"How can I say this without breaking
How can I say this without taking over
How can I put it down into words
When it's almost too much for my soul alone. "

I don't want them to know the secrets
I don't want them to know the way I loved you
I don't think they'd understand it, no
I don't think they would accept me, no

I loved and I loved and I lost you
I loved and I loved and I lost you
I loved and I loved and I lost you
And it hurts like hell
Yeah it hurts like hell

Dreams fight with machines
Inside my head like adversaries
Come wrestle me free
Clean from the war
Your heart fits like a key
Into the lock on the wall
I turn it over, I turn it over
But I can't escape
I turn it over, I turn it over"
- hurts like hell ( Fleurie)

Both realized that the tea was over when , they continued sipping but didn't get any similar taste of tea on their tongue, both smiled at their sillyness.

And both instantly looked up and as their eyes meet both of their smiles died down, and they immediately looked down.

Both reprimanded themselves for acting so childhisliy and decided to  start the conversation.

Both said simultaneously- Tum/Aap.(you)

And both stopped immediately and said simultaneously again- pehle tum/ aap. ( First you)

A smile crept on their faces at the second coincidence and they both instantly tried to suppress it.

Gauri looked at him, waiting for him to say something. Finally he spoke , not knowing waht to say-  "tum kaise ho? ( How are you doing?) It has been a long time."

Gauri smiled at his uncertainty and said- hum theekh hai Omkara. Ap kaise hai? It's indeed a very long time , eight years.

She didn't call him Omkaraji because she had realized giving a man a place of God was silly. No man could be equal to God. Cause' every man was flawed by nature. And life taught her this the harder way and secondly she didn't want to raise any hopes in his heart.

Om was surprised that she didn't add the suffix ji to his name anymore, surely she had changed , he realized.  But a part of him was glad that ji she  added to his name just made him feel older.  But now without the suffix it made him feel more distant. Leaving his thoughts aside Om confessed-"eight years?  I never expected that I'll ever  see you again."

Gauri was over it a long time ago, learning psychology was one of her best decisions of her life , she had learn to let go . Let go of things which haunted her. Things which hurted her. People whom she wanted the most, including him .

She was different person now, less emotional , more practical. And more in control of herself, be it for good or bad.

She smiled and said- so you didn't want to see me ever? I believe I shouldn't have come, trying her best to lighten the atmosphere which was taking a toll on her. After all she had done her degree on the art of deception .

Om immediately defended himself saying- no not at all. I just believed that I didn't deserve to...

And his voice died down a lone tear rolled down his left eye. Gauri didn't want to see him like that remorseful and all. She wanted to see him happy , inspite of everything he had done to her , she still cared for him. She still felt that somewhere he should be credited a little though for who she is today.

She gently kept her hand on his, taking him by surprise. She smiled at him and said- Omkara , it's perfectly fine. Whatever happened maybe it was bound to happen.

Om immediately spoke- I don't know whether or not it was bound to happen or not? But trust me it's not fine. I owe you a huge apology . I feel like hypocrite. A man known as Sach Ka boyfriend. Never stood along truth. Ain't that oxymoronish?

Gauri smiled happy that he realized his flaws and she said-  Omkara you're good man and trust me when I say that. Not matter how formal it seems . In spite of your black shades you're a good man. Yeah ! You were blinded by your own one sided perspective but you may have your own reasons . Trust me I give people the benefit of doubt.

He was touched by her statement, she still beloved somewhere that he had his reasons for being a jerk, but he couldn't find a reason to justify the injustice he had done to her.

Her kindness  just added weight to his guilt, which he couldn't handle an more and he said in a low voice- if I was good man trust me you won't have left me. You don't know me Gauri. You don't know the things I've done in past. They make them hate myself more each time I recall them. I believe I was bound to live this life in loneliness .

Gauri who had been doing an excellent job of maintaining a poker face , seemed to have dropped her facade off hearing his statement her heart could feel the pain behind his voice and his words.

How could she convince him that he was good man?
A man who was once was her dream man.
A man who meant the world to her.
He was her saviour, a supposed blessing of her Shankerji.
But maybe that was it.
Maybe their role in eachother's life was only that much.
Maybe they were those two random strangers who just crossed eachother's path once in  a while .
Or the two banks of a river that where right on the other side but never meant to be together.
But that didn't make either of them bad .
Or did it?

He looked at her with pain evident in his dark chocolate brown orbs, like Shivay it wasn't easy to catch the intensity in his eye due to the dark shade. But for her it was a child's play.

She knew them well, even now surprisingly . Those beautiful golden streaks in his iris only visible in the sun, made her feel as if she had unraveled a hidden treasure, but those days and emotions were a part of history.

