Y/n had to admit, he was excited. He was going to interrupt the fourth grail war just so he could shitpost with his servants who just so happened to include the roster from the fourth grail war minus hundred faces but with different spirit origins.

He sat on one of the shipping containers as he watched two servants battle below him.

On the losing side of the battle was Saber. The Artoria Pendragon that Shirou Emiya had summoned during the fifth grail war in 2004. For this one however, Saber's master was supposedly Kiritsugu Emiya. Shirou's adoptive father.

On the other side of the fight was lancer Diarmuid Ua Duibhne. The lancer that Y/n had just so happened to obliterate in the American singularity.

However, the magician looked on from atop the shipping containers as the two fought. He spotted the master of lancer on top of a nearby warehouse while Irisviel was behind saber.

Saber: "You fight well, Lancer."

Lancer chuckled as he held both his spears at the ready.

Lancer: "I can say the same of you, Saber."

Irisviel, who was standing behind Saber, raised her hand as it glowed with a healing spell.

Irisviel: "You okay, Saber?"

Saber: "Fine, Irisviel. Thank you for your concern."

Y/n: "This is boring now. Where's Rider when ya need 'im?"

Alexander: "You know the saying speak the name of the devil and he shall appear?"

Y/n smirked with an air of smugness around him.

Y/n: "Exactly why I said it, Alexander."

As if on cue, the ground started to arc with lightning as a familiar chariot descended from the sky.

???: "AAALALALALALALALALALAIE!"

Y/n: "Enter Iskandar."

Iskandar: "WILL YOU TWO HURRY UP AND FIGHT SERIOUSLY ALREADY!? I'VE BEEN LISTENING IN AND ALL THIS IS IS ONE BIG WARRIOR-WANK!"

Y/n went wide eyed as Iskandar yelled to the two knights as he tried to hold back the torrent of laughter that threatened to burst forth.

Lancer: "Holy shit, just looking at him makes me wanna do push-ups!"

Iskandar: "Take it all in..."

Y/n watched as Kayneth El-Melloi emerged from where he was hiding and scolded Rider's master, Waver for supposedly stealing his catalyst.

Y/n: "So Iskandar was supposed to be Kayneth's servant. Still, Gilgamesh is involved so Kayneth was doomed to lose from the start."

Iskandar responded to Kayneth's scolding with brilliant verbal violence.

Iskandar: "Now listen here, diaper man. That's your name now by the way. I could never accept one such as you as my master. One who hides in the shadows while his servant fights is no master. Only a mere coward."

Alexander nodded as Iskandar spoke until The king of conquerors turned to the others.

Iskandar: "In fact. Y'know what? I'm just gonna say it. Anyone hiding right now?

... Totally gay."

In that instant there was a burst of golden light and a plume of black smoke as two more servants joined the fray.

Zerkerlot: "NOW HOLD THE FUCKIN' PHONE A MINUTE!"

Gilgamesh?: "I have several things to say about that!"

Both Y/n's and Gilgamesh's jaws dropped when they saw who emerged from the golden light. Instead of the Gilgamesh they were expecting, they got, well... This.

Gilgamesh however vocalised his disbelief.

Gilgamesh: "WHAT MANNER OF BLASPHEMY IS THIS!?!?!"

The servants below all jumped in surprise as Gilgamesh stood proud in his golden armour with a furious scowl on his face.

Saber: "What!?"

Lancer: "Two of Archer?"

Zerkerlot: "I'M TOO HIGH TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!!"

Y/n: "Welp, cat's outta the bag. Lessgo, guys."

Y/n stood up and jumped down to join Gilgamesh. Lancer's and Saber's eyes widened as Lartoria and Saber Diarmuid joined the magician with Alexander. Saberlot jumped down last, causing Saber's eyes to widen further.

Saber: "S- Sir Lancelot!?"

Saberlot: "Greetings, my king."

Gilgamesh pointed up at his apparent female counterpart before doing as the king of heroes does.

Gilgamesh: "EXPLAIN YOURSELF, MONGREL GIRL! THIS IS AN AFFRONT TO THE KING OF HEROES!"

The female Gilgamesh was in a state of shock before she composed herself.

