"The many intricacies of a relationship lie not in what we express, 

but what we try and keep at bay in our hearts, struggling to suppress."

- Elegiac_Damsel

______

Kolkata, The City of Joy

11th December

Third person's point of view:

Winter, the cold dreariness in the atmosphere, saturated with fog and an uncanny haziness, is when Christmas vibes take over the world. Kolkata, the City of Joy, the capital of colonial India, celebrated the spirit of the joyful season with lanes and avenues decked up with lights. Old bakeries like Nahoum's and Flury's saw bustling crowds as people gathered, scrounging for delicacies to mark and celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas.

It was evening, and Mrinalini and Debarghya were at New Market, shopping for clothes and other items that could be gifted to Anumegha's son who had his Annaprashan or rice ceremony on the 14th. The market area was crowded, unlike every other weekend, but more people were around today given the ongoing wedding season and upcoming festivities. The excitement that Kolkatans bear in their demeanour during any festival lies in testament to the phrase, baaro maashe tero parbon, which literally translates to 13 festivals or celebrations in 12 months. 

"Mrinal, I am tired. Can we go home now?" Debarghya asked Mrinalini as she kept scrounging through the aisles of the different stores looking for toys and clothes fit for a baby boy. They had been going about shopping for a couple of hours now and it would be late if they didn't start to return home now.

"The annaprashan is just 3 days away, Arghya," she replied, cautiously. "We need to buy some more gifts. Ma asked me to buy a set of clothes that she can gift with the gold chain that she has bought and Rishi had called earlier in the afternoon saying that he has no clue about baby sizes and what toys can be gifted to a six-month-old kid safely without worrying about a choking hazard. Moreover, there have to be more gifts from our end as well. You are the child's maternal uncle. You are supposed to feed him his first morsel after all."
"We have already ordered the small gold bangles and a ring, haven't we? The goldsmith said that it will be ready by tomorrow," he replied, shaking his head and looking at his watch.

"Gold or silver has to be given by close family members and relatives, Arghya, because it symbolises auspiciousness and purity for the child, but we should also give the kid a few things that he'll be able to understand the use of and enjoy with. For a baby, a silicone ring and a gold bangle aren't much different. Moreover, the gift is for the child, the piece of jewellery is merely given as a blessing, right?"

"I can't win against you in dialogue, Mrinal," Debarghya replied, smiling slightly. "However, it is late, and we have spent quite a bit of time and money on your shopping shenanigans today. The baby isn't old enough to crawl around properly and at the rate that you are buying things for him, he'll be grown and will have younger siblings before he can go through all the clothes and toys."

Mrinalini laughed. "This dog car is the last toy we are buying, I promise."

They stepped out of the market, armed with numerous shopping bags, and approached the metro station. 

"It's 8 pm already!" Mrinalini exclaimed in a horrified tone. "I have to make dinner once we get back."

"Take a break tonight, Mrinal," Debarghya told her softly. "We can order something."
...

13th December

With Debjani at Anumegha's place to prepare for little Archisman's annaprashan ceremony, Mrinalini was alone at home when the doorbell rang. It was a lazy afternoon and she had got back from the university earlier. The floor of the living room was strewn with gift-wrapping paper, sellotape, gift items, and a pair of scissors that kept disappearing every time she had to cut off a piece of paper or sellotape.
Sighing in exasperation as a stray piece of sellotape got stuck to her feet, dragging along, she walked towards the front door.

"Hi Boudi," Debrishi greeted her as he entered their home, dragging his suitcase behind. "How have you been doing? Gift-wrapping, I see."

"Hi Rishi," Mrinalini greeted her brother-in-law with a smile, extending her hand to take his backpack. "Have you eaten anything? Would you like to eat something or do I make you some tea?"

"You are turning into Ma, Boudi," he replied, teasingly. "I already had lunch on the flight. Let me help you gift wrap the presents for our nephew instead of having you fawn over me like I am someone's jamai (son-in-law). Then we can have coffee together."

"I often forget that you are the only caffeine addict in the family besides myself," Mrinalini laughed. "Go ahead and freshen up. I put on the geyser earlier, so you should get hot water."
"You are the best, Boudi."

Mrinalini rolled her eyes. "Go! We have work to do."
...

14th December

It dawned a cold day in the City of Joy, contrary to the dry heat accompanied by fog and chilly currents of wind at intervals, which wasn't unusual during the winter given the rising temperatures, a catastrophic result of global warming. The grass shimmered with the remnants of dew as the brown and dry leaves on the trees fluttered in the gentle breeze. The sky was foggy and dull, the sunlight barely seeping through, bringing only a fraction of its warmth to the cold earth. 
It was a busy morning at the Acharya household as Mrinalini, Debarghya, and Debrishi rushed about getting ready. They had to travel to Anumegha's in-laws' place by 10 and it was already cutting it too close. Mrinalini had chosen an elegant pink silk sari for the occasion of Anumegha's son's annaprashan ceremony. She hadn't put in much effort to dress up as there was just an intimate religious ceremony involving rituals during the day featuring close family members only. There was obviously going to be a celebratory party later in the evening. 

