Care too little, you lose them. But care too much, you'll get hurt
                   -I.O

     "Hm da, they released him earlier today, it took a lot of persuading since either of us didn't want to stay any longer. Haha really? Sure okay, I'll let him know byeee Mila." Victor set the phone down on the coffee table .A tight smile on his face.

He signed, letting his body fall on the couch like a rag doll. Makkachin jumping on his stomach abruptly, needy for the lack of attention.

The once homy living room wasn't so homy right now. Something warm and fuzzy was missing and it wasn't Makkachin. Victor stared up at the ceiling knowingly, running his fingers through Makkachin's soft fur. A familiar feeling bubbling at the pit of his stomach.

"We've never truly been a fan of silence have we boy?" he whispered.

The apartment was painfully dark, minus the small gasp of light coming from underneath the bedroom door. Midnight rain jabbed the windows harshly, giving the scenery a lonely vibe.

Victor couldn't sleep, he couldn't close his eyes without the horrid image of Yuri's body lying against the tiles half alive invading his mind.

This only happened yesterday. Yuri could have died 28 hours ago. This really happened.

"Oh god..."he sobbed.  Victor brought his hands up to cover his mouth, tears slid down the corner of his eyes.

How the hell can this be real!? Nothing makes sense, period. Victor refused to believe Yuri went through all this unnecessary suffering because he thought he was going to leave him. Because Yuri made his very own assumptions that he would choose his own career over him.

When in fact, he choose Yuri over himself the minute he landed in Hasetsu.

Once again he underestimated his abilities.

"How fucking selfish can he be...?" Victor hiccuped.

When Yuri awoke after hours of waiting , he admitted to everything he harbored inside. At the moment he was desperate for any explanation as to why he could of done what he did. Now that Victor looked back on it, it was practically the shittiest excuse he's heard.

Is he toying with me?

That wasn't even the worst part, Yuri hadn't uttered a word since his release. Victor cooked, yeah he cooked without hurting or burning something, dinner but Yuri declined. He offered to call his parents, to even buy him a pork cutlet bowl, he offered anything he could think of, even himself but he too declined.

Perhaps Yuri needed time.

Victor decided against crying the entire night with Makkachin in his arms. It just brought to many unwanted memories of his childhood . He needed to skate. But Yuri needed him here. He needed a breather. But Yuri didn't want him to leave.

He signed again, quite annoyed. Victor wiped the last of his tears and sat up straight. 

"Love can be quite demanding sometimes can't it?" He patted his dogs head.  Makkachin licked his palm completely oblivious.

Victor stood up, he wish he could strip down to the last article of clothing and jump into bed with Yuri and Makkachin and forget these past two days.

He started pacing around the dark living room, both hands covering face. Attempting to shield himself from the world. His eyes drifted to the bathroom momentarily,recalling the the hours he spent scrubbing the blood off the tile and screwing the door back in place.

Victor made sure to put Yuri to bed first, checking up on him every 10 minutes. Every bone in his body screamed at him, wanting to just break and fall apart.

Then he would get up and check on Yuri.

Victor had to stay strong for the both of them. They were partners, lovers, best friends, soulmates, they were one. If Victor were the one at breaking point, Yuri would do the same as him.

Wouldn't he?

"How can someone coach and be coached ...it's impossible right?"

"There's no way I'm making it through the night." Victor spun his body around and marched towards the entrance of the apartment. He snatched his coat, keys, and sports bag.

Three hours, that's all he's asking for. He owed him that much.

Quickly he wrote a note and tapped it to the bathroom door ,knowing Yuri will need to use it at some point.

As slowing as possible he made his way out. Ironic how he was sneaking out of his own apartment. He kissed Makkachin goodbye and shut the door behind him.

Please still be there, Please still be there.

Victor jogged the ten minutes to his local ice rink. He wasn't sure whether or not it was a good idea to send Yuri a text message or simply leave it as it is and hope Yuri reads the bathroom note.

