Second update today, make sure to read chapter 4 first!

With my tongue between my teeth, heart beating anxiously in my chest as we stand in front of mom's door, Jimin and I wait until she opens up, knowing that she might need some more time depending on her physical condition of the day.

"Who's there?" she asks from the other side of the door and Jimin smiles. "It's us, mom, Jimin and Y/N, your favourite coconuts" he says and we hear a happy gasp from the other side that eases my heart instantly.

She opens the door and smiles brightly at us, eyes shining with delight before she waves for us to get inside with a giggle when she notices the bags of food in our hands.

"You brought food from your favourite place!" she chirps and I still momentarily before remembering Jimin's words. Don't upset her.

I smile and hum as I follow behind Jimin to set everything on her dining table. "We did, we brought something that we think you will love" I tell her and she walks to the kitchen with a happy hum to get plates and utensils, which Jimin quickly takes from her to avoid her dropping them to the floor.

That happened once and she cut herself trying to clean up the mess, we don't want a redo of that again.

"Let me take care of that mom, you can go help Y/N open the boxes, okay?" he tells her and she nods softly, a small smile on her lips before she reaches my side, her hands warm and gentle as she helps me spread the food we brought on the table.

I can't help but observe her intently, needing to know how much she remembers right now, how at ease she is with us, if there's the slightest discomfort that she might be trying to hide under a smile, but when she turns to me, I honestly can't tell, how much of it is real, and how much is fake.

Looking at her right now, she looks fine, but who knows how she really feels on the inside?

I try to focus on the task at hand, but having her so close to me, yet feeling so far away from me at the same time, it's hard, really hard.

"My baby, is everything okay?" she asks me worriedly when I feel the burning tears at the back of my throat, but hearing her small nickname for me has the tears running down my cheeks faster than a meteorite itself.

That's not what she usually calls me. We're her coconuts, always her little coconuts and it only serves to prove that my suspicion is in fact real. She's already forgotten about us.

She quickly takes me in her embrace at the sight of me crying and I hug her back, eyes shut tight and face hiding in her neck where my sobs get muffled into her skin, where her shirt soaks up my tears and her hands patting my back are comforting, just like she always has done, something so innate as this still helping to ease some of the terrible pain swarming me.

"What's wrong, my baby?" she asks again, but I shake my head, unable to let go of her, her arms tight around me something that I could never grow tired of, something I never want to stop, and as much as I know that I shouldn't think about it, my brain always leads me back in that direction. One day, this won't be possible anymore.

"I just miss you" is all I manage to say, but it conveys the message well and she kisses the side of my head with a slow exhale.

"I know, baby, I miss you two as well, but you need to live your life without it being focused on me, you know that. You have that shop now, how was today? Was there a lot of people?" she asks while rubbing my back softly, Jimin nearby as he sets the table, unwilling to take that away from me as he keeps a small distance.

"It went well, mom, there were a lot of people. We also met some people, they're interesting and fun, I think we might see them more often. We're really happy in Rivertown, you would love it there" I murmur, tiny sobs leaving me as she keeps hugging me and she hums softly at hearing that.

"I'm happy for you, you worked hard on this, I wish I could go and see by myself how pretty you two made it into" she muses and I nod, wishing for that to be possible too. She would've loved it there.

It almost feels like nothing ever turned wrong, like her health is in its peak condition, but there's always something that comes to remind me that this way of thinking is but a lie, something that serves to show that her knowledge now mostly comes from her trusty notebook.

She tenses for a brief moment, and when I pull back, it's to see her confused, almost panicked eyes fall on me. She turns to Jimin when she hears him set the utensils down and it's clear as day that she forgot something when she turns away with round eyes.

She pats my cheek softly and excuses herself before walking to her bed where a notebook rests on her bedside table and I watch as she flips through the pages quickly until she reaches the pictures.

"Y/N... Jimin... Y/N, Jimin, how could I forget their names... I need to do better" we hear her whisper as she wipes her eyes discreetly, a hand over her mouth, her mind having difficulty wrapping around her reality, one that includes forgetting about the people she loves most, even if she barely remembers anything except for what is written in there, an agenda of her life, an archive of her brain.

I turn to Jimin and hide in his arms, this pain in my chest feeling so crushing that it's almost keeping me from being able to breathe, but I do my best to calm down, to get my feelings under control. If this is hard for me, how much harder must it be for her right now?

