Kara's pov

"See I told you, you could do it!" Mon-El exclaims proudly his eyes glistening with excitement, as he moves both of his hands up offering me a double high five.

"I haven't felt this proud of myself in a long time!" I remark matching his upbeat tone, gladly accepting the high five. I just successfully made dinner with a 'little' help from Mon-El, and I can proudly say that I'm not that helpless after all! Well I did burn some things here and there, but dinner was great nonetheless.

"Do you wanna make dinner again tomorrow?" Mon-El asks as he moves to the kitchen to place our plates in the sink.

"Absolutely not." I state simply causing Mon-El head to quickly whip around from the sink, as if I just told him that I'm his sister. The confusion in his face definitely visible. I laugh a little at his expression. "After today I've learned that cooking a meal not only takes skill, but time—time in which I can be doing something that...intrigued me more." I remark shyly trying not to hurt his feelings by letting him down gently

"What? But you looked like you enjoyed it!" Mon-El exclaims, pouting dramatically, enlightening another laugh from me, as he makes his over to the dining area.

"I did!" I state quickly. "But unlike you I don't have this built in love for cooking" I add, making Mon-Els pout grow even bigger. "Aww babe, stop pouting you're making me feel bad" I mummer softly, as I begin a pout myself, moving my hand on top of his knee.

"Well for what it's worth, we could have been great partners in the kitchen," Mon-El states, the corners of his lips beginning to tip up again. "but I guess I'll just have to settle for being you partner in crime." Mon-El remarks smiling coyly.

"And partner in life." I add. Noticing the way his cheeks turned a faint shade of pink, as the words fell out my mouth. "Now come on. I'd like to spend my day off binging cheesy romcoms." I declare playfully, as I take Mon-Els hand and lead him to the couch.

"You and your rom coms" Mon-El mumbles, smiling softly as he shakes his head side to side, as we reach our destination.

"It's a healthy obsession!" I exclaim defensively, earning a chuckle from Mon-El.

"You think all your obsessions are healthy." Mon-El states, and I can't argue with that. So I simply lean  my back onto his chest and start the movie, letting him play with my hair.

******

"I can't believe that Macy chose Mason over Carter, he's a total douche bag!" Mon-El exclaims, as he moves under the covers of our bed—'our', I could really get used to saying that again—.

"Right?! Usually the girl almost always ends up with her childhood friend whom she had a long time crush on, not the new guy in town!" I banter, scooting next to him as he settles down.

"And they had absolutely no chemistry!" Mon-El declares scuffing, and I can't help but laugh about how passionate he is about this.

"Even when you first landed here you were always so passionate about the littlest things." I state smiling widely, at the expression my words caused.

"Little?! This isn't little Kara this is a horrible historic event—" His words are drowned out as a wave of laughter erupts from the depths of my throat. "I'm serious! I need a sequel where I get my endgame!" Mon-El exclaims, finally cracking as he lets out a laugh of his own. "I have an idea!" Mon-El states eyes lighting up like stars as he speaks. "You can march into that studio as Supergirl, and make them make a sequel so that I can collect my Macson endgame!" Oh god now he's just toying with me I think to myself as I continue laughing my heart out, at his ridiculous declaration. "I'm not joking! Everyone loves Supergirl! You can surely convince them to do that!" Mon-El adds, his voice sounding serious, but his eyes are shining with playfulness.

"Not everyone loves Supergirl" I remark, wiping the tears that fell down my cheek, as I laughed like there was no tomorrow. As hero's we all have our fair share of fans and fair shares of assholes. Through this course over that last few years i've learned that you can't please everyone, even when you just risked your life to save there's"

"Well I do. She makes the world a better place and anyone who doesn't see that, is either a dumbass, or a dumbass" Mon-El states simply as he latches his frim, yet soft grip around my hand.

"You just repeated the same word twice" I mumble quietly, smiling gingerly as he finishes.

"Mmm, I'm too tired to care" Mon-El states yawning softly, now moving his hands to my waist, pulling me even closer to him, the way he always does as we head off to sleep.

"What? Could you not handle the emotional trauma of all the rom coms today?" I ask mockingly. Mon-El grins as he lets his eyes slip close.

"I think I'm beginning to share your love of rom coms" Mon-El affirms.

"Well it's not like you ever lost it, you cried over the notebook every time we watched it"

"I don't remember that happening" Mon-El states smirking.

"Of course you don't" I mummer softly, chuckling softly. "I love you Mon" I whisper feeling sleep begin to drown out my senses. Mon-El smiles even wider before responding.

"I love you too"

******

Waking up next to Mon-El has always been something I looked forward to. His toothy smile, the messy hair, the cuddling. All of it was just so...perfect, and there was no better way than starting the day off than waking up next to him, especially when after I spent all these months missing him and thinking that I'd never see him again.

