Yes, my wonderful persistent readers. Your eyes do not deceive you. I have read your thoughts and heard your tiny prayers, and I have not forgotten them! So now, please enjoy with all due haste this following story, carefully woven with crazy dedication just for you!!
(This episode may also contain plot spoilers for the Disney series Pirates of the Caribbean. If you haven't seen these movies and do not want any sort of spoilers, you may reconsider reading. Unless you prefer to take my suggestion with a jar of dirt.) Ahem.

(Also, none of this makes canonical sense, so just roll with it, even if it takes you to your wits' end.)

~

Ahoy, ye landlubbers, now gather round,
Whiles I tell ye the fable of the Cursed Ground.
It begins with a legend and ends with one too,
About a girl and a boy and the trouble with those two.
Oncet in the far-off Caribbooan sea,
A treasure was rumored waiting in the dreaded Keelhaul Key.
The jewels of King Boo, they were buried by the shore
In a grotto of stone behind an ancient door.
The booty was coveted by all across the sea
And plunderers searched, without surety nor key;
But t'was no easy prize, for whoever held it in their hand
Was thought doomed to be cursed - or so the rumors demand.
For the jewels held a spell for whomever might touch it
By its dead owner's soul, who daren't leave and desert it.
But that mighty spirit was contested one day
By a rather witless pirate - or so the legends say.
Bowser the Terrible found the grotto as foretold,
A crusty, hardened koopa with eyes that gleamed for gold.
But the spirit of King Boo cannot be thought to jest,
And for that great evil trespasser he gave eternal rest.
But a task went along with his permanent stay
And some side effects, as it were;
Bowser the Terrible became Death's own doorman
And was transformed into a monster.
For keeping him safe and bound to his curse
King Boo had set a watch,
The ancient pirate lord Cortez, who'd long ceased to rot.
He took the koopa's very own heart
And locked it away in a lair,
While Bowser was forced to lurk the seas
Forever toiling, bringing souls to the Underwhere.
All of this was a tale passed down
From many decades ago,
And whether 'tis really true or not
I'm sure I do not know.
All legends are laced with doubt, you see
And this one's not any exception,
Save for the last part of the tale
Which is cause for much speculation.
That's where my story truly comes into play
And ye can really test what I know,
And decide for yourself if curses were really broken
Just a few short years ago...

~

"Thar she blows!!" Boo B. Hatch shrieked, peeking through a spyglass. "All boos on deck! Time to git us some booty!"
"Shh! The captain'll hear you!" The boo beside him, Taboo, bonked his head. "We're here for that traitorous scoundrel, remember?"
The two boos, unmistakably adorned for their profession of piracy, watched by the railing eagerly as the rest of the crew prepped to disembark.
"Technically, aren't WE the traitorous scoundrels?" Boo B. Hatch asked.
"Shh!! You might be first mate, but that doesn't mean you can just say whatever you want!" Taboo hissed.
The enormous sea vessel, the Scarlet Fire, plowed to a stop beside the shoreline of the islet looming ahead, just as it had several months earlier, and was returning now again. Forgotten Isle.
Yelling and shrieking like a bunch of deranged boonatics, the boo pirate band poured over the deck like an undead army screaming like rabid chipmunks.
"You scallawags follow me! The gin's buried this way!!" Boo B. Hatch raised a tiny broadsword and plunged into the trees. A rain of coconuts showered down on the heads of the crew, burying them in the sand.
"Wait a second," said one of the boos, getting up. "We're boos! Physical things don't matter to us!"
"Oh yeah! Totally forgot!" another said, picking himself up. "TO THE BOOZE!"
A small group of non-boos - shantily dressed koopas and goombas - stampeded after them, cursing under their breath.
"Hold on, I thought we were here for the scoundrel!" a skinny, lanky, purpley foob called as he stumbled onto the shore. "You know, for the last piece of treasure!"
"Oh just forget them," grumbled the fat guy beside him, also bundled in piratey rags. "Let's just find it ourselves!"
"Hold it, ladies!" A stern voice commanded from behind them. With a gulp, the two turned around to face the pair of heeled boots storming down the ramp of the ship. The slim figure, with a full-grown monkey perched menacingly on her shoulder, shoved between them and marched up to the rock that stood tall and erect by the treeline. A long rapier planted into the sand beside her.
After a long moment of surveying, a terrible silence took over the area.
"...No," she growled under her breath. "I don't believe it. He's... gone!!?"

