Chapter 24

       Orchid was a bit worried when I hadn't been at school for the past couple days. My parents didn't even know I wasn't going to school. I leave the house, go get breakfast somewhere, and wait for the normal time they left before heading back home.

       I just couldn't handle being around Nolan right now, seeing him in a wheelchair after everything he said during his breakdown. I couldn't handle this guilt anymore. Everyone kept saying it wasn't my fault, but it was. I was the driver and I walked away perfectly fine.

       Nolan was the furthest away from my seat, yet he was the most injured.

       After getting some breakfast, I went back to my home. I got out of my car and walked inside, right where my mom was standing. "I knew you would be back soon," she said. "So, mind telling me why you haven't been at school for the past couple days?"

       I tried my best to look confused, which wasn't too hard since I did theatre. "What are you talking about? I only came home because I forgot my homework for next period and that class is a lot more important than first period."

       "Right," Mom said. "Which is why the school called me to inform me that you haven't been at school for a few days, and neither your father nor I called the school to let them know you weren't going to be there. So, why haven't you been at school?"

       I sighed, taking my shoes off before heading to the couch and sitting down. "I just....can't handle going to school right now," I said.

       Mom sat down beside me. "And why not? Is someone giving you a tough time? Because I know for a fact you won't take what anyone says or does to you, so I wouldn't understand if that's the reason."

       "It's not," I said. "It's having to be reminded of what I did. I caused someone to be paraplegic. People keep telling me that he'll walk again once he gets into surgery, but what if the surgery doesn't succeed? What if he doesn't even get into surgery? He could be paralyzed for the rest of his life, and I don't know if I could get over it."

       "Atticus, I don't know how many times we have to say it," Mom said. "That car crash was not your fault. You were driving down a one way road going the right way. It never would have happened if that car wasn't being an idiot and went the right way."

       "I still couldn't have done something else to prevent it," I said. "I could have slammed on the breaks so I didn't hit the tree."

       "You could have," Mom agreed. "But you didn't and there's nothing wrong with it. Nolan doesn't blame you for what happened."

       "He had a break down a few days ago," I said. "He locked himself in his bedroom. Orchid called me because only she, Alan, and Nolan were home. Orchid and Alan wasn't able to convince Nolan to unlock the door. Wilder came with me and he was the one who Nolan was willing to talk to. Nolan said that he was feeling helpless. That he couldn't do anything without someone helping, and he even said he doesn't even deserve his boyfriend who is doing everything for him. And he's thinking all of that because of me."

       "He isn't," Mom said. "He had never once told you that he blames you for it, and I don't want you to keep thinking it is your fault. So why do you keep beating yourself up over it?"

       "I don't know," I said. "It's hard, I guess, seeing him in that wheelchair everyday. It's hard when he's my girlfriend's brother, and that's only giving Grayson another reason to hate you."

       "Look, if I were you, I wouldn't care about what Grayson says," Mom said. "Just like how Orchid shouldn't care about what your dad says. Deep down, I know Grayson and your father want you and Orchid to be happy. They really don't care about you two dating, but they're too stubborn to admit it. What I really think what will help you feel better about it is talk to Nolan, heart to heart. I know he'll tell you honestly that he does not blame you at all."

       "Yeah, maybe," I said.

       "I can't force you to talk to him," Mom said. "But I can force you to head back to school. And if you ever feel like everything is getting too much for you, don't be afraid to talk to me or your father. I know it's hard for you to connect with people at times, but you can't keep your feelings bundled up inside."

       "Yeah, I know," I said. "I should just head off to school. Sorry for skipping the past few days."

       "It's fine," Mom said. "I'm not going to punish you over it. I know your grades aren't going to suffer anyway."

       As much as I didn't want to go to school, I still got up and went to the door before putting my shoes on to head there.

       I got there a bit before first period was going to end, so I went to my locker and got my biology notebook and textbook out.

       "Atticus?" a voice behind me said while I was still at my locker. I turned around and saw Orchid standing there. "Is everything okay? You haven't been here for a while, and you weren't telling me why when we were texting."

       "Yeah, everything's okay," I said. "I was just dealing with stuff and couldn't handle being around people."

       "You do know you can tell me if something's wrong, right?" Orchid asked.

       "Not really, no."

       Orchid furrowed her eyebrows. "What's that supposed to mean?"

       I sighed. "Nothing bad, I promise. I just....have a hard time connecting with people at times and right now in my life, it's really hard so I don't really feel like talking about it."

       "Oh, okay," Orchid said. "I'm not going to force you to talk to me if you don't want to, but....Please, at least don't shut me out."

       "I won't," I said. "Don't worry."

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Aaannnnnd I'm in a bad mood now lol. Too much drama going on, so I will just cry myself to sleep ahahahhaha.