Kara's pov

After two stressful work days we've finally put an end to the project we've been working on, and we can agree that both sides have come to an agreeable conclusion, and that something like this isn't happening again in the near future. So now Lois and Clark are back to spend their last day in National city with us. Since dinner is still sometime away, I've been catching up with Lois, who happens to have one to many drunk stories, while Kal is teaching Mon-El to juggle in the living room...turns out they were serious about that.

"Okay enough about me getting drunk at low quality bars, let's talk about you." Lois remarks, turning towards me with a wide grin, that makes me wonder if she just wants to talk about just me.

"By 'let's talk about me' do you mean let's talk about my relationship? Because that's what I'm sensing you wanna know about." Lois laughs at my declaration.

"You know me well Kara Zor-El." Lois admits. I sigh dramatically before giving in.

"What do you wanna know?" I ask earning an excited squeal from Lois.

"What was the first kiss like?" Lois ask quickly, as if she didn't even need a second to think of a question. Her question causes me to bow my head down as another laugh leaves the depths of my throat. It's ridiculous how excited she is about this.

"It was great." I state simply, earning a dramatic frown from Lois.

"You're gonna have to give me more than that." Lois exclaims. "Come on Kara. Please. I need something to lift my spirits up after today." Lois remarks basically pleading. Some how that makes a good testimony.

"Okay. Okay fine." I remark, causing Lois  give me another grin. "It was...I can't really describe it in words." I state, Lois's lips to tilt up higher at that.

"I can't really describe my first kiss which Clark either, but I remember it clear as day. Just close your eyes and think of that day...that moment." Lois advices. I nod softly before slipping my eyes closed, and taking myself back to that day in the DEO medbay.

"His lips, they were warm...really warm actually, because he had been running a fever." The words flowing out of my mouth easier than I thought they would. "They were soft too, so was his hand the that he rested on my cheek. He wasn't demanding or rough, he was gentle and a little hesitant." The chuckle a little at the memory. "He even moved in slowly so I'd have time to pull away...I guess he was afraid that I'd punch him or something." I state earning a light chuckle from Lois. "I remember being so terrified that I'd lose him that day because he was on the brink of dying, but the moment my lips pressed against his, my fear for only a brief moment was washed away, by the flooding feeling of blissfulness. And the second he pulled away and our eyes met, I knew no matter how hard I'd previously tired to deny it, I had feelings for him." I admitted. "I remember feeling scared and confused as he slipped back into sleep,because the thought of acting on my feelings for him terrified me. I thought things would ultimately take a sharp left for us, if we got together...and it did at some points, but thankfully everything looks like it's ack on track." I conclude, opening my eyes back up to connect with Lois's.

"I'm so glad everything worked out." Lois states sincerely, as she reached for my hand this time, giving it a light squeeze. We let small smiles illuminates our faces for a while, before Lois moves on to her next question. "What's the most romantic thing he's ever done for you?"

"You're really enjoying this huh?" I ask releasing a soft chuckle.

"Yes. Yes I am." Lois remarks, nodding.

"Geez where do I start?" I ask myself earning another little chuckle from Lois. My fingers tap along the wooden table as I try to think of an answer. This wouldn't be so hard if Mon-El wasn't the type of guy who seemed like he just walk out of romantic movie, and not the cheesy ones that make you cringe, but the ones that are so well put together, that it makes you want to want what they have. And luckily for me I've got that. Laughing from the living room is what causes my eyes to divert their attention from Lois to Mon-El, and Kal. Who seemed to have just given up on juggling, and moved on to watch the little rascals.

"I love that movie." A familiar voice rings from behind me causing Lois and I's heads to snap back. Only to find Winn standing there with his hands resting on the table. A warm smile is spread across his cheeks, as his eyes bore into the back of Kal's head.

"Wha—when did you get in here?!" I ask, knowing why he probably came, but not knowing how I didn't notice. I have super hearing for gods sake.

"Just now." Winn reply's turning his gaze to mine. His eyes quickly fill with a look between scared and regret when he takes in the fact that I'm glowering at him. "It's not my fault you always leave your door unlocked." Winn states defensively, but my scowl doesn't leave my face. "That's—you should lock it sometime...burglars exist. Even-even though you can probably handle them..." Winn remarks, leaning away from the table, to distance himself from me.

"I could've blasted your face of just now, you know that right?" I ask, Winn gives a quick nod in response, as he fumbles with his hands. He should now better than anyone not to sneak up on someone who can't even sneeze without worrying about leaving a catastrophic tear in the Earth.

"It's nice to see you again Winn." Lois voices, in an attempt to defuse the situation.

"You—you too. I um liked your piece on the big tabloid scam in Nevada, it was very—very well written." Winn mutters as he continues to tap his fingers together.

"Thank you." Lois remarks, nodding slowly as scratching the back of her head.

Sighing I turn back to Winn, who was staring anxiously at a specific someone on the couch. "You can go." I declare, Winn's face lights up immediately, as he rushes past after mumble the the words "I'll knock next."

"New Jersey." Lois calls out, causing me to look away at the sight of Winn putting himself in between a very surprised Kryptonian, and a very amused Daxamite, on a two person couch.

"What?" I ask, as I turn back to her.

"The article wasn't on Nevada. It was on New Jersey." Lois states, and I can't help, but laugh at that. "Anyways, back to what we were talking about before." Lois, says clapping her hands together. Exciting a playful groan from me.

