This is a terrible idea.

Don't do it.

My stomach feels like it is churning as I get dressed in a rush. Scowling at how cold it was, I run outside, locking the door behind me.

Why do you keep on doing these things that hurt yourself?

Have you not learned your lesson by now?

Or do you just like getting hurt this way? Is that it?

Freaking masochist.

"Owwww." I put my hands over my stomach at the painful feeling and the misery I was going through only made everything ten times worse.

As told, Seven is waiting downstairs with Saeran. I see the two when I look out from the balcony, and I take in a deep inhale.

I was not able to get rid of the redness of my eyes, for one. It made me think; it's amazing that a human can go on crying for so long, yet never run out of tears.

I collect myself before I climb down the stairs and appear at the porch.

The twins are standing with their backs facing towards me, and my legs feel like jelly as I glance at the boy I was deeply in love with.

Oh God, even if I pass out... Please let me pass out after I hear what they have to say.

Dammit, if I pass out right now, how embarrassing would it be?

I'm going to die.

Not just because of my churning stomach, but because...

It felt as if I had forgotten the way his face looked.

He looks so much more gorgeous than he does in my thoughts, and I can barely keep myself calm without my legs giving away and crumbling down.

And as I stand, unable to say anything like the pathetic loser that I am, I see a pained expression on Seven's face when he turns around and sees me.

And the expression remains, until he looks down, then turns to face Saeran.

I don't hear what he said, but Saeran turns his back to face me as well, and the two walk up to me.

"Hey."

"Hi."

Silence welcomes us for a couple seconds, and I don't have the guts to look at Seven; instead, I glance at Saeran. He looks healthy and fresh and has a little smile on his face.

You needed to be saved too, I'm so glad you're safe.

You deserve to have that smile, you need it.

You both have each other now, you both have family, and that's one of the most beautiful things in the world.

Congratulations, I want to say, but I don't have the will to do so.

"Saeran had something to say to you." Seven's voice says, and I take a glance at him. His face is expressionless, and Saeran takes a look at his brother.

"I hope you don't mind, but gimme a second alone with her, will you?"

"Don't... Don't do anything funny, I'm warning you." Seven says before goes to stand near where he parked his car.

"You must think it's weird for me to talk to you." Saeran begins, and I shake my head.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry. For involving you in this, for trying to kidnap you... Everything." Saeran's pupils tremble before he closes his eyes.

The next thing I know, he slides an arm behind my back and draws me close to him.

"I owe you." Saeran whispers, his arms around my shoulders.

"I can't thank you enough."

Tears begin to form in the corners of my eyes when I recall the feeling of Seven's embrace.

It's not the same, it will never be the same...

But why the hell am I crying?

Don't let them see that you're such a weak piece of shit...

"I know you love Saeyoung, and I am so glad because you both deserve to be happy together."

But I'm not happy, Saeran, can't you see?

"Thank you for saving my brother. Thank you for helping him save me." Saeran continues, and I see that Seven, at a distance, is staring at us.

"I didn't do anything..." I croak, wiping my face with my free hand.

"You did everything. I'm so thankful." He has to say and moves away.

"I'm sorry for that... That was uncalled for ehehe." Saeran adds. He then motions for Seven to come by.

"You have some things you want to tell him, right?"

Do I?

Really?

Seven walks up to us and waits until Saeran takes a few steps back.

And as I look up at Seven's face, I have to make use of every fibre of my being to not burst out crying.

Say something... Anything...

"I wanted to meet you one last time."

Last time?

Last...?

If there was one word I was terrified of, that was the one.

And he had used it on me.

"I wanted to apologise in person."

No, stop it, Seven.

No more.

Please, I'm begging you.

"It was so wrong, and selfish of me... But I wanted you to ... remember me."

I'd remember you even if you kept pushing me away.

"I was afraid that you'd forget me... And I gave in."

How could I forget you?

"Maybe the words I chose were wrong... I wish there was a way I could make up to you..."

Kiss me.

Please.

And tell me you love me.

"I can't love you the way you wanted to be loved, I can't treat you well the way Zen or Jumin, or even Yoosung could. My work won't let me... I can't just keep you with me knowing that..."

Then leave the Agency...

We can do something together, instead of staying there, doing something you hate.

Don't leave me...

Please...

"I... I can't look at you for now. I have to go." Seven says, in a flat tone.

No, please...

Come back!

If you love me, do it gently....

I can't take it anymore...

"I'm so sorry..."

No.

Stop...

I still have so much more love to give to you...

I can't be sane without you...

Please don't leave me...

Please...

There were so many things I wanted to say, and yet my voice would not come out. As I watched the way he walked off, my legs lose its will to stand, and give away. Saeran, who had not yet left runs up to me and sits in front of me.

"I don't know what happened between you two, but I have a feeling it's my fault."

No, it's not.

It's not Seven's fault, either...

It's all my fault, Saeran, stop blaming yourself.

Tell Seven not to blame himself, either...

"And I told you right? That I owe you?"

With tear filled eyes, all I can do is nod in response.

"Please wait. I know it'll be hard to wait but just do. I need some time, and I'll help you. I'll fix this for you, so trust me."

"Ok," is all I can say, my eyes filling up with tears.

Saeran takes his hand off from my shoulders and helps me stand up.

"I'll have to go now... I'll keep my word, though, so please hang in there." He wishes me well, and I watch the way he climbs into Seven's car.

Within the next minute, the car speeds up and off goes the love of my life, away from my sight of vision.

Saeran, do you really think you can change the way Seven thinks?

Do you even realise how hard I tried?

I tried....

And even though my heart still aches at the thought...

I regret not being able to tell Seven one thing that kept me going, all the way up till now.

I kind of, sort of, really liked you.

---

a/n; holy frucking shizzzzzz THE LOGS ARE OVERRRRRR

if y'all read the author's notes at the end, you will know that this is the last log on the diary app, but there will be three more chapters (as an epilogue) that i will be writing as a combination of first and third points, so that i can write about 707's feelings! >www<i received the rfa vip package today !!! im a happy bean !!