"Stop! Stop! For the love of God, stop right now, before one of you breaks a leg or a neck! You are not listening to me!" Jana yelled for the fourth time that afternoon."Just get some water and take ten".

Adapting a ballet into a skating choreography was not an easy feat, to begin with. And Jana seemed to regret having been so ambitious. With merely two months left for rehearsals, her plans started to feel more and more insane by the minute.  But if Jana was certifiable, what to say of me, who agreed to take part on it as my second chance debut into figure skating?

Throughout the last month or so, all of the cast had intensive skating practice and workout sessions. Before my mechanic leg, I was beyond advanced, I was cocky. After winning competitions and collecting medals like Sonic collected rings, I took skating for granted.  I could do an axel with my hands tied behind my back. Having a mechanic limb meant I had to reprogram my brain to put my weight on the wheel and find my balance to do the spins and the footwork, basic parts of the choreography. In short, I practically needed to go up three levels in that timeframe.  That meant working out at the gym and wearing my skates for so long they were practically attached to my feet, like a weird version of Dr Octopus from Spiderman. 

But if it was challenging to relearn the technique, something I had down cold from when I was six, it was nothing compared to how hard it was to attach that to the choreography. To help us with that, we also had a ballet and jazz dance coach enlisted. And my ballroom dance experience turned out to be quite useful. 

We were separated by groups, according to the scene, but Estrela and I had to be present for every scene, sometimes just to watch. Fortunately, not everyone was present for our rehearsals. It was one thing to fall doing something fun and exciting like a triple Lutz  (Not that I could do a triple Lutz at the moment), another was having everyone witness my basically landing wrong and and accidentally sweeping Estrela off her feet as I fell. Not in the best way. 

"Sorry, again, about that", I told Estrela as soon as we sat down. She was holding an ice bag to her forehead.

"I'm suing" she said, although she was smiling under the ice. "I thought it was our knees and legs that were supposed to be sore. Not our heads."

"Hey, I said I was sorry." I said, cooly. 

She picked up the tone in my voice and blushed.

"I'm sorry. I was insensitive. That was...

"Kind of rude. But ok. Never mind."

"No it is not. It's just like me, putting my foot in... I mean, I didn't mean... 

I laughed. She was making it so much worse!

"Whatever, Estrela." I said, trying to change the subject. "I think we're both exhausted. You know what I do when I get home? I take a shower, eat something, leave my leg charging, put on a mind-numbing TV show and fall asleep immediately. That's how tired I've been.

She blushed again. But laughed softly.

"I charge my leg. That sentence will never not be funny".  She said. "But if you're not too tired tonight, Gabi and I are having tapiocas after practice. You are welcome to join us if you want."

"You sure?"

Maybe she wasn't blushing, just flushed from practice, especially her forehead and her cheeks. Her french braid looked dishevelled, with loose hair strands sticking to her face. Her uniform shirt looked so wet, I could practically make out the outline of her sports bra. It was my turn to feel my face turn hot and look away, thanking the heavens no one could read my mind. I just hoped she didn't notice me stare at it for too long.

I thought of the leftover lunch waiting for me at home. 

"I could eat. Let me just let my folks know I'm going to be late" I managed to say. 

I wrote my mom I was going to come home later. I added I was going to be with Estrela and Gabriela, so she wouldn't think I was out partying. We were trying to work on our communication, to build trust. I realized the more she knew, the more freedom I got. And she didn't know the half of what was going on in my life. She didn't even know my friends...

After that, I wrote another message. It was true I was almost definitely moving after Christmas, but there was no need to implode my relationship before I knew for sure. 

"Do you still have some battery to get to Bibi?"

"Sure. I only charge it overnight..." I started saying, before I realized she was joking. " Worst case scenario you and Gabi will have to carry me home". 

She chuckled.

"Speaking of legs, do you feel okay talking about it? Because you know my cousin, Gabi, she will probably ask you a lot of questions. And she is not that good at filtering what she says."

"Unlike you" I teased.

"I'm serious. She liked putting people on the spot. So, if she says something...

"Ableist". I said, trying not to sound preachy. " And I much rather be asked questions than be stared at, like some zoo animal. I appreciate your gesture, Estrela, but you don't need to be a buffer for either of us. I am aware that your cousin is like eight years old. I'm not going to bite her head off for saying the "wrong thing". 

I had an unpleasant flashback to when I first had the news of the amputation and how my life would change from then on. Everything I knew and dreamed of was falling apart before my eyes. Granted, I was a little angry all the time, but having Heitor trying to buffer my communications with people at the hospital, playing the good samaritan, didn't make things better.

"She's 10."

"Same difference.  Even if she wasn't just a kid. I mean, I don't know what your cousin Heitor told you, but I'm not a monster. And I bet she isn't, either."

"I know you aren't." She said, quietly. "I just didn't want you to be offended".

"No need to shield me." I insisted. "Tell you what. How about we just play by ear? Look, I promise you, nearly two years is plenty of time to get used to my situation. I know how to deal with questions and stares just fine. Sometimes I can get snarky, sometimes I'll use humor, depending on my mood. But you can trust me, I am not made of glass. This baby here" I knocked on my leg softly "is titanium."

"Lucky you". 

I realized she was probably talking about herself. I wanted to say something, to acknowledge what she had been going through. I wanted to ask if she was okay in her new home, something I hadn't really done since our reunion. I wanted to ask so many things, but didn't, for fear she would find out I had something to do with her life changing so drastically. She would never talk to me again. Who was shielding whom now?

Jana's voice pulled us from our silence, and, for once, I felt grateful for that interruption.

"Hey, guys, let's talk less and practice more?"

"I swear, she is sounding more and more like my dad" I mumbled

"I heard that!"

"I meant for you to!"

Estrela let out a frustrated groan and used her skate breaks to climb down the cold cement bleachers.

" Let's try again, guys." she said "This time, how about you try and pretend to like each other."

This was another thing that changed in a month of practice. Due to the difficulty of rehearsals and the long hours spent together, the walls between Estrela and I fell apart pretty quickly. That meant constant bickering between us. We couldn't afford to be bashful around each other. You try and put someone in a pedestal after they've seen you sweating like a pig after practice. It's impossible.

But not everything was hard. I liked seeing myself improve when I could relax and enjoy skating. In spite of what I had just said I would take a million frustrated groans like Jana's to my father's silent disapproving glare. With Jana, I could feel my mistakes become accomplishments.  Plus, Jana berated us both equally. As tired as I got, It was refreshing not to have to think of anything else by the time I went home. I could just shut off my brain and watch a movie, or a couple episodes from a series, without having to look over every millimiter of the mistakes I made. 

Thinking of that helped me relax and focus on what I was doing. And finally we got the routine right, from beginning to end. 

"Allright. Yeah!" she yelled in approval as we finished. "If keep up the good work, I will be able to let you use a plastic sword without fear of blinding someone." she said.

I rolled my eyes and exchanged a glance with Estrela, as if saying "See, what I told you about?"

"That would have to be you." I told Estrela "I am already missing a leg."

"Meet me by the bench near the office" Estrela whispered.

 I played my mom's voice note.

"Ok. Be careful. Take an uber home when you are done. And drop the girls off first"

"K."

"Ready?" I heard Gabriela say.

I looked up. Estrela looked a little less flushed. Her otherwise straight hair, now slightly wavy from the braids, fell over her shoulders. Estrela had changed from the uniform into a black top with tie up straps. Gabi still wore her uniform and ponytail, having just changed into white LED sneakers. 

I picked up my backpack from the floor and put it on my back, before I stood up with a jolt.

"Let's go!"