please read the ending a/n

So.

Turns out Tord isn't bilingual.

He's fucking multilingual.

His second language (apparently English was his third) was German.

Even better, because Tom studied German in high school.

"Wie heißt du?"

"Ich heiße Tom!"

"Du heißt Thomas."

Tom snorted, elbowing Tord in the stomach. The man just pulled him closer, causing Tom to shift awkwardly on his lap.

Tord had pulled him into his room a bit ago, as all the dust from Tord's loser clones had been cleaned up. Thank god, Tom had been freshly washed, with Tord's help. Now, he sat in Tord's lap with nothing but his briefs and Tord's sweatshirt, Tord's television playing some dumbass anime.

"My name is Tom," he corrected, back pressed against Tord's chest.

"Woher kommst du?" Tord placed gentle kisses along Tom's neck.

"Ich komme aus großbritannien."

Tord let out a heavy chuckle in Tom's ear as he clapped mockingly. "Ja, gut."

"Fuck off, commie." He glared up at Tord, head tilting back awkwardly. "You're just angry because I can understand you. Mostly."

"Nein," Tord said, shaking his head with a soft laugh. "Fine... maybe a little, min elskede." He gave Tom a quick peck on the forehead.

Tom let out a giggle, but he would never admit it was a giggle.

"Welcher Tag ist heute?" Tord asked suddenly, making Tom groan.

"I thought we were done! Gutt, na... heute ist... Mitt...woch?" he said, sort of guessing. He always sucked at the days of the week.

"Ja, gutt. Heute ist Mittwoch. Today is Wednesday." Tord chuckled and gently rubbed Tom's thigh—non-sexually, you fucking pervs.

"I can't help but feel like you're mocking me here." Tom raised an eyebrow.

"Me? Mocking you? Never!" Tord teased, laughing once more. Tom rolled his eyes and twisted in Tord's lap, turning so he faced Tord. He pushed the man down onto the bed before cuddling into his chest.

"Your demise is inevitable, asshole." Tom huffed, hands roaming Tord's chest. Ah, yes, the Norse didn't have a shirt on. He decided it'd be best to just wear sweatpants.

Tord placed his hand in Tom's hair and started massaging his scalp. "Your demise is inevitable too, bitch boy."

A snort escaped Tom's lips. "Bitch boy? Really?"

"Yes. Bitch boy."

"Fuck off, you fucking dweeb." Tom laughed.

"Dork."

Tom opened his mouth to respond, but his stomach beat him to the punch. It rumbled, and his face heated up.

He hated his fucking body, man.

"Hungry?" Tord sat up, causing Tom to squeak. Tord picked the boy up and stood.

"Tord!! Let me down!" he protested, squirming and wrapping his arms around Tord's neck. He wrapped his legs around Tord's waist. Fuck, that's too many wraps.

"Nein," Tord teased lightly as he gripped the boy tightly. Fuck yeah it rhymes. He carried Tom out the door, humming cheerily.

"This is illegal! Let me go!" Tom whined, causing Tord to snort.

"This is illegal?" he parroted as he brought Tom in the kitchen. "How so?" He set Tom down on the counter.

"It's just... not allowed." He pouted and looked down.

Tord chuckled gently. "Du bist so süß."

"I'm not..." Tom scrunched his face. "I don't know what you called me, but I'm not."

"I called you cute."

"I'll eat your children."

Tord snorted and cupped Tom's cheek, pulling him in for a kiss. The blue boy relaxed and let Tord lead.

"Alright, ganske gutt." Tord pulled back and turned around. "How about we bake some sugar cookies, hmm?" He moved to the cabinets, pulling out a large, glass bowl.

"Oh, god, I'm a fucking slut for sugar cookies." Tom perked up. "Should I pull up a recipe?"

Tord shook his head. "I've got it memorized. Set the oven to 375 degrees, please." He set the bowl down and started raiding the pantry.

"Sir, yessir," Tom teased, reaching over and turning the oven on.

A soft snort escaped Tord, followed by him winking. "I like it when you call me sir." He walked out with flour, baking soda, sugar, and baking powder. He set them all on the table before heading for the fridge.

"And I'd like to fucking kill myself." Tom got down on his knees as he went through the bottom cabinets, searching for a whisk.

"Same." Tord got out the butter and an egg before closing the fridge door. "Can you get the vanilla extract?"

Tom nodded even though Tord couldn't see him, placing the whisk on top of the counter. He then slid himself over to a different part of the kitchen. He opened the bottom cabinet and started searching. "Do you have this memorized or something?"

"Ja. It's my favorite sugar cookie recipe." He grabbed a measuring cup and dipped it into the sugar before pouring the cup into the bowl. "It's super simple but it's delicious." He plopped in some butter before he got to whisking.

"To be honest, I love the dough more than I like the cookies." Tom stood up and placed the vanilla extract on the counter, watching Tord whisk with amusement. "Did you get all that strength from jacking off?"

A snort escaped Tord's lips as he cracked put the whisk down and reached for the egg. "I got it from jacking you off." He cracked it and tossed the shell into the trash can. "Speaking of not safe for work things, are you up for sex today or would you rather this be your break day?" He put some vanilla extract in the mix before starting to whisk it again.

Tom's head tilted back and he let out a sigh. "I'm gonna have to say today is a great time for a break. After your monstrosity of clones, I feel like I might die." He tilted his head as Tord added in some flour.

"They were, uh..." A laugh escaped him. "They were a lot, huh?" He added in baking soda.

"I think that's an understatement." Tom shot him an unamused look. "My thighs still hurt."

Tord gave him an adorable, dorky grin. "Sorry. You were pretty irresistible." Finally, he got some baking powder in, the last ingredient.

