Hello everyone :) Surprise, I published 3 chapters this week! :) I just wanted to let you all know that I have published three chapters this week, so please do read Chapter 13 and Chapter 14 before reading this chapter.

First of all, thank you so much for all the love you have given to this story :) I don't think I am the best writer, but thank you still for complimenting this story and giving it a chance :)

This story got over 15K views, so I want to thank God and all of you for reading this story :) It means a lot to me and thank you so much :)

Few things to note:

-Armaan is not a permanent character in this story and he's only here for this track. I am so sorry to many of you as I have realized that Armaan and Anika's scenes are causing some displeasure as everyone loves Shivika :) Do not worry everyone, Shivika will get a happy ending :) I personally have difficulty writing Armaan and Anika's scenes as I love writing Shivika's scenes, so do not worry I will be adding plenty of Shivika scenes :) Armaan and Anika's story is only here to transform Shivaay and move his story along with Anika...Sorry I cannot reveal more, but I just wanted to clarify this point :) . Thank you all for being so patient and I know the story is moving slow, but there is a point to it which is to slowly evolve Shivaay and make him regret. The upcoming chapters are going to become extremely interesting and you will be in for some suspense and surprises....

*Please do not forget to get updates and follow me on my twitter account @JasmineDarcie which is fully dedicated to providing updates on my writing process and clarifying any misconceptions regarding future storylines along with responding to your feedback :)

*Feel free to give me song recommendations as I am running out of songs and these songs are from my playlist. Some songs are pure Punjabi since I am Punjabi myself, so please everyone do give me song recommendations and I am open to all types of songs from diverse cultures and languages because art has no boundaries :)

*Just wanted to note that I worked really hard this week to write these three chapters, so if you wish please do leave feedback and like these chapters-this is your choice to make, but I just want to say I love reading all of your feedback, so please feel free to leave it at the end of the chapters. Thank you and I hope you enjoy these chapters :)

*Please do not forget to read the Prologue and character details to my new Shivika story- The Bond of Love and Hate on wattpad. I will be updating this story soon and couldn't today because I got too busy writing this story :)

https://www.wattpad.com/story/197894144-the-bond-of-love-and-hate-shivika

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Anika's Point of View

Armaan and I walked in silence as we awkwardly made our way through the carnival. It was awkward. Considering what Shivaay did and claimed that large teddy bear for me which Armaan intended to give me. Talk about being inconsiderate Shivaay. Why did you do that Shivaay? I remember awkwardly going to my car with Armaan and stuffing the bear in the back seat. Armaan didn't say a word, but I could tell he was upset. However, I tried to lighten up his mood by taking him out for ice cream at a small ice cream stall at the carnival.

"Are you ok Armaan?" I asked as I shook his arm lightly to get his attention. Armaan looked back at me and smiled.

"Yeah sure...I mean I'm fine I guess. Anyways, we shouldn't let anyone intervene or ruin our date right? This should be about both of us right Anika?" Armaan repeated as I noticed him trying to read my expressions and posing questions in a manner that attempted to push me and make me open up of what I was thinking. I get what's happening to Armaan. He's likely getting jealous from Shivaay. I mean today was supposed to be about us and I kind of failed at giving him time and attention. Well, I should make the best of the time we have left together before Armaan leaves.

"Umm...yeah I understand. Look, I just want to say why not just focus on the time we have with each other and have some fun huh?" I said nudging his shoulder lightly as he chuckled and looked at me.

"I am good with that. So, where shall we go first? I was thinking the merry go round. Hm, shall we?" He asked as I smiled and began to follow him to the large merry go round.

"I am a little scared of merry go rounds," I noted as he rolled his eyes as we handed over a small ticket to the machine operator.

"Oh come on. It's just a merry go round and I think you will fine for sure Anika. I am pretty sure ok? Plus, I am here, so no worries," Armaan comforted as I sighed and got on to the platform of the merry go round and took a seat in a large sleigh.

Armaan sat right next to me as he smiled and looked back at me. I sat patiently as the machine operator waited for the merry go round to get filled up with visitors. My eyes followed around the long poles on which plastic white horses were held on to that would move up and down as the circular platform would move in a circle. There were a few sleighs that would also move at fast speed, but there were few compared to the horses.