But there were some days where either one of us would wake up in a cold sweat, wheezing,
screaming. And that undoubtedly has a lot to do with the deaths of our planets, it has a lot to do with our day to day jobs as heroes, and having to relieve painful memories we wish that more than anything will go away. But they don't. So we confide in each other. By talking—almost always, about anything other than our dreadful nightmares— , we cry, we comfort each other, and we stay up together when the other is shaken up to hard to go back to sleep. A good example of one of these days would be this one.

His labored breathing is what awoke me from my slumber. He's propped up against the head bored, staring off a into distance, eyes clouded this empty look. I cautiously move towards to him, making sure not to startle him, but he doesn't even react when I position my self next to him on the head bored. Now that I'm sitting next to him, I'm now aware of the of dried up tears on his cheeks, which were a shade darker than they usually are.

"Mon-El?" I call out, my voice drowned in a river of concern and worry. He doesn't respond. It's as if he doesn't notice the I'm sitting here next to him. "Mon-El?" I call out again, this time hesitantly moving my hand on top of his. He flinches at my touch. "Hey, it's okay. It's me, Kara." I mummer softly. At this he slowly turns his head towards me, his eyes filled with a new layer of tears. The sight alone makes me want to pull him into my arms, and protect him from all evils of the world.

"I'm sorry, I—I didn't mean to wake you—" Mon-El mumbles, his voice cracked and dry.

"—Don't be sorry." I mummer back, moving my hand again, to stroke the side of his face in an relaxing manner, this time he doesn't pull away. "What happened?" I ask him after a couple of seconds. I'm not really expecting an answer, hence he still hasn't brought up our last diminishing topic of discussion. And I get that, I really do, bringing up unpleasant topics about your past isn't something that's very enjoyable, but at the same time keeping it all in isn't healthy. And Mon-El seems to love bottling everything up, which is funny because he always encourages me to speak up about how I feel, but when it comes to him he doesn't take his own advice.

"Nothing it was just a bad dream" Mon-El states simply. Now Mon-El might not have a crinkle like I do but he's easy to read in other ways. Like how when he lies he'll break eye contact. And right now his gaze is withdrawn down to our hands which spontaneously intertwined at some point.

"I don't know if you remember this, but not so long ago you made a promise to stop lying to me...so you wanna tell me what really happened?" I question, moving my hand that was formally on his cheek to the tip of his chin, making him look at me once more. Mon-El sighs softly as our eyes connect.

"It wasn't—It wasn't a bad dream...it was a bad memory" Mon-El begins speaking in a hushed tone. "...I was about to kill her" Mon-El starts again his voice breaking, as the tears he was holding in before begin to stream down his face. "I-I had the gun pointed right at her chest—I was—I was about to murder my own mother..." His words leave me shocked and confused. Mon-El never owned a gun how could he have possibly— wait a minute, I think I know when this happened. Mon-El came to Catco one day to bring me lunch, and while he was there me mentioned seeing his mother in town, but that seemed impossible—at the time—because her cruiser had left earth a few days before—it didn't—so he must have been mistaking her for someone else—he wasn't—. He also mentioned still caring about her. Which he hated himself for, but I thought that was ridiculous, because no matter how much of an ass his mother was, at the end of the day she was still his mother and he shouldn't feel bad about still caring for her.

But as the day went own I could still feel this cloud of guilt hanging over him, and it didn't help that his mother—whom we thought left—was actually in a warehouse working on a transmat portal, so that she could bring the rest of the surviving daxamites to earth allowing them to colonize it. Now I know why Mon-El took a while to catch up with the rest of us on the way to the warehouse, he was grabbing a gun from the armory. Which totally adds up now because there was a report of a missing gun around the same time we left, but it was later found on the ground of the very same warehouse we went to confront Rhea. The gun also managed to end up in the very same place where Rhea beamed herself, Mon-El, and Lena back to her cruiser. So I guess the gun didn't just end up there by accident, Mon-El purposely brought it to...to kill his own mother.

"Oh Mon-El..." I start voice hushed not really knowing what to say or do to make him feel better. "Come here" I mummer after a while. I pull him closer to me, allowing him to sob quietly into my shoulder. His body shakes as each sob exits him mouth. The muffled sound of his cry's filling the quiet atmosphere of the loft. His tears soak my shirt, but I couldn't care less. The only thing that matters right now is him, and how he feels.

He's been keeping this dreadful secret to himself for months, and that was even before he lost his memories, and now he's reliving it.

It's no secret that he's upset with himself about what he did, but he has to understand that he did what he did when he was in a point in his life where he was feeling confused and overwhelmed, and although that doest justify his actions, he should know that he didn't he didn't threaten to kill his mother because he wanted to kill her. He did it because he knew that if she'd stayed on earth any longer she'd most likely stir up some trouble—which she did—.

