Alex
"So, I'm gonna need your guidance for some stuff." Laf started.

I leaned back in my chair with a pleased grin. "shoot."

"Wait, don't shoot us!" John pleaded with a smile. Laf rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fingers and sighed, taking a deep breath out.

It had been two days into the holiday. Two days after we first arrived. Two days since John and I shared...intimate love. John did not lose his virginity that night, nor did I. The engagement between us was just steamy.

Now, two days after that romantic incident, the adult pool was full of all ten college students. Eliza and Hercules had run down to get some towels, Angie was sunbaking, Peggy, Burr, Maria and Theo were in the midst of a 'Marco Polo' game. Peggy was flailing around in the water carelessly, thank God there weren't any other adults there. But there was Lafayette. And he had been extremely over the edge that day. When he came and sat down next to me and John, he had an uncertainty no Frenchman could have.

He took a deep breath. "I'm asking Hercules out."

A beat of silence, aside from squeals and splashes it was dead silent. John and I exchanged a slight glance.

"Well." I laid back even further. "Thank god. It's about time." John scowled harsher than what was intended and shoved me with his right elbow.

"Alex, be nice. but he's kinda right, it took a long time for you guys to realise your feelings." John uttered before quizzing Lafayette about how he was to ask Herc out.

"I was thinking like a dinner date? Under the Eiffel tower? I know a few restaurants there." Laf suggested in a nervous tone.

I stroked my hand across the stubble of my hand. "Yeah, but Hercules isn't one for romantic gestures."

"Maybe if I give him so many romanticness that he will not be able to resist?" Laf's french crafted eyebrows furrowed in frustration as I let out a laugh at his stupidity. it was certainly true that neither of the two was confident in the subject of romance, heed why neither had made a move yet.

From the corner of my eye, John's strikingly green eyes flared a spark of creativity as he slammed his hands on the small table in a flurry of passion. "Hell fucking yeah! I just had the best idea. Mulligan isn't one to be sappy over romantic gestures. On the outside, that is. But on the inside, he goes over the moon with joy. I see it all the time. whenever someone flatters him, he acts to be all tough and manly. But bitch, no! He feels flattered to the extent where he hides it. So if we put enough effort into this date so that he can't help it, he'll have to crack!"

"Woah, who put the dirt in your mouth, Peaches?!" I leaned away from him with a scrawny attempt to catch my breath from wheezing.

John held a pout on his lips. "Hey, take my suggestion seriously you thot."  I managed a smile of understanding before retrieving into thought, Someone's certainly been hanging with Peggy.

"Hey, maybe John has a point. If I convince him enough with so many romantic stuff he'll bound to be swoon." Marquis's broken English faulted for a spilt-second as he spoke.

"You're so gay." John suddenly blurted out. Another dented beat of silence.

My face naturally sunk into a blunt expression, hiding my amusement. "says the gay one."

To admit the truth, the whole friendship was composed on sexualities. Peggy, Eliza and John had once set out on the early weeks of college to recruit multiple LGBT students as friends. They discovered Herc and  Lafayette at one point, then Theo and Burr who were straight but became close to the fruitful group. Maria was introduced by Peggy, but at that time proclaimed herself as straight. Maria was already a close friend of mind during that period of time and brought me into the group.

"Statement of the century, I say." Lafayette let out a grin. "So anyway, how about the Eiffel Tower restaurant? We need to think of more romantic things."

"What about if... no. That won't work." John went to and fro mumbling different ideas out loud then retreating back into thought. "Maybe we could book out a venue at the Eiffel Tower restaurant and make us the waiters and waitresses? We could have- no, that's all silly."

Gilbert seemed highly intrigued of johns slight spill of ideas, and urged him to go on. "Non, non! Keep going, you were onto something. Perhaps, we could book out a balcony in the Eiffel Tower and have us catered with a table and standard candlelight and romantic stuff. Oh, John! You brought your ukulele, right?"

John simply nodded with a confused tilt of his head. "Yeah, I did. Why?"

The Frenchman twiddled his thumbs sheepishly. "Is it possible that... Could you play "La Vie En Rose"? I don't know if you can sing it but-"

I cut him off as Eliza and Hercules entered the pool section with a fresh bundle of hotel standard towels. "Hercule est de retour." (Hercules is back.) hissed in a hushed tone, prodding over to the entry. I gestured to speak in French so that Hercules would not be able to understand.

