Lakshman came back from the forest. He slumped against the wall in the stables. He would never forgive himself for the act he had done. Urmila, his eyes closed in defeat. She did not know yet. He had to be the first to tell her. He rushed to his chambers but could not find her there. He searched every place he could but could not find her anywhere. He sighed and went to seek Ram bhaiya. They had done so much to get Sita bhabi back. All for her to be sent into a forest? That too when she was pregnant?  He had failed to be like a brother to her. She had broken down in the woods earlier that day. Ram Bhaiya had asked him to leave her in the forest and come. She never had to return again, nor could any of them meet her. She was not a member of the family any more. Lakshman had made sure he dropped her close to Valmiki's ashram. Hanuman had hinted that he would look after her there in disguise. Sita bhabi  did not complain once. She of course was broken hearted but did not protest or blame him. Ram bhaiya had said that  a washerman, Badra had refused to take his wife back home saying that he was not Ram to take his wife back after she had been to some other man's house. Ram had heard of it. According to Raj dharma he had to please his subjects to his full extent. He told Raj dharma was above all dharma. He let his Sita go from his life. Lakshman had never seen his brother so hollow and wrecked. His body was seated on the throne but his soul seemed to be with Sita. His happiness, vigour, bliss was with her. By now the whole palace knew about it. But still he could not find Urmila. He saw her finally with Shrutkirthi and Mandavi in the gardens. Mandavi was clutching Urmila sobbing. Shrutkirti was consoling Mandavi while she herself was breaking down. Urmila did not shed a tear.er face was blank.She stared at Lakshman and slowly extracted herself from her sisters. She slowly followed Lakshman back to their chambers. As soon as the door was closed,  she said" Tell me it is not true. You did not leave her in the forest never to return" 

Lakshman did not say anything. His silence confirmed it. " She was pregnant" Urmila stated softly." She cannot look after herself alone, she can barely fight an animal in the forest" 

Lakshman did not meet her eye. " When I first got to know it from Ma Sumitra, I told her my husband would never leave a woman that too his sister-in-law who was pregnant alone in the forest that too after they had done so much to bring her back from Lanka. She also did Agnipariksha. I cannot meet her,it seems" continued Urmila in her soft voice.

Lakshman could handle her rage,anger. He deserved it. But this slow,calm Urmila scared him to death. " Mila,I am sorry" he finally said.

" She treated you like her own brother. Did you have no dharma towards your sister? She was pregnant. Did Ram jija not have any dharma towards his wife? How could he put some one's words over his wife? " she continued calmly.

" Raj dharma is above all to  Ram bhaiya" replied Lakshman looking down.

" I see" said Urmila. " And you could never refuse your brother" She did not say it sarcastically she just said it in a matter of fact way.

He closed his eyes for a minute. Her  silence was heart wrenching for Lakshman. "Let me take your leave,swami" she said in a low voice. Lakshman looked at her bewildered. She had never called him like that. " Mila,no" She looked at him." I donot know what you have become. I cannot understand you any more. " She turned away, went out closing the door behind her.

Lakshman collapsed in a heap. He himself could never forgive what he had done,how could he expect Sita didi's sisters to? How could expect Mila to? He had made sure she was near Valmiki's ashram, he hoped she was alright. He would have taken Urmila secretly to meet her if Ram Bhaiya had not forbidden it. It was the first time Lakshman felt great remorse and sadness after following his brother's orders. He would explain it, apologise, beg to Urmila when she came back to their chambers again. He would grovel at her feet. She would have to come here atleast for the  night. He would apololgise to  her then.

But that night Urmila didnot come back. Lakshman paced the room waiting for her. An attendant had come after some time and informed  him that Urmila was sleeping with Ma Sumitra for the night. She was angry and sad, Lakshman could understand. He would meet her tomorrow. Day by day he found it exceedingly difficult to meet her. Or she made herself unreachable. Either she went swimming with her sisters or was with Ma Sumitra, Ma Kaushalya,Ma Kaikeyi, or in the library. She never came back to her chambers. She slept with Ma Sumitra. Ma Kaushalya had hugged him tightly telling him that Urmila needed time. She missed her daughter-in-law. She understood Lakshman's pain. 

Urmila neither talked nor looked at Lakshman. There was no need to as she made sure she never met him. After a week, Lakshman had come back late hoping Urmila would be back. He opened the doors and lay on the bed exhausted. Guilt gnawed at him. Sita bhabi. He turned and saw something strange. There were no things of Urmila in the room. He broke down completely. He repeated his apologies over and over again to no one. He could not stay there without Urmila. He felt suffocated. He rushed outside to the gardens to count the seconds till dawn and he could go back to the court again.

Everyday for six months, he would wait outside Ma Sumita's chambers for his Urmila. She would greet him formally and never talked to him again. It had become an every day event which he could not accept. He missed her terribly. He didnot know when she would forgive him. It was terrible to see her, yet not see her love for him. To see her, yet not touch her, kiss her, talk to her.He could have survived fourteen more years of exile knowing that she loved him but this was intolerable. If this was his state, he could not imagine Ram bhaiya. He had heard Ram calling for Sita so many times in his sleep. Lakshman drifted off to a disturbed sleep. Time seemed to distance him and his Mila.