I stood outside our house. You heard me, our. I am not giving that up either. I can hear the excited buzz of dozens of kids running through the house. I see Dinah and Normani's car, and Ally's car, and Lucy. She is standing near the door staring right back at me. When my eyes meet hers, she walks over to me. "I have to talk to you."

"About what?" I asked. "Nothing happened."

"I don't know if you forgot what it is like to be with someone drunk, but there is a little issue with what we did on your birthday." She said through gritted teeth.

I furrowed my brows. "What?" She looked at me meaningfully.

"Lauren, we didn't use a condom."

"Holy shit..." I face palmed. "Oh no, fuck. How are you feeling?" I asked. I began to feel her. She felt fine, but then again how was I supposed to feel. It had only been two weeks.
"You don't have any STD's do you?" I asked.

"Yes..." She said. I blanched. Then she chuckled. "Sorry... no. It's just that you were so unconcerned about any of it." I punched her arm hard. "Ouch."

"That's not funny! I didn't think about any of this. I didn't want to." I said as she hugged me.

"Why are you out here?" She asked.

"Because I don't want to go in there and see that my daughter has a better life without me in it."

"I'm so sure you know that's not true." Lucy said softly.

"I'm replaceable." I said.

"Lauren... she wouldn't be here if it weren't for you."

"Well, I'm so sure Camila wouldn't just like it if I disappeared."

"Are you done throwing yourself a pity party?" Lucy asked.

I took a deep breath. "Yeah, okay. I can go in now."

I take the few remaining steps into my house. As I walk through the door, I realized it has been the first time in three months that I have seen it. Nothing is the same. None of our furniture is here. Our family pictures are gone; I've been erased. I stared at the walls.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here, Lauren." I turned toward the one voice I didn't want to hear today. "I... we didn't expect you'd come to the party."

I furrowed my brows. "Why wouldn't I come to my daughter's birthday party?"

My face must have spelled death to Shawn, because I felt Lucy's hand on my back. "Control your temper." She whispered rubbing circles into my back.

I took a deep breath, and when I exhaled I used my biggest fakest smile ever. "Nice to see you again, Shawn."

"Welcome..." oh no that bitch didn't just welcome me in my own home.

His hand was on my shoulder. He was trying to calm me; it only irked me more. "Get off me." I growled.

"You need to calm down, Lauren." Lucy said just as Dinah walked into the living room.

"That bitch had the nerve to welcome me into my own home..." I ranted a little bit and Dinah came over and wrapped her arms around me. "I can't do this... why is she doing this to me?"

"I don't know, Lauren... I just don't know." She said patting my head. Then I was passed off to someone else. More fitting I supposed, she pulled me into the guest room and sat with me there.

"Lo, You can't go in there in pieces. Kamryn can't see you that way, and Camila should never see you that way."

"Mani... Why is she doing this to me?" I asked her and l finally looked in her face. "That fucking stupid ass excuse about being unable to trust me is not it."

"I... Lo, you need to talk to her about that."

"How? She won't stop accusing me!"

"Why don't you tell me what happened?" Normani asked. "Just tell me what she told you."

I closed my eyes and thought back to the day I got the papers.

She had been on tour for the past four months, she had been back maybe two days and she didn't talk to me she just kind of walked into the room, she looked at me and Kamryn. There were strained conversations then she would walk down to the studio.

The night before, I tried to be with her. I missed her, so I went down to the studio. She was on the phone. She hung up when she saw me and went back to fiddling with the recording equipment. "Hey," I said softly wrapping my arms around her deciding to let that whole phone thing go. I needed my wife.

She pushed my hand away, "I don't want to have sex with you right now."

"Camz..." I said confused. "I haven't seen you in months, you barely speak to me what's up?"

"Okay, Let's talk." Camila said, "You like working in the studio?"

I raised an eyebrow, and she shows me a screenshot on her phone. It is me and another writer posing together on a red carpet. "I enjoy it... Yes." She scrolled through her camera roll finding another picture, it was a me and the same girl just talking in the studio.

"What's going on with this girl?" She asked me as she showed a grainy picture of her and I in an infinitely more intimate embrace, a picture from a after party.

"That... is Halsey, I was helping her design a tattoo, Camz."

"How am I supposed to trust you when I'm gone?" Camila said throwing her bottle of water at me.

"What are you talking about?" I asked looking at her bewildered.

"You- you're mad at me cause I'm the only person you've ever slept with!"

"What the fuck, Camila?" I asked her. "I don't have time to sneak around, looking for another woman to fulfill some deluded need you think I have. I am all about you, and Kamryn, you're all I care about.

"How would I know that? You never talk to me about what is important. You choose to run off to your graveyards, or whatever."

"Are you kidding me? Keana? You're bringing up Keana? I was eleven, get over it!"

"Listen, I just don't want to do this anymore." Camila said with a sigh. Just looked away. She picked up her phone and texted someone. "Could you leave the studio?"

I watched her for a second, she smirked at what she was reading. "You found someone else..."

She looked up at me as if she was surprised that I was still there. "What? No I haven't."

I walked around the studio and I looked at some notes she had been working on. There were some pretty decent love songs; some very nice music. That was just at a quick glance. "Nice Camila... Very Nice."

"I am not a cheater." She said.

"Let me see your phone." I said.

"What? No! Look I can't talk to you just leave me alone." She said.

"Camz... Are you done loving me?"

"Lauren..." she sighed and walked away to the sound booth. Before she closed the door to the sound booth she said. "I'm just tired of everything. Just leave."

"And you left?" Mani asked. She looked pissed.

"I left."

"Why did you leave? She wanted out so bad, she should have left!" She said to me.

"I thought that if I gave her the space she wanted, she would eventually see reason and forget what she was doing."

Normani reached out to me and hugged me close. "Let's go celebrate your daughter's eleventh birthday."

"Thanks, Mani." I said, and then we walked out of the bedroom. I headed to the where the party was.

"Momma! You did come!" Kamryn said running to me and hugging me fiercely.

"Of course! You're my only girl." I whispered. "My best girl."

Her friends greeted me. They all knew me. They had seen me often. The parents didn't know Camila at all so they talked to me. They were star struck around Camila, but they relaxed around me. I was there for everything, and suddenly now I am here for nothing. The other moms and my friends formed a cocoon of support around me. The rest of the party was tolerable.

"How are you doing?" I heard as I sat back kind of staring off at a place where our Wedding picture had once been.

I turned to face my wife, and I lied through my teeth. "I'm fine, it just feels different."

She nodded. "Good... great."

"Your boyfriend is really familiar." I said softly looking around. "Kind of like the guy who used to follow you around."

She laughed. "Shut up!"

I laughed right back and nodded. "I've grown up quite a bit. Maybe you need to do a little bit of that." I walked away from Camila an out to Kamryn, I gave her a big hug and kiss and said my goodbyes to everyone.

I walked away from my house, and I knew that I just had to stop fighting so hard; it wasn't worth anything. Because the more I fought the less Camila would want me. All I knew was that I had to stay alone. At least for a while, I'm not ready to move on.