Amelia's eyes are lowered, her hand tugging at her sleeve. I don't want any trouble and I don't think Amelia wants either. My patience is already too thin this for me to deal with this situation and I've already heard enough.

"We should go." I stand up. I don't pay attention to people's reactions, I don't care. Amelia imitates me clumsily. I hear her footsteps near me as we walk away, then others, louder and swifter.

"Wait, girls!" Maddie's catching up to us, but I don't slow down.

"Rose, please, listen." She gently grabs my arm obliging me to stop.

"I'm sorry about what happened. They didn't mean any harm. It was a joke. You know how it works." She bites her lower lips. Her hand is still holding my wrist.

I look at her, then at Amelia. My roommate seems confused and I'm over these issues.

"Maddie, I'm exhausted. I don't care what they meant to say. I just got here two hours ago and I didn't come looking for trouble. If you ever want to hang out sometime, I'd love to, but right now, I'm not in the mood for these "jokes."

All I want is to lie in my new bed and try to find some peace with myself.

"Don't worry, I'll talk to them. I promise both of you that will never happen again." Her eyes are begging us to believe her, but I need more to be able to.

I nod. I like the idea of having a friend here, even if some of her friends aren't very pleasant. She seemed pretty determined to make it up to us which is cute in a way. We'll see what the future here holds, I guess.

Back in our room, I lie in my bed putting one arm over my eyes. This afternoon has been quite eventful, I'll be glad when it will be over.

"I'm sorry. I put you in a difficult situation." I hear from the other side of the room.

I lift my arm and turn my face toward Amelia who is on her bed. Her cheeks are still red, her eyes lowered on her hands sitting on her knees.

"Don't worry, they behaved like a bunch of assholes." I stand up on my elbows wearing a gentle smile.

She smiles back but it hardly meets her eyes. She doesn't deserve to feel bad because of them. No one does. I lie back down and close my eyes. 'You know how it is'. Maddie's words keep playing in my mind. I do know, but this isn't high school anymore. It can't be how it used to be. This year has to be different.

"I'm going out," I warn Amelia with a smile, but as soon as I get out, I lose it.

I don't smoke a lot, or at least, that's what I like to think. I always had issues with my emotions. I'm good at keeping them for myself, but I always have the impression to be their slave somehow. A tiny thing can make my mood shift quickly, most of the time for no valuable reasons. It's never big, but enough to upset me, or on the contrary, to make me happy, even though it is rarer. Smoking helps me. I know it is a fake and dangerous tool, but it works. It makes me feel like I control at least one thing in my life.

I sit on the ground, against a building whose name I forgot. I take out my cigarette pack and pin one of them between my lips.

"You know it's a free smoking campus?"

With the sun in my eyes, I squint before I can see who is in front of me but I don't dwell on his features.

"And what are you going to do about it? Turn me in?" I turn my attention back to my cigarette that I light. The familiar taste of nicotine instantly relaxes me.

From the corner of my eye, I see the black-haired boy sit next to me.

"I say that for you," he shrugs

"You don't have to stay if that bothers you."

He doesn't reply, he doesn't move either. In silence, I smoke. I'm not going to move because of him. The campus is big enough for both of us. And if I get caught, I'm ready to accept any consequences of my act. Ignoring him, I let my mind catch up with me.

My conversation with my father is still stuck in my throat. It left me more bitter than I want to accept it. I wish things where better between us. I love him, and I know he does love me too, we are just unable to show it and not only to each other. I feel bad for the way I treated him over the phone, but what would it have changed if I had told him? He is always too busy.

My reaction with Max surprised me. I didn't expect to have so much difficulty letting him go. Something I could not say out loud either. I wish I knew somebody here, I would feel less alone, plus what happened a few minutes ago could surely have been avoided. At least I have my roommate who seems to be a kind girl.

On this last thought, I crush the remaining of my cigarette on the ground before throwing it in the trash. I'm about to leave when a deep voice stops me. I almost forgot the boy.

"You should lose your attitude, you know... Be more friendly," he says with a neutral voice. His eyes meet mine, and I frown. What's the matter with him? And where does that come from?

"I am. But only with the right people."