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This Story is Rated Mature.

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Hi everyone :) . Long time no see. I wasn't feeling well mentally for a few months, so took a break to feel better. I am slowly resuming writing again and I know I likely have upset many of you for vanishing out of the blue, however, I was not well due to a not so good past year of my life. However, I am at peace now and feeling better, so decided to begin writing slowly. Thank you for giving so much love to this book. Despite not updating, you all read this book, so thank you. From now on, I intend to write short updates and hope to update more frequently throughout the summer. Thank you for reading and for your sincere patience. I hope you all are well :).

If you have time do check out my new Shivika book: Heartbeats for Him. Click on my profile pic where the book can be found :).

https://www.wattpad.com/1070852018-heartbeats-for-him-chapter-1-the-demon-and-the

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This Story is Rated Mature.

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https://youtu.be/h8C1H-ZvolA

Darkness. Something not palpable, not touched, virgin, yet enough to incite fear...fear of the unknown that we all humans foster within us. The fear of not being in control and having someone else...fate...being the ultimate determiner of it. Perhaps, why people are scared of the darkness is because in it the devil cannot implement it dirty, evil ways or the good one who just is scared of suffering more than they already have in this cruel world.

Perhaps, darkness is a threat to many, but the way I see it is that it is the path to light. It is the guiding path to the light which ultimately seals our fate.

"You okay jaan? Where have you gone lost?" The voice interrupted my thoughts and pulled me out of the darkness that I had let my mind wander into.

I softly smiled and lifted up my chin from the window of the car and looked back towards him. My heart skipping a beat. He looks like a damn vision right now. The window blew gently against his wavy hair as he formed the brightest, biggest, goofiest smile I had never scene. His cologne intoxicated me. Him in all black enticed me considering the mystery he carried by being the pure epitome of darkness...the unknown.

"Just thinking about the darkness..." I muttered nonchalantly and looked back towards the dark forest. Long majestic trees reigned above our roofless convertible that sped down the single road which continued to enter into the unknown.

"The darkness? What about it?" Shivaay more curious than ever. Considering women are always believed to see the positive side of things and rarely sullen, he definitely looks surprised that I am daring to be charmed by darkness.

"Nothing. Just that the darkness is more mystifying than the light. Its aura and mystery is so much more interesting and intriguing compared to the light. I don't know how to explain it. But, the darkness holds the key to the light. I don't know why I am saying this, but often the darkness is needed to find ones purpose...one's path....one's fate..." I entered a pause finding myself not going anywhere with this conversation that clearly held no meaning or relevance to him and I. Or maybe it is and I cannot come in terms with how the dark is relevant to our unknown relationship.

His gaze stood standstill upon me. He appeared to be intrigued by the conversation even though it is likely a boring one to a layman. Curving his lips upward, he let out a breathless laugh as he slipped his hand into mine and placed it on his lap.

"You and your fascination with fate. I swear you can go on for hours on how we all humans are controlled by a greater force out there. All these years have passed and your perspective has not changed." Shivaay chuckled and shook his head looking at me hopelessly knowing I am not going to let go of this belief.

Confusion struck me. I found myself lost in his statement. All these years have passed? Why is he speaking as if we have known each other since forever and have always had this conversation.

"All these years? What do you mean by all these years?" I questioned wanting to know what he truly meant. Shivaay's eyes widened. Small drops of sweat fell on to his skin that flushed pale. It was as if he has seen the ghost of the past.

Suddenly light struck his face. The car jumped up on the pothole on the road and the brakes screetched loudly. The car slowly stopping.

Shivaay began to tremble. His lips quivered. It was as if he was entering into the window of a past that had been triggered from my questioning. I tightened the grasp of my fingers around his wrist wanting to pull him out of his train of thoughts he had gotten lost in.

"You okay? I am sorry if I triggered something I didn't mean to. I just found it weird how you said all these years as if we have known each other for years instead of a few days." I held a soft tone slowly approaching the topic not wanting to create an issue from a small little thing. I don't know why, but I do not want to upset him I feel this need to nurture him, take care of him, make him happy...and I don't know why.

"Y-yes I am fine. I just didn't notice the bump in the road. That's all." He breathed heavily and once again hit the gas to continue the journey down the empty road.