She donned a simple gold necklace and matching earrings with a pair of thin gold and all her nuptial bangles, a watch, and a ring that Debarghya's family had given her as a gift in blessing more than two years ago when she had entered this very household as a new bride. She lined her eyes with kohl, donned a small and simple red bindi, and applied some tinted lip balm that enunciated the natural blush of her lips.  She had paired her sari with a beige sweater underneath over her regular blouse given the cold weather. Her hair was partially loose and there was vermilion in her parting, as was customary. 

"Be quick, Mrinal," Debarghya told her, making his way past her, extending his hand towards the dressing table to retrieve his bottle of perfume. "It is past 9 am. We have to be there by 10. You already know the auspicious time, don't you?"
"I am ready, Arghya," Mrinalini replied irritably. "Where's Rishi? Are you booking a cab for us?"
"He's on it. Just ensure you've got all the gifts in one place and please double-check if you've taken everything. We will be gone for the entire day and I don't need you running around at the eleventh hour scrounging for where's what."
Mrinalini scowled. "It was just a couple of times, and in case you don't remember, it had been you who'd forgotten their wallet and not me. And what about the day you conveniently forgot your glasses and made me climb three flights of stairs, so, I could get them for you? Or when you went to work one day and halfway through your commute realised that you had left your mobile phone behind?"
Debarghya shook his head. "As if you weren't the one who returned home rushing in that day only to realise that you'd left milk boiling on the stove and that it had successfully overflowed and caused a mess in the kitchen. And do you recall when you had so conveniently forgotten your assignment at home and I had to go and give it to you at your university? Or how about the time when you kept me waiting for 20 minutes just because you thought you had misplaced your nuptial ring and it had been on the dressing table the whole time? Or about the time when..."

"Dada, Boudi, the cab is here," Debrishi cut in, entering their room. "I have cross-checked if the windows are closed and if the gas stove has all its knobs turned off. I have also checked the gifts and they are all in place. I have my backpack with a change of clothes and whatever I'll be needing. Now, if the two of you can quit bickering and get moving, we might be able to reach on time. "And Dada," he continued, addressing his elder brother, "Your Panjabi (traditional kurta worn by men) is missing the gold buttons that Boudi had safely tucked away into her bag, knowing you'd have to be reminded later. I am afraid that kind of advocates to Boudi's favour and I, hereby, take her side and rest my case."

Debarghya glowered at his younger brother as Mrinalini giggled, their squabble forgotten as she handed over the gold buttons to her husband, winking at her brother-in-law.

"I have packed everything that we might need, Debarghya," she told him later as he latched the front door, placing the lock in its place. "We both are so absent-minded sometimes, aren't we? I could only realise when you reiterated all the instances when I messed up."

Smiling subtly, Debarghya replied, "We aren't absent-minded, Mrinal. We both have a lot to do and a lot to balance in life. We just tend to lose our equilibrium and sanity, occasionally, while striving to accomplish everything with perfection. I suppose that makes us human; our failure to be perfect."
...

"He's going to touch the gold chain and the book like his mother did," Debjani told Anumegha's mother-in-law, as the two proud grandmothers witnessed their grandson, dressed as a little groom with his beige and khaki-coloured panjabi suit as he fidgeted on his maternal uncle's lap, looking around for his mother. His forehead had been dotted with sandalwood with great difficulty thanks to Mrinalini and Anumegha's combined persistent efforts and had endured his constant ministrations and attempts of crying and throwing things here and there. "I am sure he'll end up choosing the soil and money instead like his father did," Pritha, Sreejit's mother and Anumegha's mother-in-law retorted.

The Annaprashan ceremony, although primarily marked by the child partaking his first morsel of food, especially rice, which is considered the staple diet of most Indians, especially Bengalis, is highlighted by a game or ritual as many call it wherein a child predicts their future by selecting three any three items from an offered tray. Usually, something gold, some money, some soil, a book, and a pen. It is believed that if a child chooses gold, they'll grow to acquire wealth in the form of an appreciating asset like gold whereas, money indicates wealth and prosperity in a home or business. The soil is an indication of possible real estate assets that a child would grow to acquire while the book represents great knowledge, and the pen indicates great literary prowess. 