Archer: "I'm surprised. Not just seven servants were summoned, but six others too. And one of you just so happens to resemble me."

Gilgamesh: "YOU ARE NOT TURNING THIS ON ME, MONGREL!"

Saber: "Could someone explain what the blazes is going on!?"

Zerkerlot: "FUCK YOU, ARTHUR! I'M SO DONE WITH YOUR WHITE KNIGHT FAGGORTY!"

Saber: "H- Huh!?"

Saberlot: "Forgive him. Madness enhancement does things to a person. Not all of them good."

Artoria: "Indeed."

Iskandar: "Well this is most unexpected! A master with six servants! Young man! I must test you! Boy! Get ready!"

Archer: "Well I suppose I should play along. I am nothing if not benevolent after all. I shall grant all of you the honour of a swift death."

Y/n: "Gil?"

Gilgamesh: "Hm?"

Y/n: "Shall we?"

Gilgamesh's scowl softened and turned into a smirk as the two held their hands out and a golden glow erupted from in front of both of them.

Gilgamesh: "The elements coalesce and solidify to bring forth the star of creation..."

The female Gilgamesh's eyes widened as she saw Ea materialise in Gilgamesh's hands.

Gilgamesh: "The king has decreed that you shall die by my hands only! In death, you shall bow before me!"

The female Gilgamesh rushed to summon her own noble phantasm when she noticed something.

Y/n was gone. He had seemingly vanished from where he once stood.

She spun around and found a familiar golden bow being aimed right at her.

Y/n: "This is what it means to destroy the world!"

Before the arrow could be loosed, chains wrapped around both Y/n and Gilgamesh as Enkidu appeared nearby, causing the female Gilgamesh's eyes to widen.

Enkidu: "Now now, you two. It's rather dangerous to use such powerful noble phantasms against someone near a densely populated area."

Gilgamesh: "This mongrel must be punished for her actions!"

Y/n: "I wasn't gonna unleash the full thing!"

Enkidu: "Well, it's not really her fault. Based on her spirit origin she really is the king of heroes."

Artoria: "Huh. So the king of heroes has a female version and I have a male version. That's a rather scary thought."

Enkidu: "She's still probably a bottom anyway."

...

Literally everyone present: "... What?"

Enkidu: "Oh, did I say that out loud?"

Y/n: "Yes. Yes you did."

Enkidu: "... I guess we can chalk this up to madness enhancement and move on, yes?"

Y/n: "Oh no. I NEED to hear this story later. Not in too much detail, but just enough for it to be funny."

Gilgamesh: "Enkidu I will castrate you if you agree!"

Enkidu: "You can try. but I can just make new genitals. No matter what you try, I can reform. The perks of being a clay doll I suppose."

The other servants and their masters were dumbstruck as Gilgamesh yelled at Enkidu.

Y/n: "They're gonna be doing that for a while. Anyway, Hi! I'm Y/n."

Saber: "You are the seventh master?"

Y/n: "Nope. My presence here is mostly because of some wibbly wobbly time shenanigans."

Iskandar: "Then I assume having other versions of the five servants here is by no mistake?"

Y/n: "Bingo! Brought 'em here to mess with you guys. Buuuut, I suppose we should see who's stronger, eh?"

Lartoria readied Rhongomyniad as Diarmuid readied Moralltách. Alexander drew his sword and Bucephalus appeared at his side while Saberlot drew Arondight. Gilgamesh tore himself away from Enkidu and the gate of Babylon opened behind his head.

Alexander: "Well? shall we?"

Iskandar laughed as he lowered his head in preparation for the oncoming battle.

Gilgamesh was more than ready to strike his female counterpart down when she tilted her head back.

Archer: "Tch, what  presumptuous mongrel you are, Tokiomi. *sigh* Unfortunately I must withdraw. However when next we meet, I will be sure to paint the town red with your blood."

Gilgamesh: "I dare you to try, mongrel girl!"

The female Gilgamesh scoffed and disappeared in a shimmer of golden light.

Saberlot: "Well, that removes that problem."

Zerkerlot: "FUCK THIS! TIME TO KILL BITCHES!!"

Irisviel: "Saber!"

Saber: "Ready!"