"Well fate delayed our time together, but here we are I guess. So, how did your service go? Was it fun?" He questioned as I sighed and looked at him.

"The best. I know it sounds cheesy, but I love my job. I love meeting new people and helping them get good health. It's simple and basic, but it's something I thrive on."

"Well, that's good to know. Ummm...so...Shivaay was there as well? I saw you both talking with one another?" I raised my eyebrow at his question as I heard the odd question.

"Umm...yeah I mean he's my boss, so he would be there to see if things run smoothly since basically I was the only physician there and we had to maintain a good image of the hospital since it's a new branch in this city right?" I noted as I tried to keep it simple and not go in details. No matter what, Armaan cannot find out what Shivaay and my past relationship was like. It's private and something that should be kept a secret.

"Sorry if I offended you, but I don't know. I kind of get... not jealous, but insecure when I see you with him. I actually initially thought you both were a couple when I saw you both at Priyanka's wedding..."

My eyes widened as I swiftly turned my head looking towards him. Shivaay and I? A couple? Never, not in a million years would that ever happen again. He's not the first one to say this. Priyanka said that and now when I think of it even Gauri and Om thought we were a couple. I don't know what can people see that Shivaay and I supposedly portray in public that we ourselves cannot see. I felt a bit annoyed at Armaan's comment as I shook my head.

"Nothing like that Armaan and please don't say this again. He's just my boss and probably for a few months before I finish up my residency and I am off to settling down at a different job probably for the majority of my life." I sighed as an awkward silence emerged and stood still between us.

"Oh hey, is it ok we sit here?" I looked up realizing it was him. Shivaay. Can this day just keep getting more worse? I mean I had come to this carnival thinking I would do everything in my power to avoid this man, but no the complete opposite happens.

https://youtu.be/8OyT5-1jW8w

I looked at Aarav and Luv who Shivaay held in his arms. I looked behind his shoulder noticing Gauri and Om awkwardly smiling at one another as Om helped Gauri get on the plastic horse. I sighed as I would've said no to Shivaay, but then that would mean the kids would go with him and then likely interrupt Gauri and Om's private time together which they really need considering the marital problems they are facing. I won't wish a divorce on an enemy considering the emotional toll it can take on a person. I am prime example of that.

"Sure," I said as Aarav and Luv exclaimed in delight as Shivaay placed them on the sleigh's seat right across from us. Shivaay squeezing on the corner as he sat down. His feet close to mines as I pulled them back towards me. I noticed Armaan's eyes on both of us as if he wanted to ensure Shivaay and I both supposedly did not have a thing for one another.

I felt the floor rumble as slowly the merry go around began to move. I took a deep breath as I tried to keep calm as I stared at the bright yellow lights that lit up the entire floor and flashed across our faces. It's alright Anika. You will be fine. I tried to keep my nerves calm as the merry go round picked up speed.

"Ahhhh!!!" Aarav and Luv exclaimed in delight as the merry go round began to pick up speed.

Oh God no. This cannot be happening as I felt my head beginning to speed as my body felt light as it appeared to jump and down on the seat. My hand immediately grasping on to Armaan's hand as I held it tightly closing my eyes shut.

"Oh my God!!!!" I screamed as I tried to calm down as I felt Armaan's hand on top of mine.

"Help me! I need to get off!" I yelled as I opened my eyes looking back at Armaan.

"Calm down Anika. You will be fine. It's just a merry go round not a rollercoaster!" Armaan replied as I shook my head.

"Anika just calm down ok! Focus on the stars in the sky! Right? Remember that's what you always used to do!" Shivaay yelled as I looked back at him shaking my head as I tried to look at the stars, but couldn't as my anxiety was getting the best of.

My heart beating loudly against my chest as the speed increased more at a faster pace. My stomach tightening as I tried to breathe, but had difficulty to. Removing my hand from Armaan's, I clasped both my hands together in my lap as I looked up at Shivaay who sat across from me.