But somewhere the traces of past, remained intact. After all past was one of man's best friend, since the time man was first formed in his mother's womb till death. His sole companion who was the witness of  his blacks', whites' ,greys'.

She still loved the way his pupils dialated , and the browns and gold in his orbs oozed out making his eyes so desirable, whenever he looked at her. It was a long time since she had seen those intense, piercing eyes of his.

Eyes so filled with pain , and intensity such that it could shatter rocks.  Realizing  the akward silence prevailing in the room, Gauri decided to speak.

But she could feel the heaviness as if the pain in their hearts had just managed to make the atmosphere heavier. She sure had found her happy ending, but something was always amiss. That hollowness seemed to seep deeper today. 

Gauri smiled painfully and said-  I ain't better Omkara. Trust me. You surely haven't done the things I've done in my past. Trust me we both have an ugly side which we never got to discover.

Only after speaking Gauri realized the depth of what she had said , mentally reprimanding herself.

Omkara looks at her , that uneasiness on her face , hurt him. Did his presence bother her so much, he thought.

He decided to come to matter apologize and let her go. Let his heart rip again, let his facade fall down one again.

He said- I won't take much time, I believe you've your reservations.

The formality in his tone hit a chord in her, by she tried composing herself and said-' I don't have any reservations as such today. One day won't cost much right Omkara?  She ended in a small voice with an uncertain tone.

Om replied- hope so.

She smiled genuinely and said- still optimist are you?

He smiled and replied - nope! Am more dreamy. I mean I kind of live in an illusionary world. After all hope is what one clings on when things are hazy around you.

Gauri asked with  child like enthusiasm- so you still write?

Om smiled genuinely seeing traces of his old Gauri and nodded. Gauri realized she was acting to carefree and immediately apologized.

Om replied- you don't need to . It's perfectly fine. 

That is when Gauri's phone rings and after the call she looks at Om with those puppy eyes of hers.

Those eyes which could melt his heart faster than anything, ever could. Still the same somewhere aren't you Gauri? Thought Om.

Om asked - what's wrong?

Gauri replied - nothing as such.

Om says - that puppy face of yours is still so predictable?

Huh? Said Gauri in shock .

Puppy face and me - she said in a defensive tone.

Om laughed out  loud  her adorable face of her's he had finally found his inspiration for his new paintings.

Trying to speak while laughing he said- I haven't laughed that loud for a long time , it feels so good , so good. His voice died down , and was replaced by sobs wrecking his body, as he slumped on the floor as he whispered apologizes.

It broke her heart to see him like that, she never wanted him to be like this . She had thought that he would forgot her soon..was she wrong?

With uncertainty she kneeled down trying to control her dam of emotions which was about to over flow. Afraid to hurt him and herself , hoping not to raise any false expectations. She gently rubbed his back whispering it was all right as a lone tear trickled down here.

But he seemed to pay no heed to what she was saying he was there right in front of him drowning in guilt , deeper and deeper in the abyss of guilt and his only salvation was her.

She called him out but he was in some kind of trance , she shook him hard and shouted- Omkaraji, as a fresh set of tears pushed out the old ones.

This seemed to have an effect on him, he immediately flunged himself into her and captured her in a bone crushing hug and said - I've missed you Gauri. More than you can imagine.

She was so desperate to get out of his hold because she was losing her resolve to stick to her self respect. But finally seemed to give in as being in his arms seemed so perfect , it felt like home after a long time. She gently held him , not realizing her grip hardened on him and tears made their way out of her eyes.

I've missed you so much, more than you can ever now- he said gently breaking the hug and planted a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Something had rekindled in her heart, like an old extinguished flame. Was it love?, She thought. But she quickly ushered away the thought cause' she knew her heart could take no more betrayls.

She was realizing that she was losing control over herself, she reminded herself this ain't what she came for, she composed herself and said in a loud icy tone- Omkara. .. bringing him out of his reverie.

He wasn't ashamed of losing control, but he was afraid that she would leave.

He immediately left her not because he was ashamed because he was afraid that she would leave.

He asks her in a child like tone with uncertainty evident in  his tone while apologising- you won't leave right, would you?
************************************************************************That's it for part -1 it was getting way longer .. so updating it in two parts the other part would be up asap, maybe by tonight. And I've  flu so I can't concentrate on the phone sorry . Plus I let the formality continue btw them cause' you can't say sorry out of the blue , it is a long time. And if you find anything wrong as such do tell me. Plz hit the like button and cmnt if you liked the update. Thanks for reading regards Ana 😊💙💞.