Dear the girl who is sticking by me like a permanent sticking charm,

Hedwig is an extremely smart owl. I got really lucky that Hagrid decided to choose her for my birthday present.

Phones are expensive, besides I like writing to you through letters. It might not always be reliable or fast but its more authentic this way. Also we could always call more. I could start going up to Hogsmeade more. In fact I'm going up there on the weekend of Valentines, which is a week from now I believe. I could always call you then?

Five months and I'll be sixteen, that's crazy to me. Six months and you'll be sixteen too. Soon enough you'll be starting college. Do you know where you're going for college yet?

Errol certainly has a habit of flying into windows, but yes, I agree. I know he's not my owl and he belongs to the Weasley's but I think I'm actually going to miss him when he passes away. I think the Weasley's will too depite what they say about him all the time.

Ron didn't name him, Ginny did. Besides, Pig isn't his actual name, that is just the nickname Ron gave him because he doesn't like the name Ginny picked out. Pig took to the name before Ron had the chance to change it, you see. Anyway, his actual name is Pigwidgeon. I honestly don't know what's more questionable, the nickname or the actual name? Ron and Ginny certainly know how to come up with unforgettable names.

I would've pretended, yeah, if it made you happy. Just like you pretend to be interested in the things Josh is interested in to keep him happy. Just like how I know you pretend to be interested in Mr. Weasley's Muggle inventions. And I know full well you pretend to act interested so don't even try to convince me other wise in your reply.

I agree. School has definitely changed my views on Valentines. I used to ignore it and treat it like any other day but since my second year, I dread the mere thought of it. Merlin, I'm praying Umbridge doesn't decide to pull a Lockhart and throw up pink all over the castle. I don't think she will because she's kind of stuck up and not as happy-go-lucky as Lockhart but I'm not ignoring the possibility for her to do something. If she does, you can tell Snuffles I'm coming to live with him for the rest of the year.

I get where you're coming from. I know, surprising. But although I've never been in a relationship before you, I agree that people treat Valentines day as an excuse to act like a decent human being then they go back to being jerks. I get the whole gift giving thing but people shouldn't use the day to give their partners false ideas about themselves that they know full well they won't be able to maintain after a while. 

Although Lockhart was arrogant and loved the sound of his own voice, and was stuck up and thought himself higher than everyone else and was a fraud-

I could go on forever honestly, but despite his huge ego, I feel bad for what happened to Lockhart. I know he was going to Obliviate me and Ron first and leave Ginny for dead, but he's still held up in St. Mungo's because of Ron's broken wand. I can't help but feel bad because he can't even remember who he is. I mean, I guess on the brightside he has a second chance and could potentially be a better person now, but still, he wouldn't be in the hospital in the first place if it weren't for me and Ron.

Honestly it was mortifying. I suppose the upside to the cupids were that they kept interrupting Potions which you can imagine left Snape fuming. So that was good but then I had to go and get my own letter and it was horrifying. The supid Cupid had to go and do it in the middle of the hallway for everyone to hear.

I wonder sometimes what Peter would have been like if he hadn't turned to Voldemorts side. Would he be in my life? Would he be apart of the Order and still close to Remus and Snuffles? I mean Snuffles wouldn't have been sent to Azkaban if Peter had stayed loyal. A lot of things would be different. Maybe my parents would still be alive? Maybe Voldemort would have still found a way to kill them. I don't know about that but at least I could've lived with Snuffles instead of the Dursleys and I would've got to know Remus a lot sooner too.

Anyway, I'm doing the one thing I promised myself I wouldn't do anymore. I can't keep imagining alternative endings, it just makes things worse.

Yeah I guess you're right. I've never looked at it like that before. I always saw my appearence and tried to imagine what my parents would look like or what they would say to me if they were alive, but I never saw myself as the proof that they lived, even if it wasn't a long life like they deserved. Thanks, Ellie.

If I did end up being rescued by your parents when I was younger than I definitely would like to believe that we still would've ended up dating. Maybe we would've started dating sooner than we are now?

You don't need to apologise and you are certainly not selfish. I always used to dream about my life and what would have happend if my life played out differently, I mean everyone does. Some people love dreaming, like you for instance. But from experience, I find it always makes me feel worse when I think of what my life could have been. I mean it is harder than I like to admit but I've told myself there is no point of wishful thinking because it gets you nowhere. That doesn't mean you have to stop, or apologise about thinking of what my life would have been like differently either. You can do whatever you like, and you can talk to me about it all you like, it doesn't make you selfish in the slightest. It's a choice I made to stop, but that certainly doesn't mean I'm asking you to stop too.

I can't wait to finish at Hogwarts and move away from the Dursleys. I think that will be one of the best days of my life.

Thank you for that Ellie. I hate to think of myself like Tom but sometimes I can't help but see the similarities. But you're right, I'm not Tom, I'm Harry.

I talked to Ron and Hermione. I apologised and I don't know why it made me feel guiltier when they accepted the apology so quickly but it did. Anway, I took your advice and I had a lengthy chat to them about whats going on inside my head at the moment. I honesly think I scared them more but at least they understand now.

I'm still attending the lessons with Snape and they are not getting any easier nor is my scar hurting any less but I'll keep at them. It's better than doing nothing at all.

I don't know why I didn't think of that sooner but I listened to you El. Ron let me borrow his broom and when I could feel myself start to slip away, I went flying and it honestly helped. Not completely but it definitely helped clear my head for a little while.

I told Snuffles about the Dumbledore incident but I don't think he took it very seriously. It was just after Mr. Weasley had been attacked so I think he just thought that it was the aftermath of what I was already feeling.

I'm glad I have you Ellie, I really am. I'll gladly let you stick to me like a permanent sticking charm. Actually, it'll be my pleasure if you do.

Tell me a bit more about your family and Cass. I feel like you know loads about the people in my life but I don't know much about yours.

Love,

the boy who is still scarred from February in my second year.

(So sorry for the slow updates still. Hopefully I'll update more frequently soon. Hope everyone is okay and staying safe. Love you all!)