And now that we have confused and intrigued you with that cliffhanger, it's time to go somewhere else (AKA Crazy Mario Land which is for some reason an old-fashioned empire on the seafront)!

The sun was shining high over Mushroom Harbor on that One Mushroom Kingdom day, similar to all the previous ones; and the bustle of work filled the air as merchants, seamen and soldiers from all over the small world milled about. It was deep spring in the Mushroom Kingdom, in its 1645th year, under the reign of King Toadsworth, and it all seemed at first glance to be ordinary. At least, it started that way.
But all good stories take the normal stuff and turn it into an outrageously improbable turn of fate that usually leaves people utterly changed. (BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!)
It was just another day of work at the carpentry shop when it started, for Luigi, at least. He was a good, honest guy, as you might have somehow already known, though he'd never had much of an interesting life so far. He lived alone in the humble parts of Toad Town, dressed like always in his usual getup. And no, they weren't overalls, so don't ask. (He actually wore an old work shirt and vest, if you must know. You can imagine they are very attractive, if that pleases you.)
Anyhoo, after that very distracting tangent made by the author, we get to Luigi. He was just passing through the Harbor that day, carting a new load of wood, when he first heard about it.
'It' began in a way you might very much expect. All at once, a toad dressed as a mailboy came running up to him urgently, screaming "THE PRINCESS HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED! THE PRINCESS HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED!!"
Luigi, utterly startled and disbelieving at this news, grabbed the toad. "Princess Peach? Kidnapped?! When?"
"Only this morning, sir! I swear it is true! She was taken away by PIRATES!!"
"Pirates?! What did they want?"
"I don't know!! But this is terrible! They could... they could make her walk the poop deck!!"
Luigi frowned at him in confusion, then quickly banished the thought and said, "Well what are they going to do about it?"
Toad blinked at him.
Luigi blinked back.
"What are you looking at me for?"
"I don't know. I just know we're DOOMED!!!" Then Toad continued running down the street screaming like Chicken Little.
Luigi stared in terrified thought for a while. What pirate would kidnap a princess? he wondered like a very normal person. Talk about absurd. I would've thought it was a fire-breathing dragon or something.
While he was busy having thoughts of doom, a small random voice suddenly called out to him from an alleyway. "Hey, you! With the fluffy mustache!"
Luigi jumped and glanced around. "Me?"
"Yes, you." A small figure with a hood stepped out of somewhere and grabbed Luigi's shoulder, pulling him into the alley. (Fate-twisting time!!)
"W-who are you??" Luigi asked, pulling away in fright. "Are you... EMPEROR PALPATINE?!"
"No... and don't violate the rules of time periods." The figure sighed and lifted his hood, revealing a small, frighteningly aggressive koopa, with horns not yet done growing. "Look, I don't wanna hurt you -"
"That's what they all say! And then... the next thing you know, you're on your back. Dead."
"Dude, relax and quit breaking the rules of cross-referencing! You can call me BJ. I just wanna talk to you... about something important."
"Ohh, you're looking for a woodworker?" Luigi exclaimed. "Well I've just got the best deal for you! Right now you can get custom dining room chairs for only 49 coins -
"Not that!!" the koopa snapped. He glanced around stealthily like a go-between at a handoff, then asked, "Are you... the famed pirate captain, Super Mario?"
Luigi reacted exactly the way you expected him to.
He stared at him. "Ehh... I think you have the wrong guy, buddy. Do I LOOK like a pirate to you?"
"No, you look like a dorky carpenter," BJ replied. "But you so fit the physical description the wizard gave me!"
Luigi was thoroughly confused. "Wizard? Me? Buddy, you've been eating stale crumpets. I don't know anyone named Mario."
"Seriously?" BJ sighed. "Someone's been out of the loop. Well there are stories! About how the great Super Mario originally hailed from the Mushroom Kingdom, before taking on a life of piracy on the high seas."
"The guy sounds like a lazy jerk and a traitorous scoundrel, if you ask me," Luigi replied.
"Well, I need to find him! I was told he might be here -
Before they could talk further, a loud commotion rang up in the street beyond. "Outta the way! Prisoner coming through!"
Curious, the two peeked out of the alley (because I mean, who doesn't want to see a live arrest?). A group of tough-looking hammer bros was herding a shorter guy in shackles along through the street. It was presumably a human, but they couldn't make out much of what was going on.
That is, except for the criminal's relentless yapping.
"I'm telling you you've got the wrong person! Hey hey, watch the stache, mate!" the prisoner scolded. "Hair ain't easy to keep pretty! Easy on the coat too, bud, that was made in Poshley by the finest - ow! You know this capture is completely temporary, fellas, you've heard the stories! I'M SUPER MARIO!! No prison can contain-"
I'm not gonna bother typing out that whole spiel.
"Well, there's your pirate," Luigi remarked laconically, pointing.
BJ ducked thoughtfully back into the alley as the captured pirate was escorted by, grinning gleefully. He turned to the dorky carpenter. "Hey Fluffyface, you think you can help me to the town prison?"