I giggled and shook my head finding myself amused by how he had gotten so antsy due to a small bump on the road.

"Bumps on the road are normal Shivaay! You are acting as if you ran over somebody! The fact you do not get scared of anything or anyone, but get baffled over a small pothole. That is so weird!"

"Bumps on the road can be dangerous. You never know what trouble they may cause. They are so hidden, yet dangerous. They are perfect symbol about the troubles one has in life. Life itself is a road full of bumps that appear out of nowhere reading to ruin one's happiness and peace at any random moment." His voice darkened and he entered a trance once again. I want to analyze what he means, but this conversation itself if hilarious. I found myself breaking into giggles as I thread my head against his shoulder.

"Oh my gosh! Why are you talking about stupid potholes in such a poetic manner?! What is wrong with you? You are something Mr. Oberoi. I am pretty sure you are the first person who is analyzing and being so poetic about a pothole!"

Shivaay cracked a smile and looked back appearing enlightened by me joking around. I rolled my eyes and looked ahead into the darkening forest that was leading itself down to light in the distant-likely our destination.

"Oh really? Says the woman who was analyzing the darkness as if it's a supposed prized possession that deserves attention. You went all poetic first for your kind information." He snapped back at me and revealed a teasing smirk.

I bit into a smile and looked back at him liking how he always challenged me. I hate men who always agree with women like a slave. The rebelling ones are usually more interesting...intense. Because it's more fun defeating them and seeing them become a sore loser.

"Mhm sure. I am definitely not sane because if I was then I would not be with you..." I muttered the lie wanting to see how he will react.

His eyes darkened briefly. I could notice his teeth take a firm grasp of his quivering lips as he appeared to hold on to a tumultuous mixture of anger and sorrow. It was an odd reaction that I had not expected.

"Crazy how people can lose their memories, but not their core beliefs and feelings towards something or someone." He let out a laugh appearing to mock himself.

We both paused and gazed at each other finding ourselves enter a trance. Suddenly a swirl of black and white images began to blur my vision. My mind entered a spin and began to twist and turn under the clutches of a mysterious presence. Dark shadows began to trample in my sight. Sudden, thunderous sounds bombarded me.

"How could you do this to me?! How?! I loved you so much! Do you know how much I loved you and still do! No matter what you do to me...no matter how much you sin for me...no matter how much you break me...I cannot stop loving you! Do you hear me?! I can never stop loving you! And I am not going to let you go! I am never going to let you go!"

I began to hear my voice scream and wail loudly in my ears as I slammed my palms against them wanting to block out the voices of these unknown shadows of the past that were now dancing upon my mind and taking full control of it.

"Let go of me. What you have done can never be forgiven. Never. You have ruined me completely. I gave myself so much to you...gave you my everything , including myself,...and what you did in return has completely broken me. Completely. Never will I ever be able to love anyone ever again because of how you broke me..."

The familiar, male voice, that was suffocated with tears, set off my heart in a wild spiral as it can began to crash. A sense of heaviness took over me. I felt as if I was drowning unable to breathe and about to almost lose myself to death itself.

"Everyone was right. Everyone warned me and I did not listen to them one bit. They told me how wrong you were for me and how you are not a man of sanity. Everyone warned me how insane you are...how ill minded you can get...and I did not trust them...because I found humanity in you...I found hope in you. If only I had listened to them...If only I knew. But then...if I also was sane I would not have been with you...it is all my fault. All of it."

The image of me running away continuing to haunt. My bare feet hitting the mud as I appeared to run away from someone. An evil laughter trailing behind me as I appeared to run into the darkness.

"Mumma...say mumma..." My hands cradling an innocent being in my arms. My heart beginning to skip beats as darkness veiled the innocent one who appeared to take a hold of my bosom.

"Shivaay!" My heart suddenly screamed his name as a plea to escape the clutches of darkness that had begun to consume me...the visions not letting go, but continuing to mock me. I immediately took a grasp of his arm and began to scream wanting to escape the illusion that was now consuming me like a poison.

The car hit an immediate halt. A pair of arms took me into safety as I broke into tears feeling like I was losing myself. My heart pounding loudly against his chest. My trembling hands took a hold of him and, without any reason, I dove into a trail of kisses against his neck leading up to his cheeks. A sudden fear took over me of losing him and I cannot tell the source of it.

