I shivered. Unlike yesterday, today definitely felt like a winter day. It was cloudy, and the weather forecast showed signs of snow later in the week.

   I became lost in my thoughts and surroundings again. I found that I had been doing that a lot lately.

    I barely noticed when Min-jun slipped a pair of hand warmers into my hand. He seemed to understand that I was lost in thought and left me alone, busying himself by keeping the younger ones occupied so that they wouldn't disturb me while we waited for the staff to get things ready to leave.

    That's what I admire about Min-jun, his ability to read people like open books and to understand what they're thinking or feeling. His quiet nature made him thoughtful and considerate. He was almost like the mother of the group. He would be a great leader.

     "Hyung. It's time to go."

   I slowly snapped out of my daze, returning to reality. Min-jun and Rory were standing in front of me, questions all over their faces, questions I could not answer. I could see Qui herding the younger ones out the door towards one of the cars.

   We travelled separately, the younger ones going in one with a manager, stylist and bodyguard, the older ones in another car.

    "We're ready to go?" I guessed, standing up and shouldering my bag.

  Rory nodded.

      "Do you need another pair of hand warmers?" Min-jun asked, picking up his stuff.

    I shook my head. The hand warmers he had given me earlier were still warm.

   Following them out to the car, I paused and looked around. Everything seemed dull and grey compared to yesterday.

    Setting off, I waited till the other three had fallen asleep before I slipped on my headphones, putting on the music that the original NCT Dream members and I had done. Leaning my head against the window, I began to recall memories of those times.

    We had so much fun together. Don't get me wrong, the new Dream members are great, but I didn't train or grow up with them.

    I sometimes wondered what it would be like if the graduation system has taken away. It would just be the seven of us, all together, unseparated.

     'Chewing Gum' began to play, and I felt my eyes water. My debut. Our debut. We were all so small back then. Memories of learning the choreography and shooting the music video came rushing back.

     Unable to handle it, I immediately turned it off and put on NCT 127's new song. Watching the video, I noticed Mark and Haechan hyung were enjoying themselves, which made me happy. I would hate it if they were miserable.

    Putting on a different playlist, I leaned back in my seat and wished to fall asleep. I was never like how I used to be. I could barely get to sleep at night, I was worrying all the time, spaced out way too much, and even though it may seem that I enjoy time on my own, I hated being alone with no one around.

     I felt my eyelids become heavy, and slowly, I fell asleep.

     Someone gently shook my shoulders. I felt something being lifted off my ears.

"Hyung, wake up, we're here," A voice came through the haze.

      Slowly coming to my senses, I woke up to find that we were parked outside the National Museum of Seoul where our first set of photos are going to be taken.

      Rory and Qui were already out of the car, Min-jun had stayed behind to wake me up.

  "The manager said to wake you up," Min-jun said.

       "Thanks," I nodded. Stretching, I shook the tiredness out of my system.

   Hopping out of the car, I took a deep breath, breathing in the cool crisp air.

       "Jisung-i hyung! Do you want a bottle of water or a gingerbread coffee frappuccino?" Do-yun asked, holding out two drinks in his hands.

     "I'll take the frappuccino. I need something to wake me up," I laughed, taking the Starbucks drink.

     "Do you want an all-day breakfast wrap or a turkey sandwich?" Hayate offered, unloading the food that they had picked up on the way.

       "I'll take the wrap. Thanks, Hayate," I said.

     I took a bite, then another, and before I realised it, I had finished it. I must have been hungrier than I thought. Granted, I didn't eat much last night and only had an apple and a glass of water before we left this morning.

    My appetite was a mess. Even if I didn't feel like eating most of the time, sometimes, instinct took over and I would finish eating something without realising it.

      Min-jun gave me a knowing look and handed me another wrap, sensing that I was hungry. I noticed this morning that he was looking at me with a concerned look in his eyes while I ate the apple. He kept his concern to himself or Rory, not wanting to worry or alarm the younger members.

      I shot him a grateful look of thanks as I began eating my second wrap. If it wasn't for the other members of the hyung line looking after me, I would probably land in the A&E. It made me feel bad. I was the eldest, meaning that I should be taking a lot more care of them, not the other way around.

      Taking a sip of his drink, I watched the others chatting and messing about. The seven of them would make a great group, the only problem was, the graduating system. They could get separated and lose each other, and maybe lose themselves.

     Because that's what happened to me. When I lost my closest friends, my family, I lost a big part of me as well. These boys shouldn't go through what I went and am still going through. The pain of losing the people you care about.

     Picturing Ha-joon as myself, I couldn't bare it. Ha-joon is a living angel. I've seen him interact with the others, he adores them. If they all graduate one by one, it would break him bit by bit, and I couldn't bring myself to picture it. 

     "Hyung? Hyung? The stylists wants to start on your hair and make-up," Hyun-ki waved a hand in front my face.

     "Oh! Right, yeah," I shook my head and stood up, walking over to the stylists. 

   When I used to be the youngest of dream, I would be one of the last to have their make-up done as it was done in age order. 

     I sat in the chair, going through the whole process in a daze as I remembered when I did it with the original members. If we were sleepy we would fall asleep while getting our hair done, while the others were getting theirs done, he and the younger ones would be messing about behind them. Taking pictures, joking, doing videos or practising. Other memories began resurfacing.

     "We filmed with Shindong and Leeteuk today," Chenle said to the camera, "Mark and Haechan is not here today, so it was really great."

     I burst out into laughter and gave him a light shove. 

  "That's right," I said. 

       "It was, right?" Chenle grinned. 

    A few seconds later, I turned to him and said, "Mark and Haechan will kill us if they see this."

      "It's okay," Chenle look unfazed. 

   I smiled at the memory, unaware that Min-jun and Qui were watching me.

      "Hang on, I want to introduce mine," Jaemin said.

   "Okay."

      "Mark is 'kuri kuri Mark Lee'," Jaemin began, "Renjun is 'Injoonang'."

   "Goosebumps."

    "Jeno is 'Acorn'," Jaemin said, "Jisung is 'Cutie Ham Jisung'. Chenle is 'Mochi mochi Jong Chenle'."

   "Haechan is..."

" 'Someone I know'. It's Lee Haechan." Jaemin finished, proud of himself. 

     Everyone burst out laughing. 

  "That's you done," The stylist said, setting down the hair spray and comb. 

       "Thank you," I got up and bowed politely in thanks towards them. 

  While getting ready, I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked tired, slightly thinner. I was obviously taller as well. 

    My last concert with all seven members of Dream came to me. We said goodbye to Mark, and we all cried. And I cried on the last concert with the six of us, when the '00 line was about the graduate. The was the hardest for me. I had lost one hyung, and was about to lose four more. And then the last one a year later. 

     "Jisung-i hyung? We're about to start, are you ready?" Rory's voice came through the door. 

  "Oh, coming!" I grabbed a tissue to dab at my eyes, being careful not to ruin the make-up. Taking a deep breath, I joined the other members. 

💛

I have never tried first person POV before in my writings so if you find any mistakes, please tell me :)

Next chapter should be interesting :)

Bye! Thanks for reading

Clara x