"It's going to be over in another minute ok?!" Shivaay yelled against the noise of the merry go round as I shook my head nervously as I noticed him reaching out his hand for me. I looked up at him and before I knew it, my heart responded as I clasped my hand in his. His hand tightly holding on to mines'.

In an instant, I felt a shiver go down my spine as the warmth of his hand set fire to my hand that shivered. My eyes immediately catching on to his as they stood still. My heart wanting to catch the depths of his eyes as it began to calm down. An unknown comfort found in those blue eyes that portrayed an image of aloofness. My heartbeat slowing down as the thumb of his hand rubbed slowly against my fingers trying to calm down the fears of a shaken soul.

Our grounds were unstable as they fought with gravity as our world spinned. Somehow, I did not lose my focus as my eyes were set on his face. His eyes not moving an inch away from me as I noticed him charming me and luring me. And I wanted to be lured...lured by him and only him at that moment of time.

Suddenly, I felt a jolt as I jumped forward and my free hand slammed against his knee. The strands of my hair falling over my face as I looked through them catching his gaze. The thunder of the ride stopping as we sat still. Flipping my hair up, I knew I caught a familiar gaze of his that he tended to give me time to time. A gaze that somehow made me feel wanted...feel desired by him...a gaze for which I did everything for as his soulmate. If only time could stay same and not be ever changing.

My hand clenched tightly on his knee as I picked myself up. His hand still tightly holding mines as I looked down at our hands. Looking up at me, he sighed as some how I felt he didn't want to let it go. Slipping my hand away, I took a step out of the sleigh as I felt Armaan following right behind me.

"What was that?" I stopped as I took a step off the platform of the merry go round. I avoided looking at him as I kept looking straight ahead. Of course, I didn't know what happened. I myself don't know why I only found comfort in his presence. I don't why the simple touch of his hand calmed down the storm of anxiety, fear, and discomfort that had dared to destroy me. I don't know why I couldn't find means to comfort myself or find comfort with Armaan right next to me. I don't know. Sometimes I wish I can just disappear from the convolution of relationships and the webs of toxicity I have tangled myself in.

https://youtu.be/WYDc1JQqduY

"Umm...nothing Armaan. Really it was nothing," I replied softly, barely breaking my voice as I walked swiftly in the crowd.

"Look Anika, if there is something between you and Shivaay then just tell me now. I will step away," Armaan said as he looked at me.

Stopping in my tracks, I looked back at him confused. Just confused regarding his statement. I mean he's here on a date with me then why is he talking about such nonsense? I shook my head as I kicked my foot hard against the ground.

"Honestly, I think I can only give you a chance if you have the ability to trust me. There is nothing between Shivaay and I. Ok? He is just my boss and that's all. Look...Armaan I don't even know if I should give you or the concept of 'us' a chance if you doubt me so much and fail to trust me." He looked stumped as he clearly my words had trapped him. Even I was surprised at myself and the strong voice that somehow appeared out of nowhere. This was the first time in quite a while that I stood for myself and, indeed, I loved it.

"Look Anika...I do trust you, but then I don't know why but when I see you both together I see something different ok? Maybe it's just my mind playing games, but I don't know. I don't know why I am feeling this way, but...I think we should call it a night. I just need some time to clear my mind ok?"

I felt dumbfounded as I clearly did not know what to say. Wow...how can Armaan just think something going on between Shivaay and me? Maybe I jumped in too soon in a new relationship. What was I thinking? Like, what is wrong with me? I should move on, but clearly avoid being in a new relationship so soon. Maybe I don't deserve a fairytale ending. Maybe fairytales aren't meant for broken people like me who are poisoned by shattered loves from the past. I guess I don't deserve anybody.

Armaan reached out for a side hug as I took a step away and held my hand up. Looking at me confused he took a step away as I crossed my arms across my chest.

"Umm...it's better you figure out what you want and clear up your mind ok? Before any of this happens...right?" I spoke softly as I tried to hold back tears. I don't even know why I was choking on tears. Perhaps, they were tears of frustration or...I don't know. I don't know what's going wrong with me.

Without saying another word, Armaan walked away and he vanished and disappeared into the crowd.