"Anika, are you okay? What's wrong jaan? Why are you crying? Jaan?" He whispered delicately into my ears. He ran his fingers through my hair as he leaned down and began to kiss my tears away.

I continued to whimper in his arms not wanting him to let go of me. The haunting images continued to terrorize me. My breathes continued to fail on me. My body danced in panic loving the rush of fear in my blood.

What was that? What did I just see? Why did those visions appear so familiar as if they are part of my past? Why did Shivaay's statement trigger me with this attack? It's been months since I have gotten these visions in form of a panic attack. What is happening?

Shivaay ran his hand against my temple to wipe off the sweat from it. He placed a tender kiss on cheek to sooth me. I faintly smiled and opened my eyes slowly to catch sight of him. He gave me a worried look and continued to run kisses on my temple to wipe away my sorrow.

"Anika are you okay? What happened? Are you not feeling well? If that is the case, we can go back to the hotel. We do not have to go through this date if you are not feeling okay. Maybe you need rest. Maybe I should take you the doctor and see what's wrong-"

"I am fine Shivaay. I-I just...um...uh...was feeling weird when we were on the road. I kind of am scared and get anxious of empty places and darkness. It's a childhood fear..." I blatantly lied not wanting my issues to ruin our night.

I know it's wrong of me to mislead, but I do not want him to get caught in my problems. I do not want him to know about my mental health. What will he think of me if he finds out about health problems? What if he leaves me after finding out I am a maniac bipolar, who occasionally dives into delusions and forms a world of lies without any reason? I will never be able to see him again nor Chaaya...and I cannot risk losing these two. I have already begun dreaming my life with them...starting afresh and finally getting what I have seemingly craved for years.

Any sane man can never stay with a woman like me and Shivaay likely is one of them too. Why wouldn't he be? He is a perfectionist. I am imperfect. For now I can only keep a fascade of my perfection to keep him and I do not know how long will I play off this fascade, but I am willing to do it...if it means to have him.

"Are you sure? From all I have known for a long time, you are never scared of the dark-in fact you love it." Shivaay's statement catching me off guard and striking suspicion within me. I raised my eyebrows up and looked at him in doubt. He immediately bit his tongue in an attempt to punish himself for what had slipped out of him.

"U-Um...I mean e-ever....since we came here to India, I never noticed you getting scared of the dark. Remember you were sitting out all alone in the haveli on the day of your sister's pre-wedding party? And then now just at this long drive, you were admiring the darkness, so I assumed you have no fear of it..." Shivaay tried to fake a smile and play off my suspicions able to detect that I was questioning him.

Okay something is definitely off. This has been almost the third time he has referenced the past as if he has known me for a long time beyond just showing up as a guest at my sister's wedding. Something is not right, but what? Why is Shivaay causing these visions to show up? Why are his statements triggering me? Why did our first time together feel like it wasn't-like I had been touched by him since before-years ago? Something is not right Anika.

"I think you are tired Anika and it's best we return back to the hotel. We can do date night another time..." Shivaay turned on the ignition of the convertible before I slapped his hand away and turned the car off immediately. My body still shaking from the state of panic it had been. I looked up and realized we already were in the parking lot of the outdoor restaurant.

"No! We drove so far out to have dinner here and now you are telling me we have to drive all the way back to the hotel? Absolutely not! I am not going back hungry damn it! I haven't eaten anything for hours and I am starving!" I snapped a fake, dramatic laugh trying to be my cherry, merry self I always am around him not wanting him to see my depressed, dark self that shadows me 24/7 every day of the year.

Anika, do not suspect Shivaay's intentions do you understand? It is an absolute fact that he is hiding something from you, but it does not mean he thinks wrongly of you. But, he is hiding something and it's best you find out now rather than later...right now you still have time to escape this relationship without getting broken.

"Are you sure? You were not feeling well a few minutes ago..." Shivaay spoke completely perplexed by my behavior.

I obviously am giving him mixed signals considering I was panicking a few minutes ago and now perfectly am smiling and laughing like nothing happened. It's the meds I swear. I have to discuss with my therapist about my medication-clearly there is an issue with the dosage that I am getting these visions and attacks again. But, besides that the main point is why does Shivaay keep referencing to a past? Focus on that Anika. Focus on that issue.

