Ellie

"Why don't we go to the beach this weekend?" I asked him suddenly

"You're up for that? Isn't it a little chilly?" He asked as we rode towards the highway

"I want to hang out with you. I mean it doesn't have to be a beach but I really want to hang."

"Alright, sure. I have to work though."

"I thought you were off weekends?"

"I put in for some over time."

"Oh. Nothing wrong with that. Why don't we go out to dinner or something? My treat." I said, trying to coax him

I saw him smirk.

"I'd like that. But it's my treat. I know a great restaurant too that I've been dying to go to. It serves Italian. You want to go?"

I don't know why but I felt a sickening coil in my stomach. I brushed it off and breathed through it.

"Sounds great."

He brought my hands up to his mouth and kissed each knuckle, cutting his eyes over at me. I felt my face get hot and I blushed, looking away.

"We're here." He said, parking the car

I looked forward and saw that the place was lit up and from the glass doors I saw food and heard music playing. We both got out of the car and walked inside, seeing everyone either dancing or having a good time talking to each other.

"Come dance with me amour." Chris murmured

"No I have like two left feet." I giggled

A new song came on with a sexy samba undertone. Chris looks at me wickedly and pulls me onto the floor.

"Come on, it'll be fun. And I'll only make you dance once if you hate it."

I thought for a few seconds and then gave in.

"Alright." I said nervously

"Just watch me and follow my moves alright?"

I stood there awkwardly and everyone else turned their attention to him. I was nervous because I wasn't really the life of the party, but he grabbed my hand anyway, pulling me in the middle next to him. He showed me how it was done and man did he do it well. Brandi and Amber even jumped in and he danced with those two for awhile.

"Don't worry fellas, you'll get your ladies back." He teased Cairo and Josh

Both just watched with smiles on their faces and beers in their hands. I decided to go to the kitchen to get me some dinner. But I was met with green eyes and a kind smile as I self consciously walked to the counter to grab me a paper plate. It was awkward to say the least but I muttered a small ''excuse me'' so that I could get to the rest of the food.

"Sounds like a lot of fun is going on in there." I heard him say

"Yeah." I replied, ladling punch into a cup that I had also grabbed while I was at the counter.

"So." He said

"So?" I asked, still not facing him

"How have you been?"

"You already asked me that." I snapped slightly

"I know." He said, seemingly taken aback

I hurried to grab the different food I wanted, desperate to get out of this kitchen and away from him.

"Ellie I-"

"There you are! Baby you need to get out there." I heard Chris say, kissing me on the cheek

"I got hungry." I replied, turning towards him with a smile

I caught a quick glimpse of Leo and saw a certain emotion flit across his eyes. Pain? I wasn't sure, but I know whatever it was disappeared quickly, with him leaving as well.

"You make me a plate at least?"

"I was getting to it." I smirked

I felt him wrap his arms around me and kiss my cheek once more.

"You havin' a good time?" He murmured in my ear

"Yes. I'm having fun."

"Good. Have you eaten today?"

"This is actually the first time."

"You need to eat amour. I don't want you passing out."

"I won't." I smirked

"Seriously... I've been watching you. You haven't been eating in the last few days. At least not much."

"Chris I'm fine."

He looked at me concerned, gray eyes shinning with worry.

"Do not lie to me." He said softly

"I am fine, I swear." I said quietly

He put his hand on my cheek and stroked it with his thumb.

"You know I worry about you right?"

"You don't have to. Really."

"I do. You know I care and are there for you right?"

"I know. What's with the worrying lately? You ask me everyday if something is wrong."

"Because I want to know. I want to know about your day and how that day went. I just want to be in your life....but you shut me out. All I get is a one worded answer. And sometimes you don't even look me in the eye."

"I'm sorry."

I saw a certain look in his eye, and it immediately clicked that what he was going to say might not be easy.

"What?" I asked

"You're not.....having second thoughts about us are you?" He asked uneasily

"No. You're who I want. Nothing and no one is coming between us. Alright? Trust me. I am fine, and we're fine too. Believe me."

His yes softened in relief.

"Good."

"Hey, Ellie, Chris, come on in here we're gonna watch a movie!" I heard Amber yell

Chris kissed me quickly and gave me a thoughtful look.

"Me and you against the world right?" He asked

I smiled.

"Yeah, it's just me and you."

He bent his head again and kissed me once more, this time more passionate. I felt warm and happy, until foot steps shattered the ambiance.

"Hey, I'm glad you love each other, but come on movie needs to start." Brandi said

And like that, the mood ended. Chris and I glanced at each other and then quickly away.

"We're coming." I said quietly

I followed quickly and then sat on one of the couches. Brandi's words just rang through my head

I'm glad you love each other....

Honestly, I never told Chris I loved him, way too soon to do so... and I was talking too soon for me. I realized that loving someone is one of the quickest ways to disaster. I'd never be vulnerable again, and this time I meant that. Like I said, I was a new woman. 

I jumped slightly when I felt Chris' hand on mine, rubbing slow circles with his thumb on the back of my hand. He glanced over at me and continued to watch the movie.

On the ride back to my place it was quiet. Brandi decided to sleep over and Josh's tonight and hey, that was alright with me. I wonder if he too had his own room of pain and pleasure. I I'd bet the room was a very sophisticated look yet with a naughty and nefarious undertone. Just thinking about it brought back memories and sensations I hadn't felt in such a long time. The smell of the leather, the sharp feeling of the riding crop against my skin, the mutterings of "slut" and "whore" when it got real hot and heavy. Every open handed smack on my backsid-

I stopped, closed my eyes and took a deep breath and tried to forget that stuff. That part of my life was over now. I was on the mend. It was bad, being hit, loving the pain, and falling for the person that did so. Where the hell did these thoughts even come from so suddenly? Ugh, I needed to go back to being a good little girl like I had been for the last two years and not thinking about this.

"Ellie?" I heard

I looked over, snapping out of my trance and looked over at him.

"Huh?" I asked

"We're at your place."

I finally came back to my senses and I realized the car had stopped.

"Oh. Thanks for the ride, see you later."

"Amour." I heard him say

"Stop calling me amour. I know what it means: love. And right now....love's too complicated."

Whoa....where did that come from? Ellie don't do this

"Ellie-"

"No...i-I can't do this."

STOOOOP!

"What are you saying?"

"I need a break."

I was going to that place again.... the same manic frame of mind that got me into the hospital in the first place. And he deserved better than this. I had been back three weeks and already I was a mess. I could feel myself falling apart. What the hell man, I was fine over seas. I was happy, loved, around people who made everyday worth living because I was thankful from where I'd come from. And now, here I was, two years later, taking two years worth of steps backwards into a fucking wreck. I was supposed to be a new woman, so why the hell was the old one trying to break free from that prison I had put her into? Chris made me happy and treated me like a queen. Why was I doing this?

"A break? Why?"

I said nothing as I got out of the car and he tried grabbing for me.

"Amour." He tried calling

But I didn't respond, I simply went to my front door, opening it and going inside, shutting it behind me.