Everyone looked on as the fidgeting child was ushered towards the plate. Little Archisman, fondly as he was called, Riddhi, by everyone at home, put on a bored expression, tethering over the verge of bursting into loud sobs, and reached out for the gold followed by the soil and money, throwing it around happily as he waved his little, chubby arms around, babbling in baby talk, his head bobbling.
"He's going to grow up to be super rich, isn't he?" someone remarked. "This boy's never going to see a rainy day in his life," someone else declared, snickering. "Srijit and Anumegha have indeed birthed a prosperous heir," someone whispered into Mrinalini and Debrishi's ears as they stood right behind Debarghya and the child. 
Everyone laughed things off and gathered for a few pictures before the little baby gave in to his hunger and fatigue and cried for milk followed by the nap he had been craving for so long.
Once the rituals were completed, the area was cleaned off and the guests were all ushered towards the area where they would be served lunch. 
"You are the mother's sister-in-law, aren't you?" an elderly woman asked Mrinalini who nodded in response, smiling politely. "The wife of her elder brother. Don't you have any children?"
Shaking her head, Mrinalini managed to reply politely, reiterating the rehearsed lines that she kept reciting to every other random faraway relative and overcurious individual who would often ask about her plans, especially regarding family planning. 
"No, although I am married to Brishti di's elder brother, I do not have a child yet. I am pursuing my Masters."

"That is great," the woman replied with a smile that was neither cold nor overly warm. "It is a good idea to complete your education before marriage or at least before having a child. You'd have barely had time to go to the university had you had the responsibility of sending your child to school simultaneously. So, do you plan on working a job after you complete your degree?"
Mrinalini nodded, "I actually have plans of pursuing my PhD, but I am not sure yet if I'll be doing it right after my Masters' or after a few years."

"Oh, well, that's a far-fetched goal with a lot of elaborate planning," the lady remarked, her eyes widening slightly. "I do hope you get to fulfil these goals in reality, child. There are so many expectations we have from ourselves at times that never manifest simply because life has more to offer than a smooth road."

"I am positive that I will be able to make good on these objectives," Mrinalini replied with a confident smile. "I know I can't foresee the future, but I have been blessed to have a family that has been with me through the quest that I have embarked on. I think it shall manifest into reality. From my mouth to God's ears."
...

23rd December

Although the City of Joy bustled with the infectious cheer that the season brought, numerous university students like Mrinalini had to suffer through end-semester examinations and innumerable submissions. With Christmas a day away, there were lights strewn across all streets and avenues in Kolkata. The air was a mixture of hot and cold, a perfect setting for the unwanted bouts of flu that weren't uncommon in every household. 

"You are burning up, Mrinalini," Shruti, one of Mrinalini's classmates remarked. "You took a paracetamol barely two hours ago and your fever's back already. You can't even take another pill right now."
Mrinalini nodded an incoherent response, attempting to get up from her seat. They had just finished writing one of their papers. The next paper was on the 27th. She had been ill since the night before but had somehow managed to make her way to the university for the paper. Relying solely on antipyretics that Debarghya always kept a stock of at home, she had been able to hold herself together.
"It is okay. I can rest once I return home," Mrinalini replied. Her head was heavy and her eyes were fluttering shut due to her high temperature. "Just help me reach the metro station. I can make my way home."
"There is no way that we are going to let you commute alone with such an excessive temperature, Mrinalini," Dipanjan, another one of her many classmates replied firmly. "We can call someone at home to come and pick you up. We'll wait with you till then. Why don't you give us your husband's number?"
"He isn't in town," Mrinalini replied. "He was just starting from Burdwan when I had spoken to him shortly before our examination started. He surely hasn't reached Kolkata yet, please don't worry him. I can make it home on my own."

"I can drop you off," suggested Satarup. "I commute to Sovabazar anyway. I can easily manage to drop you home and then return. And we can take a cab instead of the metro. We'll split the fare. Don't refuse stupidly and pretend you are independent and can manage alone. You are burning up with a high fever and there's no way you'll be able to manage anything more than landing in the hospital after going into some state of delirium or worse, meet with an accident en route."

"I think that's the best option, Mrinalini," Shruti and Barnali affirmed. "The rest of us live too far to commute to the extreme  North of the city from Jadavpur and back to Behala. Please go home with Satarup and take some rest and medicines. We'll also be reassured to know if you're reaching home safely."
Weakly, she nodded, asking for some water. It was a helpless feeling that was sinking in, but she knew that the concern her classmates had wasn't entirely misplaced or exaggerated. "I'll let you all know in the group chat once I drop her off safely," Satarup told everyone before flagging a cab and helping Mrinalini into it.
...

The commute by cab unlike the usual metro took longer given the inevitable traffic on the busy roads of Kolkata. Mrinalini was slipping in and out of a dozing state, her fever spiking. She had received a call from Debarghya sometime ago, but she didn't bother him with any health update that would be worrisome. Instead, she had informed him that she was on her way home and that they'd probably be reaching around the same time given the delay.

