"Aight, so ya chose Miia," I said with a nod, "Tha's good! Akshual progress!"

"Mmmmm..." Kurusu hummed as he took a swig and sighed once he was done. After realizing the empty bottle, he deliberately set it on the table. "I dunno 'bout dat..."

"The fuck ya talkin' 'bout? Ya even had, like, dat lil' slip o' da tongue where ya say what ya mean an' shit."

"Yeah... but I like Cccerea lots, too!" Kurusu shouted, "It's soooo hard makin' up my frickin' mind! I mean... I dunno if I'm ready to git married..."

"Is a big deal, no doubt," I nodded sagely, "Honessly, man, who the fuck can expect ya to make a decisision like dat so quickly! Tha's, like, a lifetime commitment! And ya've known 'em for, y'know, lil' over a month! Ya can't jus up an' marry somun ya only knew dat long!"

"Exactly!" Kurusu cried, almost hysterically, "Tha's what I thought, too, but all the girls looked so hopeful and stuff and I was like 'Well, guess tha's that, then!' Ugh," he groaned, slamming his head on the counter, "Frickin'... maybe I'll jus... I dunno."

"'Ey man, yu'll work it out," I assured him, patting his shoulder, "I'm sssure dey'll undastand whateva ya do."

"Danks," Kurusu sighed, sitting back up, "Anyway, what ya gonna do 'bout Zombina?"

"Funny ya say dat," I replied as I fished my phone out of my pocket, "Let's be a couple a basics and take a selfie!"

"Eh?" Kurusu said as I wrapped an arm around his neck and brought him closer so we'd fit on the screen. "Uh... why?"

"To commemenorate the 'ccasion," I replied, "And cuz Bina was axing 'bout what I was up to. Now put on ya best drunk asshole face!"

Kurusu immediately put on the widest, toothiest grin I've ever seen and made a peace sign. Not exactly what I'd call an 'asshole face', but whatevs. I out on a sloppy grin of my own, but with the totally originally spin of a tongue flopping out as well.

The camera flashed, causing us both to curse and rub at our eyes.

"Fuckin' hell," I whined, wiping the tears away, "Furrgot 'bout that, mah bad. And ho-lee shit do we look plastered."

"Wonder why," Kurusu groused. Just then, two cups seemed to materialize before us, filled with some clear liquid and brought forth by a pair of beefy, hairy hands. "Oh, neat," he said as he quickly picked it up and began drinking. "Ah. Anyway. Ya know, it's kinda funny... I thought ya an' Mero were gon' be a thing at first!"

I grunted before taking a drink as well. Hm, it didn't taste like alcohol... or much of anything really. Oh well.

"Eh..." I said once I set my glass down. "Dat ain't gon' happen, man. Her relationshiship goals are fucked up."

"Really?" Kurusu asked, clearly intrigued, "How?"

"She only wants to date me cuz she wants it ta end tragically or some shit like that," I explained as I wiped my mouth, "Like, if I gotta go home while we're togetha and we get split cross time an' space an's shit! She loves that shit, man! Who the fuck would wanna date somun cuz of how it'd end?"

"Huh... wow," Kurusu breathed, "I jus thought ya two looked cute togetha... I heard 'bout ya singin' in the rain wit 'er, and Miia even took a picshure of it cuz it looked cute!"

"Did she now?" I snorted. "Well, it ain't happenin', man. Mero's pretty an' sweet an' all, but I already had mah fill of datin' crazy."

"Gotcha," Kurusu nodded, "Well, tha's too bad, I 'spose. You and Zombina make mo' sense now."

"Yeah, well, will see," I commented, glancing at my phone as her reply came buzzing in. "Shit'll be weird, but whatevs. We'll learn as we go along. Like, ya know, evry actual realtionshiship."

"'Actual', huh?" Kurusu mused. As he pondered whatever it was he was pondering, I realized that most our glasses and empty bottles had mysteriously vanished somehow. "Ya know... dat does sound nice..."