I took a deep breath as I took a seat on a wooden bench nearby. And then the tears began. I felt tears slipping down my cheeks as I felt my face heating up. My nose stuffing up as I hiccupped and began to cry more. Gosh, I don't even know why I am crying. I noticed a group of people walking by as they looked towards me. I didn't say a word as I ran my hands through my hair. I didn't even attempt once to avoid their gaze. I am quite used to crying in public. You don't even want to know how many times I have cried at the subway, on the bus, restaurants-basically each and every place that exists in public. I have always had a habit of crying in public and now I am quite used to the odd stares and plain confused faces I have encountered.

I try so hard to get happiness yet it is so difficult to get a taste of it. Don't I deserve happiness? What have I done to not even get a dose of it? I am so dumb to open up again and give a chance to love again. I am not worth of being loved I guess. I don't even know what's wrong with me. I try so hard to be gentle, kind, and polite. I try so hard to open up to complete strangers, yet, end up getting hurt.

Whatever Anika. Stop crying over something so stupid. They were just two dates, so not end of the world. My mind intervened trying to calm me down and come up with a conclusion of what just happened. I took a deep breath as I looked back at the main fairground as I watched people laughing and screaming with excitement as they went on the rides or took selfies with one another. Children running around and enjoying the innocence they still possessed. Couples hugging each other tightly and being in each other's arms, completely hypnotized by a thing called love that did not exist,but was mainly a transient state of emotion. Love doesn't exist. I am a living proof of it.

https://youtu.be/BiQIc7fG9pA

I smiled at the destroyed state of my life as I flipped my hair to my side. My mood changing as I felt the sadness and anger consuming me and molding my controlled personality into something different...I somewhat felt careless and felt my thoughts running out of control. I have always had a controlled personality and how has it benefitted me so far? To be honest it hasn't. There's no use of contemplation and crying over the destruction each and every person attempts to plant in my life. I sighed as I wiped the dried tears on my cheeks and got up.

I walked away from the darkness I sat in as I stepped into the bright lights that projected from carnival rides. My feet dragging me along as I walked in silence towards a destination without a name. I don't even know what path I am walking on. I don't know what path life has chosen for me next.

Taking a deep breath, I breathed in the fresh cool air of the night and filled up my senses. I felt a sudden bump on my shoulder as I looked up only to realize it was him. The man who somehow finds me no matter how much I try to hide from him. He stood still as he grabbed on to my arm stopping me from walking ahead.

"Anika...are you ok?" Shivaay whispered as I kept looking ahead without saying a word.

I didn't know what to say. He would probably be happy if I told him that Armaan left me. He would love it. I know it. He thrives on this kind of sadistic pain that life throws upon me. I know him too well.

"Anika..." He softly spoke as I snapped out of my thoughts and looked back at him.

"Nothing Shivaay. Nothing happened. It's just that life loves to hurt me. It loves to lay down thorns for me to walk on," My voice barely coming through as I avoided his gaze.

"Anika, what happened?" I looked back realizing it was Gauri as she walked up to me concerned. Quickly erasing my emotions, I slightly smiled as I attempted to be brave and not show my vulnerability.

"I am fine. Umm...nothing happened at all," I replied acting brave.

"Where's Armaan?" Om questioned.

I hesitated as I ignored their eyes and looked at my hands.

"Um...he...he had to go for a family dinner, so he had to leave early. That's about it," I replied smiling as Gauri and Om appeared to be fooled by my fake smile.

"Oh...ok. Well, no worries, you can join us and have some fun. Right Shivaay bhai?" Gauri said as she grabbed my arm and pulled me next to her.

"It's fine Gauri. Um...you all can enjoy. I think...I just need some time alone," I noted and without saying another word I began to walk away in silence.

It's only me. Only I will walk on this path all alone. Perhaps, its destiny that I shall face my struggles alone and be alone on this path called life. Wiping a tear away from my eye, I looked up at a glass maze that I approached in the outer part of the fairground.

Large glass mirrors followed and merged with one another as they made their way through a tent.I walked towards it slowly without no reason at all. At this point, I don't even know what I am doing. It's like life doesn't exist in my soul anymore. Pulling out a carnival ticket, I handed it over to the employee as he opened up the black drape of the tent and allowed me to enter.