"Why can't we just talk about your relationship?" I ask half whining, half laughing.

"We've been talk about my relationship for five years, it's your turn now." Lois states. I dramatically throw my head back in response. I must've thrown my head too far, because as soon as my neck comes in contact with the wooden chair a perfect answer comes to mind, but before I can actually speak, the topic of discussion himself, places his hands on my shoulders. "Hi!" I say as I look up at him in my rather strange position, my tone is rather excited, and not just because he saved me from answering, but the fact that there's a impossibly cute/dumb smile on his face.

"Hi!" Mon-El greets just as excitedly, as he moves to sit next to me, his hand resting on my knee, and the other laid flat across the table. "Sorry to barge in, Winn practically kicked me out...does he not know that, that's a two person couch?"

"I don't think so." Lois answers, as she grimaces at the sight on Winn scooting even closer to Kal, so that they're practically sitting on the same cushion. "I knew he was a fan, but I didn't think he was..."

"A lovestruck fanboy?" I chip in, causing her to release a small nod.

"I'm kinda jealous of the amount of fans he has...I'm pretty awesome too right?" Mon-El ask, ask earning a laugh from Lois, and a small grin from me.

"Trust me, you have an assortment of fans too." I state, trying not to take my mind back to that elevator ride. "And as for being awesome you're...okay I guess." I remark earning a playful scoff from Mon-El.

"Well I guess you're pretty alright too."

"I'm sorry, but how many times have I saved your life?" I ask, locking on to his playful gaze.

"And how many times have I saved yours?" Mon-El ask, matching my chaff comment. I roll my eyes at him playfully before turning back to Lois, who had an amused smile playing at her lips.

"Oh I forgot to ask, did you finish editing the interview?" I ask, causing Lois to nod excitedly.

"Yep! I was actually gonna publish it in a couple of hours, do you want a copy?"

"Well I heard Supergirl was mentioned, and I do hear she's pretty amazing so...yeah I guess I'll read it." I remark as I turn back to Mon-El who was shaking his head, as he silently chuckled to himself.

"Here you go." Lois says, as she passes me a red folder. I run my fingers across the the surface of of the folder before opening it. "I'll leave you to it." Lois murmurs softly, a warm smile adorning her features, as she uses her hands to push herself off her chair. She makes her way all the way to the couch and awkwardly places herself at the far end of the couch. Kal throws her a look that is practically begging for her to help him, but she only releases a short laugh, before turning her attention to the screen.

"You know I'm really proud of you." I state, turning back to Mon-El. "The person I met nearly two years ago, wouldn't have even dreamed of stepping out into the world as a hero. And now...you're out here doing just that, and landing yourself on the front of every news article." I remark. A bashful grin spreads across Mon-Els face as I finish.

"So you do think I'm more than just some mediocre guy flying around in a cape?" Mon-El asks, rising his eyebrows as a cocky grin spreads across his face.

"Do you want me to read it, or do you wanna read it?" I ask earning a light chuckle from Mon-El.

"You can read it. Doesn't have to be out loud or anything. I remember everything I said as clear as day." Mon-El states, moving his hand from off my knee and placing it so that the back of his arm is resting against the roof of my chair and so that his hand is a couple millimeters away from my face. I maneuver myself so that I can rest my head against his chest. Once I've done that I begin to read the article to myself.
*
L: I can't believe I'm here with one of National City's very own caped Hero's! Do you mind if we just dive right into it?

M: I don't mind at all. [Laughs]

L: Great. It's been noticeable that you made a reappearance a few months ago at the National City Bank. And our sources tell use that when the lead was released into Earth's atmosphere nearly a year ago, you had to flee with the rest of the Daxamites, is  that true?

M: Yeah.That is true. I um...us Daxamites have a really bad lead allergy [Laughs] so let's just say that if I would've stayed, I definitely wouldn't be sitting here with you today.

L: Well we wouldn't have wanted that know would we? As much as we know you've been gone seven months. What was going on with you during that time? We see you got a new suit so that must've been something!

M: [Laughs] Yeah, it was definitely something. When I actually landed where I did. I noticed how different everything was, even time passed differently there, so I was actually gone for much longer than seven months...I'd been gone for seven years.

L: Wow...that's awhile.

M: [Laughs] Mhm, but in that time I learned so many things, and not only about myself, but about all of the problems that presented themselves in every possible place imaginable...and the day I left Earth I promised someone that I'd be better. And what better way to do that than starting your own team of superheroes to help make the universe a safer place for all? [Laughs]

L: Wait you formed an elite group of superheroes?!

M: Mhm.

L: What that's it? No details?!

M: Nope. [Laughs]

L: Okay fine. Next question than. Who inspired you to be a hero?

M: Would it surprised you if I said Supergirl?

L: Nope. In fact I was expecting that answer.

M: Ah okay. [Laughs] Um if I'm being completely honest with myself, I've always been a-bit of a fanboy when it comes to Supergirl.

L: I think we can all relate to that.

M: [Laughs] One of the things I've always admired about her is her graciousness. Not long after I landed here almost two years ago. She took me under her wing. And at the time I—not in the slightest, wanted to be a hero. And I was difficult to work with, selfish, lazy, and to sum it up...a jerk. And between my incredibly large ego, and her strong headed attitude. We bucked heads...a-lot. [Laughs] But regardless I still admired her, for all that she did, and all that she was. And it wasn't until I really opened my eyes that I realized all the work she was doing to protect this planet, was—it was just...it inspired me to say the least. So um I finally came to the decision that I'd did want to give this hero thing a try.

