I cried writing this chapter. I truly cried.

Without further adieu, I present to you...

E N V Y

lucille granger

I didn't sleep as much. All I could think about was how Draco hurt Enzo.

Enzo didn't deserve that. At all.

But Draco is Draco, and what am I to do when he is the way that he is? Doesn't that sound complicated?

And all I could think about was how Draco reacted shortly after I denied him entrance in my room. How could he expect me to let him hug me in my bed after he hurt his own- our own best friend?

The fucked up part about it all is that I still empathize for Draco. Everything happened so fast.

I was supposed to talk to him about how I feel about us, and that we need to improve our relationship. Last night was supposed to be the start of development for the both of us.

Another fucked up part about it all is that Lorenzo will still fucking forgive Draco even after he beat him like that. Lorenzo loves Draco so much.

It kills me that no matter what Draco does to the people he loves, we'll still love him back regardless.

How is that okay? How is this normalized?

No, I need to suck it up. This is what I signed up for. There's more to Draco than just an angry boy.

I will always be invested in him. Maybe that's the heart wrenching part; no matter how many times Draco hurts me, or mentally fucking torments me, I'm still going to stay.

I should've listened to Lorenzo when he told me to run the moment I feel that I tiptoe around him.

No, I shouldn't have. I did the right decision.

I trust my gut more than anything.

I truly think this is all worth it.

But who knows how long I'll last?

You can only do and handle so much.

A knock from the door interrupted my thoughts. I turned over on my bed and stared at Onyx, as she stared at me back. A knock again.

"You want me to get it, don't you," Onyx assumed. I nodded yes as she groaned. She got up and opened the door to see Lorenzo standing there.

I immediately shot up from my bed and ran towards Lorenzo, pulling him into an embrace.

"I'm so sorry, Enzo," I cooed. I looked up at him and noticed his busted lip and cheekbone, which only made me feel even worse.

"Ah, don't worry about it. It happens," He chuckled shortly after, "It's Malfoy. I'll talk to him later."

We pulled away from our embrace as he walked in, closing the door behind him. He sat at the edge of Onyx's bed and I sat on mine.

"Are you in pain?" I cooed.

"No, I'm a man of steel," He joked, flexing his arms.

I don't know how he can manage to just pull through despite being punched so hard the night before- and in the face.

"Again, I'm sorry, Lorenzo. I don't know why he's-."

"Lucille, I said don't worry about it. I know Draco- He's very impulsive. And it's my fault- He did tell me to stop kissing your forehead," He responded, "Though I didn't listen. Which I probably should," He chuckled. "I'm just glad I still look stunning."

A giggle escaped my mouth and he smiled at me, still managing to be positive.

"I'm glad you're okay, Enzo," I told him.

"I'm glad, too," He responded, "And Onyx- thank you for cleaning my wounds. You are an absolute Queen."

"Anytime, Lorenzo," She assured, as they both chuckled.

He laid his eyes back onto me, trying to read my face.

"You should talk to Draco."

What?

"About?"

He groans. "Lucille! You're fucking bipolar! Tell him how you feel, for fuck's sake. Communicate, it's not that difficult,"

"Oh, not that difficult? We're talking about Draco Lucius Malfoy here!"

"So what! Luce-. Lucille. If you love this man you're going to do what it takes,"

"Shouldn't it be 50/50?"

"It should always be 50/50 BUT clearly Draco can't provide his other half right now. He fucking needs you, Lucille." He sternly stated passive aggressively.

I huffed as he clearly shut me up.

Lorenzo always has a fucking point.

"You're right," I respond lowly.

He's right. He does need me.

And to tell you the truth, I do too.

****

Since school started, I decided to skip lunch and try and find this bloody Room of Requirement to try and talk to Draco.

I paced up and down corridors, in attempt to find the room. It felt as if I was going in circles.

I stood in front of a blank stone wall with two banners spaced out graciously. My intuition told me that the door was supposed to be here.

And the large doors appeared.

Wow, that was easy.

I opened the large doors and stepped inside.

Items upon items toppled one another, and it was bloody crowded. This is where he comes every day? I'd go mad, too!

I searched around in hopes that I find Draco, but I already knew that it was going to be difficult.

I just had to follow any noise.

Shallow dialogue emitted from one area of the large room as I proceeded to follow it. As I crept closer towards the noise, the dialogue got louder.

"Harmonia Nectere Passu," The voice said, following a huff and a handful of vulgar words.

When I got closer to the noise, I noticed the platinum-blonde boy standing in front of a tall, large cabinet.

Over and over, he would repeat the enchantment. I see why he's so exhausted, among other things.

"Draco?" I beamed lowly.

Draco immediately turns around with his wand in hand, pointing at me with a startled face. After realizing who it is, he puts his wand down.

"Lucille," He said breathlessly.

I crept closer, hoping that he stayed still.

"Hi," I said softly and awkwardly. His grey glistening eyes burned right onto me. He always has such a powerful stare; you could detect it from miles away.