We're here to spend time with mom, even when she forgets about us completely, when even the pictures aren't enough to tingle at her memory, I still want to come here and spend time with her, I need to get used to this. This is so little compared to what's awaiting us in the near future.

Jimin caresses my hair slowly, a gentle squeeze to my shoulder to help ground me and I step back to dry my cheeks with my sweater paws, eyes blinking quickly to get rid of the burning feeling before forcing a smile on my face.

"Why don't we eat now before it gets cold, mom? It would be a shame to eat all this cold" I tell her and she nods quickly, book shutting and settled back besides her bed before she walks over with a smile that looks very much like my own.

Jimin's lips twitch briefly before he smiles as well, but as we sit down, I can't help but feel like this table is very sad.

I grab mom's plate and start getting a few things that I know she likes and Jimin does the same for my plate while she takes care of his, something we've always done so often, but we both notice when she hesitates over what to put in it, his favourite food obviously not a knowledge she owns anymore.

Jimin hums loudly and pouts his lips. "You know what mom? Tonight, I feel like eating a lot of kimchi fried rice, some fried chicken and also a slice of that pizza, it looks absolutely delicious" he says and mom jumps on that information like it's her lifeline as she carefully selects only the best pieces for him.

I shoot him a thankful smile, knowing that this is all we can do for her. I proceed to cut her food in small sizes, but not too small so she can use her spoon without feeling like she's eating like a child, her fork and knife skills not nearly as advanced as they used to be.

"Here mom, why don't you start with that for now? There's plenty for later if you're still hungry" I tell her as I slide the plate in front of her and she smiles brightly with a thank you, her spoon held tight in her fist before she starts eating slowly.

Jimin slides my plate in front of me and then reaches out for my hand, needing something to hold, his fingers squeezing mine so tight that it hurts, and instantly, my heart fills with regret at how I always focus on myself, always on how I feel when obviously, he's in pain too, but I keep silent, knowing that there's no use talking about it now and instead squeeze his hand back, hoping to send him my love as much as this act can give.

"This is so good! I understand why it's your favourite!" mom exclaims and we both smile at her, glad that there's at least this one thing that doesn't change.

"That's good to hear mom" Jimin muses, eyes soft on her form.

But the fingers, when they start trembling, they tell of a whole other universe within himself, one that only I am able to get a glimpse of, barely on the surface.

I doubt we'll be getting any sleep tonight.

---

We enter the house in silence, a silence that has followed us since we left her for the hour long drive back here.

There's so much I want to say, but at the same time, no words are able to come close enough to the surface so that I can use them. They're all safely tucked far within the security of my soul, out of reach.

I hate when it happens, and it's been somewhat regular now whenever we come back from seeing her. It's like my voice just stays behind with her, hoping to keep her from forgetting something else, that maybe it could guide her into recovery, something impossible.

It wasn't too bad, all in all, she did well. She even tried to cut the cake herself, it was messy, but she did it and she was so proud.

We gave her her medicine before setting her to sleep when she started growing drowsy and we put away what was left of the food into her fridge and freezer before writing a note for her to not forget about them, to heat up the food with the appropriate amount of time for each before leaving.

We had to talk to the nurse taking care of her and told her a little bit about what happened, but that it was otherwise a good night for her and then went to the car where silence took over between the two of us.

It's easy to think of the smile and laughter, but it's even easier to think of the things that made us cry, and tonight, my mind is filled with these.

Jimin leads me to the couch in his living room and grabs a blanket to slide over my shoulders before smiling tiredly, then makes his way to the kitchen to start boiling some water so he can make us a hot chocolate like only him can make.

I observe him from where I am, throat locked up and working against me even when I want to ask him if he's fine, if he's alright, and it's frustrating to not be able to ask, but when my eyes notice the way his hands shake as he tries to dose how much cocoa to pour into the cups, I stand up with the blanket and make my way to him before hugging him from behind.

"Did you know? That her dementia was that advanced?" he asks, and I hug him tighter in response, feel the way his muscles tense and clench before relaxing, and again and again.

"How long have you known? Was it... since the first time you turned mute? Was it that day when you found out?" he asks again, a hint of anger in his voice, and when he feels me nod slightly against his back, he quickly turns around to hug me to his chest, his heart so quick and loud under my ear.