"Were? Excuse me, bitch, I think the correct tense would be 'are.'" He giggled gently as he turned and crouched down, getting a pan.

With a roll of his eyes, Tord said, "How dare I? You are irresistible."

Tom got back up and placed the pan down before striking a pose. "I know."

Then he started giggling at the ridiculousness of the situation as Tord started to put balls of cookie dough on the pan. He had been joking, of course; him? Confident?

The day he's confident is the day he dies.

"You said you like the cookie dough, yes?"

Tom nodded.

Tord slid away the bowl, which still had coke cookie dough in it. "That's for you, then." He picked the pan up. "Can you open the oven for me?"

Tom did as he was told, smiling. Once Tord put it in, he closed it and slid across the tiles using his socks to get to the cookie dough.

That sentence was way too long and I frankly do not care.

He grabbed the whisk and immediately started licking the cookie dough off. "I love cookie dough so much," he whispered, eyes flickering up to Tord.

The man watched him with a grin, eyes half lidded.

"What?" Tom pulled back from the whisk, eyebrows raising.

"Ah, nothing. You're just very cute."

Tom scowled and glared before going back to the whisk. Tord dipped his finger into the cookie dough.

"You know, Thomas..."

Tom perked up, tilting his head.

Tord's cheeks darkened. "Never mind. It was dumb."

"Everything you say is dumb, Tord. Just fucking say it."

A small snort escaped him. "You're gorgeous, Tom. Absolutely beautiful."

Tom's eyes widened, cheeks going pink. "S... sh... I... you... shut up," he stammered awkwardly as he finished licking the whisk clean.

Tord chuckled and leaned forward, grabbing the whisk from Tom. He put it on the counter before he kissed Tom, gently sucking on Tom's bottom lip.

What the fuck am I writing.

He pulled back with a lazy grin, eyes half lidded. "You had some dough on your lips."

Poor Tom stood there, beet red. He took a few moments to process what Tord had done.

Then his eyes narrowed.

Tord yelped when Tom slapped his arm, laughing as he started to run away. Tom chased after him, giggling slightly as they barged into the living room. Tom got Tord from behind and pulled the Norse onto the couch, climbing on top of his lap.

"I win," Tom said smugly, head tilting. Tord rolled his eyes and grabbed Tom's sweatshirt, pulling him down for another kiss.

God, Tom was heavenly.

"Jeg elsker deg," Tord whispered into Tom's lips, chuckling and tilting his head back.

After a few minutes of cuddling on the couch, Tord stood up, Tom still on him. The poor boy squeaked and wrapped his legs around Tord and clung to the man.

"Sorry. I've gotta check the cookies." He walked back into the kitchen and set Tom down. The grabbed and oven mitt and opened the oven.

Oh, that smelled really good.

He took it out of the oven and turned it off. "Would my little spitfire like one?" Tord teased, grabbing a fucking... spatula. I don't know if that's what it's called and I don't fucking care.

"Yes, please," Tom said, going on the tips of his toes to try and see over Tord's shoulders. The Norse used the spatula to get a cookie.

"Get some plates, please," Tord said, causing Tom to immediately turn and rush to one of the top cabinets. He pulled out two paper plates and set them next to Tord.

"They smell fucking awesome," Tom breathed as Tord placed a cookie on the plate. Tom took it immediately, earning a scolding.

"Hey! That's gonna be hot as hell. Give it a few minutes." Tord placed another cookie on the plate.

"You're not my mom," Tom snarked and took a bite of the cookie.

Oh fuck, that's really hot.

"Shit shit shit shit—!" Tom cursed as Tord watched him in unamusement. He swallowed and fanned his mouth.

"I might as well be your fucking mother. Jesus." Tord rolled his eyes and he went to go get a glass.

"I did that solely to spite you," Tom said as Tord pressed the new glass against the fridge's water dispenser.

"You are a fucking brat," Tord muttered, handing Tom the glass of water. The boy immediately took it and pressed it against his lips, chugging it.

Tom is a fucking mess.

When he put it back down, he grinned at Tord and started walking backwards out of the kitchen.

"We should watch a movie and cuddle."

AKA: Tom really wants to cuddle.

With a roll of his eyes, Tord followed him. They both sat on the couch, Tord wrapping an arm around Tom's shoulders and pulling him close. He set the plate down on his lap and reached for the remote.

"What movie should we watch, kitten?"

Tom smiled at Tord, heart skipping a beat. "I dunno. Just make sure it's good."

He really liked Tord.

a/n

before any of the serious stuff, thank you kkkkimi7 (I'm sorry I'd @ them bitches I'm on my phone) for corrections on my dumbass German lmao

hey, y'all. first I'd like to apologize. I didn't want to post chapters without smut in them, or at least have the next chapter posted right after it and be filled with smut. if you can't tell, that is not the case.

My cat's health isn't the best right now. I know that's stupid because he's just a cat, but I really fucking love him. He's the cat on my profile (on WattPad, since this is copy pasted.) His name is Wendall. And yeah. My ma said that he might be euthanized because of how bad he was acting. She tends to overreact, so I wasn't super worried. We're taking him to the vet tomorrow.

Well, hopefully we are.

No one's seen him in over twenty four hours. He went outside yesterday night and we haven't seen him at all. So, yeah. If he's gone, then I might not post for awhile, and I really didn't want to leave this story alone without some form of explanation. I'll come back to it no matter what—I want to finish this fic with all my heart. But yeah, that is why the writing on this chap is a little bit wonky. I'm just really fucking tired.

Hopefully I'm just overreacting. If I am, I'll see to it that I post as soon as I can.

Thank you guys. Have a nice day.