Crap why is my heart beating so fast? Why are my thoughts racing? Why am I being delusional again? Am I going into an manic state? No. No. I am fine. I am completely fine. I should be fine-I mean I am on medication-

"Anika? Are you okay? You seem a bit...confused....anxious..." Shivaay attempting to find the right words that will not offend me.

I giggled like a drunk and immediately jumped out of the convertible. "Yes! I am completely fine Shivaay and I will feel better if I get some food! I am just hungry that's all."

Shivaay rolled his eyes clearly not buying it. I continued to giggle as I ran to the driver's side door and opened it to pull him out. Grabbing his arm with all my strength, I forced him out of the car.

"You are so weird do you know that?" He muttered while attempting to decode my thoughts. My smile widened as I grabbed his cheek and tip toed on my feet to snatch a kiss from him. He faintly smiled liking my childishness.

"Yeah I know everyone says that to me, but I think it makes me cool you know?" I smiled and grabbed his collar to pull him closer for a kiss. He formed a faint smile appearing charmed by me.

"It makes you sexy...and I love it." He bit his lip in a seductive fashion. I smirked and leaned in closer only to snatch a kiss from him. His mouth softly took hold of mine as we stumbled down the dirt filled pathway that led into the darkness of the forest.

He continued to shamelessly snatch quick kisses from me not ready to let go. I giggled and tried to push him away, though, enjoying his sweet, tangy taste finding myself lost in the softness of his lips that hungrily ran against mine.

"You are so shameless. Do you know how inappropriate this is? People are looking!" I whispered against his ear feeling quite embarrassed and shy. He ran his hand around the dip of waist and pulled me closer into his arms.

Shivaay threw devilish smile and winked at the passerbys who were scandalized by our public display of affection. This is India after all. Mere hand holding can scandalize the locals and here we are making out in public and putting a show for everyone. I am not surprised by the deadly glares and threatening looks we are getting at the moment from others.

"So? I don't care and you shouldn't either. Now forget about everyone and focus on us. Look up!" He whispered loudly as I immediately looked up towards the direction he was pointing too.

A state of mesmerization took hold of me. My feet reached a standstill. I felt my mouth open in shock unable to believe what I as seeing.

Tall, majestic trees that infinitely drove into the night sky surrounded us. Lush green grass sprinkled with dirt ran down into a beautiful deep blue lake that was beheaded by a thunderous, raging waterfall. Bright lights decked the trees and ran down to the path of dirt before falling on to the tables where guests dined around the pond and admired the sheer romantic beauty of the place.

"Surprise." He spoke softly against my ear. I lowered my gaze in shyness realizing that this was just the start to a romantic evening. The thought of what may happen setting butterflies within me.

"Hello, Mr. Oberoi and Mrs. Oberoi, we were expecting the both of you. I hope you both had a nice trip down here. We all hope to entertain you both well." A waitress chimed in flirtation as she made her way seductively towards us.

I gulped nervously and let out a cough feeling slightly uncomfortable by her gaze that she drifted towards Shivaay and then I. My eyes wandered down her black bikini that she covered with a sheer, see-through dress. What the? I thought this is a classy place. Why is she dressed like trash?

"Mrs. Oberoi you look mighty pale. Are you okay? Care for a free massage by our wonderful masseus? Actually our country club here is best known for its services from massages, to private entertainment, and of course the amazing food and drinks that no one will ever forget in their lifetime." The waitress gave me a odd, peachy smile. Oh shit. Peachy...

I immediately jumped back and ran my pallu around my waist feeling very uncomfortable at the moment. Shivaay let out a chuckle clearly having caught on to what I was thinking. He ran his arm around me and pulled me closer against his chest.

"I remember you saying that you once thought you swung for peaches. It's okay I don't mind...if you want to go-"

"Shut the hell up! I am totally leaving this place if this is what you have in mind!" I snapped hard at Shivaay and in anger not liking the stupid plans he was weaving at the moment.

Turning bright red like lava, I smacked my palms against my cheeks in pure embarrassment unable to believe I made that confession to him in stupidity and he now is using it against me for his stupid fantasies. Ugh men. Men are dogs seriously.

