Every other chapter shall be written in third person.

Carrot Cake spent her first week in Hell bouncing from one job to the next, never sleeping in the same place for two nights.

On her second day in Hell, she was a server at Devil's Diner, but lost her shit when a customer made her go back and forth continuously and then left her a lousy tip.

Day three, she handed coffee to everyone who worked at 666 News. Then, during the morning report...

“Good afternoon!" a blonde, bug-eyed anchorwoman greeted to the camera. “I'm Katie Killjoy..."

“And I'm Tom Trench!" said her co-anchor, who either wore a gas mask or it was part of his face. “Chaos out of Pentagram City today as a turf war is raging on the Westside between notable kingpin Sir Pentious and self-proclaimed spunky powerhouse Cherri Bomb."

“That's right, Tom!" Katie added as video footage of the fight aired. “After the recent Extermination, many areas are now up for grabs! Demons all over Hell are already duking it out to gain new territory."

“Those two seem to really be going at it!" Tom said with excitement in his muffled voice.

“Looks like they're fighting tooth and nail for that hotspot!" Katie agreed as she ate a tooth, making Carrot Cake gag.

“And I'd sure like to nail her hotspot!" chuckled Tom, waggling his eyebrows at the footage of Cherri Bomb. Katie laughed.

“You are a lip-dick jackass, Tom! Or should I say..." she purposely spilled hot coffee on his pants, making him wince and clutch his burning crotch in pain! “No dick!"

Carrot Cake was appalled. Who did this bitch think she was?

“Coming up next," she continued as Tom groaned, “we have an exclusive interview with the daughter of Hell's own head honcho, who's here to discuss her brand new passion project! All that and more after the break!"

Right on cue, Katie crushed her mug with her bare hand before glaring at Tom, who was still hurting.

“Suck it up, you little bitch!" she shouted as they went off the air. Having seen enough, Carrot Cake dropped the coffee tray.

“How dare you speak to him like that?!" she said angrily. Carrot Cake heard bones cracking as Katie's head did a one-eighty to glare at her.

“Oh, how dare I?" she said in a low, threatening tone as she turned the rest of her body around. “And who might you be?"

“I'm a, uh... a voice against workplace misconduct, that's what!"

Katie smirked at the centaur demon. “Really? Because your uniform says ‘Coffee Bitch.'"

Carrot Cake looked down at the tag on her shirt and said, “Oh. Must've missed that."

“Look, kid," Katie said, “you've only been dead for a couple of days, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning. However, I happen to be the biggest person in the room. I speak how I want to speak. Got a problem with that? You might as well GET THE FUCK OUT!"

“Yes, ma'am," Carrot Cake replied meekly, and began to clean up the mess she made.

“I need a cigarette," Katie groaned as a bell rang.

“I'll just have to result to my impeccable improv skills," Carrot Cake heard someone say, then accidentally bumped into a tall, slender young woman with long, blonde hair and rosy cheeks wearing a red and black pantsuit. “Oops! Sorry!"

“No problem," Carrot Cake said to the taller woman before leaving the building.

Her third job, walking Hellhounds, lasted for two days. Being half-horse, she had no trouble catching up with them, but when she had to fight them for her sandwich...

Day six, Carrot Cake didn't work. She found an advertisement labeled, “WE'RE ALWAYS HIRING!" and went to a building with a giant sign that read VVV. However, upon stepping into some studio, she noticed mostly naked people greasing themselves up or being bonded in fuzzy handcuffs.

“Nope!" she said to herself, and snuck back outside.

★

“Hey! What the fuck you doin' to my car?!" a demon shouted at Carrot Cake as she wiped it dry with a rag.

“I washed it for you?" she answered. “There was a giant blood spot on the hood, so—"

“Aw, shit! That was my favorite blood spot!" he groaned. “If you're expecting payment, fuck you!"

There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul

“Sorry, sir," Carrot Cake muttered, and grabbed her bucket and sponge. “Just trying to get by."

Got a ton of barbed wire to shove in his hole!

“If I were you, I'd lie on the ground and just wait for next year's Extermination, you fat fuckin' waste!" the car's owner said coldly as he turned the ignition. As he began to drive off, Carrot Cake furiously kicked the trunk, making two hoof-shaped dents in it, and the car was shoved down the street faster than the driver intended. Once her steam was released, Carrot Cake fell to the pavement and sobbed.

Doing what is required, we all have our role

“They were right about me," she said to herself tearfully. “I can't do it... I just can't do it... I don't why I thought..."

I'm not doing well...

Carrot Cake was torn between carrying on with this torturous routine and just grabbing the first piece of angelic steel she could find, and just...

Another shitty day in Hell!

Suddenly, Carrot Cake noticed the tall blonde from the news station singing on top of a flaming, broken down car while staring at a distant building with a bright sign that read “Hazbin Hotel."

If I can show them the dream I've dreamed

That any soul can change

Then they will know everyone can be redeemed

From the evil to the strange!

