Mother was mother; the most beautiful woman in the world.

The one who had brought me to life and sacrificed a pair of blood stained wings and a soul. The one who had smiled through the pain and flew here and there in order to find a safe haven for our family to stay in. The one who cooked the most delicious meals for us, who sent me to school as if I was just like any other boy.

Father was father; the most hardworking man in the world.

The one who had taught me how to use my once white wings the very first time they tore out of my smooth young skin, the one who had protected us from all sorts of threats; the people that hunted us down from the Above. Sometimes, when he came home with battle scars on his broad back and blood dripping from his large wings, I had always thought to myself that I wanted to be just like him.

Jisoo was Jisoo, and he was the best brother I ever had.

The word family was never complete without him. Each and every day, watching him grow up brought joy to my soul, just like how my parents felt. We knew this was a miracle, and we believed it was a reward from God after all the hardships we had faced. Finally being able to find a safe place to live in, we settled down with our new family member in a basement under the shops above. It was not exactly the best experience, but knowing that it was safer, it was enough to make everybody feel relief that we have not felt since forever.

Father and mother were never supposed to fall in love, as it was prohibited. But I thought that their love story was a beautiful one; different from the disgrace that was clearly reflected in the eyes of the Archangels. Never once would I have hated the fact that they had broken the laws of the Above and thrown to earth. If it were not for that, I would not have the best parents, or be able to experience love, life and regrets.

For the first time ever, I might have felt regret towards my existence.

I knew Jisoo was going to die. I always had. The cure to him had never been the two lives that I had taken; but instead the love that I had towards him. Now that the family bond is broken, nothing can fix it, not even time. The two lives, her parents, were only nothing but sacrifices. That was the truth that I had realized after being banished from the Above.

Why was I never born as a normal human? If things were not as complicated, maybe everyone was able to live happily. Maybe Jisoo would still be alive then, maybe I would find my own happiness too. Maybe, if I were never a Fallen, then maybe things would have worked out to become better than they are now.

But the truth about being a Fallen is, we are neither Angels or Devils. We are not humans, either. We are a different kind, never being able to fit into any of the categories. We are the unknown, nameless, isolated. Maybe that was why I had always felt resentment towards everyone. This unfairness that I was going to suffer from as a punishment had always drove me out of my mind. What was I supposed to do? Everything that I had ever done turned out wrong, even if it was for my brother. I might as well die, might as well never been born.

There are so many things that I want to express, yet none of them are valid. Nothing is able to justify the fact that I had done something terrible. Mother, father, I sincerely apologize for disappointing you. If anyone deserves to die, it is me, and not Jisoo. But I hope you will be able to meet him soon and live happily together.

Jisoo, you may not know, but I have always watched over you since you were young. Your face as a small baby still remains at the back of my mind, and it hurts me to see you go. It will hurt to know you definitely will hate me after all that you have been put through. But I'll accept it, just like how I deserve to.

Amelia, I am sorry.

+++

She counted the days that passed by. Days, weeks, months; Lia had continuously prayed. If God was really there, she thought, then maybe He was her only hope in saving Jisoo. Miracles could happen anytime, and she had wished for one, more than anything, for it to be Jisoo to be completely fine again, just like years back.

Today has been exactly two weeks Jisoo had been hospitalized, and even after the surgeries and the medication, he was growing weaker, as if smiling already took up so much energy from him. Lia felt so pained. She had never felt a burn in her heart that hurt as much that time she saw him force a smile, even in the weakest state. Tears were there, but unable to fall. Anger was there, but unable to express. Essays and essays of questions she was going to write down, but just the mere thought of losing him, Lia just couldn't bear to do any of that.

Day by day, Jisoo grew closer to his estimated time of death.

This time, all she could do was look at him with sad eyes and hold his thin hand. Moments like this she had appreciated the most, and she tried to bury the sorrow deep inside the crevices in her heart before they crawl back up again. When Jisoo wakes up, she would kiss his cheek as usual and tell him that the weather today was beautiful. They would fantasize about going out for walks together, him getting her flowers and even to the coffee shop. They would talk about the films they are yet to watch together, the romantic comedies they had wished to watch.

Lia would bring up the topic of how she loved him dearly ever since forever, and her heart hurts more to see him in this state even more than when he was a child. Maybe it was the emotional attachment. Lia doesn't know.

But Jisoo would laugh meekly, and always say, “What do you mean? I'm still here, Lia, and I'll always be with you.

Maybe I won't remain forever in front of you or never be able to feel the warmth of your fingers again, but I know that you'll always remember me. I know that you'll be able to keep me in your memory, always. That thought itself is enough to make me at peace, Lia.” Jisoo held her hand tighter than ever before.

“I love you, always will, forever more.”