Shivaay erupted into laughter as he looked at embarrassed me and the clueless waitress who was not getting the story behind our conversation. He ran his hand against mine only for me to push him away in annoyance not liking that he joked about my idiocy from the past.

"I think she is good. It's best you take us to our spot for dinner. We are rather hungry. I hope all the arrangements that I requested have already been made." Shivaay attempted to be his casual, serious self though he was suppressing a teasing smile. I rolled my eyes and began to follow him and the waitress who led me down the narrow dirt path.

My eyes wandered to the guests who sat on a mix of rustic wooden and glass tables continuing to dine and feast on delicious shrimp, salmon, roasted chicken, and other exotic foods that were unidentifiable to me. Waitresses seductively dancing around the guests appearing to give food and other things as necessary.

What is this place? A mix of class and laviscious desires I shall say. I continued to roll my eyes through the trees to capture every guest and see where our families were. Shivaay and my family were supposed to dine here tonight, so they must be around. Gosh I just want to know where they are, mainly Arti and Ayaan, so I know to avoid that particular spot. I do not want them to ruin my date tonight. I want tonight to only be about Shivaay and I. Oh my God, what will happen tonight? What if Shivaay get's totally turned off by my personality? He really doesn't know know me as in know what a dummy I am, how I speak nonsense all day, street wise illiterate, and lost....what if he hates this part of me?

"Um...I need to go use the restroom..." I spoke in embarrassment clearly ruining the romantic moment. Shivaay chuckled and rolled his eyes like he had expected me to say this line.

"Not surprised. You always do that before dinner dates...love ruining the mood in your casual way," He muttered in a low voice, but enough for me to hear and strike curiosity within me. What does he mean by this? Last time I checked, this is our first official date together. What is it that I do not know about him?

"Ma'am the restrooms are right down that pathway to your left. We will be waiting here for you." The waitress guided me to a small building in the woods.

I nodded quickly and rushed to the building in nervousness. I just need a moment alone to calm myself down. I do not know why I am getting so anxious. I mean it's not like Shivaay is a stranger. A guy who has seen you naked is never a stranger. But, why am I scared of making a bad impression on him? Why?

I quickly ran into the bathroom stall and locked it shut. Taking a deep breath, I leaned against the door trying to clear my head.

"Calm down you idiot. He's only a guy. You know all men are same...same lousy species created by God. This is one is also like the others. He is likely only interested in your body, so even if you say dumb shit, he will just laugh it off, wrap up dinner, and still be with you because you know he thinks with Mr. Little not his brain. Yeah....you totally have this under control. Just look pretty-looking pretty should be enough for playboy Oberoi."

Giving myself false confidence, I attempted to shake off my fear even though somewhere I know I am just spewing crap, so I can walk out of this bathroom stall proudly and rock that date.

"Are they here yet or not?" A familiar voice spoke. I paused for a moment and shifted to look through the gap of the door only to catch sight of the two people I was no in mood seeing tonight. Arti and Falguni.

Arti rolled her eyes and pulled out mascara from her purse. "Nope. Anika di and Shivaay are not here yet. Likely still making out on the beach." She chimed in sarcasm, but to be kicked by Falguni in her ankle.

"Shut up! That is my man you are talking about." Falguni reprimanded. I gasped in horror from hearing the statement not having expected it. Her man? Excuse me what? Last time I checked, she was ditched by my man. Her audacity to still think Shivaay is hers'. I huffed a smoke of anger and attempted to hold myself back not wanting to create a scene.

"Last time I checked, he is dating Anika di, so how is he your man?" Arti questioned curiously. Falguni let out an immediate laugh appearing to find her question to be plain stupid.

Falguni smacked her red lips loudly as she admired her ugly duckling beauty in the mirror in front. Her wild curls held up in a diamond clip as she shook her hips sultry in a tight red short dress. Grabbing the cleavage of her dress, she pulled it down more to expose to fake double D sized breasts that would get any man's tongue wagging. Of course, she will be dressed like a whore.

"Darling, Shivaay Singh Oberoi has always been mine and always will be mine. Anika is just a temporary girl he is with to fulfill his lust. He only lusts Anika nothing else. Anika is just like the other girls he has lusted in the past. Do din ki Chandini nothing else...watch him run back to me."