L: That decision must have a difficult one.

M: Yeah, in some aspects I guess it was a difficult  decision to make, but at the time I only remember feeling terrified. [Laughs] Not only because of the decision I was making was a scary one, but...because I just wanted her approval, and I still had a lot to learn about earthly customs, and I was scared she wouldn't have taken me seriously. But much to my
surprise she gave me a chance to prove myself, and I never took that for granted—I mean I did screw up big time here and there, but in the end we'd make things up. And I continued to learn from her.

L: Well she definitely sounds like an amazing mentor.

M: She was an even better partner.

L: Speaking of partnership. Yours and Supergirl's seems to be growing stronger every day. Why do you think that is?

M: [Laughs] Um I think that the fact that my ego's gotten a lot smaller, contributes to that...I don't know, we just we work well together that's all. She doesn't even need to tell me what to do on the scene, I can just read her, and she can just read me.

L: Looks like you guys were just made to be partners than huh?

M: Yeah. I guess so.

L: What's your favorite part about the job you have?

M: There's just not enough places to start...the looks of relief thatflood over someone when they're being saved...the hope that comes along with what we do. Knowing that the work we do inspires people to be their best selves. And of course the people we meet...the list just goes on and on.

L: Least favorite part about the job?

M: Not being able to save everyone...that's—that's definitely hard.

L: How do you cope with that, if you don't mind me asking.

M: I um...sometimes times there's no other way to cope with that, besides throwing something, or crying about it...maybe even both sometimes so yeah. There's—there's many ways to cope.

L: Thank you...last question than we're done okay?

M: Okay.

L: What's the most important thing that you've learned over the years?

M: Hope. Hope's the key to a great future.

L: That's great advice. Well that's a wrap, thank you for your time Valor.

M: My pleasure.

A small smile resides on my lips, as I close the folder and place it back on the table. Shifting in my chair once again I lift my head up to lock my eyes with Mon-El's. My hand finds his face, and he leans into my touch, his eyes slip close for a second before reconnecting with mine.

"Maybe you're not so mediocre." I state earning a light chuckle from him.

"Mm, I'm glad you think so." Mon-El mutters against my cheek. "And you're definitely more than just alright."

"Thank you." I murmur quietly, stroking the side of his bread.

"Ready for dinner?" Mon-El asks.

"Of course!"'I state earning another chuckle from him. He moves to get up but I quickly stop him, which earns me a confused look. "Sit. I'll prepare it."

"No it's—"

"—I'm going now." I declare quickly the words leaving my lips like a melody. I move out of my seat swiftly, leaving no room for complaint, and make my way into the kitchen to reheat the food. To say I'm remotely not surprised when only five seconds later I feel to arms wrap around me is an understatement. "Really? You couldn't listen for five seconds?" I remark playfully, turning only to find myself staring at a familiar seat of mesmerizing grey orbs.

"I did say I lost my ego, but my will to listen to you...that's a completely different story." Mon-El states, as he slowly leans in to place a gentle kiss on my lips. The action manages to remove my annoyed scowl, with a bubbly grin. "And besides I couldn't have you messing up my hard work." Mon-El teases. And just like that my scowl returned.

******

Well Lois and Kal said their final goodbyes today. And promised to visit soon, under non-business related circumstances. Winn left not too long after, with this unbelievably huge grin of his face. Which honestly made me feel the jealously Mon-El felt early. I've actually saved Winn's life on several occasions, but yet it's obvious that he prefers the man in blue. Which is fine...I guess. But on a brighter note James is letting everyone work from home tomorrow, because honestly...no one feels like going into that building after today. And that might be, because of the fact that we've done more work in the past two days than when have in the past two months.

"Kara, can we talk?" Mon-Els voice rings out diverting my gaze from my laptop which is balancing on my lap. As soon as my eyes connect with his, I noticed the nervous glint in his eyes.

"Yeah of course." I state shutting my laptop, placing it on my nightstand, and rotating myself so that I can give Mon-El my undivided attention. He scratches the side of his beard before placing his hands in his lap and intertwining them.

"I never—I never opened up to you about how I felt about...anything regarding my personal feelings, and I wanted to change that...I want to be completely honest with you." Mon-El says, his tone low, as he holds our steady gaze with his soft grey eyes. A small smile grazes my lips at his words. I've been waiting for this moment, but pushing him to talk was the last thing I wanted to do. So I'm glad he came to me on his own terms, and at his own pace. My right hand moves on top of his clasped hands, silently letting him know that I'm listening. A light chuckle leaves his lips, as he unclasp his hands, setting one on his knee and the other now holding onto mine. "...I have no idea what to say, or where to start." Mon-El admits, releasing another chuckle, but this one was way weaker.

I nod in understanding. Writings always been my forte. I can drop a big hope speech once in a while, but that's only because I'm not thinking so much about what I have to say, it just kinda comes naturally. I wish I could say it's like that all the time but it isn't. Other times I tend to trip over my words, but it isn't that way when I write everything just clearer. "Writing helps for me, maybe it can help you too." I declare as I reach for the note pad I keep in the drawer of my nightstand. "Here." I say, as I hand him the notepad and a pen.