By now you might be scratching your heads wondering what the heck is happening. And I would explain it to you, except - oh darn! It's time for the next scene.
"Alright. I think they put the guy in the cell right behind here," Luigi whispered, glancing around carefully behind the old Mushroom Prison house. (Because apparently, in the 1600s, there were lots of criminals and dastardly ne'er do wells in the Mushroom Kingdom.)
He had escorted his mysterious acquaintance to the jail as he'd requested, and now he wanted nothing more than to go home and die in his bed for a second before getting to his life of splinters and tedium.
Unfortunately, the kid had other plans.
"Great, let's slip inside!" BJ replied.
Luigi started. "Excuse me?? First off, that building is full of nothing-but-trouble miscreants who would probably kill us in a heartbeat, and secondly, this is none of my business, I can't be-
"Listen, loofa head. I need to talk to that prisoner! You get me?" the koopa poked him in the chest.
"I really don't-
"In we go!" BJ said, opening the door and dragging Luigi inside because that just had to happen.
Inside the prison house it was dank and gross. Toads and hardened koopas and questionable-looking goombas and hammer bros sat around in miserable cells, staring at them like zombies. (Wow, I never guessed we would come to this.) A smell I don't need to describe filled the stuffy air like Impending Doom.
And there was a guy hollering his head off in one cell.
"YOU HEAR ME WARDEN??! I HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!! AND I'M GONNA USE IT! BECAUSE IT WASNT MY FAULT!! YOU HAVENT HEARD THE LAST OF ME!! AND FOR THE RECORD I HAVE MUCH NICER HAIR THAN YOU!!! I HAVE A MORE EXCITING LIFE TOO!!"
And of course as you can guess, that was the guy they were here for.
"Hey, firecracker, cool it," BJ called through the gloom, coming over to his cell. "You did something naughty, huh?"
The prisoner paused and glanced up from where he was sitting in the corner of his rotten cell. Then he instantly returned it with a sarcastic grin. "That depends on your definition of naughty, turtle baby," he replied, looking him over with a superior glance.
Luigi, nervously following BJ for reasons unknown, came over to the bars of the cell and peeked in. And from the first moment he saw the prisoner, his life was FOREVER CHANGED...
He was short and ridiculously dressed like some fancy-pants pirate, including one of those heavy coats and feathered hats that all pirates should ideally have. He conveniently looked almost exactly like Luigi himself, to an astounding degree, except for the dorky carpenter part. And he had probably only been in prison about ten minutes.
Luigi caught sight of him and for about 12 silent seconds he stared in surprise. He had never seen a prisoner, or a pirate, or a guy who looked so much like him before.
The prisoner glanced up and fixed him with a look like he'd just said something dumb. "So who for like are you supposed to be, a dorky carpenter or something?" he asked in what must have been a charming drawl.
Luigi was wearing a death stare in an instant. "WHAT is you people's problem with that?!"
"Look, it's not an insult, fluffy face, it's just that pirates are better than you," the prisoner replied. "Anyhow, can I help you all, or did you just come to gawk at my great splendor before they pull my lifeline?"
"Actually, I have come for your help," BJ replied, throwing off his hood. "I know that you are the great captain Super Mario, rogue of the high seas. I've heard of your great deeds across the deep, including your recent acquisition of the jewels of King Boo. Is that not true?"
The pirate grinned irritatingly and leaned back, playing with the feather in his hat. "It's true, mate, believe you that. But I'm afraid I've hit on harder times even more recently than that," he said, indicating his cell.
"Yes, so I see. Forget all that. I have come to free you... on one condition." BJ raised a tempting eyebrow.
The pirate grinned. "Kid, don't you think you should leave this kind of negotiating to Daddy?"
BJ flattened into a frown. "Did you mean it when you said that no prison can hold you, captain? Because I'll let you find out on your own," he offered.
Luigi was astounded. "Wait, why would you want to FREE this guy? Isn't he like, a terrible pirate??"
Mario grinned. "That I am, fluffy, but terrible is a matter of opinion." He took off his pirate hat and got up, coming to lean against the cell door casually. "I'm listening, mate, but you'd better hurry since I'm scheduled to be hanged in the afternoon. Governor's orders, y'know. Has this 'thing' against pirates trying to make an honest living."
Luigi shook his head and stared at him incredulously. "Hanged!?... What did you do?"
"That there's the problem, Fluffy, if I may call you that. These people think I kidnapped their princess and don't seem to enjoy listening to long trials. Oh, and they hate me because I'm a pirate and I just happened to be nearby and - I'll be honest with you here mate - I think they're all jealous of my looks. They just brought me here earlier on that warship, the S. S. Flavion."
Luigi shrugged. "Well. DID you kidnap the princess?"
Mario stared at him. "Boy, what crazy, convoluted world do you think you're living in?" he asked. "Of course not!"
BJ shrugged. "Doesn't matter. I need your help!"
"Wait wait wait, why do you need his help?" Luigi asked. "What's so important-?"
Nobody was listening to reason right now.
"What kind of help?" Mario asked skeptically.
The koopa kid took a deep breath. "Okay, hear me out," BJ began. "You're familiar with Bowser the Terrible, who was cursed to forever wander the Seas escorting souls to the Underwhere?"
"Aboard the Flaming Titan, yes, I went to school," Mario replied sarcastically. "Though if you ask me, they should've called him Bowser the Witless. Ha."
BJ frowned and punched the bars. "Hey, shut it!" he growled angrily.
Luigi just stood there stupidly.
Mario sighed condescendingly. "Sorry, sorry. What's it to ya?"
BJ paused carefully. "Doesn't matter. The point is... Well. You know that he is still wandering the seas, doomed to this slavery until someone breaks the curse and sets him free."
Mario was following cautiously. "Yeah..."
"I want you to help me free him," BJ replied.
Mario blinked.

