Once again, this angst isn't really about depression and so on. But it does surround the topic of death and heartbreak.

So in this story, Tord has hanahaki disease, as he longs for Tom. Not much to say here. I got hugely inspired by a comic I found on Pinterest. Not sure who drew that, but shout out to them! But without further ado, here is my first (well, serious) angst one-shot. With no fluff, just straight up angst.

___________

Tord hated love. He hated it with every fiber of his being.

Ever since he was young, he would turn his nose up in disgust at the slightest mention of love. Roll his eyes at couples he sees on the streets. Despise all the romance movies. So tell him, for the love of God, did he find love? And why, above all people, did it have to be the one person that hated him the most?

Tom, a man with no eyes, his enemy ever since the end of college, was his love as well. But Tord knew he despised him. And if Tom was any other person, Tord wouldn't mind it. Lots of people didn't like him. But Tom wasn't those people. He found ways to get under his skin that other people couldn't do.

The ongoing battle between the two wasn't direct. But it was very passive aggressive. The two would constantly throw shade at the other, saying snarky remarks like, "Don't throw a Christmas party. A certain Jehovah who doesn't know how to have fun wouldn't like it." or "Some Commie would love this gross shit. He's always gross."

Tord never meant what he said. But if hated love, and he began to love someone, why not hate them too?

The only person who seemed to welcome Tord's presence was Edd. Oh, why couldn't he love him? Edd was everything Tord could have wanted in a lover. The two were very close, Edd was funny, and overall, didn't treat Tord like a piece of shit. But Edd wasn't the one to have his love.

It was Tom who got his love. Oh, he could go on hours on how much he loved him. Deep inside his rude exterior was a caring and protective person. He was sarcastic and always seemed to speak what was on his mind, not caring what others think or not.

Tord sat there in his room. Coughing. He wasn't able to stop coughing ever since he woke up and it has been driving him crazy. Tord just assumed he was insanely sick and locked himself in his room so he wouldn't get anyone else sick. Matt, sure. But Tom and Edd, no.

But the thought of him being sick faded as he felt something creep up his throat. Tord coughed more, hoping to get whatever was blocking his airways out. Finally, he retched something out. But it was something Tord didn't expect.

It was a flower. A yellow one, to be exact. Tord grew confused and took out his phone, typing, 'Why am I coughing up flowers?'

Soon, his phone screen was swarmed with different sources. Tord clicked on the first one and began reading.

'Hanahaki disease: a disease where a patient coughs up flowers due to unrequited love. Surgeries to remove the disease are available, but it is expensive and results in no more emotions toward whoever the patient has feelings towards.'

Huh... that actually makes sense. Tord loves Tom, but of course, Tom doesn't love him back. Plus, he is willing to sacrifice his feelings towards Tom if this means living. In fact, it might help him say even nastier remarks about Tom.

Tord typed one more question: 'How much do Hanahaki disease surgeries cost?'

Tord wasn't expecting much, but almost cursed his phone out when he found out how much money the surgery cost. "£81,000,000!?" Tord screeched. He doesn't have that money!

Tord threw his phone away somewhere in his room, sighing. He puts his hands on his face and sighed. He didn't want to tell anyone about this disease. Or else they'll start treating him differently and he does not like different. He might as well start saving up money right this moment. He wants to get rid of this disease and his feelings towards Tom as quickly as possible.

He got out of the room, now knowing that his sickness wasn't at all contagious. He went to the living room, only finding Tom in there, watching the telly. Tom saw him and scoffed. Tord repeated Tom's action, trying to ignore the fact Tom was the source of this retched disease.

Tord looked around the room. "Where's Matt and Edd?" he asked, pretending to want to be with anyone besides Tom.

"Matt's in his room. Edd's out in the store." Tom sneered, turning his attention to the telly.

Tord nods before sitting next to Tom. Tom struck Tord an odd look before shaking his head and just not minding Tord, practically ignoring him. It was quiet between the two for a while. But then, out of the blue, Tom says, "What is up with you today?"

