"i've seen the waters that make your eyes shine,

now I'm shining too."

dear jungkook,

first of all, before you can whine at me for not coming to jeon's cafe again, from the deepest part of my heart, i just want to say that i'm sorry. fuck- i'm really, really sorry. if i could turn back time, if i could just be healthy like any other people in their 20s . . . trust me, kook-ah, i'd come back in a heartbeat. 

i admit it was wrong of me to lie about my health. it's been years since i received my diagnosis, and yes, if you're wondering where have i been this whole time (ha, i bet you thought i was busy because of my nonexistent successful career!), then the answer would be where you received this letter.

as you can see, my whole life is spent resting between the walls of my lifeless hospital room. i was so used to the smell of disinfectant, that when i first tried to escape, i ended up stumbling inside your cafe. oh, god, the scent of those drinks and your perfume combined were beyond heavenly. you helped me find a new meaning in this coldhearted reality, and for that, i am forever a grateful man.

thank you for teaching me a lot of things about love, despite all of its misadventures. before i met you, all i knew was what kind of medical treatment to do, or which pill to take before i eat my meal. i was such a hopeless romantic that when i first realised about my feelings for you, i ended up disappearing and never coming back. 

i was so stupid, wasn't i?

please don't beat yourself up after reading his letter. none of the things happened was your fault. instead of blaming my stupid cancer cells and the gods above, i wish for you to reminisce all the beautiful moments we spent together, and those moments only. i wish for you to continue living to the fullest and never give up.

i like you so much, jungkook- no, scratch that. i love you. even when i shouldn't. but i also know that life is about moving on. and i want you to move on. because one day, i will return to dust, and there's nothing i can change about it. 

all i can ask god is to let us meet in another life, with different circumstances and definitely healthier bodies. maybe that way, you can continue making my cinnamon-powdered caramel macchiato . . . and i can continue praising your endless love for those coffee beans. i'll come to you like the first snow, my favourite barista.

love, 

taehyung

"i love you too, hyung." clutching the crumpled letter on his hands, jungkook looked outside the hospital window and watched the first snow began to fall, happy that taehyung had fulfilled his promise of stopping by.