"Thank you." Mon-Els clicks the pen, and hovers it over the paper for a while, his eyes glance up at mine, and I give him an encouraging nod. A soft exhale of breath leaves his mouth as he begins writing.

******

It's been a while now, and at some point we've even switched positions. I'm laying flat on my back while Mon-El's resting his head on my stomach. The pens still scrabbling along the notepad, and I'm making sure to keep my eyes off of the paper. Even though I know he'll be showing it to me later, it still feels wrong to look at it when he's not finished. An occasional sniffle comes from him, and the sound chips away at my heart every single time I hear it. The vulnerability in every sharp inhale he takes, just...it makes me wanna hold him. But for now it's best if hold off my urges and let him write. He doesn't need any distractions right now. He just needs to know that I'm here for him. All of him. The good side of him, and the side of him that's still a work in progress. A shift in movement is what stops my frantic mind from running. "Done?" I ask, as I watch him make his way to the edge of the bed.

"Yeah." Mon-El confirms, now standing up, turning away from me. "Um you can read it now if you want." Mon-El states, my eyes revert from the back of his head and onto the notepad which resides beside me. "I'll be in the bathroom." Mon-El adds, as he moves towards the bathroom door. The familiar creek of the door sounds as he opens it, and again when he closes it, well almost closes it, I don't think he knows he left the door slightly ajar.

Turning back to the notepad I let my fingers trace it delicately before grabbing it. Mon-Els familiar hand writing marks the page, or should I say pages. Looks like he used more than one sheet. Which of course is good...in a way. My eyes travel back to the bathroom door, the sound of running water slips through the opening of the door. Turning back to the notepad in my hand I release a shaky breath before bringing myself to read what he wrote.

                                             
                                        *

I dreamt of my mother last night. And the fact that I used the word 'dreamt' makes it a nightmare. It all seemed so...good. Too good. She was smiling which she never usually does unless there's a vile reason behind it. She was laughing too, and not one of those mockery types of laughs that come from her, but a real genuine one. I don't know where that laugh came from, but it definitely wasn't hers. I know that because I've never actually heard her laugh before. Not a real one anyways. She also hugged me at some point, her embrace felt so inviting so...warm. I think could've stayed in her arms forever if she actually ever hugged me like that. But she never did...That's when I woke up. Only to find that it was your arms that were wrapped around me, not hers.

Somehow in my abrupt awakening I managed not to wake you up...and I took advantage of that.

I cried...I cried a lot last night. That dream was so vivid...so realistic. But yet again it was only a dream wasn't it? A dream that I hoped would one day could've come true. The feeling of being loved by my parents was the only thing I ever wished for back on Daxam. But everything changed when I crash landed here. I never wanted to admit this to myself, but apart of me was okay with...what I thought had happened to them. A part of me just felt free of them in some way. Free of their judgment, free of their disapproval, free of their high expectations I could never seem to meet...A weight was taken off my shoulders the day you told me I was the only one that survived the destruction of Daxam...I felt as if I finally had the chance to breathe...to actually breathe without having to worry about anyone or anything.

But that selfish feeling was short lived. Because soon I found myself worrying about you. And that terrified me beyond reason. I never felt feelings of  such intensity about anyone in my life before, and than you came along with your big heart, and your beautiful smile. And I found myself being drawn to you more and more every day. You showed me love that I yearned to have for so long and I'm eternally grateful for that, and of course for you.

But, even though I had you I still found myself yearning to be loved by my parents, and I resented myself for that...I still resent myself for that! Because somehow, a part of me still loves the both of them. I don't know why and I don't know how, but I do. My dreams are evidence of that. I should've known from the moment that smile appeared on her face that I should've tried to wake myself up, but I was drawn to it...the happiness she radiated in my dream, I was drawn to that. Because her happiness, even if it weren't real, made me happy. It made me so unbelievably happy, Kara. And I hate myself for that.

I know you told me that I can't force myself to stop loving someone, but yet I find myself trying. Trying so hard to resent them the way they resented me, but it's...it's harder than I thought it would be. Hating someone, you wanted to love you for so long.

Why do feelings have to be so complicated? I'd just love to know the answer to that question.

                                           *

Tears are already spewing out of my eyes by the time my feet hit the floor. I make my way towards the bathroom door, not caring that the showers still running, pushing it gently so that I don't startle him. Instead of my eyes expecting to see him threw a thin layer of shower curtain, I find him sitting on the closed toilet seat, with his head is in his hands. I don't think he heard me enter over the running water. So I take my time walking towards him. I make sure to turn off the shower faucet, before crouching down in front of him, balancing myself on my knees. This gets his attention. His eyes slowly inch up until they connect with mine...He's been crying, that much is obvious. His eyes are red and puffy and his eyelashes are glued together the way they always are when he cries. He sniffles before wiping at his nose with his sleeve. My hands find the sides of his cheeks, he closes his eyes at the contact for the second time today. My thumbs start their usual back and forth motions against his cheeks.