Tord gave Tom a questioning look. "What do you mean?"

"You woke up this morning coughing up a storm, stay in your room for God how knows long, and now you sit next to me like you don't despise me? Are you really the real Tord?"

'No, I'm just excited to stop feeling towards you.' Tord wanted to say to Tom. But he chose not to say that. Tom didn't need to know what's going on with Tord. Tord put on his snarky persona that he usually puts on when Tom's in the room and smirked. "Awww, are you concerned for me, Tom?"

"Hell no." Tom said with no hesitation. "It's just so weird for you to act like this. Well, even weirder."

Suddenly, Tord felt the flowers creeping up his throat again, threatening to come out of his throat. Tord began coughing once again, clawing at his throat. It didn't feel like just one measly flower Tord had hacked up a few minutes ago. It felt like a whole bouquet was being forced up his throat.

Tom instantly frowned at this. "Commie?"

Tord tried to force down the flowers down his throat. He wanted to run out of the room and hack out these flowers alone. But the flowers coming out of his throat wouldn't allow him to that.

As Tord tried to stop the coughing, Tom tried to reach out for Tord. Tord madly scooted away from Tom, yelling, "Don't touch me!" at that very moment, the flowers came out. The yellow petals was stained with red, which Tord could only assume was blood.

He looked at Tom, whose face only screamed shock. He laughed sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. "Tom, I could explain-"

"You have Hanahaki disease?"

Tord fell silent. He looked at his hands, now finding them so much more interesting than the conversation. After a few moments pass, Tord nods. "Please don't tell anyone." he pleads. "They'll treat me like I'm an orphan or something."

Tom said nothing in response. Instead, he sighs and leans back on the couch. "I won't tell a soul. How long have you had this?"

"I just found out today."

Tom nods, slipping a hand in his hoodie pocket, retrieving his flask. He pops open the cap of the bottle and begins drinking. He sighs as he puts his drink down. "Who do you love?"

"Well-"

"I'm back!" Edd slams open the door, making the two jump.

After the two realized who it was, Tom nodded before sipping more of his flask, seeming to drop the conversation Tom and Tord had. Tord got up from his seat and walked up to Edd, a big grin on his face. "What did you get?" asked Tord.

"Bacon!"

"A whole shit-load of it?"

"You bet!"

"You know what this means..." Tord smirked.

"Bacon night!" the two exclaimed.

Tord laughed. "Finally! The last time we had felt like forever!"

"I know, right? C'mon, let's cook the bacon so we can get this night started!"

In the background, Tom stares at the two with envy, who were smiling and laughing. He takes another swig of his flask, his free hand holding the yellow flowers Tord just threw up. He stands up.

"Hey, I'll be in my room." Tom announced, but only got a distracted 'Okay' from Edd. Not even a glance from the both of them to make sure he was okay. He goes to his room and closes the door. They didn't even spare him a passing glance to see he was crying.

____

It's been a few months and Tord's disease has been getting worse. Tom has been trying to help him, being the only one who knows about Tord's disease, but Tord pushes him away, as Tom only being there as a reminder he hated Tord made the disease worse.

He reminded Tord of all the things he loved about Tom. Him being protective, sarcastic, snarky, all of those things were things he loved. As well as his flaws. Just all Tom he loved. Tom, he longed for. But he couldn't love him.

It's funny Tom pretended to care when he found out Tord had Hanahaki. Still, Tord appreciated— no, loved the attention Tom was giving him. Better than nothing.

Luckily, Tord was able to save enough money to get himself the surgery. He made an appointment with the hospital a week before and woke up early in the morning so no one would know he was awake. He slipped out of bed and put on his clothes. He walked out of his room, and went to Tom's, where he found Tom passed out on his bed. Tord sighed. This will be the last day he loves Tom.

