Okay so i love Talon!Dick and you're gonna get sick of it

y'all eatin good tonight i've got another story coming up soon

Here's Dick experiencing a flurry of different emotions and having no idea how to deal with him because he forgot what they felt like. This is sort of a continuation from Aromantic_Satan's request but also not?? idk

EDIT: TW VOMIT

Dick knew emotions, he had a small grasp of which emotions people felt by looking at them, but actually feeling them was something else. He hadn't felt them in so long that they felt foreign and often came on strongly. They especially got to him once he got back into work as a vigilante. Guilt and shame almost overwhelmed him when he first got back. Everyone looked at him differently from what he remembered. They didn't show the same care they used. He couldn't blame them. Dick was different now. He wasn't their little favourite anymore and, for some reason he couldn't find, it made him feel awful. Almost sick to his stomach. It was like they didn't want him to exist. He was a blotch on the Justice League's resume. A clear deviation and problem for them. Sure they let him join Young Justice and let him tag along on missions but it was clear they held some disdain towards him. Well, it was clear to him. Unfortunately, since his emotions were new to him, he forgot that they could cloud his logic. His logic being that everyone was actually happy to see him. The looks of disdain were actually ones of empathy. No one knew Dick didn't see them that way since he just thought it was obvious and didn't bring it up.

Dick was in the care of the Young Justice team, awaiting his family's return from a mission. He wasn't allowed to go with them. He thought it was because the League didn't want him poking around too much with them. In reality, it was because they were taking down a faction of the Court of Owls and couldn't be sure it wouldn't affect him negatively. He felt like everyone was watching him, waiting to pounce on him if there was any sign of him reverting back to his old Talon nature. That wasn't how it worked but he supposed they didn't know that. From the team's perspective, they were having a nice quiet get together. M'gann had put on a Disney movie, specifically Moana, as she wanted to reintroduce Dick into the genre of kid-friendly media since he'd been away from it so long. Artemis and Wally lightly bickered in the corner, remembering that they couldn't be too loud for Dick's sake. Kaldur kept glancing over at the teen as the movie progressed to make sure he was okay and often caught the gaze of Connor who he suspected was doing the same. All of this was misinterpreted by Dick thanks to the new flood of emotions. The stares were seen as a caution to stay quiet, the movie choice was meant to show him how there are better heroes than him, the whispers in the corner were talks of hating the new impure version of himself. "May I take a moment outside?" Dick asked, unable to take much more. Shame was burning through him and he just had to take a break. 

"Alright, be careful if you go near the water. It's rough this time of year," Kaldur told him. He nodded and briskly exited the room.

"I hope I didn't overwhelm him with the movie, I tried to keep it kid-friendly," M'gann said in a hushed tone, not quite sure if Dick was far away enough to speak normally. 

"Maybe we were too loud," Wally said worriedly.

"Looking at him didn't help. He could feel uncomfortable."

"I'll give him a minute then I'll go check on him. He might just need some alone time."

The Mountain had a few entrances to private places where Dick could take a breather. He memorized them out of instinct and decided he would pick the one that led to the private beach. It was raining outside but that didn't stop him from going outside. The tide wasn't in yet but a good amount of the beach was covered with the ocean water. He could smell the salty breeze from it and hear the crashing waves against the sand. In the distance, he could make out small boats that were probably out fishing. They bobbed on the waves lightly. Dick set his eyes on a part of the rock that was flat and began his ascent upon the damp rocks. He'd decided that that was his perch the first he was here. He liked to be in high places and it was the highest he could go without getting told off by other heroes. He got up there easily, only slipping once or twice thanks to the wet moss underfoot. Dick let out a sigh as he got himself comfy. He closed his eyes and raised his head to the sky so the rain could patter on his skin. Things were difficult. Every emotion, no matter how small, was overwhelming. He found that if he distracted himself for long enough, they'd shrink. That was if he was lucky. If he wasn't lucky, whilst he tried to distract himself, his emotions bled into memories he tried desperately to lock away. This was one of his unlucky times. As he closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the tapping of the rain as it hit his body, a scene flowered in his mind. Although blurry at first, it cleared into one of his murders. There was so much blood. It puddled and dripped. He was told to make it as bloody as possible. The person who commissioned it wanted it to be as gory and disgusting as a message to whoever. Dick didn't care who the message was for. Back then he didn't feel a thing as he tore the woman apart, tearing into her flesh with a knife. He didn't flinch once when she screamed and called for someone out there to help. Yet now it made him physically sick. Bile would rise to his throat every time he thought about it. Feelings of self-hatred, guilt, shame, disgust. They were all so new and crippled him every single time they became apparent.

