Part – 8

"At Some Point, You Have To Realize That Some People Can Stay In Your Heart But Not In Your Life"

(Karthik's POV)

I walk into my apartment holding a scotch bottle in my hand, stumbling. Yeah, I have drowned myself in drinks as it makes me forget the pain of losing my love. Who the f**k told drinking kills? Drinking heals... it heals the killing pain... drinking heals my wounded heart... "I love you, baby" I kiss the scotch bottle I am holding. Baby? Oh my baby brat! My love!

Love? Oh yeah! My one side valueless f**king love.

I don't know why I am drawn to Mithra's room instead of mine. To feel her presence? I don't know. I walk into her room and immediately I can smell her scent, I can feel her presence everywhere in the room. I can hear her giggles & merry laughs. I slump to the floor defeated beside her bed & placing the scotch bottle on the floor, I stretch my arm on the bed and rest my head on it. Her bed is so soft & warm like her but it is so empty like my life. So void!

"What the f**k are you doing here? How could you just walk out from your own party?" I hear someone shouting. Oh yeah, the annoying a-hole friend of mine, Sanjeev.

"What the f**k are you doing here? Oh and don't you know to knock the door?" I shout back.

"It was open so I barged in" he answers me. I lift my drowsy eyelids to see my friends' gang walking in one by one. Why are they here? To party my 'parting away' with my wife moment? No, I won't give my scotch. It's all I have, now. I hug my scotch bottle securely to my chest.

"What the hell you did in your party, Karthik?" Deepa growls at me. What I did? What party? I stare impassively at her.

"I just cut the cake... You didn't get the cake pieces? Is that your accusation? Don't worry I will get you a big cake tomorrow. I promise, Deeps" I say & take a sip directly from the bottle but Deepa roughly snatched it from my hand making me spill the little drink I gulped in.

"Girl, that's mine" I protest.

"Karthik, why you did that? You promised me you won't leave Mithra EVER!?" Sanjeev asks.

"Don't you think you are showing too much loyalty for Mithra than me? Well, I am happy seeing your affection for her but do care a little for you poor friend hun?" I pat gently on his face with my fingers.

"Karthik what's wrong?" Ria asks in a soft voice which I like. I don't want any one shouting but me.

"What the hell with this "what's wrong" crap?" I shout. "Everything is fine now... Mithra is happy... Mithra is not tied to me anymore... Mithra can live with her parents like before... Mithra can enjoy her youth carefree college life not worrying of being caught that she is a married girl... Mithra can have a date... Mithra can fall in love with him... Mithra can get a job... Mithra can get married... Mithra can have kids... Yeah... Yeah... Yeah... Mithra's life is perfect now... My baby brat will be happy... I'm happy I finally did the right thing for her. So you all move your asses out of my house & go home & sleep tight. Ta ta... Bye bye... Sayonara" I say climbing on Mithra's bed & lie on my back looking up at the ceiling. Stars, flowers, mickey, dora, I love you...

"Karthik... What is it, dude? Why are you like this? Why are you shutting us away from you?" Rahul asks. I remain silent for a moment.

"Everything was wrong right from the start. But now we made it right" I tell them in a kitten soft voice. Not sure they heard me.

"Mithra and you were happy right? Ria asks.

"Yes, we were." I agree. Of course we were happy or I thought so?

"Then? What's happened?" Ria asks. I remain silent once again staring the pink walls. I don't know for myself what's wrong.

"Wait a minute. When you proposed & before giving your gift to Mithra you said 'Here is the gift you asked me & I promised to give..." does that mean Mithra asked for the divorce?" Deepa is the only smart girl in my friends' gang. I thought with a mental chuckle. She worked it out right.

"Yep!" I smirk.

"But why?" All the four asks in unison.

"Why?" I ask myself... I ask the same 'why' to Mithra too.

(Two days ago)

Mithra & I are watching TV sitting on the couch & eating pizza directly from the box not bothering to transfer it to a plate & eat.

"Mithra..." I call her. She turns & looks at me waiting for me to tell the reason for calling her.

