust on my own ears.

"Our baby" he said with more affection looking straight into my eyes. His eyes flooded with tears, he continued,

"I know, you think I don't want this baby. But the fact is, I don't want it to be in your life Arpita, because if he or she remains in your life after me then you can't move ahead in your life. And She will get a reason to harm you, our baby will never let you forget me. And I don't want to be reason of your pain."

"Avdhesh ji, what are you talking about I am not getting a single word, who can harm me, when you are there, and why do you want me to move on without you if you care for me, then stays with me..."

"Care for you!.. (He looked with amazement , a tear rolled over his cheek) I Love You Arpita,(my heart skipped a beat) You are everything to me, You are my life, I started to live the moment you stepped in my life, you gave me love, reason to live, and now, right to be a Father and if you don't trust me read this one some time after me you will cam e to know what you are for me (and he put a diary in front of me); God must be jealous of me, that I found you." He dragged me in and hugged me tightly. He was crying bitterly, caressing my back as if I was a treasure to preserve.

"He didn't allow me this happiness Arpita, I am dying every moment, I can't live for longer. I am suffering from Blood Cancer,"

He whispered in my ear and his words pierced my soul.

Although he was holding me tightly but I felt as was losing him, I hold him as tight as I could. But how could I accept it so easily, it couldn't be truth,  he might be lying to get rid off me.

"No, You are lying Avdhesh ji, you want to get rid off me, you think if you tell me this nonsense I will leave you, but no I can't. I said, "I will sign those papers", then why are you coning these stories, Ok I will do what you want, (I took those papers and signed them and banged them in front of him) here you are, now its fine, but please don't you ever say anything like that. You know I can't think myself without you and living in the world where you are not, it's just impossible for me, even if I have to kill my baby I will do it, I will do what I was about to do this noon. " I pushed him back, but I was shaking badly by the thought of losing him forever.

He was looking shocked he held my shoulders and asked "what are you talking about Arpita? what was you were doing this noon?"

"I was about to jump off the terrace"

I said it firmly there was no meaning to hide my feelings now when I want to hear his.

"What? But why? You don't need to do anything like that. I warn you Arpita, Don't you ever dare to think it ever again. You don't have any idea what you are for me."

He was shaking badly when he hugged me tightly as he wants to assure that I am fine
He took those papers in hand give it a look then he sat back and held his forehead in hand, I can't believe it was happening he started crying like a child.

"I want you to sign these papers, to go away from me, as I can't imagine you as widow, A divorcee is much better than a widow at least people will think I met my end to spoil your life , but I can't bear if people call you unfortunate for me... (He took a pause as if gaining strength to voice something)

I know this is not right and after signing these papers, you may find me selfish but Arpita please stay with me, hold me tonight, I want our last night memorable for me."

He was looking at me with pleading eyes as if he was demanding something forbidden,

"Avdhesh ji, I am your's and only your's how could you think that any piece of paper can change our relation and I am not going to be anyone else because you are going to live with us, this report must be a lie, a big joke of fate, we will find it soon." I hugged him tightly assuring that nothing was going to happen.

"I wish it could be a lie, even I spend a long time thinking that, but now I can't ignore it any longer if anything happened to me then what will you do, I had to make it all for you before leaving you." He held my shoulder gently

"but then I came to know about our baby, how can I leave a responsibility for you in such young age, when I m leaving you. Arpita, Ranvijay will accept our baby, I talked to him, and some how I convinced him to take care of you and our baby."

The way he said last sentence I can feel how tuff was for him, to even say then how he was doing all this!
A tear rolled down his cheek but his voice didn't shacked even a bit. His touch, his eyes, that depth of his voice everything was proving his love for me. How can I think of let him go, just because God wants it.

"How can you say that Avdhesh ji, is it so easy for you to think me with someone else?"

suddenly I noticed his right palm was wet when I looked at it in moon light, I was shocked, he was bleeding, he had a sever cut on it, "What is this Avdhesh ji? How did it happen?"

"You asked naa, How did it felt to think you in someone else arms, its more painful then this, it feels like hell Arpita, but I know what is real meaning of marriage, its not just spending nights in each other's arm, or loving each other day and night, it mean much then that, and being a husband I should trust you, love you, look after your each wish, I should protect you, from this world, and I know after me only he can save you, protect you from Her and everything from world around , and he can give you what I will leave for you and our baby.
Dying was not hard for me Arpita, but the very thought of being without you, and more then that leaving you alone, it will not allow my soul to leave this world, I want to make my death peaceful, don't know how long I have to live in this hell without you, seeing you with someone else but if you are happy and your future is secure and if this pain, this suffering is its price then I m ready to die thousand times, at least I can die in peace."

I put my hand on his lips as I can't hear it more.

"No, No, You are not going anywhere; I will not let you leave me like this."
I said firmly and firmed my hold around him. I can feel how deeply, he needs me. We cried as much as we can.

"Arpita" he held me by shoulders, "That's the reason I hurt you that much, don't love me that much Arpita, I can't b always with you, don't make it tough for me."