"Non, je ne peux pas le chanter mais Peggy peut. elle parle très couramment."  (No, I cannot sing it but Peggy can. she is very fluent.) John sneaked a glance over to Peggy as he spoke.

I thought for a moment to plan out my response then added, "Alors vous deux pourriez faire un duo. elle pourrait chanter et vous jouez du ukulélé. comment ça?" (Then you two could do a duet. she could sing and you play the ukulele. hows that?)

Lafayette beamed ear to ear with glee and a tint of satisfaction. "Oui. Merci." (Yes, thank you.)

I peered over my shoulder to check if Hercules was in earshot before lowering my voice. "When do we do it?"

A mischievous twinkle lit in John's eyes beside me and he grinned. "Tonight."

John (direct)
The night of the date for Herc and Laf came as fast as they planned it, seeing it was only a few hours before we thought of the idea and then scrambled around to try and book the balcony on the Eiffel Tower out (thank the heavens one of Laf's old friend worked at the Eiffel Tower and was ready on the action as soon as Lafayette called her). We had decided to lead Hercules out for the rest of the day which gave us more time to organise everything without making him suspicious.

By the end of the day, the table was reserved and sitting deserted on the balcony that faced the world of Paris. Alexander was to slip a note under Herc's hotel room as soon as Eliza, Burr and Hercules were back from their outing and busy keeping Herc distracted for a few more moments.

Hercules would read the invitation (in which I designed) and were to then travel to the Eiffel Tower and meet Lafayette for the perfect date. Complicated enough for a date that was composed in less than 6 hours, but it was pushed on past the thoughts of negative outcomes. Not a single thought of Hercules rejecting him- everyone knew in the group the two were head over heels but neither of them made any moves.

There was a staff room we were to get ready in and hang around in as the date went on and when we weren't needed of our assistance, and I was solemnly tuning my ukulele back and forth and swinging my legs on the bench as Alexander shifted the black apron on his waist from his sides to his front.

I sighed. "You know you don't have to wear that. You're a waiter, not a kitchenhand."

"Yes, indeed. I know. I still like it." Alex narrowed his eyes at me with a teasing smile. I blatantly rolled my eyes. A moment after, Maria and Peggy came pushing through the doors with empty entree dishes and hustled towards the kitchen doors.

"Its nearly go time for ukulala song. go on standby, Johnny." Peggy called out to me before disappearing behind the dull kitchen doors. my stomach filled with an unmistakable nerve.

Alex came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Hey. you'll do great, Freckles." His husky but smooth voice filled my ears like caramel filling a chocolate mould.

"Freckles?" Alex released his grip on me and looked towards me. "Johnnnnnn."

I could hear Alexander's voice- I just didn't have enough strength to answer. "mhm. thanks." I finally replied, strangely noticing how deep my voice sounded all of a sudden.

now isn't the time to be noticing such petty things, John.

I unknowingly pulled a sigh out. "You're right."

"Exactly. you'll be fine!" Alex gave me a smile and pressed his firm hand into my back gently and strode to the door. "I'm just going to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

My face creased into a frown. "Um. Okay."

Alex narrowed his eyes the second time that night with a glare, and seems to finish his split-second examination he turned away and out the door. I released my breath that I noticeably held for no reason. "God, why am I so tense around him?"

Because he thinks something is wrong with you.

"No, I..." I sighed. There was no point arguing with. Maybe there was something wrong with me- but whenever I thought such, I would be reminded that I was fine and that I don't deserve to talk as if there was something wrong with me.

Exactly, because there is nothing wrong with you.

"John, it's time to go! You ready?" Peggy burst from the kitchen doors as I was in mid-thought, causing me to jump and spin around in shock.

My breath hitched. "Y-Yep, I'm ready." Peggy didn't wait for a response before tugging my arm and rushing through the doors again.

Quietly sneaking through the deserted diner, we made our way around the tables and to the balcony. I stumbled multiple times due to Peggy's dangerously strong grip.

Finally, I could see the balcony- a most romantic site above the most romantic city, in my opinion. The pristine, clear double doors that lead to the balcony were wide open and we were able to enter into the two men's view. They ceased their chatter.

Peggy cleared her throat and spoke. "Ahem. If we could have your attention gents," she gestured towards herself and me, "we would like to perform for you."

My heart pummelled with a sickening churning feeling, but alas I started to strum, feeling flimsy as if I had just learnt the song and was not familiar with the chords when I in fact was. G, Em, C6, D, D7. Repeat.

You're going to mess up.

