Kara's pov

Walking into an apartment you've lived in for years, and not being hit with that feeling of home when you walk in described what it was like closing the front door. The furniture was still there, a variety of different sized chairs and colorful lamps still lay about. But the feeling of warmth and comfort are no where to be found. And I can easily draw an conclusion as to why.

That homey that he brought whenever he walked through that front door is gone, but the scent of him still remains. The memories still remain. And I know soon I'll be wanting forget it all, just to keep a tether of sanity but for now a bath sounds nice.

Washing off the residue of dry tears is exactly what I want to do before Alex comes over for what she insist is just a check in but I know she'll end up spending the night and honestly this time around I'm okay with that.

With a heavy sigh I began to let my feet carry my tired body towards the direction of the bathroom. As I near my desired location I catch a glimpse of a letter on our—no wait, my neatly made bed. I run my fingers tips along the smooth paper. Ink covers every inch of it, as his handwriting sprawls out from every corner.

My stomach flips at the thought of reading it. I desperately want to, but at the same time the idea of it unnerving. After today it's safe to say I've run my course with emotional affairs. My heart is heavy with a feeling that's become so distant and forgotten. But yet something in me is telling me to read it, and I've learned on several unprecedented occasions to always trust my instincts even if I don't have the full picture. And since my intuition has never failed me just yet I grab at the paper, force my eyes to align with the first sentence and pry to Rao that I'll find a sense of serenity in doing this.

*

Words can't describe how sorry I am. You don't deserve this. Rao, no one deserves this, but especially not you.

Nothing could've prepared me for that look in your eyes when I told you. The unmistakable shock, the transparent hurt, which you were so quick to try and hide...I definitely deserved it though. I could spend a lifetime apologizing to you for this but since time is delicate I'd rather spend it more sensibly. I want to thank you. For not only letting me love you, but for loving me back. There's a million other guys you could've chosen to spend your valuable time with but you chose me. And for that I'm forever grateful.

Holding you was a pleasure I'll hold dear for the rest of my life. Hugging you was a sensation I'd never manage to forget. Waking up with you.....every little thing I've received from you out of love, I'll hold onto for an eternity.

This morning as I sat here dreading the moment you'd wake up, something thats crossed my mind every now and than hit me at full force. I got to fall in love with you not only once but twice—I mean how lucky a guy does that make me, really? Just like the first time I fell for your heart. Than your eyes onto your smile, your laugh—and so on and so forth. The act of falling for you something I can only describe as a peaceful plunge. Peaceful, because you made it incredibly easy to swoon over you. Plunge, because I've never been in love before—and frankly I'd never received it either. So trying this out was scary to say the least, but I knew it was worth it; I knew you were worth it.

You know I'm since my memories have returned completely I'm aware of somethings I couldn't have possibly imagined before today. And I'm also aware that you might know what I'm talking about.

It was a rash decision on my mind, but I don't regret a thing. I always knew that I wanted to spend an eternity waking up to your smile, so it didn't surprise me when I found myself wandering into a jewelry shop downtown. I had just received an unbelievably large tip at the bar, and what better way to spend all that money on a custom made ring? ....I wrapped it wanting to make you think that it was an early birthday present —since yours wasn't too far away—just in-case you ran upon it. And you did eventually...the wrapping paper was off so that's how I found out.

I hope you liked it. I was sure not to step out the shop until it was everything you'd want it to be—not that you ever really cared for jewelry and such, but still. I knew I had to come up with something as relatively beautiful as you, and frankly I think I did just that—with the help of Winn, and James of course.

Can you promise me something? I might have to ask this to you in person, because you're impossibly stubborn, and I'd have to take a good look in your eyes to see if you'll do this but...please don't wait for me. We both know the chances of me coming back are pretty slim. I just want you to be happy Kara, that's all I've ever wanted for you, so promise me you'll at-least try, okay?

And Kara, I want you to know that there won't be a day where I'm not fighting to see you again. And that I'll do everything in my power to make it back to you.

Every time, right?

Oh and I left something for you in your drawer.

*

I somehow manage a small smile, as a array of tears run down my cheeks for what seemed to be the millionth time today. But they were content tears for once. Because like I thought, reading his letter managed to give me a sense of serenity. Something about the way he wrote it makes me feel as if he were actually still here, telling me all this. He isn't, but the letter eases the pain that comes with knowing that.

I fold the paper up carefully, and tuck it into the safety of my palm. My eyes align with the drawer, and in an instant my heart starts pounding against my chest, and a smile, thin but genuine adorns my face.

Only taking a couple of seconds to myself, I make my way over to my side of the bed, planting my feet in-front of the drawer. Reaching for the knob with slightly shaking hands, I take what has got to be my one thousandth deep breath, than open it.

A yellow sticky note with the words "Incase you ever need me ;)" rest on top of something. Lifting up the note I smile at it for a moment, this gesture of his was nothing new. Sometimes I'd wake up to notes on his pillow, on the fridge, on the kitchen counter...I'm going to miss all that. His little signs of life, of love. My eyes began to sting, so I put the note down right next to...a ring box.

The ring box.

I pick it up, and weakly smile down at it. My thumb traces the surface slowly drawing back and forth patterns, with just a flick of it I could have it opened. But for the second time in the last 5 minutes, I'm having a mental debate. Internal fear is overriding any ounce of grit I have in my hold. The source of the angst I can't name. I already ready know what's in it yet my hearts still beating 400 beats a minute just like it was the first time I held the box. A single tear rolls down my cheek and I can feel it balancing on my chin.

Forcing my eyes up, I point them towards the ceiling  attempting to slow the tears to whatever extent. When that doesn't work I just close them, and try not to think about why he left it here. Swallowing the thick lump in my throat I open it, still keeping my eyes in head up though. Only letting one tear trickle down my tear stained cheek, I look down.

A smile so small comes over me.

His legion ring.

Something that he'd never step out the house without, something he was so protective of, was resting in the palm of my hand. The words "Incase you ever need me." Make so much more sense now. Grabbing one of his most treasured belongings, I let my thumb hover over the comet. Thinking back to the time when he came back and told me how that if I pressed it, it'd send an distress signal. A distress signal that I couldn't even dream of sending now.
That'd be the epitome of being selfish. Hell if I didn't have self control I would've pressed it by now, just to give hug him. Quickly placing the device back in the box, I seal it out from my line of vision  so I don't do something I'll later regret.

I'm not using it.

Can't really afford to either. The world could be on the brink of collapse but I wouldn't dare to even think about calling for him to for help—not until that was the very last option of course. He'll be fighting his own battles, and I for one don't have what it takes to watch him leave again.

Closing the drawer with a light push of hand, I can't help but let the words "Every time, right?" Do spirals in the back of my mind. He has come back to me on several occasions, and while I'm reluctant to believe it'll happen again, there's hope there— in those three words.

And that's all I need to get through whatever's to come next.

******

"How are you feeling?" Her voice is light, almost as if she's afraid to speak. Turning to Alex I rest a hand on her knee, keeping our eyes locked as I do.

"I'm gonna be alright."

A smile. A faint one, but a smile comes over her.
"I know. But how are you now?"

It takes a moment for me to answer, "I'm trying." He smile grows larger, with my declaration. Next thing I know I'm in her arms, and nothing else matters in that moment.

With her chin balancing on the top of my head she speaks. "I'm proud of you, you know that?"

It's my turn to smile this time around

"I do."

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This is super short, so I can't really understand why it took as long as it did to publish but here it is, and I hope you guys enjoy it :)