The invisible hand is clamped tightly around my throat making me horribly dizzy. I brace myself against the bathroom sink, breathing hard. I rip off my jacket and toss it onto the ground, gasping now. I shake my head tightly and try to focus on the crazy nice restroom instead of my situation.

Deep breaths, Ara. You have to calm down. You'll embarrass yourself further...

My gaze falls on my backpack that is filled with my clothes. I swallow hard and kneel down, rifling through my bag, and pull out a few clothes.

The restroom smells of foamy hand soap and cleaner. Every surface of the restroom has been thoroughly cleaned; it looks like it hasn't been used in a while. I don't bother to check the drawers knowing that would be invading their privacy, even if this is the guest bedroom's restroom.

Before I change out of my wet clothes, I double-check the lock on the door to ensure my privacy. I peel off my annoyingly soggy clothes and toss them into my spare plastic shopping bag meant for dirty laundry. I feel like I'm overstepping my bounds if I ask to use their washing machine.

I hesitate when choosing my outfit, equally torn between something comfortable or something nice to express my gratitude and appear professional for the idols in the living room. But what if they think I'm being over the top? Ah but what if they think I'm being rude by "making myself at home"? Even if Namjoon and Hobi said I could, I still believe they only said it to be nice. They are just being polite and not sharing what they actually think.

The only thing I don't doubt is Hobi's determination to feed me breakfast.

I try to create an outfit to fit the standards of both nice and comfy. I come up with a loose-fitting soft knitted sweater, a white tank top under it, and dark jeans. I face the mirror and begin working on fixing my messy hair with a comb. When my dark hair is shiny and lying nicely, I tie it back in a ponytail. I don't bother with makeup because I don't wear it often enough to feel comfortable with it on. Every time I wear it, I end up smearing it and considering my habit of crying, I don't want to risk it.

I finish getting ready by brushing my teeth and making a few faces in the mirror to prepare myself for social interaction. To talk with the members of BTS... 

I definitely wasn't expecting to find them climbing on the furniture in the middle of a game of "The Floor is Lava", but I decide to blame it on the lack of sleep. I didn't think boys their age could act so... young.

It's not an insult. I envy their ability to be so confident in themselves to act so chaotically around each other, especially in front of a stranger.

It only took a few moments of staring before they resumed their crazy game. It was as if I wasn't there. I am grateful for their disinterest. I don't know if I could handle more talking.

I sigh through my nose and check my phone again.

November 30, 2020 6:10 A.M.

No new notifications.

Does Kyu even care I'm homeless? He has to, right?

I gather my things, making sure I don't leave anything behind and head into the guest bedroom. It's a large room with a pure white color scheme. A Queen-sized bed sits against the wall with fluffy white sheets. A dark wood desk sits by the massive window that takes up the back wall. My bags are set at the foot of the bed, waiting to be moved.

A knock sounds at the door.

I whip around in surprise and quickly rush to the door. I open it slowly and peek out to find myself face-to-face with... Yoongi.

He looks exhausted and slightly out of it. He studies me with narrowed eyes before nodding slowly. "Hello, you must be Kae Ara."

Flustered, I bow and almost make a 90-degree angle and bite back an apology. "Yes. Hi."

 I peek up at him to find him smirking, causing the corners of his eyes to crinkle.

Up close, I realize he has rather high cheekbones yet maintains a roundness in his cheeks. He has dark lashes to frame his almost black eyes. They do not allow light to enter his irises. His hair is thick, almost fluffy, and appears fresh out of bed. My gaze falls on the large shoulder sling and then on his half-exposed body with a jacket hanging off his uninjured shoulder.

Cheese and rice, what is happening to me?

"Hello," he repeats, amused with my bewilderment. "I heard somebody would be staying with us. I decided to pay a visit before we all pass out."

"Pass out?" I ask worriedly, trying not to look at his sling. "Is--, is something wrong?"

He rolls his eyes and gives me an obvious look. "We haven't slept in over twenty-four hours. They're going to crash at some point."

A nervous laugh escapes my lips. I draw away from him, shrinking into myself, "Oh, yeah you're right. I might pass out too--, wait a second, did you just say 'staying with us'?"

Hold up.

Yoogni raises an eyebrow, tilting his roundish head to the side. "What about it? Are you not?"

"I--, I never said--"

He chuckles and uses his free arm to hug his clothed side. Yoongi carefully looks over his shoulder, not to strain his muscles, "He must not have told you yet."

"Told me what?"