"Um..." I don't know how to start or what to say.

"Tell me, Karthik?" She encourages me & takes the ketchup & squeezes it a little on top of her pizza.

"My mom called me to inform about the party at my parents' place" I tell & closely watch her reaction.

"What party?" She asks as if she had no idea that in two days our wedding anniversary is coming.

"Party for us. For our first wedding anniversary" I remind her.

"Oh" she says in a low voice & looks away from me.

"We can't hurt them, Mithra"

"Okay, Karthik. We will attend. After all it's a special party for us" she agrees & walks to the balcony & I sigh in relief.

A moment later I follow her to the balcony.

"What gift you want for our anniversary, Mithra?" I ask casually.

"Gift?" her face light up.

"Yes. Ask me anything" I smile.

"Anything?" she asks making sure I am ready to give whatever she wants.

"Anything" I promise her.

"I want Divorce, Karthik" she asked looking straight into my eyes letting me know that she wasn't joking.

"What?" I ask back little louder than my usual tone, obviously shocked.

"You said you will give me anything I ask for right?"

"And this is what you want?" I can't hide my hurt. I raked my fingers through my over grown hair. I need a haircut. f**k! I don't want to think about my hair now. I have to handle the matter in hand first.

"Yes" she whispers & looks down at her feet. I turn & lean forward, placing my hands on the railing gripping it hard.

"Why?" I ask her. I need an answer from her. Why can't she give this relationship a fair chance? Why can't she give me a chance to prove that I will be a good husband and friend to her? This nearly a year of marriage life means nothing to her? I mean nothing to her?

"Is it so hard to live with me, Mithra?" I ask when she remained silent without replying me. I am damn sure I didn't behave like a f**king monster to her. I never forced my will on her. I gave her full liberty to enjoy her life. I never treated her any less than a queen.

I don't even know I would ever pamper my own baby like I pampered Mithra. But still she finds it hard to live with me? With her childhood friend who stood by her side for all her life?

"It's not that Karthik" she finally speaks. Thanks f**k for that.

"Do you love someone in your college, Mithra?" I ask her heavy heartedly. If she does loves someone then what hardly I can do about that? However hard it may be for me to see her with other man I should just suck it up & let her go to have a happy life with the man she loves & I should hope & pray he keeps her happy all her life. There is no value for one side love in this world. Love is meeting of two hearts, two souls...

"No, Karthik. I don't love anyone" she says looking into my eyes.

"You are not a celibate, are you?" I couldn't help but ask. Why she wants to abstain from marriage & sexual life? She is not in love with anyone & that's a huge relief for me.

"No!" she shouts.

"Well then... why you can't give a hard try to work out this marriage"

"It won't work, Karthik?"

"And why is that so?"

"I can't do this"

"You can't & you won't...try"

"Karthik, you are my friend"

"So what? When two strangers get married & become friends for life then why can't two friends for life be a married couple?" I don't get her logic.

"I can't see you as my husband...ever" she whispers.

"And why is it so? Why can't you see me as your husband? What defect you find in me? Am I not good looking? Am I not rich enough to lavish money on you?"

"Karthik stop." she says & takes a step backward & before she could run to her room I say "We are not yet done with our discussion"

"I don't want to talk to you. This will lead to fight & I don't want a fight"

"But I do" I want to get my head clear before I make my decision. She doesn't say anything but stands stock still in her place. Good!

"Didn't I give enough time to accept this marriage?" I ask.

"Yes"

"You want more time? I will give you. I will wait for you...all my life. You complete your studies, get a job, & once you are ready we will start our life as Man & wife... what say?" I am giving her the best offer. I am ready to wait all my f**king life for her if that's what she wants but I just don't want to give her a fucking divorce for crying out loud.

"Enough, Karthik, enough... let's end this... I don't want to take any more time." she says & starts crying. It pains me to see her tears; I pull her in my arms & hold her tight ruffling her hair as I rest my cheek on her head. I don't want to let her go, I want to keep her this close but I have this strange feeling that this could be our last closeness.

