One of my favorite moments, and by favorite I mean most laughable, is when Jack Thorne has Scorpius bring up the logic of prophecies. Have a gander.

DELPHI: The prophecy must be fulfilled. We will fulfill it.

SCORPIUS: Prophecies can be broken.

DELPHI: You're mistaken, child, prophecies are the future.

SCORPIUS: But if the prophecy is inevitable why are we here trying to influence it? Your actions contradict your thoughts - you're dragging us through this maze because you believe this prophecy needs to be enabled - and by that logic prophecies can also be broken - prevented.

Brah. hahaa dood. No, man. You're not allowed to use logic to discount prophecies (which contradicts and rejects OS-Canon btw), and then ignore ALL logic everywhere else. That should tell you what kind of person we're dealing with here.

We're Back!

OKAY, so... According to the play, by Scene Ten of Act Three, all the turmoil from the alternate universe garbage has been set right. We are back in the Origin Universe. Albus is in Slytherin. Ron and Hermione are back together (THAT'S RIGHT! DON'T YOU EVER TRY TO...! *a bunch of you hold me back from charging* Let me go! Noh, they know! They know what they did!).

(okay, Mike)

This means that Rose exists. Her brother (Herbert?) also exists. But Panju is gone FOREVER!! NUUUUUU!! haha

Everything is back to normal. Chaos normalized, universe restored. Harry lives. Redux.

*there is a strange feeling at the back of his mind*

*is he responsible for setting things right?*

*more importantly, did he forget to eat breakfast?*

New Problems

Where is the Time-Turner? Well, Scorpius says that he lost it in the water. Hopefully, they didn't destroy the merpeople's mer... village... when they decided to dredge the lake in order to find it. We have no idea, actually. This plot point is never resolved. Poor merpeople. There's probably some house elf in scuba gear tearing through their mervillage as we speak. Tragic.

Then Scorpius reveals to Albus that he still has the Time-Turner, so they decide to destroy it together. Why did they need to do this in the Owlery? Oh, right. So they were conveniently not in the dormitory when Harry and Ginny arrived. And so Delphi has a place to just... show up again... because she does that in this play.

Albus had sent her an owl because he's still crushing. That means they must be in the Owlery! Where else can one send such things?

Delphi showing up at the exact moment they are planning to destroy the Time-Turner is hilarious when you take a step back. And how they hesitate to destroy it because they need to list out all the ways it could be destroyed. It's such transparent storytelling. BE. MORE. CREATIVE.

After Delphi hears that Voldemort was alive in the Dark Universe, she reveals her true purpose and, Blammo, they go back to the past to ruin the third task by embarrassing Cedric, in the hope of bringing back the Dark Universe.

What's the other reason they were in the Owlery? So Ron (Uncle Peeping Tom) could see them while looking for the right floo to take home after having a drink with Neville... because it's customary for people to wander into the Owlery of Hogwarts Castle after a night of drinking in Hogsmeade.

Then we have another regrettable exchange of dialogue with creepy Uncle Ron (Uncle Gooseberry):

RON: He hasn't run away - he's having a quiet moment - he's got himself an older girlfriend -

HARRY: An older girlfriend?

RON: And a cracking one at that - gorgeous silver hair. Saw them on the roof together, near the Owlery with Scorpius playing the gooseberry. Nice to see my love potion being used well, I thought.

So much eww. And he just... happened to look over and see Albus with an older girlfriend. These plot conveniences are getting obnoxious. Also, screw you for not showing Neville and only using him to move the plot along for the second time.

Let's get back to this "Ron drunkenly searching for a floo" nonsense.

1. Hogwarts is not connected to the Floo Network.

2. Ron could just Apparate from Hogsmeade, so WTF.

3. Hermione needs to keep a tighter leash on this fool (yes, anagram of floo. I'm amazing).

Stasis and Fixed Timeline, again

In the present, Hermione is having another one of her Extraordinary General Meetings (which, itself, is a contradictory title). She's talking about how Delphi has a Time-Turner in the past and how a bunch of terrible things could be done with it.

HERMIONE: I'm afraid we've no means of taking her into custody. Or indeed, stopping her doing anything. She's out of our reach.

And a moment later.

HARRY: But there is one truth we can't escape: That somewhere in our past a witch is trying to rewrite everything we ever knew - and all we can do is wait - wait for the moment she either succeeds or fails.

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: And if she succeeds?

HARRY: Then - just like that - most of the people in this room will be gone. We'll no longer exist and Voldemort will rule again.

THIS CONVERSATION IS NOT POSSIBLE. Are we now saying that the past and the future are running concurrently? Are you really making time travel MORE CONVOLUTED IN THIS PLAY??!! They are not independent of one another - they are inexorably linked. Let's go back to the definitions I laid out in my first time travel post.

Once Dephi and Albus and Scorpius go back in time, as in the very moment they leave, it should freeze the present in a sort of stasis.

They would never be able to have this conversation. Delphi is already in the past, stopping future events from existing. People in the present can't be like, "Hey! We need to go stop that girl before she can rewrite history!" Haha no. There is NOTHING you can do, and it would happen in an instant.

How's that logic of yours working, bruv?

Now, if you really wanted to show the two timelines simultaneously, you certainly could have... IF YOU HAD NEVER CHANGED CANON! Because the original concept of time travel presented in OS-Canon was Fixed Timeline, where no amount of meddling can change the future.

