Title: Forensics: An Unexpected Investigation

Author: MochiKremy

Reviewer: hamshira_tai

Book cover and book title (18/20):

Your book cover surely got my attention. The fingerprint and the whole blue theme was attractive and gave an investigation vibe.

Your book title was good and it fit the story but it wasn't exactly unique. When I searched for forensics, there were quite a lot of books with the same name. 

Blurb/Summary (9.5/10):

The blurb was catchy. I like how you created this suspense in the blurb itself that would make you want to read the book and find out what it was talking about.

I like how you had spaced the entire blurb, intensifying the effect of the words and the questions in the blurb created the needed suspense making me curious.

The only reason for not giving you full points was the punctuation. The last sentence should end with a question mark so it will be,

"Could they do it? Or would they bid the world goodbye?"

Opening: (8/10)
I like how you started the chapter with such a powerful quote, it was really intriguing.

You had a nice and mysterious start to the book with some action. It makes you want to know who the unknown woman was and what was happening to her. Also, the ending of the first part with a question set in mysterious vibes.

The only thing you probably need to check would be your grammar. The first sentence itself had two errors:

The first one being the spelling error, I think you meant the woman "thrashed" and the second one was the two different tense being used in the same sentence. Notice that 'screams' is in present tense while 'thrashed' is past tense.

Now, the use of the semi-colon. A semi-colon is used to join two clauses that work independently. Basically, sentences on both sides of the semicolon should make sense on their own and they must be related to each other.

"The darkness that spread ... any better; as she wondered if this night would be her last"

You do not need to use a semicolon or any punctuation over there.

Structure and plot flow/originality of the plot (9/10):

Your writing style is good, it is detailed which helps you give an insight into the character's life helping us know everything about the character including her fashion sense, her character and personality. It also helped me form images of the events taking place. The little insights you gave into Aliza's past as her thoughts were good.

Your first few chapters were very detailed but they lacked dialogues (it improved in the later chapters). Keep in mind to balance out all those details with dialogues.

I like how you had already set in the suspense in the second chapter. The strong plot was amazing and we could already see a little development in Aliza's character as she let go of her boundaries making her very likeable. It was also good to see how Aliza worked by trying to reason everything out. It also showed us how observant she was. The plot twist about Aliza and her relationship with her 'mother' was surely unexpected.

Character development (12/15):

I like how Aliza's character got better with time. The further I read the book, the more Aliza softened. She started to let people in while maintaining her slightly professional attitude. It was very realistic. I think you could also put a little bit of background story of other characters into the book and Aliza's interaction with them.

For character introduction, you need to keep in mind that the readers do not know your characters. Even though you have added character aesthetics in the beginning, you should add a little description of what the characters look like.

Like, the only thing we know about Sydney, in the beginning, is she is a redhead. Same with Adam, we don't know anything about his looks. Aliza just guesses he is Adam as he is the only guy in the team.

Grammar/Writing style (12/15):

You have a good writing style that goes with the strong plot and creates suspense and has the required effect on the reader. I also liked how you had made the file look so professional and brief covering all the necessary points. You need to do a little work on removing the minor errors.

There are quite a few errors but not till a point where it would interfere with the story. I am sure you will be able to remove those with a little bit of editing.

I would first like to point out the repeated usage of the word 'she' especially in the first chapter. Try using different sentence starters.

Examples of sentence starters would be 'Furthermore, Moreover, Lastly, Also, Additionally, Surely, Basically, Similarly etc.'

Next, make sure not to capitalise adjectives, making them as

"Each desk was white with 'black' moving chairs."

Another thing was when you introduced Adam, Sydney and Spencer, it says "3 teenagers walked in." Here, the number 3 stands out so make sure you spell out numbers.

The next thing you need to be careful about is sticking to the third point of view.

"As 'I' mentioned, 'I' would do anything to meet that woman and her new husband."

As your story is in the third person, it should be:

"As 'Aliza/she's mentioned, 'she' would do anything to meet that woman and her new husband."

There are a few other minor spelling errors like

"But, she still didn't 'like or trust the lad"

Here, it should be "But, she still didn't 'like' or trust the lad"

Again, there is the wrong use of tenses. Make sure you use the correct tense and they go with the sentence.

"I wanna hear what she 'had to say."

It should be "I wanna hear what she 'has to say."

Proofreading the document once will help you figure out all the errors.

Overall Impression (18/20):

The story is amazing. I love mystery and suspense books and the story was remarkably interesting. It had my attention the entire time and I enjoyed reading it. There were a few parts where the story seemed to be dragging. I think the main reason for that was the amount of detail being more than the dialogues.

Total Score: (87/100)

Thanks for letting me review your book. I enjoyed reading it. I hope my review helps you improve.