Mario blinked again and nodded slowly. "I see. And I want a pocket-sized magic machine that lets me make calls long-distance."
"Okay first, quit breaking the rules of time," BJ sighed. "Second... You think I'm Crazy," he said in disdain.
Mario broke into an annoying chuckle. "Not Crazy, just... yeah, Crazy. Well, I'm all for busting this place, kid, but I kinda didn't have suicide in mind."
"I'm serious!!" BJ replied. "If you went to school, hotshot, you'll also know that the curse is said to be lifted if the heart of Bowser is returned to him, and he will be free once again!"
"So?"
"And he will reward his savior beyond all measure!"
Luigi's head was utterly spinning, but Mario laughed like he'd heard the greatest joke ever told. "Don't be ridiculous, kid, it's a curse. Curses aren't made to be broken. And besides, you know how many decades it's been since the legend of Bowser the Terrible became fact?"
"About 37," BJ replied.
Mario raised his eyebrows, then paced around his cell. "Alright, let me get this straight. You want to FREE Bowser the Terrible from his curse so you can get a reward?"
"Well... yes!" BJ replied. "Look, I've already got everything else I need. Everything except a navigator. And I want your help to find him."
Mario frowned. "Where... What do you mean everything you need?"
BJ paused carefully. "I was talking to this wizard-
"Wizard!" Mario came forward. "Who are you, again?"
Before he could answer, there was a big slam at the other end of the building.
"HEY! Back away from the prisoner!!"
Luigi screamed like a girl as two buff hammer bros appeared at the end of the aisle, looking ready to kick them into next week.
"Who let you two in here??"
Luigi screamed again. "AAAAHHHH!!!"
"You there!! Stop screaming and hold still!"
"AAAAAHHHH!!!"
"I said stop screaming in the name of the princess!" The hammer bro roared.
Luigi paused. "You mean the one that's been kidnapped?"
The hammer bro guard looked ready to hurl his hammers. "You insolent, dorky carpenter!"
Luigi fumed. "WHY DOES EVERYBODY-?!!?"
BJ rolled his eyes. "Looks like it's time to go." Without warning, he turned and belched a fireball right through the bars of Mario's cell, leaving the two humans staring at the hole like chickens under hypnosis.
"You... you're-!" Mario began in disbelief. "Who are you?"
"Classified!" With a groan, BJ jumped onto the open windowsill.
"Well, don't just stand there, Fluffyface! You too, Super Hotshot," he snapped. "This is a rescue!" And with that he jumped out of sight.
Luigi, meanwhile, was running in circles panicking. "Oh no this isn't happening! I'm an upright honest man! I can't really do this! I've never done anything wrong before! What if-"
Mario hopped out of his cell and grabbed his collar. "Hey, save it for the gallows or get your posterior out the window," he instructed. "I've broken the law plenty of times!" And with that, the pirate had jumped up and out of the building as well.
Luigi turned and stared at the guards. "Uh... I'll just be going back to my dining room chairs now!" And then he had gone too.
The first hammer bro exclaimed, "The prisoner has escaped! We need backup to the harbor on the double!!"
The second hammer bro frowned. "I know, I'm standing right here! What, did you expect to magically have the entire army hear you?"
The first bro glanced around in confusion, like a cop who's lost his cell phone. Then he realized those hadn't been invented yet.
"Oh... well, go get the army, you barnacle!"