"I'm not the one for you Karthik. I'm giving only pain for you. I can't keep you waiting for me to accept this marriage because I don't know whether I could. I have seen you & known you ever since I was a small child. I could think of you only as a friend. Getting intimate with you, romancing you it all feels wrong. I'm sorry" that I can't take as a reason. What can I do for that? I came into her life as a friend first & then became her husband. I can't go back in time & change our relationship status.

"Mithra... see, you are young & your romantic side hasn't awoken yet. Once you experience love, you will love the physical intimacy too. You are just frightened of such close proximity a man & wife shares in their bedroom but that's not what I want. Well, at least not till you are willing to give me yourself to me...till you are ready for it..." I calmly try & reason her like I usually do knowing her childishness.

"I wanted to fall in love & then get married." she whispers. Why can't she do in reverse? First she got married and then she can try hard and fall in love with me right?

"Okay... you take your time to fall in love with me & then we can get married again... what say?" I ask giving her yet another alternative but I know she will turn me down again.

"It's not easy to love you, Karthik"

Not easy to love me? I thought I was the easiest guy to fall in love? Over confidence you had there, Karthik! My subconscious mocks me.

"Why are you pushing me away from your life Mithra? Please don't to this to me...to us" I plead her helplessly

"I m not pushing you away from my life & I never will do that. You are my friend & I want to see you happy & that will never happen having me around you"

You are so blind, Mithra. I wanna knock some sense to her.

"You are wrong. You give me all the happiness & more, please believe me, baby"

"How long you will think about me? How long you will think about my happiness? You have needs which I can't satisfy"

"What needs?"

"You do expect me to be your wife... in every sense!"

"Yes, I do but only when you are ready. Oh God! What can I say or do to make you understand that I will wait till you change your mind?" oh this is going in circles now. She is repeating the same thing that she is not the one for me. Where can I go & bang my head?

"You are healthy right?" I ask Mithra cupping her face. Suddenly an ugly thought creep my head that Mithra being sick with some deadly disease & that's why she is trying to distance herself from me to not give me pain. Oh no! That's scary.

"Of course I am hale & hearty" she says puzzled at my sudden concern. I sigh in relief.

"Did you think about your parents" I ask. And what about my parents? I worry. They will get shattered seeing their only son's life in total mess for which they are also responsible in a way.

"I have been talking about this to my dad whenever I meet him that we are not happy with this marriage & I want to live with them again as their daughter."

"Say 'you' are not happy. Don't include me" I scowl at her.

"You too are not happy, Karthik. I know"

"You don't know anything, Mithra." I shout finally losing my cool. "You really don't know how I feel or what I want" I shake my head at her.

"May be you are right. We are not compatible for each other" she has this knack of picking things wrongly from my words.

"So what your parents said?" I ask pressing the bridge of my nose. I know I am about to lose the battle.

"They said marriage is not a child play. It's a sacred bond. I should value it."

"Hmm... but still you want divorce?" I ask.

"Yes" she says softly. I didn't reply. Just look above the sky, thinking how my life will be without Mithra? Like a lonely moon? Surrounded with darkness? But what I will get by forcing Mithra to stay with me? I will only lose my friend along with me wife.

"I am sure I will convince them, Karthik. After all they want us both to be happy, it's for our own good"

"You have grown up hun? To think what's good for us?" I say smirking but I am so mad at her for being so insensitive.

"Look Karthik... You might have accepted this awful marriage..." And that's enough to light my rage. Awful marriage? I can't believe she said that.

"Don't say a word. Please. You will get your gift...very soon" I say & turn to walk to my room.

"Really? You are agreeing for the divorce?" Yes, I am agreeing for it because I know there is no use in keeping you as a caged bird with me. There is no meaning for this relationship when there is no love. Of course I love her and I will love her, always but she is not ready to reciprocate it so it's better we end things like she wished!

"Do I have an option?" I ask. She stares at me blankly.

"Just make sure you don't regret your decision ever & try to be happy, always... without me in your life" I tell her.