"I can't thank you enough for helping me, Satarup," Mrinalini spoke softly as the cab pulled up the familiar alleyway leading to where she had been residing for over two years of her marital life. It had taken an unfortunately long two hours for her to reach home. She knew that her mother-in-law would be worried since she had informed her earlier that she'd be back by 6.30. It was close to 8 now and her head was still heavy and her body still immensely warm even with the antipyretic that she had taken ten minutes ago, seeing as the mandatory four-hour gap between two pills had elapsed. 

"I'll help you up the stairs with your things," the young man offered, holding out his hand to let her lean on him given her weak state. "You live on the third floor, right?"
The two of them made their way up the stairs at a slow and steady pace. Mrinalini was breathless by the time they reached the front door. She pressed on the doorbell, leaning against the cool wall, seeking support and respite. 
"Bouma, is that you?" Debjani's soft voice reached her ears. "It's me, Ma," she confirmed in a croaky voice. 

"You are late. I was so worried. Deb has just arrived and was about to call you. Good Lord, what has happened to you," her mother-in-law exclaimed as she opened the door, shocked to see Mrinalini in the state that she was in. "I didn't see you there, son. What has happened to her?"

"I am Satarup, auntie, Mrinalini's classmate. She had a fever and it spiked up unexpectedly after our examination. She wasn't in a state to make it home herself, so I decided to drop her off. She just took medicine around fifteen minutes ago, but her temperature hasn't come down yet," the young man explained to Debjani while helping Mrinalini inside and onto the armchair in the living room.
"Mrinal," Debarghya exclaimed, rushing to his wife's side, shocked. He knew that she had developed a fever, but hadn't been able to guess over the phone the extent of how bad her health was. He touched the back of his hand to her forehead, feeling the sudden heat of her body. "I'll take her inside, Ma," he said at length. "I'll help her wash her head to bring down the fever. Thank you for your help, brother. I am sorry that you had to trouble yourself by travelling all the way here to drop her off, especially during your examinations. Had I been in town, I would have picked her up myself. Thanks a lot," Debarghya acknowledged as he held Mrinalini against his torso, helping her walk towards their bedroom. 
"It's not a problem at all, Debarghya da," Satarup responded courteously. "I'll take your leave now, Auntie," he told Debjani. "I should be heading home now."
"Sit here for a bit, son," she told him with a smile. "I had just made some tea for myself. Would you like some?"
Having agreed to tea, the two of them conversed for a bit, making some small talk before he excused himself and took his leave, promising to visit again soon, hopefully in a more pleasant situation along with their other classmates.

"Arghya, it is cold," Mrinalini could be heard complaining in her small, croaky voice as Debjani entered her son and daughter-in-law's bedroom. The two of them were in the washroom and Debarghya was gently pouring some water on her head to help bring her temperature down. She was shivering slightly, leaning against her husband heavily, looking immensely weak and ill. "Shhh, Mrinal, I know it's cold, but it is to help you," Debjani heard her son whisper to his wife reassuringly. "I'll dry your head now and help you change. Do not lie down on the bed just yet, okay?"

"Ma, could you please help me with a towel?" Debarghya called out to his mother, realising that he had left the towel on the bed while he had been trying to manoeuvre Mrinalini towards the bathroom earlier. 

Handing over the towel to her son, Debjani shook her head, "Here you go, son. I had no idea that her fever would spike this way when she left home in the afternoon. She had been coughing this entire week and had a mild temperature. I didn't realise that it would be so bad. She told me that she had even taken medicines, but to no avail."
"It's okay, Ma," Debarghya replied as he dried his wife's long hair vigorously. "There was no way we could have predicted this. Fever can be the most common and yet the most unpredictable ailment that anyone can be down with. Don't worry, she'll be well. Her temperature is starting to come down a bit."

"I'll wait outside," Debjani replied as Mrinalini and Debarghya made their way out of the small attached bathroom. "Her clothes are wet, son. Please ensure she has something comfortable to change into."
"I am alright, Ma," Mrinalini smiled through her state of half-sleep. "There are some lentils and a dish of ridge gourd in the refrigerator, Ma. I was planning on making something else for dinner, but..."
"Shut up and rest, child," Debjani retorted. "I'll be back with something for you to eat. Your body needs nutrition to recover. And after that, not a single peep from you. You are going to fall asleep like a baby."

"I'll help her change, Ma," Debarghya interjected. "The medicine has started taking effect. She just needs some rest now. The worst has passed for now."

...

27th December

Mrinalini was back to normal. Her fever had been a bout of viral and not common cold as had been suspected earlier. She was on a course of antibiotics that had helped her recoup, but the weakness still lingered. She had managed to recover enough by the 25th evening that she had found the strength to study for the last paper that they had earlier today and had walked out of the examination hall with a smile on her face. Debarghya had insisted on dropping her off and returning to pick her up at the university and that had made Mrinalini feel all warm and fuzzy in her still recovering state.
"How were your examinations, Mrinal?" Debarghya asked Mrinalini as they walked down the roads of Dhakuria, on their way to catch the bus. "Surprisingly, they went quite well," she replied. "Now that the examinations are over, I am so eager to eat some junk. Can we have phuchka before returning home?"
"Are you for real, Mrinal?" Debarghya replied incredulously. "You are still on antibiotics and even if you weren't, the answer would have still been no. You have barely regained your voice from those croaky whispers and you are already keen on savouring something sour."