Outside, a small koopa kid was tumbling down an enormous grassy hill towards the wide open sea. A pirate and a dorky carpenter followed him with varying levels of anxiety.
"I'M A CRIMINAL!! OH, THE HUMANITY!! WHATS MY POOR MOTHER GOING TO THINK UP IN HEAVEN RIGHT NOW?!!?" Luigi, as you can see, was handling it like a man.
"Hey, turtle baby," Mario called, careful to protect his swishy coat as he raced through the tall grass to catch up with his rescuer. "Do you actually have a plan? Like, you have a getaway ship or something, mate?"
BJ snorted and suddenly came to an abrupt halt at the very edge of the harbor. There, waiting gloriously in the water below them, was a proud little ship with white sails threatening to blow free.
"Duh! Say hello to my baby, the Duke," BJ introduced him.
"Hello, baby," Mario replied. He paused thoughtfully. "The Duke. Good name," he added.
Just then Luigi, who had been tumbling down the hill with reckless abandon for all decency, came hurling past them and right over the edge of the cliff. About a hundred feet below, he splatted to the Duke's poop deck.
"And he'll feel that in the morning," BJ remarked. Then he leapt out and caught one of the ship's sails, unfurling it as he rode down.
Mario, taking it all in stride, shook his head and grinned. "Assuming he lasts that long!" Then, running up to the cliff edge like an epic person, he jumped across to the main mast and perched precariously on one of the horizontal beams upholding the sails. Glancing back, he saw the Mushroom Army just arriving in force at the harbor's edge behind him.
Taking off his hat, he bowed. "Gentlemen! You shall always remember this as the day that you almost caught Captain Super Mario!"
With that, he grabbed the rope tying up the last sail and swung around towards the deck, epic music swelling as the ship caught wind and lurched forward. The hammer bro captain of the royal guard cursed under his breath as the Duke sailed fast away for the open sea.
"I hate that pirate."
Happy endings all around!