My fingers faltered and I was about to blank out with the chords when I realised we were already up to the first verse. Peggy started to sing, and I pushed myself on with an unbearable grin. "Quand il me prend dans ses bras, Il me parle tout bas, Je vois la vie en rose,"

there's no way you can get through the whole song.

A beat in my heart rang in my ears, the sweat on my forehead becoming even more vicious until I could feel beads of sweat flaking down my skin. No one was aware of this. Thankfully.

The coolness of the night did not change my rising temperature of embarrassment. But before I knew my left foot from my right, Peggy ceased her singing and I looked up. The song had finished, and I was staring out at the two men like a bumbling idiot. I smeared a smile on my face. "Thank you! Uh, that was it!"

Hercules seemed giddy, clapping his hands enthusiastically even though not comprehending nor understanding the French. "That was beautiful guys! Thank you!"

You failed numerous times. He's lying.

I took a deep breath in and out as Peggy spoke up in amusement. "Thank you! We worked hard on that. Enjoy the rest off your night, lovebirds~" And with that Peggy swooped me from my stood and clutched onto my arm, flying through the diner again.

"That was pretty good!" Peggy looked at me and smiled as soon as we made it into the staff room. It was completely deserted when we arrived and I took my previous position on the bench.

"Yeah, it was..." I trailed off, getting lost in nothing. Again.

Peggy looked at me as if I was an annoying bee. "John you thot! You good there?" I still didn't reply.

Answer her. You're acting rude and stuck up.

"Yeah, it was awesome!" I put on a smile and beamed at her. Right then and there I could feel every muscle on my mouth crack.

"I know, right! Super!" Peggy gave me a thumbs up and scuttled towards the kitchen doors. "Well, imma check on the chef and Mari. Brb!"

I smiled once again before letting my disguise drop. There was just a bit of silence surrounding me. No noise. The occasional bang of pots and bustle from the kitchen. Other than that, nothing. Sitting stiff and no distractions. I took a deep breath in and out, savouring the silence. I even considered turning the lights off. Although that might cause havoc.

Alexander broke the silence by bursting through the double doors with a wry smile. His head perched up higher than before as I caught his eye. "How'd it go?"

"Good." This time I couldn't even be bothered with putting on a smile. I was tired. I couldn't hold up any longer.

And it seemed that Alex could catch up to my behaviour. "John, are you okay? You're acting very quiet."

You're fine.

"I'm fine," I just barely whispered. Alex did not stop there, nor would he ever. The man who was in front of me never gave up so easily.

"Don't say that  I know something's up." Alex drew closer to me, examining my expression.

I attempted to look confused, "Alex, I don't know what you're on about. I'm fine." I gritted my teeth jokingly; laughing it off always makes it look genuine. 

Within a heartbeat Alex's face became crushed. Defeated. I couldn't even bear to look at him, knowing I'm lying in his face. He finally sighed. "You're never going to tell me the truth. You're always shutting me out. Even though I'm your partner, you never let me in on secrets."

My heart rate immediately picked up as he spoke. He wasn't even raising his voice, not a slight tone of icy bitterness, just genuine heart shattered. It made my guilt levels run wild.

Before I could ponder what I would retort back, my mouth already snapped. "I have reason to hide things from you, you know. You wouldn't understand."

"What? You said you would always talk to me. What happened to not keeping things in? Why are you like this? You never tell me anything and leave me in the dark!" Alexanders voice became barely audible as he gently took my chin into his hand. I did not snap away. But I hesitated. "Please, John. I love you so much that it hurts so bad when you do this to me."

He lies.

"I'm not telling you how I feel because it would sound foolish!" My voice rose. Higher than any of us spoke at that moment. I turned away from his hand.

No, because you would only tell him to get more attention.

"Please. Talk to me. Talk to anyone about it. I just can't bear to see you like this." His whimpering was desperate and his voice cracked slightly.

He doesn't want you alive. He lies.

Silence. An unbearable beat of silence. My shoulders slumped as I started to speak. "I don't care. It's not a big deal anyway. It's not like you cared." I took my ukulele in hand and swung the double doors open, heading to an unknown destination.

All I did was walking. Two footsteps on the pavement between each crack. Then three. I pondered with an absence of adventure or excitement where I was to go next. Anywhere but here, I can't talk to Alex. I said such horrid things.

But they were true.

I was stuck. Alex was my main reason for living. But now that I fought with him, now that I said all those things, I'm stuck with these thoughts. These dreaded thoughts.

I'm stuck with Mon Esprit.

:)