"I'm so proud of you." I mutter, in a hushed whisper, Mon-Els eyes slip back open at my statement, fresh tears glisten in his eyes, as he pulls his bottom lip into his mouth and precedes to gently bit down on it. "You know what I always admire, about you the most?" I ask him and he gives a simple shake of the head. I maneuver my right hand off his cheek and rest it across his beating heart. The action takes me back to the time I discovered the letter he wrote me sometime before he had to leave. He told me his favorite part about was my heart, and that he always admired how I used it. To see the best in others, and to inspire people with it. Little did he know I admired his heart too. "This." I state simply. "You've always had the kindest heart, and I know you don't believe me when I say this, but you do." Mon-El eyes are still showing that he's unconvinced so I continue. "That day you fled Daxam, did you or did you not hesitate to help someone in need?" I ask him, remembering the time he told me the real story on how he survived Daxam. 

"I did..." Mon-El admits, his voice cracking, the sound managing to yet again chip away at a piece of my heart.

"And why do you think you did that?" I ask him and he releases another sniffle before giving me an answer.

"Because...I felt the need to help them." Mon-El remarks, earning a small smile from me.

"Exactly."

"But I didn't. I ran like a coward, who was only interested in saving himself." My smile quickly drops at his words. How could he possibly say that, like running was the only thing he remembered doing that day?

"If you were so interested in saving yourself, than why'd you cry out when your guard set the coordinates for you to end up on earth?" I ask. He bows his head and doesn't respond. "And that time you caught that car in order to save that little girl, would a coward have done that?" I ask him.

"Well I wasn't just gonna watch her die! I-I couldn't have lived with myself knowing that I could've saved her, but decided to do nothing." Mon-El states defensively, and I shake my head at his words.

"But there's more to that Mon-El, there's more to you than just the guy who couldn't live with himself if you didn't save her." I remark, bringing my hand onto his chin, directing his eyes towards me again."You showed up that day, because you wanted to prove to yourself that you weren't a coward. If you hadn't been there that day...things may not have turned out they way they did. And you know that so why are downgrading all the good things you did?"

"Because I didn't do it for me, I did it for you!" Mon-El says, his voice breaking even more, as he lets the tears that were clinging to his eyes slip upon his cheeks.

"That's not true. None of that's true." I state, earning a small scuff from him.

"But what if it is? I was so in love with you, that I would've done anything to impress you."

"Mon-El...I might have inspired you, but at the end of the day you decided to take that first step into bettering yourself. I didn't change you, you did...I wasn't the one that told you to invite yourself over two years ago, to tell me that you wanted to be a hero. That was your choice, and your choice only." I state. Mon-El just looks at me, a hint of self pity reflecting in his clouded eyes. "Can I see your legion ring?" I ask him, he throws me a confused look, but proceeds to give it to me anyways. Sliding it off his finger, he hands it to me, and I take it, and hold it up with my thumb and index finger, displaying it in front of him. "When you came back, you told me you formed The Legion...what inspired you to do that?" I ask him.

"You." He states simply. I smile comes across my face because that was the exact answer I was expecting.

"But you didn't even remember who I was when you first came back, so how could you have possibly founded The Legion because of me?" I ask him, and he only blinks at my confession. "I might have inspired you, but I wasn't the soul reason you did this, now was I?" I ask him, handing him back his ring.

"No, I guess not." Mon-El mutters his voice manages to be quieter than a whisper. "...I'm sorry that I'm making everything complicated, I just...I always seem to doubt myself to great extremes, whenever she's in my head." Mon-El states, 'she' being a reference to his mother.

"I get it." I remark waving off his unnecessary apology. I wipe away at his new set of tears. He sucks in a shaky breath, before mumbling.

"Thank you...for everything." Drawing his hand the the side of my face. He mimics my earlier actions with his thumb. Now I would've usually told him that he doesn't have to thank me, but with the way his tired eyes are looking at me right now I can only nod in response.

"Why don't you go take an actual shower this time?" I suggest after a while of holding each other's gazes. and Mon-El releases a small chuckle.

"Yeah...I'm sorry about that. I thought the running water would distract me in someway...it's stupid—"

"—no it isn't. I tap my foot against the floor when I'm anxious...it keeps me grounded." I admit. Mon-El takes a short moment to himself before nodding. Lifting myself off my knees I stand in front of him once again. I offer him my hand to pull him up, and he takes it. "If you need anything call me. I'll be right outside, okay?" I remark slowly letting go of his hand, and smiling at him one last time before I make my way towards the door.

"Kara?" Mon-El calls out before my hand touches the door knob. I turn back around only to find him making his way towards me. The feeling of his arms wrapping around me, enlightens a small chuckle from me, but regardless I return the hug and rest my head on his shoulder. A calming silence takes over us as we just stand there enjoying the warmth the other provides.

"I love you." Mon-El says, his lips brush against my hairline as he speaks. A dopey grin floods my face, as I pull away enough to catch his gaze.

"I love you more." I reply, earning a shake of the head from him.

"You've really gotta stop saying that." Mon-El states, brushing away at a strand of hair that covered my face.

"I stand for truth, and it'd be a shame if I wasn't honest with my own boyfriend." I counter, Mon-El tries say something else but his words muffle out as my lips come in contact with his.

The saltiness of his lips doesn't necessarily take me by surprise, but the intensity of the saltiness does. I pull away slowly and try to hide my shift in mood, but like always Mon-El sees through me like a glass door.

"What is it?" Mon-El ask stepping away from me as if he thought he did something wrong. I grab at his hands, that he was so quick to slide off me, and use them as a rope to pull him back towards me.