Mario crossed his arms and raised an unimpressed eyebrow at the map BJ spread out before him.
"My eyebrow's not impressed, mate," Mario informed him. "You'd better do your best to impress the other one, yeah?"
BJ growled under his breath, getting more frustrated by the minute. "Look, 'mate'. The way I see it, there's no way off my ship, and as long as you're on it, you follow MY direction," the koopa instructed. "And I did save your selfish neck back there from a blind date with a noose, so maybe at least hear me out?"
"You know, I didn't ask for your help." The pirate captain turned up his nose. "Alright, alright, I'll listen. Only because you are pathetically small and rather childish."
The three escapees were safely in the captain's quarters aboard the Duke, speeding across the open Caribbooan. Once the dorky carpenter had gotten over his recent felony and the freed captain had gloated enough over his escape, BJ had taken to his previous business of forceful negotiating.
Unfortunately, Mario thought he was the king of reason.
"Now listen, mate," Mario said, planting a fist on the table. "I'm the king of reason. And I reason that there's no way to approach Bowser and live to tell the tale."
"That sounds weird, coming from you," BJ muttered, not sure why.
"You know, he's got a point," Luigi spoke up from the corner, where he had been shuffling some playing cards in relative indifference. "Dead men tell no tales. And there's no point in risking your life for a reward when there are plenty of safer, LEGAL ways to do it."
"See, Fluffy agrees with me," Mario said, earning a glare from the carpenter. "Bowser will capture your ship, tie you to the mast and turn it upside down till you see the Underwhere."
"Yeah!" Luigi said. "Or he could... he could mount your hide to his fireplace!"
"Or turn you to a ghoul for all eternity!" Mario added, trying to scare him.
"Or... HE COULD MAKE YOU SWAB HIS POOP DECK!" Mario and Luigi said at once.
BJ raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "My eyebrow is not impressed," he stated, glancing between the humans. "And he's not gonna do all that stuff! What do you people know? You're just... scared! I don't see why you're so set against a little adventure."
"Oh, gee, I don't know," Luigi said, slumping in his rickety chair. "Maybe because you kinda just kidnapped me?! Hello! This isn't my deal, it's yours! I'm not interested in pirates and curses," he went on, earning frowns from the others, "and if you hadn't just hooked me into this for no apparent reason, I'd be happily at home building parlor furniture!!"
Mario snorted. "Parlor furniture?"
"Look, I know you're not Captain Hotshot himself," BJ said, "but you know what the wizard told me? He said, 'nothing happens by accident'. And so I believe that finding you was no accident!"
Luigi threw up his hands in exasperation. "Oh sure, trust a random self-proclaimed wizard. That doesn't mean you can keep me here! I have coffee tables to build and an antique chair that has to be finished by the weekend!-"
"Sshhh-hhhhhh," Mario swatted at him, somehow getting him to fall silent. "I'm not in the mood for more civilian yapping, okay mate?" He then turned to BJ. "Now look. I know you're not the most average koopa on the street, kid, but there's little advantage to messing with Bowser the Terrible. So spill it, turtle baby. What are you really thinking?"
BJ sighed. "Look. I know what you're thinking... I know what I'm getting into... but I promise you, this will work. I just need you to take me to the deepest, darkest part of the sea where Bowser roams."
Mario leaned over the table. "Why will this work, mate?"
BJ paused. "Because," he said, digging suspiciously under the table, "I have this." And with that he placed a small, heavy chest down before them.
Mario cocked his head in irritating confusion. "Sorry?"
BJ didn't blink. "He won't hurt us. I already have what Bowser wants."
Luigi groaned, sick of the new developments. "WHAT is going on??"
Ignoring him entirely, Mario was regarding the box with a weird look. "Are you implying...?" Very slowly, like a baby's drool in zero gravity, he lowered his ear to the chest, as if there might be a monster inside.
Thump.
And indeed, there nearly was.
...Thump.
Mario stared at BJ like he'd just said his hair was on fire.
"You... where did you get this??"
BJ shrugged. "A story for another time, Superman," he snorted, snatching the chest up. "The point is, I've got it, and I'm not afraid to use it. Now will you help me?"
Mario stared for a good 7 seconds longer, then finally said, "How-? You found the heart... Who are you?"
Luigi was staring at the wall in boredom.
"You can call me BJ," the koopa said. "Just like I told Fluffyface, right?"
Luigi snapped his gaze up. "You know, I have a name too," he said in irritation.
Mario turned to him. "You know this BJ?"
Luigi shrugged. "Not as of a couple hours ago."
Mario frowned, stroking his pretend beard thoughtfully. "You don't even have a crew of your own... what kind of pirate are you?"
"Classified," BJ hissed.
Mario leaned against the table in a swaggering manner and sighed like a depressed moose. "Alright, here's the deal. I didn't like this idea, not because I'm scared, or because I care about what this dorky carpenter says, but because I value my life kinda like a gold coin, savvy? But in view that you've got that small chest, I'll help ya, for as long as my honesty's good," he said.
"Yippee!" BJ rejoiced.
Mario and Luigi shared an awkward glance. "But first," Mario went on, "we make a sidestop. I can't be going back to Keelhaul Key without my trusted mates."
"Whoa, can we make a side stop at Toad Town?" Luigi jumped. "You know? That's where I get off this Crazy boat!"
Mario turned to him. "You heard the captain. There are no accidents, Fluffyface."
Luigi glared at him. "Excuse me! I don't belong here!"
Mario shrugged. "Well, you can either come along on the adventure, or get left behind." He paused. "In the ocean."
Luigi crossed his arms, almost near to sobs for some reason. "This isn't fair!"
Mario turned away. "Well, life isn't fair." Looking to BJ, he raised his eyebrows.
BJ nodded. "Where to?" he asked.
Mario turned to the small window and gazed at the sea. "Back to my hideout, of course. Yoshi's Island."