"I won't regret this decision and you will be there in my life, always, as my friend" She says with finality. I nod and walk to my room shutting the door behind me. I am killing my happiness & doing this for her because I love her so much. I really do love my brat.

--0--

"Well, that's the end of the story, guys." I just told them how, why & when Mithra asked me for the divorce. I turn to my left hearing sniffing sound to see both the girls in tears. Deepa dabbing her wet eyes with her kerchief & Ria wiping off her tears with the back of her hand.

"Is that a gift to ask? And look our 'Mahaan Purush' sung a sob song, then went on his knees, proposed his lady love & handed her the gift she wished for... you are so great man." Sanjeev claps with a wide smile but it didn't reach his eyes. "Glad you didn't ask what gift she want for her birthday which went 6 months ago or else she would have asked it then itself..." before Sanjeev could finish I say "then everything would have been over 6 months before & I would been got over my pain by now. We were just fighting a losing battle for six months, Sanjeev" I start laughing not wanting to cry in front of my friends.

"You should feel happy & thank your stars, dude?" Sanjeev winks.

"Why?" I ask in confusion.

"She just said it's all wrong as she can't see her friend as her husband. Gladly she didn't name it an 'incestuous relationship' as you pamper her like your baby not like your biwi" Sanjeev laughs.

"It's not at all funny..." I glare at Sanjeev murderously.

"Mithra is such a fool, Karthik. It's her bad luck to miss a gem like you in her life. She will surely regret her mistake & feel for it" Deepa says angrily.

"I don't want that to happen to Mithra ever."

"Oh please, stop with your 'I want my baby to be happy' crap" Deepa hits my shoulder angrily.

"Yeah, Deeps is right. But still it's your mistake, Karthik" Sanjeev accuses me.

"What's his mistake in all this?" Deeps asks him angrily.

"Why the hell he asked her what gift she wants? & promise her to give anything? He could have just thrown her a new car key or necklace or dress or some shit as gift which all stupid girls usually love"

Slap!

"Why did you slap me?" Sanjeev asks Deepa shocked. That bas***d deserves that slap. I smile happily.

"You will throw some shit as gift because we are stupid huh?" Deepa asks Sanjeev in a murderous tone.

"Sorry sweetie. I didn't mean it" Sanjeev woos her. Deepa glares at him.

"You are good negotiator, Karthik. You gave your best shot with your negotiating skill to convince her but still you failed to seal the deal" Rahul comments shaking his head in disappointment.

"Mithra is not a freaking company to negotiate & acquire" I say, pissed.

"How could she be such a blind eye to your love?" Deepa wonders.

"Like how you turned a blind eye & fell in love with that fool instead of me" I try to joke.

"You didn't love me, Idiot. If you had then you would have been my choice" Deepa punches my arm playfully.

"But still you didn't fall for my charm or try to charm me" I wink at her.

"I didn't get why Mithra was so stubborn to fall in love with her friend? Even Sanjeev & I were friends initially & now we are lovers & someday we will be a married couple. See relationship keeps evolving, right?" even I don't get Mithra's logic.

"I can't believe The Karthik who walks with sex on legs couldn't charm his wife & subdued her on bed & over power her." Rahul says. His words made me angry. I'm not a male chauvinistic pig like him!

"I don't want to charm Mithra with my looks or body... I want her to love me & I am not a f**king rapist to force myself on my wife, Rahul. I want my girl to come to me willingly. It's a sin to touch a girl without her consent and I hope you know that" I snarl at him. Then I grab the scotch bottle & take a huge slug to control my anger.

"I'm sorry, Karthik" Rahul apologize. I nod.

"Now what's next?" Sanjeev asks.

"What?" I ask taking another gulp from the bottle.

"Karthik, enough. You had too much to drink" Ria tries to take the bottle from my hold.

"No, Ria. Please, let me drink today" I say sternly.

"What about your future?" Sanjeev repeats his question again with little clarity this time.

"My future? Don't know... Well, I have my business to run. Let me focus on that" I shrug.