A tear escaped from me. A sudden pain arose within my heart whose ground was shaking in fear of losing the man who it had itself up to so much. Memories of Shivaay and I grazed me as I began to remember each and every moment we have spent together wondering if they truly only carried lust or had something more to them...a deeper feeling that I am too scared to admit at the moment.

"How are you so confident he will run back to you? He and Anika di seem quite serious Falguni. You know Anika di has never been this smithen by a guy after Ayaan. Ayaan was her last serious relationship...and believe me I only have seen her this happy with Ayaan besides Shivaay."

Arti made the stark comparison between the two men. My heart drummed in anxiousness as I began to remember the times I had spent with Ayaan and noticing that indeed after Ayaan, the man I have been most comfortable with is Shivaay and that scares me because Ayaan is a man who broke my heart...what if Shivaay does that too?

"So what? It doesn't matter if Anika is interested in Shivaay or not because at the end of the day it is Shivaay's decision if he wants to be with Anika. Shivaay only loved once and believe me after that he has never been able to love again."

My ears perked up. Curiosity arose within me as I leaned myself more closely against the stall wanting to hear more. Sadness did overcome me considering I never thought Shivaay could love and if he did he already had loved someone else...likely Falguni. No wonder she is so confident Shivaay will come back to her.

"He loved you?"

Falguni let out a laugh at Arti's question and rolled her eyes once again clearly not amused by the question. Jumping up on to the sink's counter, she stared up at the ceiling as if trying to remember the past.

"I wish it was me he loved, but no. Legend says he fell in love years ago with a woman who eventually left him after breaking his heart. After that, he became like this...his cold, arrogant playboy self which he had been before she came into his life."

I reached a standstill finding myself in complete shock and unable to believe what I had just heard. Stumbling for a moment, I hit the door hard enough for the two women to hear.

"Let's get going before anyone hears us." Falguni grabbed Arti's hand and dragged her out quickly.

My mind began to spin in confusion and fill itself with questions...many questions regarding who Shivaay truly is. Where has he come from? What is his past like? Why is he with me? Why does he tell me he wants to be with me and build a home with me if only he lusts me as Falguni claims? If he ever loved someone else and got heart broken then what convinced him to see me as his soulmate? What made him believe I am capable of building a life with him?

"He loved someone else...He told me he can never love, but he did once in his life...so why didn't he tell me? Who is she? Where did she go?"

I turned on the faucet and began to wash my hands though finding myself in a loss not knowing how to react or what to even think of. I felt a sense of jealousy overcome me from the thought that Shivaay loved someone in his life and I not being that person. I do not even know why I am feeling jealous because I too loved a man before Shivaay...Ayaan...so why should it hurt me that Shivaay had someone in his life before me? It shouldn't hurt...but it does. And I don't know why.

I heard a small whimper from the bathroom stall farthest down. The door opened to reveal a tearful Gauri. She appeared lost in her sorrow as she stuffed a pink looking object in her purse quickly.

"Gauri are you okay? What's wrong?" I questioned her in worry since this is typical her. She has always been the strong headed and positive one in the lot. I am the one who mopes, cries, and lazes all day over the tragedies that have occurred in my life.

"I-I am fine. Um...what are you doing here? You are on a date for God's sake. You should be out the door and with Shivaay bhai. I am sure he is waiting for you..." Gauri acting like nothing had happened and I have not been a witness to her tears. She took out her foundation and quickly began to apply it underneath her eyes that had become swollen from the amount of crying she had indulged in.

"Gauri, what's wrong? Tell me. Are you not feeling well? Should I get Om for you?" I looked at her small pregnant belly in worry not wanting her nor the baby to stress out from whatever that was causing her to be upset.

"No! Do not get Om!" She grabbed my arm to hold me back. Okay something is definitely wrong. Why is she reacting this way?

"Okay I won't, but at least tell me what has upset you. I may be able to help you...Look we are like sisters more than just cousins. You know I am always here to support you and listen to your worries while hoping to help as well. So tell me, what's going on? You crying in a bathroom stall is totally not your personality. So I know for sure something has deeply troubled you."