"Nothing will happen, Debarghya," she pleaded. "It's all well now. My exams have just ended. Please don't be such a spoilsport."
"Pleading won't help your case, Mrinal," he replied firmly. "However, if you are completely well without as much as a small cough, then we can go out during the new year."
"Done deal. I am going to start my new routine of drinking ginger tea every night till the 31st."
...

1st January

A new year dawned upon the City of Joy. It was a different year and yet nothing had changed since yesterday, when it was still the previous year. The weather was neither cold nor hot, but quite chilly in the early morning and late night with the prevalent cold northern winds caressing your skin, instantly causing goosebumps to erupt.

The day was mundane for everyone in the Acharya household, seeming almost like a Sunday as both Mrinalini and Debarghya had a holiday. Debjani had been insisting on visiting Mayapur for quite a while now and had decided to embark on her pilgrimage quest with her sisters-in-law.

Both Mrinalini and Debarghya chose to sleep in late and finally got out of bed at 10 am, almost succumbing to their lingering lethargy and falling back asleep. They had fallen asleep at around 4 am having enjoyed a night together of conjugal bliss after several weeks. With Mrinalini having her examinations and subsequently falling ill and with Debarghya's busy schedule, it had been impossible for them to get any time together. Their routine had been mostly mundane and busy with work, assignments, studying, and official tours combined. 

"Why do we have to wake up now, Mrinal?" Debarghya had whispered into Mrinalini's ear as he tried to hold her back from getting up. "No one's home. We can sleep in for longer."
Mrinalini wiggled in his arms, breaking free. "I know that there's no one who's around to judge us, but I need to go and pee. And it's 10 am already and the first day of the year. I need to take a bath and offer puja. Did you forget we have Laddu Gopal at home?"

"I am going back to sleep," Debarghya grunted and turned to the other side when he found his blanket being yanked away rudely. "Hey! Don't do that, Mrinal. It's cold."

"Wake up, Debarghya," Mrinalini insisted. "And for God's sake, wear something underneath the blanket from next time. What if someone had been home?"
"It's our bedroom, and we are married," he said, goofily. "Oh come on, Arghya. Act your age."

...

It was evening and both Mrinalini and Debarghya after having spent a lazy day at home decided to go around for a bit. They chose one of the most popular spots in Kolkata for their evening, thus making their way to Prinsep Ghat. The quintessential white pillars that held together the beautiful enigma of a place boasting the aesthetics of Victorian architecture coupled with the soft sunset against the backdrop of the serene Ganges beckoned to numerous young couples and some families, serving as the perfect spot for an evening detour. 

"It's amazing, isn't it?" Mrinalini whispered to Debarghya as they walked along the banks of the Ganges. "There can be so much tranquillity in this boisterous city and it is what everyone is in search of, but, alas, even in this serenity, we are all aware of what are the pending works that need our attention and how much we would need to save or spend this year, and so much more."
"Humans are strange, Mrinal," Debarghya replied. "We crave silence and peace, and when we have it, we realise that the silence has a void that is a lot more deafening and catastrophic than the shrillest and loudest screams."

"Hmmm," she pondered in response. Her eyes ventured onto the man selling phuchka and she was suddenly reminded of their deal from a few days ago. "I have healed entirely," she reminded him. "I haven't coughed in days and have even eaten healthy for more than ten days. You promised me a phuchka treat. Don't go back on your word."

"I remember," he chuckled. "Let's go."
...

They returned home at close to 10 pm having enjoyed dinner outside at a rundown, roadside stall, cherishing the carefree moments that were difficult to come across in their lives. 
"We had a competition one day, you know," Mrinalini narrated animatedly, reminiscing a story from a few weeks ago. "My classmates Shruti, Barnali, Dipanjan, and Satarup, the one who dropped me off that day, and I had gone out that day in the evening to South City Mall. The idiots didn't want to spend a single penny on overpriced food so we just fooled around at Starmark where I bought a couple of books and then we exited. After that, you know those phuchka stalls that are right outside the mall? They all went there and the two girls decided that they were going to compete with the two boys on who could eat more phuchka in 15 minutes. Dipanjan clocked out at 20 and Shruti gave up, gasping, at 30. Both Barnali and Satarup went up to eat 50 each! We had to pay a bill of  Rs. 700 at a roadside stall just so they could prove who's superior."
"Did they turn up at the university the next day or did they land in the hospital with a drip up their arm?" Debarghya asked, genuinely concerned and curious.
"Here's what was shocking; Dipanjan fell ill and had to recuperate at home for two days and Shruti managed herself with soda and antacids. But both Satarup and Barnali did not feel anything. They even went forward to eat biryani for dinner before returning home. I seriously do not know how they survived eating all that," Mrinalini explained. "And you saw Satarup, right? He just doesn't gain weight even though he is a glutton and is the laziest individual you can ever come across! He can eat anything and everything, the calories be damned, and not gain a single ounce without lifting a finger, forget working out. And Barnali is just the same. The two of them have a crazy metabolic ability that cannot be comprehended by science. They are just the most book-perfect couple you can find on campus, you know?"