"You just...deserved so much more than what you've been given." I state. Mon-El takes a moment to comprehend my words, but I think he puts one and one together when presses his lips together. His eyes move down to the floor before lifting back up to mine. Which a bright glint that wasn't there before.

"Well I've got you, and I don't think its possible for me to deserve anything more than that." Mon-El states a soft, yet small smile playing on his lips.

Sometimes I think he flew right out of a rom-com.

Balancing on my tiptoes, I place a soft kiss on his temple, than moving down lower to kiss the bridge  of his nose, and lastly his lips. That takes him by surprise.

"When you're happy, I'm happy, and it'll only make sense for me to share your grief too." I mumble, looking directly into his eyes, letting him know that I'm noting but serious. I can now taste the saltiness of his tears on my lips, which is good because that means I've taken away some of his.

"You sure you wanna do that? I'm quite a heavy toll." Mon-El jokes. Wrapping his arms around me once more.

"Well I'll gladly carry that heavy tool with you." I counter. Yet again resting my hand on his cheek.

"Rao, what did I ever do to deserve you?" Mon-El asks, shaking his head in disbelief, a soft smile tugging on his lips.

"I think the real question is, what didn't you do to deserve me."

"...I think I could give you a couple answers." Mon-El remarks, earning a low huff from me.

"How many times have I told you I've forgiven you?For everything!" I ask him.

"I know it ju—" Mon-El starts, but I gently cut him off.

"Do you honestly think i'd be here standing with you, with my hand resting on your cheek, if I didn't forgive you?" I ask him, and he responds with a sort shake of the head. "Now I know our relationship wasn't perfect, but I cherished every moment of it....The good and the bad." I affirm, now running my hands down his arms, and stopping at his hands. "Now go, get yourself cleaned up. I over stayed my visit." I remark. Mon-El chuckles softly at my words.

"I wouldn't mind you staying a little longer." Mon-El stars a devious grin growing oh his face.

"Mm tempting, but you need to take some time for yourself. I'll be right outside, okay?" I remark squeezing his hands lightly, and proceeding to step away from him, and closer to the door.

"Okay." Mon-El voices, his grin becoming replaced with a genuine smile.

******

"Hey, you feeling better?" I ask Mon-El as he slips under the bed sheets, and lays across from me.

"No, but I am feeling lighter if that makes sense." Mon-El admits, as he reaches for my hands. "And I have you to thank for that." Mon-El adds. I smile bashfully at his statement, but that smile quickly fades as a thought runs through my mind.

"Why didn't you wake me up yesterday? After you had that dream." I ask him, and he downcast his eyes for a while before lifting them back up.

"Because I didn't want to deal with that worried look in your eyes...not after what I just dreamt. I don't think I could've handled that." Mon-El reply's, truthfully, and I can't help, but tear up at his statement. "Oh great, now I made you cry." Mon-El remarks sarcastically as he notices my change in mood. Sitting himself up, and gently pulls me up with him.

"No—." I start, but my voice gets caught in my throat.

"Hey, it's okay—it's okay. I'm...I'm sorry." Mon-El whispers, resting his chin on my head. Well if I wasn't crying before I sure am now, because that pause—he was gonna say that he was okay, but instead said he was sorry because he knows he's not actually okay. And that—that broke something in me...I hate his mother for what she did to him. And of course I can't tell him that, because one it's kinda insensitive, and two because he's still processing his own feelings about her, and the last thing he needs to hear from me is about how much I resent her.

"No I'm not one that should be sorry." I mutter, after swallowing the significant lump in my throat. "You're the one that needs to be comforted right now not me." I state, as I peal his arms off me and return to my respective side of the bed. Not even two seconds after my back hits the headboard I open my arms to him. He chuckles at my actions, but that doesn't stop him from inching closer, allowing me to pull him closer to me, he rest his head along my shoulder, just as mine was only seconds ago. "Do you still wanna talk?" I ask him, not wanting to pressure him into anything.

"...yeah. I still wanna talk." Mon-El remarks, nodding lightly against me. A smile grows on my face at his response.

"Okay, whenever you're ready."

"I'm ready." Mon-El whispers, before leaning up, and reaching for the drawer of his nightstand. The action immediately causes my heart rate to spike, at what he could possibly be reaching for, but when he pulls out a rock it quickly stabilizes. "I um, went on a mission a few years back with the Legion." Mon-El starts as he leans back into me, the back of his head coming in contact with my chest, as he plays with the piece of rubble in his hand. "On our way back to Earth we just so happened to pass Daxam...I told my friend Brainy to stop the cruiser, so that I could look around for a while. He of course thought it was a bad idea, but I didn't listen...he unsurprisingly ended up being right....I couldn't even last five minutes." Mon-El remarks chuckling sadly to himself. "But uh, I ended taking this back with me." Mon-El says showcasing the rock. "I don't know why. I mean, I can't even stand the sight of it for more than a few minutes." Mon-El adds as he tightens his fist around the rock completely covering it. "But regardless of that, I can't bring myself to throw it away." Mon-El admits, letting out a soft sigh before turning his gaze to me. "Is there something wrong with me?" Mon-El ask, his eyes pleading for me to put his mind at ease.

"What? No—of course not!" I respond quickly. My answer does nothing to stop him from questioning himself.