Hey, Jack. Hey... yoohoo, over here. That's right. Quick note: You can't just keep changing the type of time travel story this is. I understand the desire to have all your ideas fit into the narrative you want to tell, but there are rules. Ignoring the rules doesn't make you artistic or a rebel. It makes you an idiot. Five hundred points will be taken from whatever house you snuck into... every day... until you find a Time-Turner and erase your name from this franchise.

Thaaaanks (*said in his best valley girl*)

Help From The Future

Albus and Scorpius are lost in time. They don't even know what year it is. The play amps this up by making the stationmaster speak in very strong Scots! WOAH! We can't understand what he's saying! We must be in the 1700s! Like, come on. They've been going to school in Scotland for four years. They've heard all forms of the dialect.

And what's the grand plan for getting back to the present? Well, they only need to reach out to Harry and the gang in the future. They'll come rescue us! Uhm... why in the crap would they ever think this would be possible? The play made it VERY clear that this one Time-Turner was the last in existence. And their genius idea is...

The baby blanket that never mattered until this play, but that totally matters a ton to Harry youdon'tevenknow!

Their narrative tricks are so flipping transparent! This little object was only wedged into the "canon" to provide a way for the kids in the past to send a message to the present. A message that only arrives at the very moment it's necessary.

And Scorpius is so handy, isn't he? Can you believe he immediately knew how to create the exact chemical reaction to burn messages into old blankets if they ever happen to be doused in Love Potion? Why, we only need to write a message with the essence of Demiguise or whatever. Then we just wait for our dear old dads to show up! It's brilliant.

Or, it's not. Because it is kind of a general rule that babies should have clean blankets. BRO! ONE CYCLE IN THE WASHING MACHINE AND YOU DONE!

Did you see that, Jack? Hahahaa I just ruined your plot with one afternoon of housekeeping.

And how exactly did Albus and Scorpius get Demiguise juice? You just had them break into someone's house and... now they have it? And wait... they had to put it on Harry's baby blanket. So, they had to find the baby, then steal the baby blanket SOMEHOW, put on the message, and then (wait for it...this is fun) return the blanket without Harry's parents noticing? Harry's parents...who are watching him like a hawk...

And all of this takes place off stage. Which is such a cop-out.

Should we show them how Albus and Scorpius are able to do all this?

Uh... no. They'll suspend their disbelief.

NOPE! NEVER HAPPENING! This isn't even mentioning how the boys were able to bypass the protections on the Potter house. You know, that super relevant secret keeper stuff that we've already covered? Not like it's a MASSIVE plot point for the ENTIRE series and what led to Harry becoming an orphan in the first place. But whatever. They got access to the baby blanket and the Demiguise juice. Don't ask questions!

HOW ABOUT EFFFFF YOOOOOUUUU???? CAN THAT BE A QUESTION?

Sorry, fam. I'm seeking help, I promise.

I could use a good laugh. Here, this is fun:

ALBUS: What reacts with pearl dust?

SCORPIUS: Well, it is said that if tincture of Demiguise and pearl dust meet...they burn.

ALBUS: And is tincture of (he's unsure how to say the word) Demiguise visible to the naked eye?

SCORPIUS: No.

Hahahahaa Why is Albus "unsure how to say the word"? He isn't reading it. haha He just heard someone say it. That's how you say the word. lol this effing play.

So, Scorpius stops Albus from going anywhere near Lily and James Potter because being seen by them will disrupt time. As if them talking to the stationmaster wouldn't disrupt time. Or breaking into some houses. Or stealing a couple wands (as if that's just easy to do in Godric's Hollow). Or stepping on a damn butterfly...! The foundations and rules and laws of this time travel are so outa whack.

Also, if Demiguise juice reacts by burning, wouldn't they hear a sizzle and see smoke when Albus threw the blanket across the room? When Uncle Creepo's Love Potion spills? You just ruined my precious baby blanket, you bastard! Now it's filled with holes...just like this plot we can't escape!

To The Rescue

So, the time turner is destroyed by Delphi. They are stuck in the past. This is a fascinating moment, because it makes you wonder how they're going to rescue themselves. I actually didn't mind this when I was first reading the play. "Good," I thought. "The boys have to be creative and fix their situation."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE!

Draco just shows up with another Time-Turner! How many times do we...?

*eyes are so wide with frustration, he's having trouble blinking*

Here's another writing note. Okay, Jack? Listening? I'll take your dead-eyed stare to mean you're listening.

The suspense that you just built by making Albus and Scorpius stuck in the past has now completely lost its impact. Now it means nothing. It had meaning, because there was no way for anyone to save them! You went from clipping your fingernails with sass to clipping your fingers clean off.

And then there's this:

DRACO: The Time-Turner the Ministry seized was a prototype. Made of inexpensive metal. It does the job - sure. But only being able to go back in time for five minutes - that's a serious flaw - it isn't something you'd sell to true collectors of Dark Magic.

It isn't something you would sell to true collectors of dark magic? What? Since when are Time-Turners dark devices? But go ahead and give Draco a reason to have one out of nowhere. What an inspiring example of good storytelling!

Three Last Points

1. Harry and the gang find Albus and Scorpius immediately in the past. Although the note on the baby blanket just said the day, not the time. Why does this matter?

2. How are they so sure Voldemort won't just show up while this is going down. Especially when they start the whole Harry-transfigures-into-Voldemort ruse. Hey... there's two of you guys... haha that would've been funny. I'm laughing, not crying.

3. We've already learned that the smallest alteration in the past affects the present. So, they have this huge battle in the church. Mm kay. You can't cause that much damage and disruption without changing the future. Buuut, you know, don't worry about whoever was never born in that instance... Probably another member of the Bowker family. And no one actually cares about them.