The moment stepped in, I felt mirrors flashing at me from all directions as they merged and surrounded me. I looked up at the large crowd ahead of me who were walking through the maze and figuring a way to get out. I sighed as I stood still and looked at my reflection in the mirror.

My reflection hypnotizing me as I began to walk towards it and stare at myself in it. Taking in the plain, dry dark brown hair whose color faded. I stared at my face as dried tears sat still without leaving me. The face appeared unfamiliar for some reason as I looked at it. Now I know why doesn't anybody like me...I mean look at me. I am storm that is waiting to ruin everything. My fate can never collect and build love...it can only ruin it. I leaned against the mirror as I looked at myself.

"Anika..." I looked up as I realized it was Shivaay. He took another step towards me as he attempted to hold my hand. Pulling my hand away, I placed my scarf against my cheeks to hide the tears that were beginning to come.

"Not now...Shivaay. Please, not now," I whispered as I let go of the mirror and began to walk mindlessly in the maze.

I felt my world spin as I felt a tight force turn me. Holding on to my arm tightly, he leaned his face towards me as I lowered my head attempting to avoid him.

"What is wrong Anika? You don't seem too well..." Shivaay whispered as his breath lightly touched the small strands of hair that touched my face. I stood still as I stared at the ground below our feet and focused on its charcoal color. My life colored with the same color.

"Anika, say something. What happened?" He spoke again as I attempted to wrangle my arm away from his grip, but failed as he didn't let go of me.

"What do you want me to say Shivaay? Huh? Haven't you already done enough damage today?" I hissed as I felt his nose lightly touching the side of my head as I tried to keep distance, but failed.

A sense of closeness emerged between us as I felt his body emitting warmth and comfort that attempted to envelop me, but failed as I maintained barriers. His breath lightly teasing my skin as I felt it against the side of my face.

"Let go Shivaay. Please, at least learn to treat me like human..." I barely spoke as I felt the grip of his hand loosening on my arm as I wrapped my arm under my scarf.

"I told you don't be with Armaan. I warned you, but you didn't listen..."

"You told me to move on! For God's sake, stop being a hypocrite Shivaay. Stop being a confused and lost soul that you are! I mean look at you...Look at yourself Shivaay and tell me what did I do wrong? I did not do anything wrong. But, look at you. You did everything today in your power to break everything apart Shivaay. I was finally moving on, but you had to come in between Armaan and me and ruin everything. That's what you are good at. You are great at destroying me. Destroying the small amounts of courage I gather to forget you! Forget us!"

My body began to shake as I took a step away from him. Silence was the only noise between us as he stood there still as stone. A breeze of anger rushing through him as he clenched his fists and looked towards me.

"What the hell? How dare you make such accusations?!" He yelled as he slammed his hand against the mirror behind me as I winced at his sudden burst of anger. I looked behind him and witnessed a crowd of people looking at both of us as I noticed security telling them to move on.

"I will make them because I know they are right Shivaay! You yourself know what you were trying to do and now don't you dare make me open my mouth! Alright?!"

"Fine! I did do it on purpose and I will continue to do this because...because...you are my ex-wife and I cannot allow you date a member of my family!"

My eyes widened as I realized what I had doubted was indeed true. He did do everything on purpose. Here I thought that he was finally letting me go and that finally I could move on without his interference. Why is it that I trust him so easily? I shouldn't. I shouldn't trust him so easily. God, why? Why are you doing this to me?

I felt my heart pounding with anger as adrenaline began to rush through my body. My legs weakening as I held on to the mirror trying to stabilize myself. I sighed as I looked back at the entrance and then at him.

"Just leave me the hell alone ok?" I warned as I pointed my finger at him. Without saying another word, I pushed him away lightly as I began walking to the entrance.

"Ma'am this is not an exit," The employee said as I got to the entrance. I sighed as I ran my hand through my hair.