Tord pecked Tom on the forehead and went out of the house, grabbing Edd's keys Edd always conveniently put on the counter, and went to Edd's car, driving it to the hospital. When he got there, the hospital was white and bland as always. He walked towards the medical assistant manning the desk. "Tord Hansen, Hanahaki surgery?" he said.

The medical assistant typed something on his computer and nodded. "ID?"

Tord handed the medical assistant his ID, where the medical assistant proceeded to scan the ID and return it Tord. He puts on a wristband on Tord's wrist, saying, "The doctor will be with you in a second."

Tord sits down in a seat near the door, bumping his leg up and down in excitement and fear. On one hand, Tord was beyond excited to get rid of these feelings. But on the other, something in the back of his mind was telling him he's making a huge mistake. The doctor opens the door. "Tord Hansen, Hanahaki surgery?"

Tord raises his hand, standing up. "Here."

The doctor nods. "Ready for surgery?"

"Never been so ready my entire life."

As Tord walks through the door the doctor opened for him, that voice in the back of his head said for one more time, 'You are making a big mistake.', before shutting up completely as Tord stepped into the medical room.

____

"Tord?" Tom sat next to Tord. "Is everything okay? You haven't said one horrible comment about me for the entire day."

"Of course I am." deadpanned Tord. "I just decided it's time to move on from these petty arguments and waste my time on something else."

"Are you upset with me?" upset? Tord can't feel anything for Tom anymore.

"Of course not."

"Then why are you being so blunt with me!?"

"Tom, I just had my Hanahaki treated."

Tom gasped. Silence feel upon Tom, as he stared at Tord. "You had surgery?"

"Yeah."

"Who did you love?" Tom asked, his nonexistent eyes gleaming with hope.

"Was it obvious enough, Tom?" Tord sighed. "I loved you."

That hopeful look Tom had melted into a mortified one. "You loved me?"

"Must be such a relief, huh? Your enemy no longer has feelings for you. Or, any feelings. Can't love, can't hate... so I guess we're no longer enemies if I can't hate you?"

Tom looked down, trembling. Tord turned to Tom. "Is something wrong?" Tord asked, not one drop of emotion ever seeped in his words.

"I'm fine." Tom hissed. "I-I just want to go to my room."

Tom turned around, walking away. But at that same exact moment, Edd walked into the room. Quickly, Tord's mood changed drastically. "Edd!" Tord grinned.

"Hey!" Edd put an arm around Tord's shoulder. "Do you know what I got today?"

Tord chuckled. "No, Edd. I have no idea."

Edd dragged Tord to the kitchen, revealing heaps of bacon on the dinner table. "Bacon!"

Tord gasped, his lips began to form into a smile. "Oh hell yeah! I am going to eat more bacon than you, Edd!"

"Oh, we'll see about that!"

As the two sit each other down, Tord felt his cheeks flush. He felt another spark. Another spark with Edd. A spark with someone who didn't treat him like shit. A spark with the one he was supposed to be with.

____

Tom wanted to punch Edd, feeling jealousy bite at him. But he couldn't be mad at Edd. He had to be mad himself. How could he be so stupid? All along, as he was pining for Tord, Tord loved him. But Tom let his idiocy and ego get the best of him.

He allowed Tord to slip through his fingers although Tord was in his arms the whole time. He allowed Tord to stop loving him and begin to love another. And now he's here, crying in his room.

He felt something creep up his throat. He didn't even bother to force it down and hacked up a black rose. Tom chocked up another sob as he grabbed the flowers Tord threw up yesterday. It was chrysanthemum.

Tom hacked up more and more black roses, which fell with Tord's flowers. Black started to seep into his vision and Tom knew the end was coming soon. He had the disease for over a year, and it's still a surprise Tom was still alive.

He felt the flowers block his airways and he knew he can't clear them out anymore. Tom coughed more and more, and all he could begin thinking about was what could have been if Tom had been open with his feelings and let Tord know he loved him. Could they have been a couple?

As Tom took his final breaths, the only feeling he died with was regret. The only thought he brought with him was the thought of finally being able to love Tord.