"Aaaaaaand we're back, ladieeeeeeeees and ggggentlwomen!" a familiar voice announced as the door could be heard swinging open.

Miia squealed excitedly, which was understandable, considering Counselor-san had just shouted the news in an overly theatrical manner. After all, her beloved 'Darling' had finally returned. I was just as curious as Miia to see how the only two men in the house acted while inebriated.

Everyone else had already rushed out of the living room except for Mero, who could not move. So, I decided to push her wheelchair.

"It looks like the circus is in town," I sighed, gripping the handles. "It's like no one here has ever seen someone drunk!"

"I'm afraid that's something I haven't experienced yet," Mero admitted, her anxiety growing as we approached the foyer. "Have you, Rachnee-san?"

I wasn't sure why everyone in the house had called me that recently. I hadn't done anything particularly big sisterly besides just being myself. Maybe they were just keen to make me feel like part of the family.

"I have," I replied with a shrug. "Anansi Day is a kind of drinking holiday for my people, like some human holidays."

"Anansi Day?" Mero asked, her head tilted in curiosity.

"It's a story for another time," I said, sighing. "A calmer time."

Then my gaze fell on the scene before me, and it was all I could do to stop myself from bursting out laughing.

Honey and Counselor-san were clinging to each other for dear life, swaying so wildly that if anyone poked them, they would have toppled over. Their faces were plastered with the goofiest and widest grins I had ever seen. Everyone else was in shock, not knowing how to respond, including Papi, who was usually composed but was now staring in open-mouthed wonder. This was not what we were used to seeing from Honey.

"We mighta -hic!- drank too mush," Counselor-san slurred, his face completely flushed.

"You think?" I asked sarcastically. Counselor-san giggled.

"Oh, hey, Rachnee!" he greeted, giving me a wild wave. "Didn' see ya there. Oh, and ya brought Mero, too! Yay, the whole fam is here! Well, minus L-!"

Before he could finish his sentence, Honey stepped forward without consulting his other half. As a result, they both tumbled down, but Suu had been edging closer for some reason and quickly reached out to cushion their fall; with a subdued splash, they fell right into her puddle.

"AAAAAH!" they screamed until they realized they had been saved from a hardwood floor fall. Meanwhile, Miia and Centorea looked like they were about to burst out of concern for their Darling/Master. Papi just started to giggle.

"Oh, danks, sweetie," Counselor-san cooed, letting himself go limp in her grip. "Ya shhhhouldn' hafta deal with us, we can -hic!- Fuck. We can -hic!- Come on!"

Honey giggled. "Looks like ssssomun got the -hic!- cups." His eyes went wide. "Ughhhhhhh..."

"Darling... how much did you drink?" Miia asked, her voice concerned as she cautiously inched toward the cuddle puddle.

"Ummmmmmm." Honey's face scrunched in thought, which proved unrelentingly tricky for the poor guy. It was a little cute seeing him at such a loss over something like that. "I dun' 'mmber. Aki?"

"Fuck if I know, mane," replied his partner-in-crime, now rolling in Suu. For her part, the slime girl seemed to be enjoying it. "All I know iz dat I ain't been dis gone since, like, New Year's."

"Yes, well, perhaps we should get you both upright and out of Suu before you pass out," I stepped in, picking up Honey in my arms and carrying him to the living room. Miia and Centorea started to protest, but honestly, I didn't care. If they wanted to do it, they should've done it sooner.

"What gives you the authority to order us around like this?" Centorea protested, fuming. Of course, she was the one being stubborn for no good reason.

"Well, no one else was doing anything, and I'd prefer it if the foyer didn't become a pit of piss and vomit," I shot back, my tone firm yet light. I then smirked, "In this case, I believe experience should be heeded, yes?"

I didn't want to take the lead role here. I had always chosen to work from the shadows and manipulate situations to ensure no one was aware of my presence. The fewer people who saw me, the better.

Nevertheless, I wasn't so insensitive that I'd leave Counselor-san or Honey wherever they fell. Plus, Honey had been friendly to me since I arrived, which I appreciated. He was more honest than Counselor-san or any other human I had ever encountered.

"Suu, Papi, would you be dears and bring Counselor-san to the living room? We'll need to get these two some water soon," I said, turning to Miia and Centorea. "And one of you could be useful and help Mero out."

I dropped Honey off on the couch, where he mumbled something incomprehensible while I ventured into the kitchen. As it was my inaugural time there, I was quickly overwhelmed by the task's difficulty since the area had not been designed to accommodate someone of my stature. I had to perform a balancing act, precariously standing on cabinets and counters to make room for myself.

After completing the challenge, I returned to find the group encircling Honey and Counselor-san, attempting to express something understandable despite their inebriation.

"So, so, he says, oh, thanks, Rachnee!" Counselor-san said as he took the offered cup. He took a few big gulps and continued, some of the water missing its target and dripping down his chin. "He says... wait... shiiiiiet, wha wazzit, dude?"

Honey just shrugged, mumbling his gratitude to me for the water.