"Let her go," Shivaay said as I rolled my eyes and quickly made my way out. I noticed a crowd looking at me as I began to cry.

https://youtu.be/CNQ7g378j5g

Without a care in the world, I continued to cry as I wiped my tears away from my cheeks and wrapped my shawl around my shoulder. God, for once just allow me to be loved. For once. I pleaded as I looked up at the starry sky. Why do I always get hurt? Why is pain my only friend?

I looked back up at the large ferris wheel as I stopped. Noticing it was looking for one last passenger, I quickly made my way towards it. This is probably the only place right now where I can cry alone and comfort myself.

"Anika!" I looked back realizing it was Shivaay who was quickly pacing after me.

Quickly turning around, I paced myself to the ferris wheel as the employee picked up the grey handle bar. Grabbing an empty leather seat, I sat down. I looked up as my eyes widened as Shivaay quickly ran up and grabbed a seat next to me.

"Wait! What?!" I exclaimed as the employee slammed the metal bar over us as suddenly the ferris wheel began to move.

"No! Get me off!" I yelled back at the employee as the ferris wheel picked up pace.

"Anika! Stop panicking ok?! We need to talk!" Shivaay yelled as I grabbed on to the handle bar tightly as I realized this was a mistake.

Emotions got the best of me and led me to just jump on a ferris wheel which I clearly have never sat on before. God, what is wrong with me.Slamming my hand hard against the bar, I gripped on to it tightly as I felt my chest suddenly feeling empty as my stomach spinned with the ferris wheel's movement.

"Why did you get on with me?! Leave me the hell alone please!" I yelled back at him as the wind blew through our faces.

"Look...you have to understand where I was coming from Anika!" Shivaay yelled back as I sighed and tried to lean against my seat as we suddenly reached the top. My eyes widened as I looked at the city below us that lit up like a blanket of stars that glowed and dimmed against the dark sky. My world spinning as I looked at the large distance between my feet and the ground. Oh God, I took a deep breath as I looked up at the stars as they appeared much more closer to me.

"What am I doing? God, I am so lost!" I yelled as the ferris wheel stood still on the large height.

A sudden moment of panic sunk in as I realized the lights of the ferris wheel turned off. It stopped moving. I began pushing my hands against the metal bar as I began to panic.

"Why isn't this moving? Huh! Tell me why this isn't moving?!" I began freaking out as I grabbed on to the metal bar tightly as my breathing deepened. I looked at my feet dangling in the air as I saw my vision blur as I looked at the ground.

This is it. This is exactly how the world ends. This ferris wheel will now remain stuck and we won't be able to get off for hours. By the time, the firefighters would come. It would be over. I would've probably fainted or I don't know, something worse could happen. I could tell my anxiety came in overdrive as I began to think illogically. I know I was being illogical,but somehow I couldn't let go of the thoughts. They just stayed.

"It's ok. Don't worry, they will probably fix it ok?" Shivaay said consolingly as I shook my head in defiance as my eyes fell down at the machine operator who clearly was working hard to make it work again.

I tried to take deep breaths as I felt the wind blowing against my face. The strands of my hair flying up and sticking to my face as I pulled them back. From the corner of my eye, I could see Shivaay's eyes were set on me and they didn't move an inch.

"Anika..."He whispered as I felt his hand clasping on top of mines'. My hand laid lifeless under his as I realized there was no point of moving it away. What would he get by touching me? Nothing. He can't have my soul.

https://youtu.be/9WRLOOarmVw

"Just try to understand me...Look...I don't know what got into me, but...I just couldn't see you with Armaan ok?" My eyes shot up as I looked at him.

Couldn't see me with Armaan. What is he trying to say? Why can't he see me with Armaan? Is it only because he is his cousin or there is something more to him not wanting me to be with Armaan? Whatever it is, I have to stop contemplating over it. I am going to move on and that's all that should matter.I attempted to snatch my hand away from his, but he held it tightly.

"Why? Is it only because he is your cousin or...?" I raised my eyebrow at him as he looked up at the night and back at me.

"If I said not only because he is my cousin, but...I don't know ok? I...I couldn't see him holding your hand or coming close to you ok."

What is he saying? Am I even hearing correctly what he is saying? He couldn't see me holding hands or coming close with another man. Why is he so confused and continuing to further toxify my mind with utter clutter and misconceptions?

