John
I am not seeking attention.
Mon Esprit tells me that's a lie.
I am not okay.
Mon Esprit knows that there is nothing wrong with me and slams that message through my scalp. Day in, day out. "You are fine, you don't need help."
I need help.
Mon Esprit's voice snaps through my ears like a crack of wild lightning. Mon Esprit knows I don't need help and says I'm lying to get attention.
I'm not needed here.
The only thing that Mon Esprit will agree on and is willing to taunt me about has finally gotten through my thick skull. But maybe I didn't repeat the message. Maybe Mon Spirit said that.

But Mon Esprit does not speak. Mon Esprit taunts. Taunts me by dangling a string of hope in front of my nose at the boldest, most random times. But it is so close for me to grasp onto that the aura around me changes into a flourishing feeling of excitement.
But alas, Mon Esprit rips it away and leaves me in the confusion that I feel and lets me sink into a revolting, oozing pit of despair and emptiness.
But what is there the point of me complaining? I've been here for what feels like an eternity. I've gotten used to the sinking.
But what's worse is the thinking. Mon Esprit tells me I'm not worth thinking about. That I should stop thinking.
Stop breathing.

I cannot tell Mon Esprit to stop this nonsense.
Because Mon Esprit will scold me and urge that this is the truth.
I want to scream at Mon Esprit and tell her that I am not trying to get attention.
But Mon Esprit will continue to hurl "the truth" at me. The ugly truth.
I lie to myself and others when I say "I am okay" to please Mon Esprit.
Because Mon Esprit will tell me otherwise if I even begin to think positive.
I want to block out Mon Esprit's words and insist that I need help.
But Mon Esprit will silence me and cover my mouth with non-human hands while force-feeding fake words down my throat.
I want Mon Esprit to leave, to reflect the sinister words spoken. Just stop this nonsense.
Stop the words.
Stop the thoughts.
Stop the thinking.
Stop the breathing...

No matter how many times I try, Mon Esprit is back- and claims have never left. Mon Esprit is prepared to stay by my side until the end and whisper cruel words in my ear.
Because I need Mon Esprit.
And Mon Esprit needs me.
And I can not escape 'Mon Esprit'.
After all, I cannot escape 'My Mind'.