"I will, I will make you addicted to my love, my support, I will make you addicted to me, And then I will see how can you dare to think to leave me, and thinking me with someone else is just impossible."

And I pushed his hand off my shoulder and hugged him more firmly closer to my heart.

This time he hugged me back firmly and said, " I'm already addicted to you, you don't know it but my day starts with touching your lips, earning energy to stay away from you whole day, and it ends when I find you in my arms, without you I can't even sleep.
But you have to promise me if anything happen to me, you will fulfill my last wish and that is your happiness, safety, and for that you have to marry Ranvijay."

I hit him hard this time and promised my self that the day anything happenece to him, I wouldl take my last breath before him!

We were there for long hours, with ascending moon, room was turning cold, I was in his warm embrace and that chill was giving me more valid reason to hide in him. He thought I was sleeping; I closed my eyes and pretend to sleep.

His fingers were gliding on my face arranging my hairs, I can hear his beats every time he touches me I felt like smiling. I am sure he was smiling too. He took me in his arms, I cuddled up in his arms close to his heart, "No I don't want to get away from my pleasant world, he must be going to put me on couch" I thought,
And that was true for some extent.

He went near to couch but instead of leaving me he sit on it having me in his arms, he laid back on it and I was on him, he was playing a couch for me, after some time he placed me next to him and left me alone for some time on couch.  I wanted to hold his wrist but I choose to pretend and see where he was going.

When I opened my eyes a bit I saw him with that diary, he was writing some thing, I pretended as I was freezing without him and he closed that diary and came running to me; to make me warm he placed me between him and back of couch, I decided to be quite and see what he was up to. I can feel his palm, his fingers on my waist.

It came to my belly, I opened my eye a bit to see his face, he was looking at my belly longingly, his eyes were misty, my joy turned faint,

"Hii baby, how are you?" he was talking to our baby, and just in first line tear dropped down from his eyes, he didn't care to wipe it as he thought I was sleeping,

"Hii Baby how are you, Daddy met you after long time naa, sorry baccha, but your mom decided to take you with her, we can't meet in heaven, maybe I can't stay to see you, but always remember one thing, your daddy loves you, and I will always take care of you from that world too, just take care of your mom, ok, May be I can't talk you after this night, may be you are sleeping right now with your mom, but I know you can hear me, aren't you?"

His palm was placed on my belly to feel our baby but maybe it was too early, he manage to bent to my belly and placed a kiss for our baby,

"yeah baby is listening to you Father ji, and his mom too," I can't stop myself from stepping in , in their one way conversation, I can't let him shatter like that,
"and I will not let you go too, have you heard me," I encircled my arms around his neck and pulled him more close to me and hugged him, he too received it pleasantly,

" your mom is really very stubborn my angle, be like her,"
He placed his palm on my belly.

"Angle!no! he will be a boy," I said looking in his eyes,

"No I want a girl, like you" He said with firmness.

"huun I see, for that you have to wait, I will be ok with a girl next time, but this time I want a boy like you."

'"next time' maybe I can't" His voice again turn heavy.

"No you have to, I will see that."

"Arpita please don't expect too much from me in this life, I don't know even I can be there to see my angle or not but for one thing, I can assure you, that I loved you and only you and will love you till my last breath and after that too, you will feel me whenever a gust of wind will touch you believe me it will be me. Whenever the first ray of sun will kiss your eyes to wake you up, it will be me, whenever the drops of rain will turn you wet believe me it will be my arms, whenever you will feel alone in nights you will feel me my presence around you."

"yes I will, because you will be there with me. And I know that, because you can't leave me alone and I can't live without you." I kissed him on lips with all love that I can express, tears rolled down from both of our eyes, I felt his arms sliding under me and taking me in his strong embrace, his lips moved with mine with more passion, I was in shelter of his protective arms. That's all what I can wish, His words made me more crazy in love with him.

I didn't knew what was in store for us, all I knew was that I love him and he loves me, and that night was enough for us to live a life time. And that was the last night I saw the fear in his eyes, fear of losing something dearer then breaths, something special, and it was Me. May be because after that night he was assured that I will love him even after life and I am strong enough to face the world, or because he was sure that I will marry Ranvijay after him.

But that was the same night when I slept peacefully in his arms, as I never slept without nightmare of losing him, that fear which I saw in his eyes find new place to reside, my soul. I use to sleep resting head on his chest, listening his beats, feeling his breaths, but I never showed him my fear as my smile was his strength to fight with that disease.
After few hours when I was assured of his sleep I took that diary and opened it. As it was memorandum of his "Khwahish"/"Desire"

Tamanna hai tere daman me so jane ki
Simte rahen pehlu me tere,
Kuch yun ke khabar bhi na ho tujhe,
aur tujhme Fanaa ho jane ki ...

I have always desired to sleep in your arms,

Wished to be there next to your heart,

So close that even you don't get to know,

And I will dissolve in Your existence...

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