"You wrote that letter...you told me yourself to move on Shivaay. You gave me closure and that led me to move on...Now you are saying something different. I have to move on in life-"

"I didn't expect you to move on so fast! Ok? I didn't expect you to just...just forget..." Shivaay stopped as he knew what he was doing. I could tell exactly by his expression that he knew what I was doing was exactly what he did years ago.

"You did the same Shivaay. You moved on so fast. Hell, you left me for Tia. You moved on without wondering what will happen to me. A girl who loved you to a point that she forgot about herself. She forgot that she had her own autonomy. She forgot she had an independent soul. A girl who gave up everything just to be with you...And I moved on fast? How can you even think that? For...for the last five years...after you left me...there has not been a single day that you didn't come to my mind...that our relationship did not come to my mind...Shivaay...you were my first love..." I stopped as the wind whistled loudly with my voice disappeared with it.

He sat still without saying a word as he appeared to take in every single word I said. His blue eyes glistening as the moonlight fell upon both of us. His voice knotted as he avoided my gaze.

I felt a tear slipping down my cheek as I realized I was beginning to cry again. I felt my eyes beginning to burn as I placed my head into my hands. Don't do this Anika. Just don't be vulnerable again. You have to be brave and move on...you just have to.

"Anika...I...I know I failed. Failed to trust your love for me. I failed to realize how much you cared for me and...loved me..." Shivaay stopped as he grabbed my hand as I lifted my head up to look at him.

"Did you? Did you ever love me?" The sentences slipped out of my mouth before I could even think about it. I was surprised at my own question. Surprised what I had just said. Perhaps, this question laid somewhere in the depths of my mind...a question that likely lingered for years. I feel if he loved me then he wouldn't have left me.

"Anika...I...God...I don't know what to say...At this moment I can say that I don't know why but I am beginning to care...care for you a lot then I ever did before...Now when I think of it I always cared for you...I did. I don't know if that is love...Love is an emotion that I never saw being expressed...I don't know..." Shivaay's voice merged with the wind that rushed against us as our sweat swinged lightly against the wind. We still stood on the top as the ferris wheel stood still without making any movement.

He doesn't know. If he doesn't know then he has no right to tell me who I should or should not be with. He has no right to if he doesn't love me. Even if at this moment he confessed he loved me, would I immediately run back to him and accept him?...I don't know. After what he has done by deceiving me and using me...I don't think he deserves me.

"If you don't know Shivaay then please don't question my intentions and question why I moved on so fast...I want to say thank you. Thank you for giving me closure which I needed. I needed closure and you have to understand that closure is now the end of something we had in the past. You deceived me Shivaay and now when I think of it...I had something for you in the past...I had love for you, but you didn't have anything for me. You never loved me. Then why does it matter to you if I move on just like a snap in a second? You shouldn't care who it is. Even if it is your cousin...it shouldn't matter because you and I both won't ever tell him what happened between us. Moreover, it shouldn't matter if I am with Armaan or someone else because...you... yourself never loved me because if you did then right now you would have told me and you didn't. Lovers are brave. They never hesitate to express love. They are not selfish nor ever get jealous because they trust their love. I was brave Shivaay...I gave up everything to be with you. I kneeled down to my love for you and care for you immensely. I was never jealous of an another women nor was I selfish..." I stopped in my tracks as my words wrapped around him, tangling him as he sat stone cold without uttering a word. His eyes lowered as he kept them still on his hand in mines'. Somewhere, I felt bad seeing him in such state as I could tell he was being overwhelmed...with guilt perhaps. I couldn't tell but I could tell somewhere he had regrets...regrets over us.

"Anika...I...I am sorry..." He whispered as his grips tightened on my hand.

I felt a slow, rhythmic shock as I realized he had apologized...apologized for breaking my heart...apologized for how he used me. Oh God, what should I do? I sighed as he looked up at me. Vulnerability moving across his face as he lowered his head in front of me.