"Wow ...what a day without food can do to you!" He chucked , breathing slightly heavy. The image of Yuri struggling at just 3 minutes of jogging cracked him up.

He shook his head, walking towards  the ice rink automatic doors. Lucky for him he called Emile, the ice rink owner and asked if he could borrow the rink for a few hours ,which she happily agreed to.

Strangely enough she hadn't mentioned the time. Victor bent down and pulled the black mat up, he picked up the sliding card Emile left him.

Victor shivered at the cool air of the rink, he didn't necessarily need to use his locker because he was alone. His bag had his skates and he didn't need to change. All he wanted right now was a clear mind.

When the world shakes us, Try to take us out of line

He connect his music to bluetooth, hoping he can get through at least half his short program. Victor glided on the ice, already feeling 10x more relaxed.

Fear of tomorrow, feelings we borrow for a time

The sound of blades against ice echoed beautifully in the rink. Victor began skating his program effortlessly but it just wasn't enough.

He spun slowly, reaching an arm out behind him to gasp the heel of his skate spinning around repeatedly.

Water so deep how do we breath? How do we climb?

Yuri. He needed to remember his love and replace the pain he felt. This routine was meant for Yuri, his motivation was Yuri, Victor's love was Yuri. How could he not see that? Was their entire year worth nothing if he still can't see he was the light if his life? He danced on the ice but his moves where getting sloppy.

Victor skated across the ice determined to land a quadruple flip, the flip the started it all. Well kinda.

And we don't have a thing to lose, no matter what they say or do

"Shit!"

That was a quadruple ,a quadruple fucking  flip. There was no possible way he could of touched the ice. He of all people! Victor skated quicker gaining enough speed to do his signature jump.

Yuri. Yuri. Yuri. Yuri. Yuri. Yuri.

I don't want nothing more, our love is in untouchable

"Common! Common!" Victor sneered, he stood back up shaking his head. He missed the jump again. He's done this a million times .One simple flip.

Even in the line of fire ,when everything is on the wire

Victor took off from the backward inside edge of his skate and pushed on his toe pick. He used right amount of speed and the right amount of height. With one hand in the air Victor did three rotations and-"Agh!"

"Victor you know I can hold the world in my hands? "Yuri smiled, lying on his back above mounds of sakura petals. He out beau-tied every single being on this planet, so much Victor couldn't turn away from him.

"Oh yeah?Show me then mоя любовь."he relied. Yuri blushed and rose his hands to cup Victor's cheeks. His warm touch sending Victor shocks throughout his body.

"See, I told you I could do it."

Even up against the world

"Fuck..FUCK!" Victor shut his eyes. He hit the ice repeatedly with his fist , holding his head.He didn't know what hurt more, the fifth failed landing or the memory .

"Breathe Victor breathe..." he was beginning to feel fragile, for pushing past his limits.

Victor chanted encouraging words out loud, but it wasn't the same.He needed Yuri, right now.

He stifled a laugh, he's the main reason why he was here in the first place.

Victor opened his azure eyes, only to see himself. The oh so amazing five time gold medalist, the living legend, the perfectionist, flawless, intimidating, idol. Yeah that was him.

It just wasn't him.

So what did he do? He laughed ,he laughed and laughed and laughed until that laugh turned into a cry and that cry turned into full on sobs and he was a crying mess in the middle of the rink by himself on Moscow's coldest nights.

I want to go hom-

CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP

Victor snapped his head up, stopping all sounds from him and stood up frantically. He wiped his face with his sleeve and squinted his eyes to the person standing a couple feet away. If it was a fan or a mere stranger ,chances of them recording his hysteria going viral were high.

But it wasn't a stranger or a fan.

Our love is unstoppable

"Teyler?"
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A/N: This was a very long chapter lol. The song for Victors "short program" is called beautiful mess by Kristian Kostov but it was just a little part ,that's not the whole thing so dw. Also I recommend reading the chapters with the songs I put, it gives more feels <3
                                                 -Nathan