"And are those two other classmates of yours in a relationship too? Shruti and was it, Dipanjan?" Debarghya asked. "Yes, they are, but they won't admit to being in a relationship," Mrinalini replied, scrunching her eyebrows. "I do not understand what they mean when they say that they aren't together when in fact, they are."

"They could be best friends," Debarghya justified, shrugging. "But they have gone beyond the vicinity of best friendship guidelines."
"You mean they have established other relations?" Debarghya asked, stifling an amused cough. "Okay, let's rest the case. I think I am too old to understand any of this."

"I am as old as they are, studying the same subject as them, and yet, I feel so detached sometimes from how things work nowadays. I don't think this has anything to do with age, Debarghya. Maybe it's just about priorities and perspectives."

"Indeed," Debarghya replied, pensively. He was suddenly lost in a deep abyss of thoughts that he had pushed aside for the sake of his sanity, but they were coming back to haunt him.

 Insecurities; start out as seeds of doubts that we push aside and yet subconsciously nurture into deep-rooted trees that bear the fruits of catastrophe. From self-doubt to low self-esteem to trust issues, and more socially imbibed and sensationalised problems, insecurities can lead to huge cracks in a relationship. Starting with disagreements and suppressed emotions and questions that seek answers from the void, spiralling into a vacuum: leading to an impending blackhole of mistrust and potential storms that cause havoc silently. 

"Do you think your perspective evolved with our marriage," he asked her quietly, voicing the seed of doubt that threatened to asphyxiate him. "Could it have been the imposing of a responsibility like marriage so early on in your life that caused you to mature beyond your years?"

Mrinalini's initial smile faltered as she sensed the change in Debarghya's aura. She thought deeply for a minute about what he had asked. "Maybe, Debarghya," she replied, introspecting. "I won't lie, but yes, our relationship, our marriage, our family, and everything else that happened did contribute to my evolved psyche. I don't think like the other girls because we live different lives. I am not saying that the life I lead isn't desirable or that I have any qualms or regrets, but it is just that I'd probably be able to relate more to those who know what it is like to be married than to my classmates who are just carefree students residing at home. Despite the differences in upbringing or background, it is a lot more about what we face presently, and it is contrasting to the life you and I know. We know responsibility, beyond finance. As for my classmates, some of them who may be from humble backgrounds understand what aiding a family is, but they won't get how a family is run. Being a part of a family in a home where you are cherished and loved and absolved of direct responsibility is a different life that neither you nor I would know. You grew up and stepped up as the man of the house when your father passed away, and I took the place by your side, the day we married. How can it not contribute to whether or not we are different from others, Debarghya?"

He smiled in response, leaning against the sofa as they sat next to one another in the living room, thankful for the private space in which they could have a heart-to-heart conversation. 

"Do you know, Mrinal," he began, hesitantly. "The day you were sick, you had fallen asleep long before I came to bed. You were shivering in the cold and I was trying to get your fever down with cold compress. I couldn't help but think that day about the fact that maybe we aren't well-suited as a married couple."
"What are you saying, Debarghya? That is," Mrinalini's voice trailed off as he held up his hand and shook his head, gently asking her to listen to him. "You were sick that day and you still had to manage everything on your own. Ma told me that you were the one who had prepared breakfast and lunch before going for your exam that day. She couldn't have guessed that your health could deteriorate so badly. I wasn't there in town and every time I called you up, you didn't bother to mention if anything was wrong.
"Ma wondered aloud that day, you know, that maybe had this not been your in-laws' place, you'd have been more vocal about your health. Perhaps you'd have allowed yourself to rest if your mother had been here. It was only when your classmate brought you home that day that it dawned upon me that it is easy perhaps to support you and help you go and study at the university post-marriage by simply not resisting, but it is a big deal to provide the desired support. You shouldn't have had to deal with me being out of town and doing everything at home simply because Ma has limited mobility. I should be able to afford to give you a better life than this and alas, I can't.
You will be completing your degree soon, Mrinal. In a few months, you'll be officially a lot more qualified than I ever will be, and while that has never bothered me directly before, it hurts today to think that you ought to have been with a partner who can be your equal. You could have sought someone who earns more, you should have been able to. Perhaps like how Satarup and Barnali are. They share interests and are similar. They study the same subject and share their love for the same. You never got to experience any of it and got shackled to an ordinary graduate like me even before you could discover your worth in the world," he finished.