Y/n smirked as red lightning arced behind Saber and Mordred manifested with a manic grin on her face. Lartoria also had a smirk on her face.

Artoria: "While I do not require assistance, I appreciate that you're trying to be useful."

Saber narrowed her eyes in confusion until it hit her and she spun to intercept Clarent bring brought down with ferocious force. Her eyes widened in horror as Mordred swung another strike at her. Lartoria leaned against Rhongomyniad as her offspring dealt with Saber.

Saber and Mordred clashed with the latter coming out on top due to her increased power from constant training challenges with Caenis and her lancer self.

Irisviel: "Are you not going to attack her as well?"

Lartoria: "No. Mordred seems to be having fun, besides, I think it unfair to put Saber against both Mordred and myself."

Irisviel was genuinely worried for Saber. She knew who Mordred was after doing some research on Saber's past. The two Lancelot's battle then crossed into Saber and Mordred's.

Morded: "The fuck, Lancelot!?"

Saberlot: "My apologies, Zerkerlot's a bit obsessed with trying to kill his highness."

Lartoria: "Lancelot. Allow me."

Lartoria stopped leaning on the holy lance and she walked over before timing her move perfectly so she could grab Zerkerlot by the throat and lift him off the ground. The mad knight thrashed around in her grip before she smiled.

Lartoria: "You fight for another purpose, work with your master rather than against him."

Zerkerlot continued to thrash around before he was summoned by his master. Lartoria then walked back to her master with Saberlot.

Mordred then landed a successful slash against Saber, who reeled in response.

Saber: "Irisviel, I have to use it!"

Irisviel: "Saber!?"

Saber dispelled the wind that made Excalibur invisible and she held the sword aloft and prepared to unleash it against Mordred. 

However Y/n had other plans.

Y/n: "Roin ann an deigh."

Saber found herself unable to move as her hands froze in a thick layer of ice.

Irisviel's eyes widened as she saw Y/n's eyes glowing a cold blue as he held his hand out towards Saber.

Y/n: "Let's not go unleashing that, yeah?"

Saber: "Y- You have a noble phantasm!?"

Y/n: "I have several. This is just a little sealing curse courtesy of the Celtic goddess of winter."

Lancer: "C- Cailleach!?"

Diarmuid: "Indeed. Master Y/n acts as a vessel for the goddess."

Y/n smirked as Mordred lowered her sword.

Saber: "Well? Aren't you going to strike me down, traitor knight?"

Mordred: "Nah, We ain't here to do any killing. Though Gil might seriously put in some effort to kill Archer."

Gilgamesh: "YOU'RE DAMN FUCKING RIGHT I WILL!!"

Y/n chuckled as he turned his attention to Diarmuid's fight against himself and Alexander's battle against Iskandar.

Lancer fought furiously, however Diarmuid was able to avoid and intercept all of his attacks with ease.

Iskandar and Alexander both clashed with lightning arcing all around them. Despite the sheer power that was emanating from the two, they both had large grins on their faces. It made sense, they both found enjoyment from the thrill of a good battle.

However Rider's master jumped off of the chariot and called to his servant.

Waver: "Rider! We need to stop otherwise we'll reveal too much to the enemy!"

Rider looked over at his master with a grin still plastered on his face.

Iskandar: "I suppose we must, yes. Younger me, we absolutely must battle again!"

Alexander: "I agree, Rider. We'll have a good battle soon."

Iskandar: "Until then! Come, boy! Let us return to our base. I still wish to play that game we purchased!"

Y/n: "This is why we like Rider."

With a final nod to Y/n and the other servants present, Rider took off with his master in the Gordius Wheel.

Y/n: "Welp, that's that done. Diarmuid, you about finished over there?"

Diarmuid looked over to Y/n before ducking under a strike from Lancer. He then stood back up and bashed Lancer's nose with his elbow before kicking his leg out from under him. He then walked over to his group of allies.

Y/n smiled as Diarmuid joined the others. Irisviel then called out to him.

Irisviel: "Just who are you really? I doubt this is any coincidence that you're here."

Y/n: "You're right. This place is a singularity. I'm here to fix it. That's the simple story behind it."

Irisviel: "Singularity?"