Carrot Cake wiped away her tears and gazed at the hopeful look in this woman's eyes. Who was this girl, she couldn't help but wonder.

I can hear all their stories

The lost and displaced

And I know that they're more of an acquired taste

But if I open the door and I give them a place

At my Hazbin Hotel...

It'll be a happy day in Hell!

“Who was that?" Carrot Cake asked a teenage imp girl as the blonde hitched a ride on the back of a mail truck.

“Oh, that was just Lucifer's daughter," she explained. “No one really important."

Carrot Cake blinked in surprise. “Lucifer, as in, the fallen angel?"

“Yep. He's supposed to be king of Hell, but doesn't do a good job letting people know that. No one ever really sees him. If I were in charge, I'd let people know it and make them build an obsidian statue in my exact likeness. Because I fuckin' rock."

Carrot Cake just rolled her eyes and decided to just head Uptown in the direction of this Hazbin Hotel the princess was singing about. It was a long shot, but Lucifer's daughter seemed nice, so perhaps getting a job there would be better than roughing it on streets filled with assholes.

“Well, I wouldn't have chosen this architecture," Carrot Cake said to herself as she took a long look at the fixer upper building. Nevertheless, she entered the gates, made it all the way up the hill, and slowly, nervously approached the front doors.

“Okay, Chutney," she said to herself. “Just hold it together, and smile the best you can. People like smiles, right?"

“Oh, yes!" she heard someone moan from inside.

“I wasn't actually expecting a response, but okay," Carrot Cake muttered, and slowly reached her first out to knock on the door.

“I ain't no actor! I can't memorize this shit!" a much deeper voice said loudly in frustration.

“Maybe I should come back later," Carrot Cake thought. Then, said to herself, “Nope! I didn't climb up that big-ass hill just to go back down!"

“Husk, come on!" someone else shouted. Carrot Cake just rapidly knocked on the door and closed her eyes, hoping for the best (whatever that would be).

“Please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me–"

“Uh, are you okay?" a woman asked. Carrot Cake opened her eyes to find a slim young woman who had a purplish gray skin tone, a red ribbon in the back of her long white hair and a giant red X where her left eye should have been.

“I'm fine," Carrot Cake answered after regaining her composure. “I'm just looking for a job. I heard the princess singing about this place and thought maybe she needed extra work around here."

“You're hired," the one-eyed woman said, and dragged her inside.

“That understaffed, huh?" Carrot Cake laughed nervously. “Didn't even ask my name."

“Sorry, it's just things aren't going great right now," the one-eyed woman said in frustration. “We're trying to shoot a commercial, and these guys suck at understanding what Charlie's trying to do."

“You mean, the whole redemption thing?" Carrot Cake asked. “Well, I don't know about all that, but Charlie's lucky that you have her back. Anyway, my name's Carrot Cake. What's yours?"

“Vaggie."

“That's a funny kind of name," Carrot Cake pointed out. “How'd you get it?"

Vaggie's one pink eye widened. Then, she said, “Hey, would you like to be in the commercial? That'll be your job. Just say, ‘What can I expect from my stay here?' Think you can do that?"

“I guess so," Carrot Cake replied, not sure why Vaggie changed the subject so quickly. “Might as well let those acting lessons pay off."

Carrot Cake followed Vaggie and a tall, fluffy, spider-like demon with one black eye and an extra pair of arms to one of the hotel rooms, where a petite cyclops sinner was attempting to stab a bug.

“Ready, Carrot Cake?" Vaggie asked. Carrot Cake nodded. “And... Action!"

“So, what can I expect during my stay?" she recited nervously, lightly tapping her chin.

“Cut," Vaggie said. “That... actually wasn't too bad. Just could've used a little more eye contact. Great job."

“Wait, I did good?" Carrot Cake asked in surprise.

“Stab... Stab... Stab..." the short cyclops chuckled as she kept going after the bug.

“Alright, Niffty. Niffty? Niffty!" Vaggie said as she held her still. “Your line is, ‘We have the cleanest rooms.' Okay?"

“Got it!" Niffty replied. “I'm ready!"

“Action!" Vaggie called out. Instead of saying her line, however, Niffty just blankly started at the camera. It was rather unsettling. “Uhh... Cut."

Niffty blinked and giggled at Vaggie with a toothy grin. “How was that?"

“More like too much eye contact," Carrot Cake whispered to the spider demon, who nodded.

“Well, Niffty, you actually have to say the line," Vaggie explained. “So, let's roll again."

“Okay!" Niffty said excitedly.

“Action," Vaggie repeated. Again, Niffty just stared at the camera. Carrot Cake felt shivers go down both of her spines.

“You're doin' great, Vagina," the spider demon whispered to Vaggie, pissing her off.

“CUT!" she shouted angrily. “Alright, uh... Maybe we can try to fix it in post."

“Do you even know what that means?" the spider demon asked.

“I'll figure it out!" Vaggie growled at him before leaving the room.

