@Theora_

Reviewer: kyrrai

Summary/Excerpt:

"She added a charm to her bracelet for every life that she took."

Kalena is a young assassin working for the Lord of Carrvana. When a Lord's favorite, Charles, suddenly betrays him, Kalena is appointed to go after Charles. What starts as a mission to find Charles, turns into a journey to find answers. Why did Charles betray their Lord? What secrets does the Lord keep and how is it connected to Kalena's past?

Cover: 9/10

I really like the cover. Very simplistic and very symbolic. I especially like the way the charm is soaked in blood.

Description: 8/10

Your summary is brilliant! It tells us everything we're in for as well as leaving some intrigue with the questions at the end. I especially like the use of the quote to tell us how Kalena works. One thing, I would make "When a Lord's..." into "When the Lord's..." since there is only one lord in the story that you're referring to.

Content: 7/10

So far I really enjoyed the story. You gave some very nice backstory on both Kalena and Charles that I felt helped characterize them right off the bat. I also liked your dialogue a lot as well. It felt very natural and realistic. One thing I did notice is that you have descriptions, but I feel like they could use an extra push. I'm a very visual reader, so I like seeing things in my head while I read. Your descriptions didn't give me much of an image, they felt a bit bland. One thing I'd say to work on is your descriptions and details since I feel like you have ones, but they're just not quite there yet. Once you get those down I believe this story will be even more intriguing than it already is! Another thing, I posted a bunch of nitpicky little edits in your story already since I thought that would be more helpful than putting them here. There was some minor (and I really mean minor) things I noticed that if you changed would make some of your sentences flow better. For example, I felt your use of Charles' name was repetitious in some areas, but again that's nitpicky.

Conclusion:

Overall I think your story is progressing very nicely! I think if you worked on your descriptions your story would be much more immersive. I would also give your story a readover just to make sure everything flows as best it can. Other than that, great job!