"Not that Karthik. You personal life"

"Yeah, that's personal so no comments" I tell him.

"Karthik, we are here for you man. Be strong" Sanjeev says. I nod. I know my friends will be there for me to help me, to cheer me up, to support me. I have earned a good number of friends and I am happy about that.

"Forget everything & be happy, Karthik" Deepa says. I simply nod. I need time to pick up all the broken pieces of my heart & mend it.

"I'm tired & feeling sleepy as I didn't sleep properly for two nights so good night guys. You can stay over or go back to your houses, I don't care" I tell & flip back on Mithra's bed & snuggle my face deeper into her pillow inhaling her shampoo smell. All too soon sleep took over me.

--0--

Even next day I didn't do anything productive. I stayed home, drinking all the time. My body smells of alcohol. Oh this shit! I hate drunkards & now I am turning one. I am losing my sense by drinking so much. I should stop this stupidity. Suddenly my parents turned up at my apartment. That made my situation worse. I don't want them to see their son like this...drowning in sorrow & alcohol.

"Karthik? What have you done to yourself? I have never seen you this broken?" My mom cries hugging me. I know I stink to high heaven with alcohol but she didn't mind. She embraces me in her arms. I cocoon myself in her finding solace. I find peace in her arms.

"I m sorry... I m sorry, Mom" I tell her. I hate to see my mom crying. But I am a broken man now so please excuse me.

"Karthik... I am sorry. I thought only about my friend Manohar & I forced you into this marriage which you didn't want & now you here, all broken, it hurts to see you like this & it's all because of me" my dad, Mohan cries remorsefully.

"Dad, cool... you snatched my friend from me by getting us married & making her my wife... but now see, I got my friend back" & lost my wife by divorcing her. I didn't say that but just smile as if I am happy.

"Mom... I am going... going back to Singapore." I tell my decision to her. I am sick of being cooped up in this room, thinking about Mithra & drinking senselessly. This is not me. This is not how I want my life to be. Karthik should be always in control & in command.

"No, Karthik. No. you are not going anywhere away from me, from us" Mom panics.

"When I wished to stay with you, you both forced me to handle the business abroad. Now I am wishing to go there but you are stopping me." I smirk ironically. "I'm not going to be a puppet in anyone's hand anymore. It's my life & I'm gonna live as I please" I state firmly.

"Karthik..."

"Mom, please. I need some space. I will be fine"

"Radha, Let him go. He will be fine. I trust my son." Dad convinces mom.

"Thanks dad" I smile at him. A genuine smile I smiled after days. He smiles back and kisses my forehead.

(Few weeks later)

At Airport, Mumbai

Finally, this morning, all the court proceedings got over & Mithra & I got divorced and that's the end of my marital life. Now, Mithra & I are sitting in airport lounge. My parents, her parents & my friends are sitting little far from us.

"Why you wanna go to Singapore, Karthik?" Mithra asks me in a sad voice, holding my arm & resting her head on my shoulder.

"I have my business there, baby" I tell her gently.

"So far you were handling your business here right? Why now suddenly you wanna go there?"

"I am needed there. It's an important project"

"When will you come back?" she asks.

"Don't know. May be after a year or two"

"That long? I will miss you" she hugs me tight.

"You have learned to live without me so you will be fine" unlike me.

"Will you miss me?" she asks.

"I will" How will I not miss her? How can she ask me this ridiculous question?

"Will you find a nice girl & get married?" she asks.

"I found a nice girl but she dumped me" I chuckle.

"Oh Nisha. Don't worry you will get someone better than her" Oh baby. I found you and you dumped me. But your silly head is thinking that I'm talking about Nisha. I wanna laugh my ass off at her naivety.

"You are so obsessed with Nisha I guess" I grin.

"Don't drink too much" Mithra warns me.

"Hmm..." I nod

"Eat on time" she instructs.

"I'm not a baby. I know to eat when I am hungry" I say drily.

"Don't drive fast"

"I know"

"Sleep on time"

"Stop it" I don't want her concern.