"And yet ya never had a girlfriend, fuckin' somehow," chimed in a gruff voice from the other end of the counter. Our heads swiveled in unison to find Sasaki there, wiping off our glasses. "Also, ho-lee shit boys, yer plastered. Didn't even notice I came back 'til I said somethin', didn't ya?"

"In our... hold up," I belched, "In our defense... we drank a lot."

"Which is why I'm cuttin' ya off tonight," Sasaki declared, "That water's all yer getting'."

"So tha's what it was," Kurusu observed, staring down the glass of water before taking a big gulp. "Danks, ol' man!"

"Yeah, yeah," Sasaki waved him off, "You boys got a ride home? I'm hittin' the sack soon, but there's no way in hell I'm lettin' ya both walk home in yer condition."

"Well, evryun else back home can't leave without gettin' 'rested," I answered, scratching my head, "Mmmm, oh, Smith!"

"Ya sure tha's a good idea?" Kurusu asked as I began dialing her number, "She'sssssss ovuhwerked as is, man!"

"It's fine, it's fiiiiiine," I assured him, placing the phone at my ear, "She can say no if she wants."

"Aki-kun?" came her voice from the other end. "A little late, isn't it?"

Alright, I needed to play this smart. Smith never did something she didn't have to, so I was gonna have to pull out all the stops to persuade her to help us out.

"Ayyyyyyyyyy," I started, full of confidence, "Could ya do me and Kooroosoo a solid?"

"... You sound absolutely wasted," she stated dully. "On a Wednesday night."

"Yeahhhh," I admitted, "We kinda needed to relief some stress, yaknowI'msayin'? Blow off some steam, shoot the shit, ya know?"

"Hiiiiiii, Smith-saaaaaaaan!" Kurusu chimed in.

"Right. And would I be correct in assuming you want me to give you a ride back home? Even though I'm already about to turn in?"

Shit, she sounded a lil' unhappy.

"Ya'd be correct," I meekly admitted, "Pretty please? Only reason I didn' 'vite ya this time was cuz it was a guys' night out, ya know? Next time though, we'll def drink togetha!"

"Hm... tempting. But it depends. Did you read it yet?"

Even in the state I was in, I knew what she was talking about it. The thought alone was sobering (even if actual sobriety was totally absent).

"Yeah, I did," I groused sulkily, "Hell, a big reason why I wanted to drink tonight was cuz of that shit. What they... what she did..." My fingers startled to tremble. "I fuckin' hated every word of it."

Smith made an odd noise at that. I thought it sounded satisfied.

"I thought you might," she replied, "Where are you two?"

I gave her the address and she hung up, saying she'd be here soonish. Which was fine by me, since I wasn't done with my water yet.

"Oi, what was it ya said ya hated?" Kurusu asked.

"Oh, jus some shit Smith wanted me ta look up," I explained, "Ya can ax her 'bout it if ya want."

"Kaaaay."

Smith pulled up shortly after that, just calling me to say that she was here instead of getting out of her car. As we left, Sasaki handed us our card and waved us off.

"I'll just keep yer tab open fer now, alright?" he offered with a big ol' grin, "Maybe that way Kimi-kun here'll drop by more often!"

"Ol' man, I'm so, so sorry I never visit anymore," Kurusu said, giving Sasaki a big hug, "Is jus... I'm so busy, what with the girls an' stuff..."

"'Ey, don't worry 'bout it," Sasaki assured him with a pat on the back, "Life gets in the way sometimes, I get it. Maybe I'll pay you a visit one of these days and see what all the hub-bub is with them liminals, eh? Maybe drag Shiki along, too. Lord knows the boy needs more social interaction."

Kurusu laughed at that. "That'd be great!" he agreed, "I'm sure the girls'll love ya!"

"Let's hope so," Sasaki said warmly, "Now off ya go, kiddo. And Aki, don't be a stranger, neither!"

"Will do!" I promised him as Kurusu and I walked out. "Danks again fer tonight!"

A black sedan awaited us outside the Cozy Dogen, and one of the windows rolled down to reveal Smith.

In a bathrobe.