Saber was silent for a moment before something flashed in her mind. She then looked back up at the group.

Saber: "I see. I think I understand your objective. There is something awry with this timeline, isn't there?"

Gilgamesh: "Indeed! There was no mongrel girl pretending to be me in the real fourth grail war! I was the man that stood in her place!"

Lancer: "And your master?"

Y/n: "I was still a spawnling during this period of time."

Lancer: "So you're from the future?"

Y/n: "Yup. I'm from Chaldea. As I said, we're here to unfuck this singularity."

Kayneth: "What utter nonsense. Chaldea? It sounds to me like you're trying to hijack the war."

Y/n: "No, that's another guy in a different, alternate timeline."

Kayneth: "And how, pray tell, can you prove that you are indeed from the future."

Y/n sighed before calling Haruna on his communicator.

Y/n: "Yo sis. Mind telling Kayneth here that he's a dick?"

Haruna: "El-Melloi the first? Isn't he dead?"

Y/n: "Isn't everyone since Goetia decided to be a dick?"

Haruna: "... Fuck, I got nothing for that. Anyway, yeah, the guy was a dick in every sense possible. A dick to his servant, a dick to his students and a dick to his fiancé. To be fair though, Sola-Ui wasn't much better."

Y/n chuckled before Irisviel spoke up again. Y/n noticed that she had wide eyes.

Irisviel: "H- Haruna? Haruna L/n?"

Haruna activated the holographic comms function and looked at Irisviel.

Haruna: "Hey! You're this singularity's Irisviel, right?"

Roman (background): "You sure you guys should be messing with timelines right now?"

Y/n: "This is a singularity, Simpomon. Besides, not like Zhuge's plan was any different."

Roman: "DID YOU SERIOUSLY MIX MY NAME WITH SIMP!? LOOK! JUST BECAUSE I'M A TIER 3 SUB TO MAGI MARI DOESN'T MEAN-"

Y/n/Haruna: "It absolutely fuckin' does, Simpomon."

Roman: "... I'm done. I'm gonna go check on the others' training."

Y/n and Haruna both laughed as Irisviel took a step towards them. Saber however tried to stop her.

Saber: "They may be here to fix this singularity, but that doesn't mean they're on our side."

Mordred: "Still as stubborn as ever, huh, Father?"

Saber glared at Mordred before Haruna spoke up.

Haruna: "Putting aside Saber for the moment. Yeah, you got it right, Irisviel. I'm Haruna L/n. Though Y/n and I started going by von Einzbern recently."

Irisviel held her hands to her face as she started crying.

Irisviel: "So... H- Hans didn't-"

Y/n: "Hans did. His experiments were a success. Caused me some trouble goin' forward, but I moved past it and here I am now."

Irisviel was about to go on when her Caster self appeared behind Y/n, causing the homunculus to gasp in utter shock.

C.Irisviel: "Y/n. The others found Caster's lair."

Y/n: "Is it the same place I remember it being?"

C.Irisviel: "Yes. It is."

Y/n: "I see. We'll do some more investigating when we get to it. For now, we got this to deal with."

Kayneth scoffed before turning to leave.

Kayneth: "Come, Lancer. We're leaving."

Lancer nodded before looking to Saber.

Lancer: "We shall duel again, Saber. On my honour I shall swear it."

With that, he returned to his astral form. Only Y/n and Irisviel remained with the remaining servants.

Y/n: "As much as I'd love to stay and chat, Irisviel. I gotta go. My partner's got some stuff to report. Say hi to Kiritsugu for me, will ya?"

Irisviel's eyes widened as Y/n turned away before she spoke a single word.

Irisviel: "... Who?"

Y/n froze in surprise before looking back at Irisviel. It was then he noticed that she had a set of three command seals on the back of her hand.

Y/n: "Oh... so there's some REAL fuckery goin' on here."

Meanwhile, within mount Enzo, a shadow manifested just outside the greater grail. It looked around before sensing something nearby. Its cackle reverberated throughout the cave as it recognised that aura.

???: "So, you're here for me. Wasn't sure you'd show up personally though...

Ahura-Mazda."

End of Chapter.

Next Time: Magus Killer