Gauri sighed and gave me an aching smile. She leaned against the sink and looked around to make sure no one else was here. Grabbing my arm, she pulled me closer not wanting anyone else to even catch the slightest inkling of our conversation.

"Have you ever...not felt satisfied in life?"

Gauri's question making me immediately laugh. I threw my head back and dived into a set of giggles finding myself amused.

"What kind of question is that? Ask me when have I felt satisfied in life!...Never!" I laughed at my own miseries having remembered all and how much disappointment they have caused me in life.

"No! I know that!...I mean...not felt satisfied in sense of...." Gauri lowered her gaze referring to her spot of pleasure. My eyes popped wide open as I skittered away awkwardly from her grasp not knowing how to respond.

"Oh!....Ummmm....uh....I am not really comfortable talking about that. Sorry, you were right, I should totally leave because Shivaay is likely waiting for me-"

"You know I just had a realization that Om and I never actually had good sex! You know...like...I don't think I ever...um...got him to get me an---"

"Okay shut up! Stop! Stop! I do not need to know that!" I exclaimed in horror and slapped my palms against my virgin ears not wanting to hear more of this filth.

Gauri rolled her eyes and rubbed her womb that held her baby. I let out a small empathetic chuckle realizing she truly was in deep stress regarding this issue.

"Well...I mean you kid get pregnant which indicates you both likely tried a lot before getting that thing inside of you..."I mumbled the harsh line trying my best to empathize. I pick up emotions pretty well, but suck at empathizing and I just cannot help myself from making the situation worse.

Gauri side eyed me and looked out into the distance not knowing how to respond. "You a virgin will never understand how important pleasure is. I shouldn't have bothered discussing this with you."

I sighed and lowered my gaze in guilt realizing how everyone still found me to be innocent, pure Anika who is untouched, unloved. If only they knew. I bit into a smile remembering my moments with Shivaay.

"Look if I was in your place Gauri, I would discuss this issue with Om. This is not a big issue at all. Intimacy is something that needs to be worked on I think and I am sure Om will listen to you and things will be resolved..." I placed my hand on her shoulder to comfort her. She gave me a small smile and agreed with the suggestion.

"Anyways, Shivaay bhai might be looking for you. You should go and enjoy your night." Gauri pushed me away lightly as I blushed shyly from hearing his name. Curiosity still ran through me as I wondered who that woman might be who had won Shivaay's heart years ago.

"I have a feeling you are the first woman, he has become so serious for. Not surprised at all if you might just win his heart."

I let out an awkward chuckle from hearing the word love and reference of Shivaay and my name in the same sentence. The thought of his loving me gives me nervous jitters. The mere mention of love makes me nauseous...yet...somewhere I do not find myself revlused from the idea that Shivaay may love me.

"Has he loved ever before?" I twirled my hairlock around my finger wanting to dig deeper about Shivaay's alleged love for a woman years ago that Falguni so claims to be.

Gauri let out an immediate laugh and pushed me out the door. "Yeah if he tells you he ever did let me know then! That man has never loved anything in his life let alone a human!"

I pretended to laugh though finding myself more deeply confused about Falguni's claim and then Gauri's statement. Who was right? Who had the story right of the beast ever falling in love or forever being alone?

https://youtu.be/2SDBhRgY3OE

Clearly wearing heels was not a good idea. I slowly stumbled up the hill finding myself almost falling on the gravel. Shivaay grabbing my hand to balance me as I glared at him still annoyed by the joke he had made. He smirked and pulled me closer to entwine our hands together firmly not wanting to let go.

"I am still mad at you. I made that confession to you thinking you will not make fun and here you are laughing. Ugh, I was a young adult back then in college, I thought I liked peaches, so what?" I muttered not wanting the waitress to hear. Shivaay chuckled and pecked my cheek to calm down my anger.

"I know. I know. I just was teasing you and love getting you riled up. I just cannot help myself!" He gave the stupid excuse. I rolled my eyes and looked the other way. Yeah right. I bet you are mentally jerking yourself off from the image. You are a guy after all.

"Well, you will not be mad at me for too long. Look over there..." He snapped his fingers pointing it towards the pond. My eyes widened as I went speechless unable to make sense of the beauty in front.

