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time stamp: Park Nari, age 10

warning: mentions of suicide and hallucinations

"the wind howls, the crows are killing mouse... there is no one home... no one here... my name is Park Nari, i am ten years old, i do not like fire, i do not like razors—they are gone and it is me who was left." then the sound of howling is heard from outside, probably the neighbor's dog but the small yet slightly chubby girl quivered in fear. Nari fiddles with her fingers while gazing at the full moon outside her window and the curtains have been opened, showing a white moon that seemed to cast only into her room.

her tear filled eyes stop all of a sudden and she begins to laugh villainously, then even that stops after a couple seconds. "what is this that appears before my hand?" she outstretches her hand to the air trying to grab something but nothing appears. she smiles as if she has caught something precious but in reality it was nothing.

"where have you been little one? did you know that lost birds without their mothers die?" Nari rubs her hands together as if she is comforting a baby bird.

"don't worry, i'll protect you... i'll protect you." the little girl begins to rock back and forth on the wooden floor, holding her hands close to her chest and chants the words over and over.

all of a sudden she curls her body then falls to the floor and begins to roll around, crying out as if she is being murdered and she is—her own mind is killing her. voices that are not her own come once in a while, as if demons are tormenting her and the will of God could only do so much to ease the pain. the ringing in her ears stops, blood is seen in her eyes as she brings her hands to her face. but in reality there is no blood—it's the young girl's mind playing tricks on her.

Nari begins to laugh again and sits back, acting as if nothing happened.

"everything will be fine... everything will be fine." she begins to chant. "mother and father will be back, so will brother, my beloved brother. they'll be back... they'll be back." Nari chants throughout the night and it eventually lulls her to sleep in the house that stays vacant and lonely for many nights to come.

—

mornings for Nari include a bath from the maids, breakfast from butlers, tutoring with a paid teacher, then she's off to a school in her pretty and neat uniform with an expensive backpack. this status of hers meant nothing to the classmates as all matter of groups of children give her glares that wish she would just drop dead.

Nari bumps into a group of boys because she had kept her head low. the familiar worn down sneakers makes her heart drop and head flinch backwards as the boy whipped around and struck her with a smack to the forehead.

"watch where you're going slut." the boy said arrogantly, but Nari knows better. this boy was once her best friend, someone who was there for her when half her family was slaughtered that night.

"Kibum, please, not know." she dares not look in his eyes.

"alright, i'll let this go, but don't expect me to be nice next time." he sneers before turning on his heels and the other four follow him like dogs.

but what Kibum didn't know was that the next day on top of his desk in the morning, was a new pair of Vans sneakers, his favorite brand.

—

present

"Nari?" a head pokes into my bedroom as i'm doing paperwork on my desk settled in the corner.

"what is it my love?" i said, not glancing up but i knew that splendid, sweet toned voice belonged to none other than Seokjin.

"i think i found out what i want to do." he says shyly.

i take my glasses off and almost trip over my bag as i excitedly reach for his hands.

"what is it?" my eyes grow big in anticipation and i slightly sway his arms back and forth as i held his hands.

"i want to be an actor!" he says dramatically and raises his arms above his head as if he's an emperor.

"of course! you must use that handsome face of yours, i bet women will be lining up to ask for your autograph." i pull Seokjin into a quick hug but he steps back with a serious look on his face.

"you're the only one that matters." he smiles, his eyes filled with love.

"so cheesy." i blush and look away.

Seokjin grabs my chin and gives me a quick peck on the lips and i stumble, feeling attacked by love.

"food is ready, your homework better not distract you or else i'll eat your homework." the now black-haired male jokes.

at the dinner table it's relatively silent until Yoongi speaks up.

"N-Nari." he calls out and i look at him. "how would you feel if i asked to i wanted a studio to create music?" he asks shyly.

"i think i could find something." i smile and his eyes start to sparkle.

"i want to rap, i saw some videos of rapping and beatboxing and i think i could do it, don't you think?" Yoongi asks.

"of course my kitten. anything for you." i said.

"Nari! i want be a police officer!" Jimin stands from his seat, holding his fork in the air.

"sit down Jimin!" Taehyung hisses and smacks the boy's bottom.

"you're too tiny and not intimidating enough to be a police officer." Jungkook said matter-of-factly.

"you can be anything you want Jimin." i comfort him.

"i want to be president." Namjoon speaks and all heads turn to him with wide eyes.

"i agree!" Seokjin stands from his seat but after noticing the shocked eyes he sits back down.

"w-why are you all staring at me like that?" Namjoon asks nervously.

"n-nothing sweetie, that's just, a hard thing to do but not impossible." i said.

"i want to dance..." a new voice squeaks out. "i've even thought of a new stage name."

my voice got higher as i said, "you want to dance Hoseokie? that's a splendid idea!" i begin to clap my hands and i pull out my phone. "i know just who can help!"

"what's your stage name?" Namjoon asks.

"J-Hope!" Hoseok says confidently and no one disagrees because the name really does suit him.

"if i had a stage name it would be Rap Monster." Namjoon jokes and begins to slap his hand on the table repeatedly, making the glasses shake a little to which the others had to catch their glasses from falling.

"mine would just be Jimin, it already sounds regal doesn't it?" Jimin said.

"i think Mochi suits you better." Taehyung coos.

"who do you think could help me Nari?" Hoseok switches the subject.

"Hyungsik knows some people and so does Got7, i'm sure they'd be glad to show you how the industry works." i nod at my own plan.

"Nari? can i talk to you, in private?" Yoongi says all of a sudden and he sounds really serious, it took all of us by surprise.

we go into my room and Yoongi sits on my bed, his eyes begin filling with tears. i kneel in front of him and rub his head as he wraps his arms around me and inhales my scent.

"what is it love?" I asked.

"before i go into my career, may you grant me one wish." He whispers.

"of course." i said wearily.

"let me mark you."