Clyde's P.O.V.

Another shitty day in my complete garbage life.
I couldn't bare the sight of me everyday, so I didn't own any mirrors anymore, but I could feel, I probably looked bruised, tired and ugly right now.
Standing up every single day was a new challenge, I had to master it again and again, and it always got harder. I was sure, one day I wouldn't be able to handle anymore.
So, I stood up and decided to wear my favorite outfit because today, I felt worse than usual.
I didn't have many clothes, my parents had money but didn't give me any when they left. Sometimes, I got some, sent by my relatives but my clothing variety wasn't very.. Yeah.

Okay, so today I wore a white shirt, on it was a red string tied together to a loop and the red string was on the backside of my shirt too. Then a black jacket and ripped, blue jeans with holes. Yeah, it was not that special, yeah. I just only owned boring, normal, one-colored t-shirts. Also because I was scared, a pretty shirt could get dirty.. Bullying and such. Anyway, I went to school and packed myself a tasty sandwich.

Time went by fast because I was super excited for my lunch, it honestly looked amazing.. The lunch bell rang and I smiled. Token still sat beside me, it was from the seat plan, we had before this all happened.
When the teacher left the room, he grabbed my school bag and  rotated it, so everything fell out of it. I sighed and quickly picked it up. He laughed and left, some of his friends kicked me but left too. I thought it was over now but I was wrong.

They came back after around 2 minutes with two sponges, teachers use to wipe the blackboards. The sponges were completely white so, full with wiped chalk, I guessed.
Step by step, my heart pounded harder.
Suddenly.. Token stood right, Red stood left and they both hit the sponges against each other.. Just, I was between them. My head was full of white chalk dust and I had to cough very strongly. Again, they laughed, I just ran off to the bathroom.

When I looked at myself, I made a disgusted face. What had happened to me? I fell on my knees and shed a single tear. I felt so alone and helpless. It was like I was hated by everyone in this dark pit, they call world.
I took a deep breath and opened my coffee-brown eyes. Confidently, I walked out of the bathroom, back to my bag. I felt like it was in a different position but the bullies left, when I left, so I thought, I just imagined it.

Quickly, I hurried to the cafeteria and sat on a table but got pushed away, so in the end I just sat at the ground, leaning on the wall. Seriously, what did I think, when I did this horrible thing to Tweek?
I felt extremely bad but he moved, so I couldn't apologize. Craig wasn't coming to school anymore, I had no connection to those two whatsoever.
Anyway, I packed out my sandwich, which looked delicious by the way and took a huge bite out of it. Well, I immediately spit it out, so I could never see, if it was actually as appetizing as it looked.

I spit it out and coughed and coughed and the feeling was horrible, I felt like dying. I was about to collapse again, the pain was unbearable. While falling, I grabbed my neck and coughed again. I thought, these were my last seconds, haha. Before closing my eyes, I wanted to see who and what made me like this, so I looked around. Of course, the girls. Then I looked at my sandwich. Needles.
I slowly closed my eyes while really.. Really no one cared about me.
Darkness made me feel safer though.

• • •

I

woke up in a cute hospital bed and.. Cute nurses.
"Hello, are you okay?", the pretty, blonde nurse asked me with a soft voice.
I quietly nodded because I was scared, I would weird her out with my voice.
In the end, I decided to speak anyway.
"Who brought me here?", I asked.
"Well", the nurse smiled, "after you collapsed, someone called us and.. Here you are. This someone is.. I think his name is Kevin Stoley or something. He told me, to tell you, he wishes you lots of love! You should thank this boy. We checked twice, if there were any more needles, you swallowed, but we couldn't find any. Say anything, if you feel something weird. And.. Why would you do that?"

"Hold up, hold up.. Hold up, woman. You think, I do this for fun? You think, voluntarily? .. Well, you're wrong, I get bullied on level 9. Who the fuck would swallow needles just for fun?"
"Well, there was once this case.. You know, many questionable things are happening in this hospital. And, you get bullied? I'm sorry, your parents say?", she told me.
"Left me."
The nurse gritted her teeth.
"Sorry."
"Don't worry about it."
Awkward silence.

Then someone knocked on the door.
"Come in!", the nurse shouted.
A boy with black hair entered the room with a big bouquet of flowers.
When he saw me, he first gave me a gigantic smile and then ran and hugged me.
"I'm going to leave you alone", the woman waved.
"Clyde, oh god, I was so worried, I'm so glad you're okay.."
"Thank you for saving me, Kevin. I'm alright thanks to you."

He put the bouquet on the little table and sat on the bed, beside me.
"I'm sorry all this is happening, you don't deserve any of this shit", he comforted me.
I shook my head and stared at the white, super clean ground.
"I do, I really do. I've done horrible things and now I have to pay. Isn't that how the world works?"
"Not like this! You.. You don't deserve this."
I clenched my fists.

"Don't act like you know me! You and I we are nothing and we will never be anything, not friends, not anything! I deserve this and no one can tell me otherwise! I'm SICK of you trying to make me feel less bad because it's just making it worse! I hate myself, I hate myself, I HATE MYSELF!"
"Clyde, stop! Get yourself together!", he screamed while grabbing my shoulders and staring into my not-have-that-much-of-a-life-anymore-eyes. You have them too, by the way.

I pushed him away with all my might and when he fell on the ground, he looked at me with such a hurt look, I nearly felt bad.
"You know nothing.."
"Clyde-.. I'm.. So, so sorry..", he said before storming out of the room.
I sighed and put the blanket over my head so nobody, really nobody could read my thoughts.

A few days later I got out of the hospital and everything was normal again. The worst thing was, that sometimes people came to me, just to stick needles somewhere, 'as fun'. In my bag, in my clothes and one guy even missed my hair and hit my damn head with his needle. Actually, maybe that's what he was going for. I felt like a doll, except that dolls are perfect and I was more far from perfect than average people.

Today, when I put things in my locker, I felt really bad. Especially, when Wendy smashed my head with the locker door and Jimmy walked on my shoes maybe fifty times? Anyway, today was a really bad day overall and I didn't know how much longer I could bear this. I felt like absolute shit.
Was I scared of dying?
Not really, everybody dies one day and if I died earlier than planned, that wouldn't make anyone sadder. Exept maybe this weirdo, Kevin. Still didn't know what his deal was, what his goal was, why he cared so much for me but I DID know, that my heart beat so fast when I was close to him.
Not that I care, I just noticed that..

Author's Note☕
Hi, sorry for not updating, I'm so tired and sick urghHHH.
Anyway, this chapter is Sooo sad and horrible, I feel bad (I hope you do too)
It's currently 3 am and I WANT TO CRY-

Need. More. Bullying. Methods.

BTW, ANNOUNCMENT.
IM STARTING A NEW STORY, IS THIS A BAD IDEA, YEAH 100%.
Of course, it's Creek and yay, it'll be great! I'll tell you, when it's published.

Thank you for reading, ily