so

i get so many notifications about why i dont update a lot lately

and it's true that the biggest reason is because college stresses me out a lot, too much for me to focus on updating

but that isn't stopping me from writing, i'm actually writing a lot of things, i'm just not updating them

i think i opened up about this a while back and i wanted to explain my reasons a bit more 

as some of you may know, some months back, i had to go through some ridiculous accounts dumping spam hate on my writing

i had to do a lot of filtering through my notifs because a lot of them were offensive and called my followers shit for following an author like me

i'm not saying i'm good at handling things like this because i'm not, but if anyone has hate for me, then please send me private messages and explain what you hate, instead of saying things like that, and asking me to kill myself, because no, i will not. i am out of that, i am out of depression, and i have a close friend to thank. you know who you are, and that's why you're my soulmate.

i'm aware that different people have different opinions, so you dont like what i write? who's asking you to read it? if i dont like a book, i don't read it, why dont you do the same? do you purposely have to suffer and go to the end of the book just to drop out some hate? why cant you take that time instead to prepare some good food and eat that instead? why can't you soak your feet in lukewarm water instead and relax instead? why dont you make some turmeric milk for yourself to soothe your sore throats instead?

i think it's horrible, to take advantage of the fact that someone is suffering, and making it worse to the point where they break down, distance themselves from family, and think of ways to end themselves. today it may be an idol, but tomorrow it could be the person you love the most. no one loves themselves from the start, it's a slow process, and some people still struggle with it... you can help them by giving them positivity they deserve, instead of talking shit.

so yeah, i'm sure some of you remember when i used to take huge breaks from every form of social media and deactivate wattpad a couple times, and those were some reasons why.

i'm happy now, i no longer do these things because i'm out of it, and thats why i can say with sureness that... if you're suffering, it will be better. i promise you that.

maybe it would be thanks to a friend, a family member, or even an idol who helps you in ways you never imagined. but things will be better, if you're sick, you will get better, if you're facing financial problems, it will go away too.

just don't lose hope, because the moment you lose hope is the moment when people will start to give up on you. and trust me when i say this, there's nothing worse than when someone looks at you and you know from the way their eyes are dead when they look at you, that they've given up...

i dont want you to feel that.

if you're feeling sad, text a friend. if you don't know how to bring up you feeling sad, talk about the weather, talk about something on tv, anything. try to spend your time doing something you love, and spend time with people you care about...

it gets better, i promise.

it did for me, so why cant it be for you? :)

and i'm not going to lie, i'm still a bit apprehensive when i write, i get nervous even while i write... but if i want to be a writer, i will never be able to face my responsibilities if i back down on something as simple as this, right?

these days... instead of updating, i do something else...

this is the reason why i stopped writing multi-chaptered books... i'm more into writing oneshots now, and it's because...

if you like what i write you can read it in one go and enjoy it to the end. if it's a multi-chaptered, i don't want a specific chapter disappointing you that you stop halfway... i probably dont make sense, but that's how i feel... and that's why i write a lot of oneshots on ao3 now, you can check them out @ bumblebeen on ao3 :)

i have a hoseok oneshot and a taehyung oneshot that i am drafting, and waiting to finish before i post them. and well, that's the reason why i rarely update anymore. of course, i will end the ones i started, but i wont be writing multi-chaptered books... at least for a while. and it's okay to take some time to get over that, right?

shoutout to carms who proofread my namjoon smut on ao3, and to both her and halia that read my first arc of the taehyung oneshot im working on. i love your comments.

many thanks to my close friends who have stuck by me since last year, and even some friends i met recently. i love you so much, i hope you know who you are. your support means a lot to someone like me.

to those people who called my followers shit, first of all, how fucking dare you? you dont get to decide what other people can like. my followers are amazing, each and every single one of them, and they have the right to like or not even like my books, i don't mind. i appreciate every one of them. so, kindly fuckoff and do something useful with your life like study for that exam you keep failing everyday, yeah?

thank you for sticking by me, all of you. i love you.

if you've given me advice in the past year (whether it was something simple like asking me to stay hydrated), please know that it helped. and i'm gratfeul for you, you guys know who you are, right?

ps. please send me dm's if you'd like to talk, i always get super excited when i receive dm's whatever the topic is. :)