"I... I hate... so much that there's no way to fight this pain. I get this urge to just... hurt it as much as it hurts us, to scare it away and make sure it stays away but I can't do that and it's... making me crazy" he lets out before letting out a strained sob that tears my heart apart.

I hug him with as much strength as I can manage and bring a hand to the back of his neck to lower his head closer so I can kiss his cheeks, lips that become wet with his tears as his body trembles within my hold.

There's nothing I can tell him, so I lend him my shoulder to cry, my arms remaining secure around him, unmoving, I probably wouldn't let go of him even if he moved away from me, but when the kettle reaches a new loud that threatens to make us turn deaf, we both have to admit that this hug might have to be pushed back for a few minutes until we're comfortably settled back in the living room.

I wipe his cheeks when he straightens up lightly and offers me a small sheepish smile as he's not used to being the one found crying and then heads to get it off the stove to pour the boiling water into the two cups, a little less in mine so that he can add the creamy milk along with some marshmallows, just like I love it.

He turns around to clean the kitchen, now done with the garnishing but when I notice how plain and boring his cup is, I sneak in some marshmallows before running with both cups to the living room to make sure that he can't scold me until it's too late to remove them.

He needs to sweetness too or else he'll become this cold and sad person. Sugar always does the trick when he's like that.

After a while, he comes back to join me and sits down on the couch before grabbing his cup, after which he stills, eyes finally seeing the melting fluffy clouds in his drink.

"Peach... you know I don't like marshmallows" he whines, a look of annoyance on his face but I frown at him and motion for him to suck it up and drink anyway, to which he complies, unhappily.

Whether he wants to admit it or not, the marshmallows do help and when he relaxes besides me, I snuggle a little closer to him, then a little closer, watch as his smile grows with each millimeters covered until my side bumps into his.

He starts giggling when I snuggle comfortably against him and wraps an arm around me to keep me close with a sigh. "Ah, my sweet little sister, what would I do without you" he muses, careful to not make me drop my own cup as he rocks us slowly, his mood already improving.

Marshmallow power!

I shrug lightly and present him my cheek with a sly grin, hear his chuckle before he's pressing a kiss to it, then another, and another until my silent giggles fill his heart.

We both relax together as we finish our drinks and once done, he lends me another soft outfit for the night before sending me to the bathroom to get ready for bed, that he will do the same once I'm done.

As I brush my teeth, I hear my phone vibrate on the sink's counter and when I look at the screen, it's to see that it's Jungkook currently calling.

I pause mid-brushing, the reminder that I can't let out a single sound right now heavy on my heart as I watch the call get sent to voicemail instead.

I sigh and finish brushing my teeth before spitting and rinsing my mouth to continue with washing my face when I hear Jimin on the other side of the door as he walks past to the living room.

Curious, I open the door and peek my head out to hear what's he's saying, wondering who he could be talking to at such an hour.

"No, I wasn't sleeping yet, why? Repeat that again? Allergy medication? Yes, yes I have that, right, can he wait for a bit longer? Hmhm, text me the address, I'll bring it over, of course, see you soon".

Worried at hearing about an allergy, I step away from the door when he enters inside to search through the cabinet to get a bottle of pills and turns to me when he notices me about to follow him out.

"You stay here peach, I'll be back soon so you go to sleep, okay?" he says, not looking like he's about to take me with him but the timing is one I can't ignore as I grab my phone to show him the missed call.

He sighs and exits the bathroom with me close behind.

"It's Namjoon, he's allergic to seafood and didn't pay attention before making himself some ramyeon, it's nothing too bad, just some swelling, but they didn't know they were out of medication until they searched the box where they store everything and the clinics are closed" he explains quickly as he wears his shoes, unaware that I'm also wearing mine until he turns back to me.

"Peach, please, I'm not staying there to chat, I'm giving the pills, making sure that he's fine, then going back here, you shouldn't be out in your condition" he tries again but I shake my head with a frown, my phone out and into the notes app to write something that I then show to him.

I want to make sure Jungkook and Taehyung are fine, I'm not asking for permission.

He seems to hesitate some more, but at seeing the determination on my face, he nods and opens the door, a hand on my back to lead me outside after which he locks the door.

Once in the car, he enters the address in his phone's map and we get on the way to their place, one that is a little while away, closer to my apartment, but in the richer district that starts a few streets away from mine.

I look out of the window at the moon now high up in the sky and wonder to myself...

Who the fuck eats ramyeon at one in the morning?