"ANYWAY!" Counselor-san suddenly shouted, startling everyone. "I gots somethin' I wanna say ta eatch of ya," he declared, waving a finger at us, "Jus lemme say dis one thing, and I'm fuggen done fer da night."

"Language!" Honey cut in. Counselor-san gave him a wild look.

"Sursly?! Now ya, tell me to wash my languedge?!"

Honey giggled, prompting the other man to roll his eyes and turn back to face us.

"Hmm... Cccccerea, yur first! I jus -hic!- I jus wanna say it's badass as hell that yur acktually joinin' da MON Squad!" he praised, making a grand, sweeping gesture with his arms and spilling some water on the floor. "Like, sursly, I'm super -hic!- fuggen proud and happy yur doin' that!"

"I, um, that is," Centorea stuttered, looking rather bashful and uncomfortable, "You're too kind."

"Naaaaah," he dismissed with a hand wave, "Jus drunk—an' talkin' too much, but whatevs. Anyway, you keep doin' you, Cerea. Soon enuff, yu'll be a regular ol' hero of justiss! Is gon' be great!"

Before Centorea could say anything else, he rounded on Miia, who made a little "Eep!" at his intense gaze.

"Miia..." he started, looking deathly serious for a moment before cracking a wide grin and clapping. "Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations!" He changed the tone each time he repeated the damn word, which was odd even by the standards that'd been set already. Why did I get the feeling he was referencing something vague that only he understood and was done purely for his amusement?

"Um... thanks?" Miia hazarded. The poor thing looked utterly bewildered.

"Hey!" Honey shouted, catching Counselor-san's attention. He pressed a finger to his lips and made a very, very sloppy "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Hm. Suspect. Very suspect.

"Yeah, yeah, I ain't sayin' nothin'!" Counselor-san retorted before he giggled to himself. "Heh, dubs-negative. Anyway, uh...." Our eyes locked.

Oh, Arachne.

"Rachnee!" He went to his knees before me, looking up with pleading eyes. Uh... interesting. "I jus, I jus want ya to be happy, ya know? Well, I want all y'all to be happy, obvi, but you. Ya went through some ruff shit, and I hate it, but... fuck, I dunno where I was gonna wit dat." He looked so at a loss that I almost felt pity for him. Then something must've came to him because he smiled. "Jus... yer real fuggen rad, ya know? Cuz yur you. Cheezy, I know, but who curz."

I blinked at him, just trying to make sense of what the hell he just said.

"I think..." I started slowly, "You're quite the chatterbox when you're drunk."

"No shit," he snorted, "Poor Kimi-kun ova heyuh's been dealin' wit it all damn night."

"Just the worst," chimed in an increasingly-drowsy Honey.

"So now... Mero!" It was Mero's turn to let out an "Eep!" as the man slid over on his knees to her. "Mero, Mero, Meruuuuuune Lorlylayyyy." He chuckled. "Yur name is soooo fun to say."

"Um, thank you," Mero squeaked, trying to look anywhere but at him.

"Mero, I jus... I jus want ya to know... a chrashic romants ain't all it's cracked up ta be," he implored, gently grabbing her hands and clasping them. "Yer super sweet and beautiful, so don't fuckin' settle for anythin' less than a happy fuckin' ending! Ya deserve the best, like evryun else in this dayum room! Kay?"

Poor Mero looked like she was about to overload. From the looks of it, I was pretty sure no one had ever spoken to her like this before.

"I, I, mmm..." she mumbled after fidgeting in her seat. "O... kay..."

Ho boy. Drunk Counselor-san, I sincerely hope Sober Counselor-san can forgive you for the mess you put him in.

He stood up abruptly, running straight toward his next target with arms spread wide. "Papi!"

"Big brother!" Papi shouted back with a wide smile, giggling and hollering as he embraced her and danced about.

"Papi, Papi, Papi," he repeated, each word filled with ecstatic joy, "Yer a delight, ya know that? I gotta say, the firs' time ya called me yer big bro, I almos' cried. I dunno what I did ta deserve it, but I'm glad anyway."

"It's cuz you carried Papi when Papi was sick," she replied, nuzzling his shoulder, "You reminded Papi of Papi's mommy."

His shoulders shuddered at her words, I noted. Considering how he'd been acting tonight, the gesture was remarkably subdued. She must've struck a deep chord in him.

"Thank you, Papi," he murmured, slowly pulling away from her embrace. He set her down with a strenuous movement, exhaustion finally taking its toll. But there was one more he had to talk to, it seemed.

He knelt before Suu, who responded eagerly, wrapping her feelers around him. His head dipped, and she caught it with her forehead. He went utterly still and silent before his form went utterly limp. Suu leaned forward, her lips close to his ear, and whispered something in a language I didn't recognize. If I knew my human languages right, it sounded like English...

I sighed. It looked like Honey was finally out cold, as well. Something about everything they'd said had exhausted me, though I didn't pause to reflect on that now.

The other girls were quiet, unsure of how to proceed. It was now my job to wrap up the night's events.

To be continued!