"Like hell I was going to keep Driving you two from me staying comfy," Smith stated dryly at our baffled expressions, "Also, ho-lee shit are you two wasted."

Kurusu giggled as the two of us swayed in rhythm, which wasn't too difficult to do considering we were leaning heavily on each other just to stay standing.

"Well, I've seen Darling-kun giggle, I guess I can say I've seen it all now," Smith quipped, before jerking her head. "Get in the back, I don't want one of you puking in front."

"Aye aye, ma'am!" I shouted with a salute and swung the door open. "Tally-ho!" At that, I dived into the car. Quite literally, unfortunately, as I bonked my head on something hard and plastic inside. Another bruise for the collection. Kurusu followed me, though he didn't step in so much as fell in a heap onto the seat. After finally shutting the door behind him with a minor struggle, he gave Smith a thumbs-up.

"At least you two are entertaining drunks," Smith noted with a snort as she began driving us home. "You do realize that you need to be at the gym by eight in the morning tomorrow, right?"

"It'll be fine, it'll be fine, daijobuuuuuuu," I promised her, "We'll just guzzle a shit ton of water when we get back!"

"'Daijobu'?" she echoed, looking royally confused before shaking her head, "Looks like you're even more incoherent when you're drunk, Romance Master-kun. What a shocker."

"Bah, I'm just, like, super verbose an' shit," I shot back, sliding up my seat to get better situated. "Ya feel me?"

"I appreciate the offer, but Bina-chan might kill me," Smith replied, smirking.

"Oh, shit, I didn't text 'er back!" I shouted as I shuffled about for my phone. Both Kurusu and Smith laughed. "Ugh... fugget. She'll understand."

The rest of the ride home was pretty uneventful. Kurusu and I playing off each other, Smith poking fun at our antics, stuff like that. It was over pretty quickly, as the Cozy Dogen was hardly a long drive from home. As she pulled up in front of the house, I noted that the lights were still on.

"I really hope the girls don't ovryact," I mumbled while Kurusu and I got out of the car, which was proving to be a challenge of sorts. "I dunno if they're used to seeing dddrunk peeps..."

"Ah, it should be gucciiiii," Kurusu assured me as he helped me step outside. "Ya worry too much!"

"Maybs, maybs," I admitted, struggling to find my footing. At that moment, an idea occurred to me. "'Ey, 'ang on a sec, kay? I wanna tell Smith somethin'."

"Kaaaay."

I shambled over to the driver's side and leaned down. "'Ey, could ya step out for a sec?" I asked as politely as I could, "I really, really wanna tell ya somethin'."

"We're talking right now, aren't we?" Smith replied, before eventually letting out a sigh. "Fine, fine. God, your breath reeks of booze."

I stepped back as her door swung open. Smith stepped out in all her purple bathrobe-wearing glory, hands on her hips as she looked me over.

"Well," she started, "What is-!"

I pulled her into a tight hug. I felt her body tense up at the sudden touch, and I could tell she was completely caught off-guard.

"Aki..." she growled dangerously, "What're you..."

"Thank you, Kuroko," I muttered, forcing all of my willpower into making sure I said everything right, "For... for helping me out. And... well, you've probably heard this tons of times already, and it probably means nothing to you, but I'm so, so sorry about what happened back then." I sniffled. "I dunno everything that happened, but whatever it was, it was... more than anyone had to go through."

Smith was quiet for a long time, unmoving. Then, her shoulders lost a little of their tension.

"You know, no one's ever said that to me before," she started to say, her voice strained somewhat while still trying to maintain her typical blasé tone. "The 'I'm sorry' part, anyway. It's not like I asked for your pity, Aki. I only wanted you to be informed."

"I know, I know," I laughed a little, "This is just me bein' a sappy drunk is all. Sorry. Well, I guess I'm not sorry, cuz I meant it. Sober Me woulda been more eloquent, though."

"Heh, Drunk You isn't so bad either," Smith replied as I pulled away. "Now go get some rest, you delinquents. You got an early day ahead of you."

"Yessum!" Kurusu and I replied in unison, saluting her.

To be continued!