"Lucille," He said again. Draco stepped closer and cupped my face, diving in for a kiss. A long, warm kiss. I internally melted. He pulled away and lifted my chin, staring into my eyes yet again, with worrisome plastered on his face. "Are you alright? What are you doing here?"

I bit my lip nervously. "I- um. I just came here to um, talk to you about last night,"

He huffed. "I'm sorry,"

"Draco, first of all, you shouldn't be apologizing to me," I said flatly, removing my chin from his gentle grasp. "And secondly, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about,"

He stuffed his hands in his pockets in nervousness and paced around the space we were in. "W-what's it about?" He stuttered, with agony embedded in his expression.

"Well, it's actually a handful of things, Draco," I continued, "Um. Well, firstly, I know that you have a lot on your plate. I know you have a task to accomplish, and I am fully aware that you and your family's life is on the line regarding the assignment the Dark Lord assigned," I gulped, "But I was just wondering if we could possibly spend time elsewhere besides-. Besides my bed?"

He stopped his tracks and looked at me. "What do you mean 'besides your bed'?"

"Um. I mean, we hardly ever actually spend time, like real heartfelt moments together. We're always having sex a-and you know, sometimes, Draco, I just want to sleep in your arms-"

"Lucille, I was going to do that last night-. I needed you last night-. I-. I was tired and I was exhausted and I was really looking forward to confiding in you-"

"Please-. Please let me speak," I huffed, "There's a pattern, can't you see it? You come to my room upset, we have sex, then you leave without saying a word. That happens more than you staying the morning after, and I don't want that, Draco-"

"Trust me, Lucille, I don't want that either. I truly don't want that either, but I'm given no other optio-"

"No other option? All you have to do is just stay a little longer! Or- or give me a kiss good bye before you leave me-"

"Stay a little longer?" He scoffs, "Stay a little... longer? I would fucking kill to stay a little longer, Lucille Granger. But I don't think you're realizing that I have a fucking task to do, and the bloody clock is fucking ticking, Lucille-"

"I know that you have a task, Draco! But all I'm asking is for the bare minimum-"

"And I do give you kisses before I leave, Lucille," His voice cracks, "I do. I truly do," Draco gulps. "I um-. I place small kisses on your nose and your forehead before I leave,"

He does? Tears slowly start pooling, but not enough where it hits the surface.

"And it fucking-. It fucking infuriates me when my own bloody best friend kisses your forehead, Lucille. Because Lucille, I envy Lorenzo. My whole fucking life I have envied Lorenzo among other people, too,"

What? Envy?

Draco takes a seat on the couch, as a tear rolls down his cheek. A tear.

"Y'know from the looks of it, Lorenzo took my mother, he took the attention from home, and now it feels like-," He gulps, "It feels like he's taking the only person I have left."

At that moment, tears from the both of us rolled down our cheeks. I was inaudible. But I need to let him speak. He needs this.

"Don't get me wrong, Lucille, I love Lorenzo. He truly is like a brother to me, but when I see him spending time with you, or even hearing about it, makes my f-. It makes my fucking blood boil. It makes my fucking blood boil because I want to be spending time with you. I want to spend my every second of existing with you, and I can't even do that because of this fucking task. Instead, Lorenzo gets to converse with you about anything and everything while I'm cooped up in this fucking room fixing a fucking bloody cabinet!"

For the first time in my life, I saw Draco Malfoy truly unravel in front of me. The tears came rushing down faster than ever. I immediately sped towards him, grabbing him so close to me. He wrapped his arms around my small body, holding me tighter and closer. And he let it all out. He let the tears out, and he shouted and cried in my arms.

He pulled away from our embrace and looked up at me, with his glistening grey eyes. "I want to be able to provide you the love and attention that you deserve, Lucille," He stammered. "But I can't do that right now, and I hope you underst-. I hope you understand."

I wiped his tears with my thumbs.

"Of course I understand, Draco," I faltered. He pulled me close once more. He got up from the couch and kissed me with his warm and tender lips for about a few seconds, then slowly pulled away.

"I promise to provide you with everything that I can as soon as this fucking task is over, okay?" He pleaded.

I stared into his eyes. He wasn't lying. I could feel it. He was telling the truth.

"Okay, Draco," I stammered, as he wiped a tear away from my eyes.

Silence emitted.

He pulled away from our embrace, and took a deep breath.

"Lucille. Listen to me, okay?" Draco continued.

"Okay," I nervously trembled.

Draco deeply stared into my eyes. "T-. to finish this task successfully and safely," He stammered.

He parted his lips, but no words came out.

"For now, I have to let you go."

*****

Writing the next chapter as we speak.

Discussion down here please.

D I S C U S S I O N

Also, I had a quick question for you all-

I know this book was more about smut & all, but it took a sharp turn of events and now i'm truly invested. so, will you guys be okay if smutty scenes appear less in the next upcomimg chapters? i'm afraid of losing you guys omg- you guys are absolutely the friggin best!! im not ending the smut obviously EEP i could never LMFAO. but are you guys okay if it tones down for a little bit?