Birdo carefully admired her diamond ring as she reclined on the velvet armchair, waiting for the doofus shy guy to return with her drink. Around her, the tavern was a usual hum of activity and enjoyment.
"Jewels are certainly some of the finest treasures a man can profit, if he gives them to the right wearer," she observed absentmindedly. Fluttering her lashes, she turned to her companion.
Beside her, a green dinosaur grinned. "See what I told you, love? Piracy pays."
Birdo tilted her head and fixed him with a knowing smirk. "I know what your purpose is, Yoshi, and it won't work," she replied. "Piracy in no job for a sophisticated lady."
"But it is!" Yoshi insisted, leaping to his feet. "And ever since I lost him, I've been in need of a sailing partner."
Birdo smiled absentmindedly (somehow), and drew close to him. "The answer to that is still no, sweetie."
Just before that could develop more, the doors of the tavern busted open as if kicked by an awesome ninja toad. It was sadly just a shy guy.
"Sir! He is here!"
Yoshi jumped up. "He?!"
"Yes, he!"
Yoshi looked astounded. "He's back... he's returned!" He scrambled up, greatly excited. "I knew it, I KNEW it!"
Birdo put a hand on her hip and rolled her eyes. "Oh, bother. Why can't men just learn how to speak?" she muttered.

Outside, in the rocky cove where a couple of pirate ships waited idly, a small, white-sailed ship surged into the bay. It was unintimidating but proud; and along its hull was read the words the Duke.
Standing out on the front deck, two human figures leaned side by side over the railing. They almost looked alike enough to have been brothers.
"Yoshi's Island," Mario said, gesturing to the rock before them. "Home of the finest fruit rum known to humankind, and every other species-kind. Also my favorite pad."
Luigi, pondering this, glanced at the gaudily dressed pirate. "And your home?" he asked.
Mario shrugged. "Closest thing I've ever had to one. ...I haven't actually been here in several months though, mate, so no mentioning that, savvy?"
"Uhh..."
"But in reality, a pirate has no home but their ship."
Luigi paused. "So where's your ship?"
Mario took more than a second to answer. "It's a bit of a long story."
Luigi tilted his head. "The important ones are worth telling."
Mario suddenly seemed to snap. "Why do you care??"
Luigi raised his eyebrows. He had been out by the deck with the stubborn pirate for the past half hour, helping BJ with this odd job, assisting Mario do that... Luigi didn't know much of how a ship worked, but he felt like it wasn't really tough to pick up. Especially when he just copied Mario.
After coming to the realization that they really weren't going to go back for him, Luigi had tried his best to be friendly. BJ wasn't particularly interested nor available; but at least Mario was rather unoccupied, so Luigi did his best. He wasn't sure if he'd ever encountered someone so overbearing.
Still, in the short time he'd spent around him, Luigi couldn't help drawing the odd similarities between himself and the pirate. They had very different upbringings, yes - but still something felt oddly proper about sticking around him.
"Well skin my scales and serve me for dinner - it's Captain Mario!!" a voice from below boomed.
Mario and Luigi proceeded down the ramp which dropped to the shore, BJ hanging a little bit behind for fear of standing out.