"You may go now." Shivaay shooed off the waitress wanting this moment to only be ours'.

Clasping my palm against my mouth, I pinched my lips to ensure I was not in a dream. The image in front was pure fantasy. I began to be led down towards the enchanting waterfall that was dripping shades of red. The delicate pastel pink petals of the cherry blossoms above began to scatter upon us in gesture of welcome.

Shivaay and I exchanged a shy smile realizing how this night is now ours'. He pressed a loving kiss on my temple before pulling me into an embrace. We silently walked in each other's arms down the gravel path which followed down through the waterfall. Drops of water befell on the both of us as we slowly walked through the entrance of the cave that led through the waterfall.

I gasped in awe not ready for the fantasy I was about to enter. Suddenly, fireflies lit up the dark cave and run towards us. The cave booming with my giggles as I lifted my head up and began to spin amongst the swirls of fireflies that were now running around me.

The five-year-old me, who used to be fascinated by these tiny creatures that had the ability to light darkness, coming to life. I began to laugh and jump around in an attempt to chase the creatures. My hands running against the small waterwall that ran out of the cave and down into the pond. Shivaay standing in silence not once uttering a word, but appearing to admire me.

"Oh my God! What is this?! How do you know I love fireflies?!" I spun the blue shades of my saree's pallu in a circle continuing to turn and twist loving every moment.

"You love it?" He asked walking towards me as I giggled and grabbed a handful of water and splashed it towards him. He shrieked, almost like a girl, and jumped back not liking what I had done.

"Awwww....billu scared of water? Awww that is such a billu!" I teased his nickname, remembering that is what his grandmother calls him. Shivaay pretending to be angry at me as he grabbed a handful of water and threw it against me.

My mouth dropped open unable to believe he was daring to make me look like a wreck tonight. "Shivaay! Do you know how long it took me to get ready tonight?! Do you know how hard it is for me to put on these many pounds of make up and do my stubborn, frizzy hair?! Do you?!"

Shivaay erupted into a mocking laugh and rolled his eyes clearly not fazed. I grumbled and ran my hands down the water fall only to run towards him and fast speed to splash him wet. He grabbed my wrist and immediately turned me around. Our feet entwining into one. His body slamming down mine as we began to fall.

Suddenly, soft silky, white sheets ran over us. We found ourselves wrapping into a swarm of sheets on the gravel of the cave. Our wet hands smothered against each other's bodies that were now merging into one.

A chandlier of string lights turned on and red roses began to fall upon the both of us. My mouth dropping open as I looked up at the ceiling unable to believe what I was seeing. Images of me smothering every piece of cave. Pictures of him and I that were taken since we reached India clouding every wall. A tearful smile encaptured me as I noticed a beautiful quote engraved on the ceiling of the cave. Tears slowly ran down my to my heart unable to bear the sheer expression of kindness that was being endowed upon me.

A Forever awaits you...let me be your forever. Choose me. Love me. Be with me.

Anika let me love you. Let me love you always.

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Upcoming Chapter Teaser:

A tearful smile caught hold of him. We found ourselves losing to the moment. Hope took hold of the both of us as we realized that we both had finally found love...in each other. Maybe we can never love each other the way lovers do...but the mere expression of a broken, ugly love is enough to heal the wounded heart...and that is all we need.

His lips smashed against mine as we drove ourselves into a wild, passionate kiss. His mouth purging mines open. We began to roll on top of each other continuing to wrap ourselves into the silky sheets. Our tongues slowly dancing the tango with our hands running down each other's bare, shaking, moist skin. His hand taking a firm grip of hair as he pushed himself harder on to me. Arching my back up, I pushed my lips fiercely against his and began to sway him with urgent kisses wanting him to forever mark me as his and make me his never giving away that spot to anyone.

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What past do Shivaay and Anika share? What do you think happened? Next update will be in a few days. This book will wrap up by end of summer hopefully-basically will end by December and don't worry Shivika will have a happy ending :). More emotions awaiting in the next chapter followed by drama...Thank you for reading :).

If you have time do check out my new Shivika book: Heartbeats for Him. Click on my profile pic where the book can be found :).

https://www.wattpad.com/1070852018-heartbeats-for-him-chapter-1-the-demon-and-the