Lia had always swallowed her tears whenever he said that, but who could when the love of your life had perfectly vowed something like that without stuttering? The only thing she was able to do was wipe her tears and break into a smile. Hearts were at peace by then, and she would have to go home and leave Jisoo again alone at the hospital. There was not a day where she slept without thinking of him, as she deeply misses the soothe of his hand stroking her hair as she falls asleep.

Sometimes she couldn't help but cry, hard. Seungcheol would have to calm her down for a while, but he knew he was not in a place to stop her from feeling the despair she was experiencing now. Seungcheol understands the fact that the probability of losing Jisoo was higher than him coming back alive and healthy, so he lets her be.

Their friends would make trips to visit Jisoo from time to time, as they wanted Jisoo to leave with perfect memories. Soonyoung would goof around sometimes, when Jisoo was okay enough to handle his mild jokes. Sometimes Minghao and Jun came over to check on him, having small talks and a good laugh. Sometimes Jisoo preferred to be alone, rejecting any visitors and stare outside the window of his room, watching the change of weather that rained with snow by day.

He felt his time getting shorter by day. Sometimes, the pain was severe, and he was unable to sleep at night. Of course, he did not tell anyone, they didn't have to worry about him. Sometimes the pain lingered for a long time, but he had coped with it. Sometimes, even therapy hurts, and all he wanted was to die, but he lived and lived, because he knew that there was so much to this world before he had to leave.

Minki had visited him once a few days before to bid farewell. Jisoo understood what he meant. It was scary, but death was inevitable. He believed that after an attempt at taking his life, death had probably stepped up its game to take him away. That's a funny way to put it, Jisoo thought, although sad, but he manages to laugh about it anyway.

Day two. When Lia had cried her heart out that night and refused to leave.

The nurse left her there. It was wrong, but they were probably too tired to deal with Lia anyway. Jisoo had stroked her head to calm her down, and repeated the same words to her, as if a spell to make her stop bawling. Yes, Lia was weak, and Jisoo admitted that.

“I want you to grow into someone stronger than your present self, Lia.” Jisoo told her, looking directly into her eyes. He wiped her tears away with his thumb. “If I were to really leave, I want you to become a flower, fully bloomed and better. Remember me in your heart, but never put me as your priority. Always, always look around you and cherish the people that you currently have.”

“Because sometimes, we forget the people right in front of our eyes, that if we lose their existence only then we appreciate their presence.” Both Lia and Jisoo chorused together. They laughed. It was something they had picked up together from a novel they had read when they were younger, and during school, they wrote an essay about the exact same line they favored so much. They'll remember it forever, even after years, because it was muscle memory from repeating it so many times.

“Be forgiving.” Jisoo says, “you are more beautiful that way.”

Day one. Jisoo was weaker than before.

Lia did not have the heart to enter his room. Like it was contaminated with an air that she was unable to breathe in. But he held her head up high and went in to see him for the very last time.

Jisoo, who had forced himself to get up shakily put on a ring on her pinky finger. Lia held back tears, as she wished they had done this months back. But that was okay, the fact that he had left something for her was already enough. In fact, it was more than enough. The memories they spent together, she will forever remember them not to be engraved into her mind, but treasure them deeply in her heart, sewn to her soul.

“Whenever you think of me, smile.”

Lia nods slowly as she watches Jisoo put on the ring for her.

“Cross your heart?” Jisoo wants a promise. Lia crosses her heart and nods, unable to make out any words. Christmas long forgotten, he was the only person she wanted to spend time with.

Day zero. 30th December.

Lia was not late to see him go. She was calm, collected. Everytime she missed his presence already, her fingers reached the ring on her pinky finger, and the warmth of his hands resonates through her palm. They spent the Christmas grieving, nobody let him go with ease.

His parents thanked Lia for being there for him and bid their goodbyes. Whenever she felt tears forming, she held the ring close to her and remembers his words. Lia knows that there will be days when she will finally break down at the thought of him no longer existing, letting them all out. But for now, at the very least, she wished to feel nothing but peace and acknowledge everything Jisoo had told her.

Lia loved Jisoo dearly, and hopes the bright star that she saw that night was him waving from the Above. So she looks up at the night sky and blows a kiss at him, muttering the three words that meant so much to her one last time.

“I love you, always will, forever more.”

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No proofreading was done, i wanted this to be as raw as possible, but i will edit things, if necessary :)

Thank you for sticking around, i appreciate it so much. I want a chapter specifically about me criticising this story because its so bad. But if you read it from the start, anybody can tell that my writing has progressed, or perhaps, gotten even worse.

Ramadhan is here! May our fasting month this year be better than last year (*´ω｀*)

I love every single one of you, and Jisoo dearly <3

- Cee