"Don't work like a maniac & spoil your health, Karthik" she knows I am a workaholic. I work hard even when I have duties like looking after Mithra, helping in her college studies... but now I have only work... work... & work to do.

"Did you hear me? Don't work 24*7" she repeats when I didn't reply her.

"Why do you care so much, Mithra? Enough of your concern okay?" I tell her in a no nonsense tone but I am really pissed.

"Who else will care for you? I'm your wife, Okay?" she asks equally pissed.

"Ex... Ex-wife... Okay?" I remind her. She looks wide eyed as if something dawns to her. I don't know whether I saw pain crossing her face because I stand up in a jiff & walk away from her to talk to our parents.

"Karthik, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done this to you. In the fear of death, I wanted to see my daughter married to a nice man who will keep her happy forever..." before Manohar uncle say any further I hold both his hands & say "Sorry, I couldn't keep your daughter happy. I broke the promise of keeping her happy to you. I am sorry uncle" I apologize to him & to Padmini aunty who's standing beside him.

"No, Karthik. You don't have to feel sorry. We are feeling sorry for spoiling your life. We shouldn't have forced you both. I know it's easy for Mithra to move on but not for you because you love her deeply" Padmini aunty says.

"That's why I am going away, aunty. I want to forget Mithra & my f**ked up marriage life & move on. I do deserve happiness right?" I ask them.

"Of course you do & you will get all the happiness in this world" then they both bless me. I'm leaving my world, my Mithra here and going away then what happiness I will get?

"Mom, stop crying" I say & hug her.

"Karthik, you will be fine right?" Mom asks worriedly.

"I will be fine" I assure her.

"Aunty, you are crying as if this is the first time he is going abroad? He has been working there for 2 years before marriage" Mithra tells my mom to console her but she doesn't reply to her. My mom is still cross with her for divorcing me & giving me a lifetime scar.

"Karthik, take care" dad pats my shoulder. I nod.

Then I release my mom from my hold leaving dad to console her & I walk to my friends to bid adieu.

"Sanjeev, I want you to look after my parents & Mithra. I don't want Mithra to face any trouble in college or anywhere. Make sure she is happy & keep me posting" I whisper to Sanjeev. I know I can trust him as he really does care for Mithra though he is mad at her now. I tried my family & friends to take it easy but I guess they love me a little more than I thought.

"We will miss you, Karthik" Deepa says hugging me.

"But I won't miss you guys. I am happy to escape from you crazy monkeys" I laugh.

"Your boarding time" Rahul informs me. I nod & hug him.

Then we all group hug & they wish me luck for my bright future.

Though I have already talked to Mithra, I want to talk to her again. So I walk towards her & pull her a little away from my family and friends. We keep looking at each other willing the other to say something.

Finally I break the silence saying "Thanks for putting us both out of the misery... Bye, baby"

"Karthik wait" she says holding my hand.

"I'm sorry" she whispers.

"What for?"

"For everything" she says, her eyes stung with tears.

I move closer to her, taking her face between my hands & simply kiss her forehead. She hugs me hard which made me take a step backward to balance.

"Please, Please Karthik. Hold me for a minute longer. Don't leave me. I want to savor the feel of you" she pleads me hugging me even harder when I tried to release her. She is making it harder and harder for me to leave her. But I don't want to live nearer to her. Her memories will haunt me & the pain will kill me and take me completely away from her, from my family & from this world.

"Stay safe & happy" I whisper near her ears before parting. Then I wave my hands to all of them & walk forcing myself not to turn back & look at Mithra which will only make me weak.

"Karthik?" Mithra calls me. f**k! I close my eyes & stop in track. I slowly turn to look at her.

"Give me a smile, please" she asks cutely. Ah! That's my baby brat's parting shot. I chuckle mentally & I flash my charming dimple smile which makes girls go weak on their knees. She smiles mirroring mine. This is enough for me. I take my index & middle finger closer to my mouth and blow a kiss to Mithra and mouthed "Sayonara" before walking straight to board the flight without looking back.

... To be continued!!!

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