"Why are you talking about this, Debarghya?" Mrinalini asked him, concerned. "You were the one who encouraged me to pursue my degree. You paid for it. I am happy with you. I don't want to experience everything that you are mentioning. We married as equals and will remain so. I didn't marry you for your resume and I don't think you bothered to check that in my case either. What are you insecure about? What is bothering you?"

Debarghya chuckled. "You are right to say that neither of us married each other for their CV or qualification, but Mrinal, you were naive when you married me, almost coerced into it because of the situation at home. You were a graduate then. Think for once... would I ever have been considered as your potential husband by your family or even by you had you been pursuing your master's before marriage while I was merely an ordinary graduate making ends meet with a job in sales?"

Mrinalini was silent. She didn't know what had triggered his outburst today, but it surely had been bothering him for long. She knew that he didn't have malevolent intentions as he voiced his insecurities. What he simply sought from her at this stage was reassurance. He was laying himself out in the most vulnerable manner possible, seeking her warmth and her optimism at this moment more than ever before. 

"Debarghya," she began with a deep breath. "I am not one to contemplate the different what-ifs that could have potentially been our lives. For me, I am living in this moment and the life that I have even with the imperfections and bumps and everything else is what I am content with. With different possibilities that we often ponder over, we forget to see the light in the life that we live today. I understand that I could have been married to someone who earns more, but what if in the slightly bigger house, there was no room for mutual respect and love?"

Debarghya smiled slightly, retrospecting her words from their first meeting, 'I don't want to live in a big house. What if there are ghosts?'

She had never been concerned about the paranormal forces, but merely of household evils and more that are suppressed behind closed doors. "I have you who has been there for me. You got me to open my first bank account. You encouraged me to continue studying and you are the one who helped me understand the importance of financial independence. Why would I sit and contemplate today about a potential life that I could have had where I would have twenty maids to serve me on hand and foot and yet not a single ounce of support? Why would I contemplate not having a husband who can give me a good life simply because he was away doing his job, the work that essentially feeds the family, while I was sick? Insecurities can be a beast, Debarghya. Please don't let them eat us up," she whispered, cradling his head in her hands, and pulling him in for a gentle kiss.

"I know that the neighbours whisper about us. I know that there are instances during which you feel like you couldn't accomplish anything in life, but you did. You facilitated the lives of your siblings, your mother, and your wife to be as comfortable as they could be. You try and give us everything that you can, simply because you had it in you to not fall back and be discouraged. You persevered and this is the life that we have. Why not find our happiness and contentment here rather than contemplating fantasies that aren't real?"
...

30th March

It was approaching the end of spring and summer was knocking at the door. The heat in Kolkata had already started seeming unbearable. With the mercury soaring sky-high and the humidity making the air thick, tempers seemed to be on the rise too.

Mrinalini had her final project or her Master's dissertation submission coming up in mid-April and had been working hard on completing the work on time. She would often stay up late working on her laptop, typing away furiously as she scrounged through different papers that were related to her research hypothesis. Debarghya had been very irritable for the past few weeks with the heat and the fiscal year ending approaching. For any individual in sales and marketing, the fiscal year ending is the most stressful of all times and it wasn't any different for him. Annual targets and impending annual meetings coupled with the appraisal period and the suffocating heat that the city was subjected to was getting on his nerves. 

At night, while Mrinalini would be working on her paper, Debarghya would be tossing and turning on the bed next to her, throwing away the blankets, often getting up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat to take a shower and cool off before trying to fall asleep again.

"Can you not do this in the morning, Mrinal?" he had asked his wife one night, frustrated at his inability to fall asleep. "You are not sleeping anyway, Debarghya," she replied casually. "It isn't like my work is bothering you."
It did, unfortunately. Sleep deprivation and stress often pave the way to misunderstandings and being together in a non-air conditioned room on the top floor of a building in one of India's most densely populated cities in the heat catalysed just that. He had promptly got off their bed and ventured out to try his hand at sleeping in the living room where he proclaimed he could at least try and find some peace.

Having had enough and seeing Debarghya suffer through sleepless nights, Mrinalini decided to go out and buy that air conditioner that was much needed and whose purchase had been procrastinated for almost two years due to different situations, incidents, and circumstances. She had enough savings of her own and a credit card she could avail EMI on to get an air conditioner that was well-suited to the requirements of their bedroom without having to consult with Debarghya explicitly. Moreover, this was a good investment, an expense that was being made to improve their lifestyle, so she decided to surprise her husband.

While Debarghya was away on tour in the nearby districts of Kolkata for a couple of days, Mrinalini went up to an electronics store nearby and selected a Hitachi 1.5-tonne AC that seemed adequate for their bedroom. 
"Maybe this will reinstate some of the peace that he is seeking by at least providing some respite from the heat," she thought. The other factors would still be a part of his life and theirs, but there was little that one could do about that. To earn a living, one had to put up with stress. 