"Than why—why do I keep confusing myself?! I-I don't—I don't know why I still care so much it's been almost ten years since I left Daxam, I should be over it! I should be over them, but I'm not. Why am I not over it, Kara?!" Tears being to well in his eyes as he frantically searches my eyes for an answer.

"Mon...I hate to say this, but this pain you're feeling. It's never gonna go away...not completely. It'll numb sometimes, to the point where you forget it's there, but it'll also hit you at the most unexpected times." That clearly wasn't the answer he wanted to hear, but it's the truth. The sad, tragic truth. I've called Earth home for over 25 years now, but still I find myself reeling the loss of Krypton. And it's funny because I've spent a majority of my life here, but every now and than. This unexpected wave hits. And it hits hard, and it can be triggered by the littlest things. A familiar name that reminds me of a person from back home, a song that has a familiar voice with my favorite singers back home, a time of year that reminds me of a traditional holiday back on Krypton. And sometimes just nothing at all.

Sometimes I wish I was sent away as a baby like Kal was, he didn't have anything to remember losing. He didn't have to deal with that pain. But I did...and still do. Mon-El's just doesn't seem to want to seem to except that the nightmares will never go away, the cold sweats will never stop coming, and that the regrets and tears are never ending.

There are so many things I wish I would've said, so many things I should've done. And so many more hugs I could've given.

But it's too late for all that now. I've accepted that, but Mon-Els still getting there.

"Do you know how I cope with all of it?" Mon-El lifts his gaze back up at my question. "I confide in Alex, Winn, J'onn, James...you. Alex and J'onn are always there with their advice. Winn and James, with their jokes. And you, with your open arms, and your calming words, or sometimes no words at all...I never needed to hear your voice to calm me down, your presence was more than enough." I remark running my hand through his hair. Although I'm more than glad to receive his stellar advice, all I really ever need most of the time is his comforting embraces. "You can always confide in me, and if you don't feel comfortable with talking to me at a time, talk to anyone else. As long as you're feeling better in the end...that's all that matters." I state, watching, as a tear slides down his face. It's not a sad one, that I can tell by the genuine small smile on his face, but that doesn't stop me from wiping it away. "Got anything else you wanna say?" I ask him, and he nods, before proceeding to clear his throat.

"You once told me that I can't force myself to stop loving someone, no matter how much I might want to...and if I can't do that, what can I do?" Mon-El ask and I take a moment before answering.

"You can try forgiving them." I suggest, and Mon-El looks at me as if I said something totally ridiculous.

"I definitely can't do that." Mon-El says, shaking his head at the idea.

"Mon-El, forgiveness is something you give to yourself. Not others." I state, Mon-El takes a moment to consider what I just said, before speaking up again.

"Well in that case I don't want to forgive myself either." Mon-El admits.

"Mon—"

"—No Kara. I spent years listening to the continuous criticism my parents had to give me. I spent years telling myself that one day I'd tell them how I felt, about how they treated me, about Daxam...But that day never came. Instead I drank, and I drank, and I slept with random women to distract myself from the never ending pit of sorrow and shame that I dug for myself. Hoping that one day if I dug far enough, I'd be able to muffle out the voices of the both of them. But here I am still digging till this day and I can still hear them. They're dead Kara, and I can still...I can still hear them...It's been almost a decade and I can still hear them." Mon-El mutters, his voice unbelievably low. His eyes shining with this lingering anger, and sadness. That I know isn't directed towards me, but it still manages to pierce at my heart strings. "I'm—I'm gonna go get some water." Mon-El remarks, pushing himself off the mattress, and out of my arms, before I can fully digest what he just said.

Once I do I realize he's more than aware that I leave a glass of water on my nightstand, but I let him go anyways, because I can tell he needs a moment to himself.

******

I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't take half an hour to get some water. I've been contemplating on whether it's a good idea to check on him, because I want to respect his personal space, but now I'm just genuinely concerned. Before I can even second guess myself, my feet come in contact with the hardwood floor, and I make my way over to the kitchen.

Mon-El's just standing there, leaning his elbows on the table with his hands in his head, a half full glass of water resting beside him on the kitchen island. He doesn't sense my arrival until, I sit across him on one of the stools surrounding the table. Mon-El's head lifts up as he notices my presence. His eyes for the 2nd time to day are a bright shade of pink. But luckily, there are no tears currently present.

"Hey." His drained, tried voice rings out. As he runs his hand throw his disheveled hair.

"Hey." I greet back. For the first time in quite a while we're sitting in a silence that is anything but comfortable. At some point the look in his eyes becomes unbearable so I have to duck my head to avoid it.

"I'm sorr—" Mon-El and I start at the same time. The tension breaks down as a small fit of laughter spews from the both of us. My head lifts back up to find his eyes shining a bit brighter than before. Making him easier to look in the eye. "I'll go first." I declare after our laughter settles down. Mon-El gives a small nod, which indicates I can continue. "I'm sorry for suggesting that you forgive them, I realize now, that you aren't ready for that just yet." I remark, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear as I wait for his response.

"If anything I'm the one that should be sorry. I was angry, and I took it out on you, and...I'm just sorry." Mon-El murmurs. I reach for his hand and give it a tight squeeze.

"No more apologies?" I suggest, his mouth twitch's up at that.