And who was waiting for them at the bottom but a green Yoshi!
"Yoshi!" Mario exclaimed.
"Mario!" Yoshi exclaimed.
"Yoshi?!" Luigi exclaimed.
"Luigi?!" Yoshi exclaimed.
"Luigi??" Mario frowned.
"BJ!" BJ exclaimed for the heck of it.
Mario was speechless, looking back and forth. "Wait... you guys know each other?" he asked.
Luigi raised his eyebrows and nodded. "Yeah! ...Yoshi's an old family friend," he exclaimed. "When you said Yoshi's Island, I didn't think you meant Yoshi's Island!"
"Well what other Yoshi's Island did you think I meant?!" Mario snorted.
"But wait," Luigi said, looking the dinosaur over. He had now been dressed in a blue and white striped shirt and pirate hat.
"...You're a pirate?? How did you never tell me?!"
Yoshi chuckled and glanced at Mario. "Yeah, well, when you're in the city it's not exactly a fact you publicize."
Luigi was incredulous. "So you know this guy?" he jerked at Mario.
Yoshi glanced at Mario and nodded. "Yeah... Mario and I go way back." Then suddenly, as if someone had thrown an invisible football at his stomach, he jolted.
"Wait wait wait wait wait! So you two... found each other?!" he exclaimed, looking back and forth between the two humans.
"Like it or not," Luigi replied.
Mario frowned. "Ey, easy on your opinions, I haven't given mine of you yet."
Yoshi was overly elated. "Gosh, I always hoped this would happen someday! So... how did you... how'd you figure out?"
Mario and Luigi looked at each other for one dull second. "Come again?" they said in unison.
Yoshi stopped and gasped, staring at them like they were clueless toddlers. "Oh my churros y chocolate," he breathed. "You... you don't know, do you??"
"I know that I don't speak Spanish," Mario replied, glancing around in boredom.
Luigi was frowning. "Know what?"
Yoshi took a deep breath. "That, well, you know... hmm. How do I put this?"
"Simply," Mario replied.
"Hurry up, this internal organ ain't getting any younger," BJ said, toting his special chest.
Everyone stared at him. Then Yoshi turned back to the humans and said, "Well, there's no other way to say it, so I will. You two are... well!... brothers."
While Mario gave him an unamused scowl of boredom, Luigi made a squinty face that could have been on the front page of Idiocy Monthly. (That's a worldly newspaper.) Tapping his foot thoughtfully, he glanced at Mario, then shook his head with a gasp. "Nope, too much!"
Then he fainted dead away.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA I'M SO EVIL
... Not really. Actually I just didn't think I could pull the story off without splitting it. So, the conclusion will be coming soon...!
Which means I'm not dead! Yay! I'm really sorry it's seemed like forever... but I promise good things to come!
And... yeah, I'm totally doing this! I had actually received some feedback about piratey things a while back, and so when this idea clicked in my head, stampeding yoshis couldn't drag it away. So here we are!!!
Like the movies it was inspired by, I hope it drove you to your wits' end, even if you're familiar with the stories. (JK.) Please tell me what you think! (I'm also stuck on exclamation points!) With any luck the next part will make more sense!

Mario: Yeah, RIGHT.

Luigi: When do we get to comment on this?!??!

GET OUT OF MAH AUTHORS NOTE HOODLUMS!!