“Maybe we should go easy on her?" Carrot Cake suggested. “She just wants to make Charlie happy, haven't any of you ever wanted to do that?"

“Honey, I make plenty of people happy," the spider demon insisted, handing her a letter. “Don't believe me, just read this."

“‘Dear Angel Dust, fantasizing about you is saving my marriage,'" Carrot Cake read aloud. “Okay, that's not what I meant."

Concerned about her new boss, Carrot Cake headed down to the lobby where Vaggie groaned in frustration as she stared at a TV.

“You okay, Miss Vaggie?" she asked in concern.

“No, this is fucking hopeless," she sighed. Carrot Cake just lied down next to the chair Vaggie sat on and reached over to lightly pat her on the arm.

“Seems like you're having a bit of trouble there, hmmm?"

Carrot Cake jumped up in surprise as a stag-like demon wearing a red suit and a monocle popped out of nowhere with a wide grin.

Vaggie huffed. “Este pendejo... Why are you even here?"

“For the entertainment!" he answered. “I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and fail spectacularly. Like you are doing now! Good job."

Vaggie looked like she was about to blow her top as she held up the camera.

“And here is Alastor, the egocentric piece of shit that–"

Suddenly, the camera short-circuited and Vaggie dropped it in surprise as it fried itself.

“I wouldn't try that, my dear," Alastor chuckled before glaring at her menacingly, that smile still plastered on his face. “ThIS fAce wAS mAde foR RaDiO."

Carrot Cake hid behind Vaggie as reality somehow became distorted.

“That's it!" Vaggie shouted at the Radio Demon. “I don't care who or what you are! If you're staying here, you're gonna make this work. Because it won't be so ‘entertaining' to watch over an empty hotel, will it, shitass?!"

“Oh, damn," Carrot Cake muttered as Vaggie walked away.

“Fair enough," Alastor shrugged, circling around Vaggie. “I'll tell you what! Let's make a deal."

Vaggie just scoffed. “Do you think I'm that stupid, making a deal with a demon like you?"

“Not for your soul, just a simple deal," he insisted. “I do this for you, and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology ever again. Or... Charlie can come back to absolutely nothing! Your choice."

“It's actually not that much to ask," Carrot Cake said to Vaggie, who sighed in defeat.

“Fine, she agreed, and handed Alastor the video camera, which began to let out bright green ghostly whisps.

“Now, then!" Alastor said cheerfully, and with a snap of his fingers, everyone else in the hotel appeared, along with various filmmaking tools and black and white demons holding their own equipment. Then Angel Dust and Niffty were dressed in clothes from the 1920s. Husk, however, only got new red wrist cuffs on his sleeveless arms. As for Carrot Cake, her long, messy hair was pinned back and she wore a light pink button up blouse with a red satin ribbon tied around the collar. Since she was half horse, she couldn't exactly wear pants, but her tail was twisted up into a neat bun.

“Alright, everyone!" Vaggie announced, wearing a gray dress and a hat with fish bones on it. “Let's make a fucking commercial."

★

After a long day of filming and producing, the commercial was finally completed and ready to air.

“So, when's Charlie supposed to be here?" Carrot Cake asked Vaggie.

“Should be soon, I hope," she explained. “Meetings with the angels don't take long. My question is why would they want to meet this soon?"

“Good question," Carrot Cake said. “Also, um... How do you know so much about when these meetings take place?"

Vaggie's eye widened once again.

“Uh, well... I, uh..." she stammered, then heard someone at the door and ran up to hug her taller, rosy-cheeked significant other. “Charlie! How did it go? Did they listen?"

“Oh, uh... They sure did... hear it!" she replied nervously. “But, um..."

“Uh, Miss Vaggie?" Carrot Cake interrupted. “It's about to air."

“Oh! Come here! We have something exciting to show you!" Vaggie said cheerfully, leading Charlie to the lobby, where everyone else was settling in. “Alastor pulled some strings, and it's about to air!"

“I pulled a few limbs, too!" Alastor laughed.

“Wait, the commercial?" Charlie said in disbelief. “You all made a new one?"

“Yeah," Angel Dust answered. “One of my better performances, if I do say so myself."

“That's... That's amazing..." Charlie said with happy tears in her red eyes.

“Shh! It's startin'," Angel Dust spat, silencing the princess.

“Welcome to the Hazbin Hot—"

Suddenly, the TV screen changed to a breaking news announcement, angering everyone in the room.

“Hey, what gives?!" Carrot Cake exclaimed in frustration.

“Breaking news in Hell today!" Katie Killjoy announced. “We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next Extermination is happening sooner than ever before! Do you know what that means, Tom?"

“No! What does that mean, Katie?" asked Tom Trench.

“It means we're all royally FUCKED!" Katie answered. Then, camera footage showed a countdown at the Heaven Embassy going down from 358 to 176. That was only six months!

“Wait, what?!" Angel Dust said in shock. “Why?!"