"You deserve happiness Anika...I am sorry for everything. Sorry for lying to you, insulting you and your love, and stealing something important from you...your first love and your trust in love...You're right. I failed to love you. Failed to fulfill a marriage that you deserved. I know I don't deserve to be forgiven, but still I am sorry..."

https://youtu.be/0xhK7yBYWCY

He stopped as I noticed the ferris wheel beginning to move. His hand slipping away from mines' as I let it slip away. I didn't know what to say. I could say so much, but I felt like saying nothing. I wanted to hold on to his hand, but then I couldn't. I felt a spark of happiness as he realized the amount of injustice he had done to me. However, that spark whimpered with the realization that it was too late now...too late to apologize for his mistakes. There was no turning back and undoing of time to return to the relationship we held. It was too late...I am moving on and that is all the matter.

The ferris wheel stopped as Shivaay lifted up the metal bar. Getting up, I felt my scarf pulled as I looked back as Shivaay was sitting on it. Looking up at him, I caught his eyes that appeared to be welling up with tears....tears...not once had I seen him cry until now...Grabbing a hold of my scarf, he held it tightly in the palm of his hand as he got up walking slowly towards me. The scarf drifting out of his lifeless hand as he walked up to me.

"Anika, I have hurt you enough. I promise I will not intervene between you and Armaan. I know I apologized too late, but I hope one day you will forgive me." Shivaay weakly smiled as he clenched his jaw tightly before walking away.

My feet remained attached firmly to the ground as I felt them burden me. A sense of heaviness felt on my shoulders as I felt burdened by his words. Moving on and leaving a relationship behind is difficult. Once you get heavily psychologically and emotionally involved in a relationship and give up everything for that one person you love and that person breaks you apart and breaks that relationship that solely gives you life, then...it's hard. Hard to move on. But, I am happy. Happy that I am slowly building myself and moving on.

Shivaay's Point of View

I continued to walk in silence without uttering a single word. All I could think was about Anika. The tears I had laid on her face today. She was so happy today and I ruined it again by ego and jealousy that I somehow could never bury.

Her words continued to repeat in my mind as I began to contemplate upon them....I do care for her...I never cried for anyone in my life except for her. Her kindness touches me. When she laughs, she makes me want to forget the sadness and anger I hold. The way she cares for others before herself charms me and lures me to her. The innocence of her eyes touches me in a manner that is unexplainable. She loved me so much. The way she cared for me. The way she supported me and never gave up on me no matter how I treated her...

"Shivaay!" I stopped in my tracks as I looked back realizing it was Om. Without saying another word, Om grabbed my arm and began to drag me. Dragging me near a wooden bench as he grabbed on to my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. His demeanor somehow changed as he appeared angry. His face red and as blood vessels throbbed in his eyes.

"Was Anika your ex-wife?! Huh...Shivaay! Was Anika your ex-wife?!" He began yelling as he began shaking me trying to get an answer.

I stood still as I still felt dazed by Anika. His words somewhat not putting me in a state of fear.

Lovers are brave. Anika's words repeated in my mind as I felt the fear vanish. I should feel mad, upset, worried that a secrete I worked so hard to hide had come to light, but I didn't. That fear and that anger was gone...gone with Anika.

"Yes. Anika is my ex-wife. She was my first wife..." I stopped as Om's eyes widened with his mouth gaped open as his hands slipped off of my shoulders. Shock seemingly running through his face.

"How...I never in my life thought that you would do this Shivaay...I had an idea you both may be a couple, but...what? She's your ex-wife and your first wife! I thought you had an attraction for her...wait a minute...do you still love her Shivaay? Do you still love Anika?"

His last sentence sending off my mind in overdrive. My thoughts scrambling as they kept repeating Anika. Everytime I see her, I just want to be with her. I find excuses to be next to her. To get her attention. I feel the need to care for her and repent for what I have done to her. I feel the need to protect her no matter how much she distances me from her. I feel vulnerable to her. She makes me reveal the deepest secrets and desires I hold. I don't want to feel jealous, but I cannot stand a stranger to be with her. I cannot see her with anyone else besides me. But, I have finally let her go. I have learned that it's best to let her go. If this is what you call love then I am in....love.

"Yes...I love Anika..."