He snickers and gives me a slight wave, "Good luck. I look forward to your time here." He gives me a wide gummy smile and turns to leave.

My eyes are popping out of my head like a cartoon character. "I--, I didn't say I was--," I stammer, unable to form the words. I grip the doorway, leaning out of the room, and watch helplessly as Yoongi leaves.

When was that decided? Do they really want me to stay here?

"YAH! HOBA! Why didn't you tell her?" I hear Yoongi shout in amusement as he enters the living room. My ears briefly lift at the sound of his low accent and wonder where it's from.

Namjoon comes around the corner with a helpless smile. "Ah, Ara," he greets kindly with a soft look in his eyes. "I guess Yoongi-hyung told you first."

I gape at Namjoon, still trying to process it. "I didn't realize... I'm so sorry if I made it sound like I was staying..." I grimace and let my head fall into my hands, realizing I made a huge mess. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to--"

"No no it's alright," he interrupts quickly. "I'm the one who's sorry. I didn't realize Hobi didn't tell you yet. Or offer," he smiles awkwardly. "Allow me to make the official offer..."

"Offer?"

"I understand your circumstances are quite unordinary," he begins in a calm voice. The sincerity of his voice enters his eyes with full force. "Hoseok-hyung explained your situation to me over the phone and from what I can recollect, you were in a bad spot."

I nod silently, biting hard on my lip.

"I couldn't just stand by and do nothing," he admits with brief pain in his eyes. "I wanted to help too. I did a bit of research of my own, but my results were dissatisfying. I estimated a bit on your current amount and the apartments in your range were either off the market or their price went up. Hotels were not an option either... Of course, you know this."

I nod again, "I have been researching since I lost my job." I lower my head feeling a sick feeling of failure pass through me. "I couldn't find anything."

"And your boyfriend... Hyung said he wasn't an option either." Namjoon's eyes soften with sympathy. "I would feel terrible if I wasn't able to help you after all of this. That's when an idea came to mind."

Is he being serious? Is this real?

"I talked it over with the other members... and we have all agreed to this." Namjoon stands up straighter and does not break eye contact. Despite my aversion to looking people in the eyes, his gaze is captivating. For once, it's difficult to look away from the seriousness, the intelligence in his brown eyes.

"We would like to invite you to stay with us over the lockdown. You would live here in the guest room, rent-free, and all we ask is that you be respectful of our reputations. Nobody is allowed to know you are here, I hope you understand..."

They're world-famous idols. Of course, I understand. Even I don't want anybody knowing I"m here, or that I even talked to them. Army would have my head within seconds if they knew.

I am two seconds from immediately rejecting their offer when reality slaps me in the face.

Where else would I go? Do I have any other option than to stay with them? How can I trust them? I can trust Hobi, but what about the others? On top of that, staying in their dorm for four weeks... That would cause problems for them, wouldn't it?

Namjoon offers me a look of understanding. "It's a difficult decision. I will keep looking for places if that's alright with you. You can stay here for the day. The majority of us will be sleeping anyway so you will have some peace and quiet." He winks and glances back at the living room at the end of the room, "The quiet can be hard to come by when you're with us."

"I... This is so... I don't even know what to say..."

"I hope you say you're hungry," he beckons me to follow him. "Hobi is making his famous breakfast toast for you. He'll be sad if you don't eat anything. He can be pretty determined once he sets his mind to something."

My head feels as if it's lifting from my shoulders. I nod slowly and begin to follow him back into the living room. 

I can't possibly accept this. I don't deserve this. I can't just stay with them.

Yet the truth stares me in the face, plain as day.

I'm still homeless with no outside help. I tried to save myself last night and I failed. I doubt anything would change tonight.

One question remains at the end of the dark tunnel.

Am I able to trust them enough to let them save me?

I doubt I trust anyone these days. All I seem capable of doing is wallowing and doubting myself.

Being Ara sucks.

But that's just life. It sucks. It never allows you to gain the upper hand. It beats down on you, over and over again, until you can't breathe.

On the other hand... maybe there is hope for a shield to protect me from the brunt force of life. A glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

Do I deserve this?

Maybe the real question is: Can I accept something instead of pushing it away? Can I allow myself one moment of being selfish?

I have no idea.

A/N: As a result of my inability to choose a bias, this story is going to be fairly open with Ara's relationships with the members. Each member will have their special moment with Ara but there won't be a crazy eight-angled love mess. It will only be towards the end when the romance element comes into play. Ara herself is also symbolic~ I wonder why~ Take care of yourselves, lovelies! Eat something warm and sleep well! <3