I wait until his heavy breathing retracts, and his tears subside before talking to him. "What you did doesn't make you a bad guy, Mon-El." I mummer quietly, my lips brushing against his hair as I speak. He pulls away from me with a puzzled look on his teary-eyed face, as I finish speaking.

"I almost shot my own Mother, Kara...what part of that makes me a good person?" Mon-El ask, tears still clinging to the brim of his eyes, threatening to fall at any second.

"The fact that you didn't shoot her makes you a good person." I state simply, but Mon-El only scuffs at that.

"Well that fact that I even thought about killing her makes me...despicable." Mon-El states bowing his head down, as a new batch of tears begin to roll down his cheeks.

"Mon-El—"

"—Kara please...I don't think I can talk about this anymore." Mon-El remarks, cutting me off gently.

As much as I believe in 'talking when ready', something's have to be said, right here, right now.

"Okay fine. Than I'll talk you listen." I proclaim. Ignoring Mon-Els protest as I continue. "Rhea might have been your mother, but you have to admit she's never treated you like a son." I state simply. Mon-Els gaze lifts back up at my words, but shortly dips back down after a few seconds. "A mother puts her child before herself, she shows sympathy and—and compassion...but most importantly she shows love." I add, hands moving to cup his cheeks gently, bringing his gaze back up to mine. "...have you ever felt like she's given any of that to you?" I ask simply, as I wipe away his tears. He shakes his head no in response. "But that didn't stop you from loving her." I remark softly. These words causes Mon-El gaze to drop back down.

"You know I always hated myself for that...loving her even though she didn't give damn about me....I guess I just thought that maybe if I showed her love that she'd return it. But the older I grew I realized that no matter what I did, she'd never care about me...the only thing that mattered to her was 'our great legacy'...and I wish I would've known that sooner, that would've saved me a hell of a lot of tears." Mon-El remarks chuckling sadly, as he swipes at his nose. Before I can even say anything Mon-El continues. "And you know what the worst part is?...My father took his own life, when I chose not to go back to Daxam." Mon-El remarks finally bringing his gaze back up to mine.

That bitch. She killed her own husband. And I should know, she's the one that told me, but apparently she couldn't spare the same 'compassion' for Mon-El.

Mon-El must of noticed angered expression on my face because he breaks me out of my thoughts, with a What?"

"It's nothing" I state quickly, hoping that my face doesn't sound too defensive. As I begin to move my hands back down to my lap. I can't be the one to tell him that his own bitch of a mother killed her own husband. How could I possibly make this worse for him?! He's already shattered up as it is! Just thinking about having to look him in the eyes as I tell him that, makes me wanna crawl into a hole.

"Kara?" Mon-El ask, eyes filled with hurt and confusion. That look alone was more than enough to shatter me completely.

"Mon-El don't." I remark desperately. Moving my gaze to look at anything but him, but that doesn't work out for too long because this time he's the one moving his hand up to my face so that I turn my head back towards him. His gaze is still overwhelming so I let my eyes slip close.

"Kara please." Mon-El voices desperately.

"I can't." I mummer defensively, a lump in my throat beginning to form.

"Please..." Mon-El voices again this time even more desperately. As he moves one of hands from my to the back of my head. "Please."

"You'd hate me for telling you this." I affirm, but this only makes Mon-El chuckle softly.

"I could never hate you." Mon-El states simply. And although my eyes are still closed I can practically see the sincerity of his words.

"Really because during your first few weeks on earth, we'd always get into these really stupid arguments—" I state attempting to change the topic, but Mon-El cuts me off gently.

"—Kara...Just tell me." Mon-El states softly, though his tone remains urgent.

I'm at crossroads right now, because whatever I decide to say or not say next would hurt him either way. A part of me doesn't want to tell him so I can spare him the shock and the tears. But another part of me wants to tell him so that we can both move on from this...I guess there's only one right thing to do.

"Your father didn't take his own life...you're mother she—she...killed him."Mon-Els voice catches in his throat, and the room fills with this overwhelming silence as I finish. A few seconds go by when Mon-Els hands slip away from the back of my head and cheek. And the bed dips indicating that he's moving off the mattress, this causes me to finally open my eyes. His back is turned to me, as he scavengers around the room for something. "Mon-El, what are you doing?" I ask, as I watch him slip on some pants.

"I need to go" Mon-El exclaims quickly, the hurt in his voice transparent. As he marches out the room leaving me shocked, and alone.

I trail after him shortly, but I was too late, because he was already gone.

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Not really satisfied with this chapter, but the next one will hopefully be wayyyy better 😊💖.