"No more apologies." He repeats. "And uh, you were right, about—about the whole apologizing to myself first...I um thought about it and I do need to forgive myself. For all the things, I didn't do, for all the things I should've said...for a lot of things. And then, and only then will I be ready to forgive them." Mon-El states. I can't help but smile as I lift myself slip off the stool, to make my way across the kitchen and into his arms. He reciprocates my embrace, with a light chuckle. He leaves a chaste kiss on my forehead before, I pull away slightly to take in the glorious sight that is him.

"I love you." I state, letting myself get lost in his eyes, his pupils dilated to the point where his eyes looked black.

"I love you mor—" Mon-El starts, but I quickly cut him off with a kiss. It takes him by surprise, but he responds not two seconds later. My hands move from his midriff, to his shoulders. He brings his hand up to my cheek. He bites down gently on my bottom lip, but I leave him disappointed when I pull away.

"You were saying?" I mutter, trying to hide how breathless I am.

"You're such a tease." Mon-El says, wearing a light smile on his face. But it decreases in size, as my face inches closer to his at an impossibly slow rate. "Where do you think I learnt it from?" I ask him, my lips brushing against his, as I speak.

"...Well it certainly wasn't Winn." Mon-El declares. And that brought me over the edge as I throw my head back unable to contain my laughter. "Alex maybe?" Mon-El adds, flashing a toothy smile.

"Hm maybe." I hum sarcastically, as I give up on my tactics and plant another kiss on his lips. This time only pulling away when his hand slides under my shirt. "You're trying to tire me out aren't you?" I ask him panting, and he throws me an unconvincing surprised look in response.

"Now why would I possibly want to do that?" He ask me inching his hand up higher, but I stop him grabbing at his wrist.

"Because you want to be the big spoon again, and you know I can't possibly argue differently if I'm tired." I state, smacking him playfully on the chest.

"Okay, okay. You've got me." Mon-El admits, letting a smile laugh ripple through him. "Just for one night please! I miss holding you." Mon-El whines. A pout invading his features once more. I contemplate for a second, before releasing a heavy sigh.

"Uhhh fine. But for one night only!" I remark, Mon-El pout disappears in an instant, but one invades my face immediately, and it takes him a quarter of a second to notice it.

"Aww babe, it's just for one night." Mon-El counters, as he begins to sway us side to side. But my pout still remains. "I can make it up to you." Mon-El grins, as he once again scales his fingers across my bare skin.

"You sure can...with pancakes." I remark leaving leave a quick pec on his cheek, before pulling out of his embrace. And walking past him.

"Wha—where are you going?" Mon-El ask the confusion in his voice transparent.

"To bed, waiting on you, and my chocolate chip pancakes." I murmur, turning my head over my shoulder to catch his small grin.

He sighs softly before turning around and walking towards the stove. I hear him mutter the words "Anything for you." As he turns it on, leaving an impossibly large grin on my face.

*****

"Well we're both emotionally drained today aren't we?" I ask, lowering my head onto his chest. My cheek resting under his beating heart. His arms maneuver themselves around me once I settle against him completely.

"Yeah...and all the tears they really did help take a weight off my shoulders. So thank you again, for letting me be such a mess around you." Mon-El remarks as begins rubbing small circles onto my back. His finger tips run against my skin, as if they were olympic figure skaters.

"Well you have to admit you're quite a beautiful mess." I remark against him. He chuckles lightly before responding.

"Only you'd think that." At his words I look up at him, my gaze soft, but somewhat intense.

"What?" Mon-El ask, chuckling again, but this this there was a confused glint in his eyes. Using my elbow as a leverage I hold my head in my hand, allowing myself to look over him. He searches my eyes for awhile, trying to find the source of my change in mood. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Nope." I reply, my eyes never leaving his as I speak. "Just admiring the absolutely gorgeous man I fell in love with." A grin washes over me, as he releases a sigh of relief.

"What am gonna do with you?" Mon-El ask chuckling as he runs his hand across his face, than resting in his disheveled hair.

"Hopefully keep me, because I didn't really come with a receipt." I quip, earning a small grin from him.

"Well in that case you're the best gift I never asked for." Mon-El remarks. His soft smile illuminating the dark room. Before I know it I'm kissing him again. My lips moving slowly his. As I balance myself by shifting so that half of me was still on the mattress, and the other half resting on top of him. Both of his hands find their way to the small of my back again, pulling me on top of him completely. I pull away at shortly after. Hovering my lips against his as I began to speak.

"You're a pretty damn good unexpected gift to" His mouth brushes against mine as he smiles.

"You really think so?"

"I really think so." I confirm. Pressing one last kiss on his lips, before rolling off him, and sliding myself back into his arms. Tangling our limbs together again. I let my eyes slowly slip close. But before the steady rhythm of his heat beat can lull me to sleep. I make sure he promises me something. "Wake me up, if you have a bad dream okay?"

"I will. I promise."  Mon-El states, before his breathing deepens, indicating that he's quickly fallen asleep. Not being able to help it I look up at him briefly to capture his sleeping form, but instead my eyes drift to the necklace he wore along his neck. It manage to come out from its hiding spot—the hem of his shirt— I examine the familiar artifact before tucking it back into his shirt. As I feel myself begin to slip into unconsciousness again I rest my head against his chest once more. My last thought being how much my mother would've loved to meet him.

_______________________________________

How many times are you gonna write Karamel waking up and/or falling asleep together?

Me: Yes.