His eyes flung open and he coughed up some vile substance. He made sure to cough it up to the side so he didn't cover himself in it. His body shivered at the loss of whatever it was, most likely his latest meal, which was only worsened by the freezing breeze of the sea. Even with this new development, Dick didn't go back inside. He returned to his former position and stared up at the sky. The rain mixed with the tears that had fallen freely, making hard to distinguish what was what. He wanted to scream. He wanted to shout. He wanted to tear his vocal cords yelling obscenities at the sky. All of this he wanted so desperately but he didn't know why. He ended up letting a loud sob escape him and punched at the rock. This obviously hurt his hand but he didn't care. How did people let out these emotions, he thought. This couldn't be how they did it. Maybe no one else felt the same. No hero liked him besides his family and although he wished that was enough, sometimes it wasn't. Not when he remembered the days when everyone loved him. Something was missing and he guessed it was the missing sense of belonging he once knew so well. Now he felt like a prisoner in own body, unable to say or just simply show how he felt without showing some sort of violence. Unbeknownst to him, Dick had now weaved his fingers into his hair and was roughly pulling on whatever he could get a grip of. His teeth were clenched together so harshly that his jaw ached. He silently begged for someone to come make it stop because there was no way he could stop himself from spiraling now.

The movie finished and Kaldur let out a concerned sigh. "I'll go see if he's okay," he announced, getting up. Everyone nodded and murmured on what was keeping the teen from them. Kaldur knew where Dick would hide himself thanks to Jason mentioning it to him with a warning that if he ever disappeared anywhere, he would be there. So Kadlur walked out onto the beach and looked up to the rocks which had a flat surface to sit on. Even if he didn't know about his little perch, the crying would've drawn him there. His eyebrows furrowed at the sight of the teen viciously pulling out his hair and sobbing insults at no one in particular. "Richard? It's Kaldur," he proclaimed. A piece of advice he knew was important was to always announce your presence to Dick unless you wanted to get body-slammed or thrown somewhere. Although, in this state, it didn't look like he was capable of doing either of those things. The teen glanced to him, hardly acknowledging that he was there, then looked away and curled up further in on himself. Scared for Dick's safety, Kaldur climbed up to him and perched himself on the edge of the rock. Cautiously, he tapped on the teen's shoulder. "Make it stop," Dick begged. It was quiet and almost drowned out by the wind but the older heard it. How could he not with a voice so broken saying it? He got closer and gently pulled on Dick's wrists, successfully removing his fingers from his matted hair. A pair of mixed gold and blue eyes stared at him, shining with unshed tears. "What's the matter?"

"It hurts not being at home," he croaked. Kaldur raised an eyebrow. His family mentioned nothing about agoraphobia. Plus he was sitting outside. 

"Why?"

"Everybody hates me."

"That's not true. We like you very much," he insisted.

"Then why would people look at me so weirdly when I walk past?" Kaldur thought about what Dick was referring before coming to the realization. 

"Richard, people are looking at you with empathy. What's happened to you has sent shock waves through the entire League. People just wanted to show that they were with you."

There was silence like the sea on the beach, the new information washed over Dick. "But I thought- I don't," he stuttered before frustratedly cut himself off. He slammed his hand on the rock again, only revealing to Kaldur his inability to understand his emotions. The older thought it best to help any way he could before he caused some real damage to himself. "You're not familiar with emotions?" Dick shook his head defeatedly.

"I don't remember them. They've been gone for ages." A hum came as a reply.

"Sometimes when you feel something so strongly, it affects how you see things. Do you feel like people should treat you differently?" Dick nodded. "Why's that?"

"They should hate me because I hate me." Something in Dick snapped upon admitting that and he tried to resume pulling out his hair but Kaldur stopped him. "I did bad things! I'm supposed to be hated! I'm bad!" Kaldur sighed and pulled him in close, rocking him back and forth to calm him down. It worked and the loud sobs turned too quiet sniffles. 

"You shouldn't hate yourself. What you did may have been bad but it's not like you had much choice."

"I didn't feel a thing when I killed people. Now I throw up at the sight of them. Makes me want to pull myself apart to make up for it," Dick mumbled.

"Haven't you told your family about it?" Dick shrugged which meant he hadn't but didn't want to admit it. "You should. They'll understand."

"I shouldn't be such a bother to them."

"Richard, you're sat outside in the rain, unable to understand your emotions, clearly haunted by what you've done. This isn't something bothersome this a problem you need help with." Dick remained silent. Kaldur had wanted something in agreement but he didn't' receive one. He looked out at the sea, letting Dick take a breather. 

"You really think I should talk to them? And that it won't be a bother."

"I can promise you."

The rain got harder and attacked them mercilessly. "We should go inside before you catch a cold," Kaldur commented, pulling away.

"I've not been ill in a while. Talons don't get sick," he said. He almost longed for a cold. It would be a reminder that he was no longer what the Court wanted him to be. Kaldur put his hand on his with a soft smile.

"My friend, you're not a Talon. You don't need to make yourself sick to prove it." He got a slight nod before Dick finally climbed down from the rock with him. He shielded him from the rain until they entered the Mountain and told Dick to follow him to the laundry room. There, he threw the teen a towel and told him to dry off. It would be better to get him to change his clothes but he doubted anyone else's clothes would fit him. "You called me your friend," Dick stated as he roughly rubbed his hair with the towel.

"Yes I did, because you are. I thought you'd need the reminder."

"Thank you Kaldur. I appreciate it." He gave him an appreciative smile then handed back the towel. 

"It's no trouble. Let's get M'gann to get you a brush. Your hair is a mess," Kaldur stated, quietly laughing at the randomly spiked mop of hair.