"This air-conditioner was much needed in your room," Debjani told Mrinalini as the mechanics installed the electronic device in the master bedroom. "I had told Deb to not buy an air-conditioner for my room, but he had insisted since Brishti would sleep next to me. Now with her gone, I seldom turn on the AC, but with the heat wave, it's been unbearable without it. I seriously don't know how the two of you have been managing for the past 2.5 years."

Mrinalini smiled, knowing that it had only been their circumstances that had made them rethink each expense made. Even now, Debarghya hadn't exactly given buying an AC for their room a thought.
"He doesn't know," Mrinalini confided to her mother-in-law. "I thought I'd surprise him. He has been unable to fall asleep in the heat and has been very restless and irritable."

Debjani shook her head, smiling. "A surprise indeed. Heaven knows how much worse will the globe heat up to in the years to come. We won't be around, but our children would and it is horrifying to imagine."

"What they say is true, isn't it, ma? We have not inherited our world from our forefathers, but borrowed it from our children."

"Ma'am, the installation has been completed," the mechanic interrupted the conversation. "Please come and check and leave a review on the website for us."
...

Later that night, when Debarghya returned home, exhausted and drained, he was surprised to enter their bedroom. He was met with a jet of cool air contrary to the suffocating heat that he was used to. 
"Mrinal?" he called out. "When did you buy an AC? How much did it cost? How did you pay? I didn't receive any details about a transaction on any of my cards..."

"Shhh, bullet train," Mrinalini interjected. "I got it installed earlier during the day. I placed the order for the AC the day you left for your tour. I had some savings and there's a good old thing called credit card that I used. So, dear husband, please don't worry about all that and heat your already hot head and take a minute to calm down and allow the latest addition to our bedroom to cool you down."

"But Mrinal," Debarghya continued, perplexed. "You could have told me. I know it was getting hot. I wouldn't have objected to buying an AC for our room. Why didn't you tell me?"

Mrinalini's smile dissipated as she realised that Debarghya was more concerned about her decision to buy something expensive without involving or consulting him than about finally getting to sleep peacefully at night.

"I thought I'd surprise you," she said quietly. "You were unable to sleep at night and I know it was tough. You sweat profusely during the night..."

"I know. Thank you for thinking about me, Mrinal, but this is..."

Mrinalini gave up trying to explain herself. She retreated from their bedroom choosing to give him some space, bewildered at his reaction and lack of enthusiasm. She made her way towards her mother-in-law's room, knocking once before entering.

"Ma, why is he not happy?" she asked Debjani. "What did he say?"

She proceeded to narrate the whole interaction and waited for her mother-in-law to speak. 
Debjani smiled. "He is conflicted."
Looking at Mrinalini's confused expression, she continued, "It's been years, my child, since he stepped into his father's shoes. He inevitably made peace with managing finances enough to have enough for everyone's needs while putting his own at the very end. It is something that comes naturally when you earn and run a household. I know that my father did the same and then my husband did. And for Debarghya, the onset was early and has been deeply ingrained ever since."
"Right now, he is feeling overwhelmed at your gesture of care and concern for him, for having observed his discomfort and gone out of the way to ease the same. At the same time, while the human in him that craves the same love and attention as anyone else is jubilant and grateful, his role as your husband and as the head of the household is conflicted, sort of bordering on bruising his ego. He is grateful that you did something for him, but unhappy that it was done without consulting him or more importantly without any financial aid from his end. His ego and emotions are at war right now. Just give him some time and space to absolve himself of his insecurities. He isn't used to anyone spending on him other than small gifts here and there. Forgive him for the unwelcome reaction. His intentions weren't malevolent, but merely awestruck and conflicted."

Mrinalini smiled, nodding at her mother-in-law. Insecurities made him human and these nuances made their marriage rocky and yet blissfully perfect. Maybe it was his ego making him resist a gesture from her. They just had to persevere harder to withstand the same. 

...

To be continued...

PUBLISHED: April 7, 2024

Author's note:

Hi everyone. Today officially marks the 4th anniversary of when I began writing Mrinalini's story. It has been a conflicting ride, often making me question my creativity and lose hope. The journey has been full of inconsistencies and the sheer love that you all gave this story is what made me persist.

Mrinalini's story is larger and deeper than what I can narrate, but I'll try my best to and it will be within a few more chapters perhaps that the book will reach its conclusion.

I would like to thank you all for being with me on this journey and for the encouragement that kept me going.
Please continue loving Mrinalini and her story.

Take care.

With much love,
Elegiac_Damsel

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P.P.S. I try and write as realistically as I can, but I am merely human. I am always looking forward to your input and thoughts. They help me write better.

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